Table of Contents
Boy Gets Personality 1
It's a Boy! 3
Boy Wishes 4
The Family Name 4
Assuming Competence 5
Fear of Boys 6
What's in a Boy? 6
History and Boys 7
Equality and Boys 7
Meeting Him 9
Testing Assumptions 10
Boys Are More Aggressive 10
Boys Are Less Sensitive 10
Boys Are Less Emotional 11
Boys Are Slower Than Girls 11
Boy Oh Boy! 11
Growing at His Pace 13
Boys Do Cry! 13
Boys at Play 16
Wheels 16
Mom's Fun Clothes 17
"He's Shooting Me!" 18
Boys and the Potty 19
Ready, Set, Go (or Not!) 20
Boys Still Bedwetting-Normal! 21
Little Boys and Discipline 22
"Tougher Love" for Boys? 23
Time Out! 24
Mommy, Mine Is Different! 27
Body Exploration 28
Do These Parts Have Names? 28
Playing Doctor 29
Playing,Not Player 29
Handle with Care 30
Can I See Yours? 30
Bathroom Visits 31
Bedroom Visits 31
Oedipus Lives! 32
"Flirting" 33
"Competing" 34
Helping Him Through 34
Boundaries, Not Shame 36
My Gender, Myself 39
Having a Hero, Being a Hero 40
Superheroes 40
Reading Adventures 41
Rock Stars and Athletes 41
My Dad 42
A Hero at Home 43
I Am a Strong Boy 44
Physical Strength 44
Ego Strength 45
Broadening the Definition 46
I Have Buddies 47
First Friend 47
Boy Interactions 48
Small Talk for Small Boys 49
I Can Take Care of You, Too 49
Confidently Me 51
Confidence Has No Gender 52
Hand-Me-Down or Custom-Fit Me? 52
What If His Style Is Unhealthy? 53
Not Just for Girls 54
Caring About Relationships 55
Gentleness 55
Creativity 56
Building a Personality 58
Personality Playsheet 58
From Part to Whole 60
Introvert or Extrovert? 61
Boy Gets Skills 63
Skill-Building at Home 65
Self-Care Basic Training 66
Teeth-Brushing 67
Wearing a Retainer 67
Showering and Bathing 68
Bed-Making 69
Picking Up Dirty Clothes 69
Family Work Crew 69
Puzzles and Games 71
Computer Time 72
Caring for a Pet or Sibling 74
Money Skills 76
Unstructured Time 77
Helping Him Be Cool with School 79
School at Home 80
Preschool Options 80
Kindergarten and "Redshirting" 82
Elementary Joys for Boys 84
Identifying Teachers Who Love Boys 85
New Boy in School 86
Not-So-Public Options 86
Homeschooling 87
Public vs. Private Schools 87
When His Teacher Calls 91
To Be or Not to Be "Gifted" 92
Falling Behind 94
"Behavior Problem" or Boy Behavior? 95
Zero Tolerance-for Boys? 96
Boy Behavior 101 97
"Taking Out" Feelings 98
Is He ADD? 99
Are All Boys ADHD? 99
ADHD Defined 100
Parenting Power 101
Exceptional Adults, Exceptional Boys 102
Sports 'R Boys-or Not? 105
The Value of Sports 106
Getting Coached 106
Physical Identity 108
Yes! We Won! 109
Losses and Resilience 110
The Success of Joy 111
The Overvaluing of Sports 112
When the Coach Needs Medication 113
When It's Dad's Dream 113
When Mom's Yelling Too Loud 114
When He's Not Into It 115
Go Team! 115
Team Bonding 115
So Many Choices 116
Going Solo 116
Solo for the Team 116
Competing Against Himself 117
Lifetime Sports 117
Nature Sports 117
Real Time Together 117
Safety First 118
Your Values, His Values 118
Skills Beyond Sports 121
Brain Competition 122
Chess 122
Academic Competition 123
Speech and Debate 125
Skills in the Arts 125
Musician 126
Actor 126
Artist 127
Writer 128
Discipline and Survival 129
Boy Scouts 129
Martial Arts 130
Social and Emotional Skills 132
Conversation 132
Being a Friend 133
At the Dance 133
Boys and the Art of Teasing 135
Why Do Boys Tease? 136
Friend or Foe? 136
Dominance 137
Humor 138
Boredom 139
Who Teases? 139
Part of the Language 139
Teasing vs. Bullying 140
Boy Bullies vs. Girl Bullies? 140
Adapting: Teaching Teasing 141
Taking a Tease 141
Giving a Tease 142
Just the Right Amount 142
Transcending Teasing 143
Teasing, and Then What? 143
The Value of Desire 143
Tease This Way 143
Boys in the Middle 145
The Boys' Club 146
Running in Packs 146
Aversion to Girls 148
Taking His Time 150
Short Boys, Tall Girls 150
Soon Enough Is Soon Enough 151
The Joy of Not Caring 152
Get Goofy! 152
