The Complete Idiot's Guide to Raising Boys: From Diapers to Dating-a Stage-By-Stage Guide to Bringing Up Boys

by Barron M. Helgoe Esq., Laurie A. Helgoe Ph.D.

Overview

A positive look at parenting sons

Here's a hands-on parenting guide that takes readers from the birth of their sons to the day they head off to college. In warm, wise words, the husband–and–wife team who are parents of two sons themselves, explore all that is different and the same, precious and at times irritating, about the boys in their lives.

• Written by parents of a pair of teenage boys
• Offers a unique positive perspective
• Full of practical parenting tips
• Topics covered include school, discipline, puberty, bullies, girls, and much more

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781440636431
Publisher:	DK
Publication date:	03/04/2008
Series:	COMPLETE IDIOT'S GUIDE Series
Sold by:	Penguin Group
Format:	eBook
Pages:	320
File size:	667 KB

About the Author

Laurie A. Helgoe, Ph.D., has practiced and taught as a clinical psychologist for 13 years. She has focused her practice on helping clients thrive in the intimate space of relationships. She has motivated many boomer-aged singles to engage in the dating process, and has received many wedding invitations as a result. Her article on how couples negotiate individual desires, “The Good Fight,” is used as a teaching tool for therapists and individuals.

Table of Contents

Boy Gets Personality     1
It's a Boy!     3
Boy Wishes     4
The Family Name     4
Assuming Competence     5
Fear of Boys     6
What's in a Boy?     6
History and Boys     7
Equality and Boys     7
Meeting Him     9
Testing Assumptions     10
Boys Are More Aggressive     10
Boys Are Less Sensitive     10
Boys Are Less Emotional     11
Boys Are Slower Than Girls     11
Boy Oh Boy!     11
Growing at His Pace     13
Boys Do Cry!     13
Boys at Play     16
Wheels     16
Mom's Fun Clothes     17
"He's Shooting Me!"     18
Boys and the Potty     19
Ready, Set, Go (or Not!)     20
Boys Still Bedwetting-Normal!     21
Little Boys and Discipline     22
"Tougher Love" for Boys?     23
Time Out!     24
Mommy, Mine Is Different!     27
Body Exploration     28
Do These Parts Have Names?     28
Playing Doctor     29
Playing,Not Player     29
Handle with Care     30
Can I See Yours?     30
Bathroom Visits     31
Bedroom Visits     31
Oedipus Lives!     32
"Flirting"     33
"Competing"     34
Helping Him Through     34
Boundaries, Not Shame     36
My Gender, Myself     39
Having a Hero, Being a Hero     40
Superheroes     40
Reading Adventures     41
Rock Stars and Athletes     41
My Dad     42
A Hero at Home     43
I Am a Strong Boy     44
Physical Strength     44
Ego Strength     45
Broadening the Definition     46
I Have Buddies     47
First Friend     47
Boy Interactions     48
Small Talk for Small Boys     49
I Can Take Care of You, Too     49
Confidently Me     51
Confidence Has No Gender     52
Hand-Me-Down or Custom-Fit Me?     52
What If His Style Is Unhealthy?     53
Not Just for Girls     54
Caring About Relationships      55
Gentleness     55
Creativity     56
Building a Personality     58
Personality Playsheet     58
From Part to Whole     60
Introvert or Extrovert?     61
Boy Gets Skills     63
Skill-Building at Home     65
Self-Care Basic Training     66
Teeth-Brushing     67
Wearing a Retainer     67
Showering and Bathing     68
Bed-Making     69
Picking Up Dirty Clothes     69
Family Work Crew     69
Puzzles and Games     71
Computer Time     72
Caring for a Pet or Sibling     74
Money Skills     76
Unstructured Time     77
Helping Him Be Cool with School     79
School at Home     80
Preschool Options     80
Kindergarten and "Redshirting"     82
Elementary Joys for Boys     84
Identifying Teachers Who Love Boys     85
New Boy in School     86
Not-So-Public Options     86
Homeschooling     87
Public vs. Private Schools     87
When His Teacher Calls     91
To Be or Not to Be "Gifted"     92
Falling Behind     94
"Behavior Problem" or Boy Behavior?     95
Zero Tolerance-for Boys?     96
Boy Behavior 101     97
"Taking Out" Feelings     98
Is He ADD?     99
Are All Boys ADHD?     99
ADHD Defined     100
Parenting Power     101
Exceptional Adults, Exceptional Boys     102
Sports 'R Boys-or Not?     105
The Value of Sports     106
Getting Coached     106
Physical Identity     108
Yes! We Won!     109
Losses and Resilience     110
The Success of Joy     111
The Overvaluing of Sports     112
When the Coach Needs Medication     113
When It's Dad's Dream     113
When Mom's Yelling Too Loud     114
When He's Not Into It     115
Go Team!     115
Team Bonding     115
So Many Choices     116
Going Solo     116
Solo for the Team     116
Competing Against Himself     117
Lifetime Sports     117
Nature Sports      117
Real Time Together     117
Safety First     118
Your Values, His Values     118
Skills Beyond Sports     121
Brain Competition     122
Chess     122
Academic Competition     123
Speech and Debate     125
Skills in the Arts     125
Musician     126
Actor     126
Artist     127
Writer     128
Discipline and Survival     129
Boy Scouts     129
Martial Arts     130
Social and Emotional Skills     132
Conversation     132
Being a Friend     133
