The Complete Book of Dutch-ified English: An ?Inwaluable? Introduction to an ?Enchoyable? Accent of the ?Inklish Lankwitch?
192
The Complete Book of Dutch-ified English: An ?Inwaluable? Introduction to an ?Enchoyable? Accent of the ?Inklish Lankwitch?
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Overview
Learn the meaning of “rutch” and “spritz,” what a “clod” and a “crotch” are, how to pronounce and make “Cussin Rache’s Snitz and Knepp,” and what has happened to food when it’s “all.” Spice up your vocabulary with delightful words and phrases, such as:
• Grex: To complain, moan. “Ah, quit your grexing, you have a vonderful life.”
• Face: Belief, religious conwiction. “Praise be! Rebecca has found her face in the Lord again!”
• Gruntbecky: An expression of hard going. “Gruntbecky! It’s difficult to run in this hot sun.”
• Nix nootz: A devilish, mischievous person. “Our daughter is a little nix nootz.”
• Rupdawn: A massage. “A good rupdawn will take the ache away.”
Tired of trying to conform to traditional speech patterns, Gary offers a warm and funny celebration of the unique Dutch culture in America.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781680991116 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Skyhorse Publishing |
| Publication date: | 03/15/2016 |
| Sold by: | SIMON & SCHUSTER |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 192 |
| File size: | 12 MB |
| Note: | This product may take a few minutes to download. |
About the Author
Gary Gates is a Dutchman from Lebanon County, Pennsylvania, where all the baloney comes from. People know where he is from when he opens his mouth.
Gary is a performer, having appeared hundreds of times at festivals, fairs, colleges, libraries, corporation banquets, comedy clubs, writers groups, resorts, and on radio and TV. His Pennsylvania Dutch humor is riotous fun, sweet enough for family entertainment, yet salty enough to keep adults and children in stitches.
He loves performing and celebrating his unique heritage with his fellow Dutchmen, and sharing it with non-Dutchmen, whose response to his show has been overwhelmingly hysterical. Some people have declared him the new Professor Schnitzel, even the Mark Twain of Pennsylvania Dutch country. Even more people simply call him the best windbag they ever heard.
Read an Excerpt
CHAPTER 1
For Reading Awt Lawd
In the following passages, the influence of Dutchified English is profound. They are designed to be read out loud. Some of the texts are familiar ones, so if a meaning isn't clear, look up the Standard English version. Most of the words used are not listed in the Dictionary part of this book, but by now you likely are ready for a journey into uncharted terrain, ready to make new discoveries.
Ape Lincoln's Geddysburk Address
Fourscore ent sefen yearse ago our fodders brawght forth on dis cuntinent a new nation, cunseeft in liperty, and deddicated to de proposition dat all men are crated equal.
Naw ve are engaitched in a crate ciffil var, testing vedder dat nation or enny nation so cunseeft and so deddicated ken lonk endure. Ve are met on a crate baddle feelt uff dat var. Ve haff kum to deddicate a portion uff dat feelt, aas a final rest in place fer dose who here gafe dare lifes dat dat nation might liff. It iss altogedder fittin and proper dat ve shoult do dis.
But, in a larcher sense, ve ken not deddicate, ve ken not cunsecrate, ve ken not hollow dis grawnd. Dese brafe men, liffing ent debt, who strukkled here, haff cunsecrated it, far abofe are poor par to at or detrack. Da verlt vill liddle note, nor lonk rememper vhat ve say here, but it ken nefer fergit vhat day dit here. It iss fer us, da liffing, radder, to be deddicated to de unfinshed verk vhich day who fought here haff dus far so noply adwanced. It is radder fer us to be here deddicated to de crate task remainin bafore us — dat frum dese unnert debt ve take increased dewotion to dat causs for vhich dey gafe de lass full messher uff dewotion — dat ve here highly resolfe dat dese debt shall not haff dite in wayne — dat dis nation, unner Got, shall haff a new birth uff freedim — ent dat guffernmint uff da peeple, by da peeple, fer da peeple, shall not perish frum da earse.