Enjoying Silly Boys 152
Playing Along 153
Boy Gets Hormones 155
Puberty in Perspective 157
A Process, Not an Event 158
Under the Sheets 159
Wet Dreams 159
Masturbation 160
The Importance of Privacy 160
Physical Changes 161
So Long, Soprano 161
The Skinny on Skin 162
P-U-berty 162
Coordination 163
My Boy Is Shaving! 163
His Secret Worries 164
Locker-Room Fears 164
I'll Never Be Good at Anything 166
I'll Never Have a Real Friend 167
My Dad/Mom/Parents Hate Me 168
Self-Image and Puberty 168
Complimenting His Image 168
The Stealth Approach to Cool 169
The Joy of Manhood 170
Finding His Identity 171
Fears in the Mirror 172
Am I Weird? 172
Am I Attractive? 173
Am I Smart? 174
What Makes a Boy Popular? 175
Trying On His Identity 177
Music Is Key 178
The Rap on Lyrics 179
Hair, Clothes, and Identity 182
Big Thoughts 183
Challenging Authority 183
The Parental Fall from Grace 184
Loving Him, Loving His Friends 187
At His Best 188
His Friends Matter 188
Girl Friend, Not Girlfriend 189
Opening Your Home 190
His Web of Friends 192
IM Talking 192
My Space, My Face, My Group 194
Let's Play Video! 195
Is This the Wrong Crowd? 196
Why Does He Like These Kids? 196
Separating Gossip from Truth 197
Barbarians at the Gates 197
Girl and Gay Smarts 199
How Do I Talk to Her? 200
It's His Move 201
What Do Girls Want? 203
Learning from the Media 204
Reality Check 205
Morality Check 205
A Real Conversation About Sex 205
Getting a Clue 206
Limits and Values 207
Falling in Love 208
Rejection Boot Camp 208
From Girl Smarts to Gay Smarts 209
Am I Gay? 210
What Gay Is, and What It's Not 211
Confidently Gay 212
Boy Gets a Life 215
He's in High School! 217
His Brave New World 218
Will I Have to Fight? 218
Will I Fail? 219
Boys Are Hormonal, Too 220
Testosterone and Emotion 220
Lust 24/7 221
Having a Role 223
Leader 223
Loner 223
Rebel 224
Entertainer 225
Hero 225
Regular Guy 226
What About Academics? 227
This Is Hard! 227
Competing Priorities 228
Taking Himself Seriously 228
Beyond Rage and ESPN 231
Boy of Few Words 232
Interrogation Doesn't Work 232
Under Pressure 234
A Different Kind of Conversation 234
The Round Table 235
Do Something Together 236
Involve His Friends 236
The Posture 237
Self-Protection 237
"Adults Hate Us" 237
Seeing His Soft Center 238
Emotional Strength-Training 239
His Anger Is Not in Charge 240
Share Your Feelings 240
Monitoring Escapism 241
Depression in Boys 241
Not What You Think 241
When He Needs Help 243
Being Me, Feeling Loved 244
When Your Son Tastes Life 245
The Joy of Driving 246
Power and Responsibility 246
Yes, Officer 247
Life's a Party! 248
Drinking 249
Smoking, Chewing, and Inhaling 250
Everything Is Fine in La-La Land 252
The Courage to Know 252
Keeping Him Safe 253
Reining Him In 253
Staying Grounded 254
Grounding Him 255
The Perks of Pulling Him Back 256
Teenage Boys and Family Identity 259
Boys Need a Home to Complain About 260
The Myth of Masculine Self-Sufficiency 260
Rolling His Eyes with a Smile 261
Things He Can Count On 261
Dinnertime 262
Downtime 262
Private Time 263
Family Time 263
Doing His Part 264
Chores Prepare Him for Life 264
He Needs to Feel Needed 265
Family Vacation 266
Boys, Adventure, and Memory 266
Away from Peer Pressure 267
Boys Count on Rituals 267
Bedtime 267
Holiday Traditions 268
Inventing Rituals 268
Not Too Old 269
Launching Him 271
College Considerations 272
Home or Away? 272
Academic Goals 273
Cost 274
Who Decides? 275
Rites of Passage: Old and New 275
Graduation Day 276
Helping Him Move 276
When He Doesn't Move Out 277
A Dream with a Deadline 277
Sweat Equity 278
Rent Is Due on the First 278
When He Moves Out and Moves Back! 279
Lost His Job/Girlfriend/Ambition 279
Solving, Not Judging 279
He's Got a Life 280
Eye to Eye 280
Adult Activities 280
He's in Love 281
The Joy of Loving 281
Losing a Son? 282
Embracing Your Blessing 282
Resources 285
Index 291