At the Dance     133
Boys and the Art of Teasing     135
Why Do Boys Tease?     136
Friend or Foe?     136
Dominance     137
Humor     138
Boredom     139
Who Teases?     139
Part of the Language     139
Teasing vs. Bullying     140
Boy Bullies vs. Girl Bullies?     140
Adapting: Teaching Teasing     141
Taking a Tease     141
Giving a Tease      142
Just the Right Amount     142
Transcending Teasing     143
Teasing, and Then What?     143
The Value of Desire     143
Tease This Way     143
Boys in the Middle     145
The Boys' Club     146
Running in Packs     146
Aversion to Girls     148
Taking His Time     150
Short Boys, Tall Girls     150
Soon Enough Is Soon Enough     151
The Joy of Not Caring     152
Get Goofy!     152
Enjoying Silly Boys     152
Playing Along     153
Boy Gets Hormones     155
Puberty in Perspective     157
A Process, Not an Event     158
Under the Sheets     159
Wet Dreams     159
Masturbation     160
The Importance of Privacy     160
Physical Changes     161
So Long, Soprano     161
The Skinny on Skin     162
P-U-berty     162
Coordination     163
My Boy Is Shaving!     163
His Secret Worries     164
Locker-Room Fears     164
I'll Never Be Good at Anything      166
I'll Never Have a Real Friend     167
My Dad/Mom/Parents Hate Me     168
Self-Image and Puberty     168
Complimenting His Image     168
The Stealth Approach to Cool     169
The Joy of Manhood     170
Finding His Identity     171
Fears in the Mirror     172
Am I Weird?     172
Am I Attractive?     173
Am I Smart?     174
What Makes a Boy Popular?     175
Trying On His Identity     177
Music Is Key     178
The Rap on Lyrics     179
Hair, Clothes, and Identity     182
Big Thoughts     183
Challenging Authority     183
The Parental Fall from Grace     184
Loving Him, Loving His Friends     187
At His Best     188
His Friends Matter     188
Girl Friend, Not Girlfriend     189
Opening Your Home     190
His Web of Friends     192
IM Talking     192
My Space, My Face, My Group     194
Let's Play Video!     195
Is This the Wrong Crowd?     196
Why Does He Like These Kids?      196
Separating Gossip from Truth     197
Barbarians at the Gates     197
Girl and Gay Smarts     199
How Do I Talk to Her?     200
It's His Move     201
What Do Girls Want?     203
Learning from the Media     204
Reality Check     205
Morality Check     205
A Real Conversation About Sex     205
Getting a Clue     206
Limits and Values     207
Falling in Love     208
Rejection Boot Camp     208
From Girl Smarts to Gay Smarts     209
Am I Gay?     210
What Gay Is, and What It's Not     211
Confidently Gay     212
Boy Gets a Life     215
He's in High School!     217
His Brave New World     218
Will I Have to Fight?     218
Will I Fail?     219
Boys Are Hormonal, Too     220
Testosterone and Emotion     220
Lust 24/7     221
Having a Role     223
Leader     223
Loner     223
Rebel     224
Entertainer     225
Hero      225
Regular Guy     226
What About Academics?     227
This Is Hard!     227
Competing Priorities     228
Taking Himself Seriously     228
Beyond Rage and ESPN     231
Boy of Few Words     232
Interrogation Doesn't Work     232
Under Pressure     234
A Different Kind of Conversation     234
The Round Table     235
Do Something Together     236
Involve His Friends     236
The Posture     237
Self-Protection     237
"Adults Hate Us"     237
Seeing His Soft Center     238
Emotional Strength-Training     239
His Anger Is Not in Charge     240
Share Your Feelings     240
Monitoring Escapism     241
Depression in Boys     241
Not What You Think     241
When He Needs Help     243
Being Me, Feeling Loved     244
When Your Son Tastes Life     245
The Joy of Driving     246
Power and Responsibility     246
Yes, Officer     247
Life's a Party!     248
Drinking      249
Smoking, Chewing, and Inhaling     250
Everything Is Fine in La-La Land     252
The Courage to Know     252
Keeping Him Safe     253
Reining Him In     253
Staying Grounded     254
Grounding Him     255
The Perks of Pulling Him Back     256
Teenage Boys and Family Identity     259
Boys Need a Home to Complain About     260
The Myth of Masculine Self-Sufficiency     260
Rolling His Eyes with a Smile     261
Things He Can Count On     261
Dinnertime     262
Downtime     262
Private Time     263
Family Time     263
Doing His Part     264
Chores Prepare Him for Life     264
He Needs to Feel Needed     265
Family Vacation     266
Boys, Adventure, and Memory     266
Away from Peer Pressure     267
Boys Count on Rituals     267
Bedtime     267
Holiday Traditions     268
Inventing Rituals     268
Not Too Old     269
Launching Him     271
College Considerations      272
Home or Away?     272
Academic Goals     273
Cost     274
Who Decides?     275
Rites of Passage: Old and New     275
Graduation Day     276
Helping Him Move     276
When He Doesn't Move Out     277
A Dream with a Deadline     277
Sweat Equity     278
Rent Is Due on the First     278
When He Moves Out and Moves Back!     279
Lost His Job/Girlfriend/Ambition     279
Solving, Not Judging     279
He's Got a Life     280
Eye to Eye     280
Adult Activities     280
He's in Love     281
The Joy of Loving     281
Losing a Son?     282
Embracing Your Blessing     282
Resources     285
Index     291