Pletch Uff Allechintz to de Flack
I pletch allechintz to de flack uff de Unided States uff America ent to de repuplic fer vhich it stance, von nation unner Got, indiwisiple, viss liperty ent chustice fer all.
A Slection Frum Chulus Ceaser, Act Schree, Scene Twoah Antnee's Speech to da Roamints
Frents, Roamints, Cuntrymen, Lent me your earce,
I kum to burry Ceaser, not to prase him,
De efil dat men do liffs afder dem;
De goot iss oft interrd viss dare bontz.
So led it be viss Ceaser. De nople Brudis Hass tolt ya Ceaser vass ambitious;
Iff it ver so, it vass a griefiss fault.
Ent griefissly hass Ceaser answerdt it.
Here, unner leaf uff Brudus ent da rest,
Fer Brudis iss a hunraple man;
So dey all, all hunraple men,
Kum I ta speak inn Ceaser's funral.
First Curinsins, Chatter Sirteen, Werse Von to Sirteen.
Doe I speak wiss da tunks uff anchals, ent haff not luff, I am bekum aas sawndin brass, or a tinklin simple.
2. Ent doe I haff da giff uff proffcy, ent unnerstant all mistries, ent all knowletch, ent doe I haff face, so dat I couldt remoofe mawntins, ent haff not luff, I am nodding.
3. Ent doe I bestow all my goots to feed da pore, ent doe I giff my buddy to be burnt, ent haff not luff, it profiss me nodding.
4. Luff sufferse lonk, ent iss kindt; luff enwies not; luff vants not itselve, iss not puffed up.
5. Dust not behafe itselve unseemly, seeks not her own, iss not easely prawoked, sinks no efil.
6. Rechoyce not in niquity, but rechoyce in da truce.
7. Baress all tinks, beleafs all tinks, hopes all tinks, enduress all tinks.
8. Luff nefer failse: bud wedder dare be proffcies, dey shall fail, wedder dare be tunks, dey shall cease; wedder dare be knowletch, it shall wanish avay.
9. Fer ve knowse in part, en ve proffcy in part.
10. But ven dat vhich iss purrfict iss kum, den dat vhich iss inn part shall be dun avay.
11. Ven I vass a childt, I spaked aas a childt, I unnerstoot aas a childt, I taught aas a childt: but ven I became a mann, I pud avay childtish sings.
12. Fer naw ve see thru a glass darkly; but den face to face, naw I noah in part, but den I shall noah efen aas also I am noan.
13. Ent naw abites face, hope, luff, dese shree, but da cratist of dese iss luff.
Haw to Haff A Goot Rummitch Sell at Your Hawse
Von: Gadder up all your olt chunk.
Twoah: Place an at in da noose paper.
Schree: Put sighnts in your yart.
Four: Vait fer buyerse to kum, ent sale dem at a goot price.
Fife: Iff it makes dawn, moofe effrysing into your crotch.
On Walyuse
You know vhat walyuse are, at least I hope you haff sum.
Mathmythins sink dat a walyue iss derifed frum dewiding walyue von into walyue two ta get walyue schree.
Dat chust ain't an at up to me, doe. My walyuse are rutted in famly, home ent church. Ent ya chust can't dewide dem. It's a whole vay uff liffin.
Naw, let's consiter ecnomic walyuse. Dutchmen are known ta be tight viss a buck, but da truce iss dat day chust know da walyue uff a buck. Vasteful peeple call frookkle peeple tight, cuss dare chelliss. Dutchmen pay cash, ent so oafer da lonk run, day haff more cuss day don't pay inntrest. Besites, ta borraw only ats ta yer sorraw.
Chust look at da farm crisiss wunst. Dutchmen don't haff enny farm crisiss. Vhy? Walyuse. Day recycle. Day uus olt tinks ven dell do, ent day don't expensife fertlizers use enny, dey chust recycle da same olt manure. Day don't pollute ent day built up radder den destroy da earse yet.
Ent de Amish don't efen hafta buy fer a rainy day insurinse, cuss iff somebuddies inn trupple, like say da barn burnt dawn, day all togedder get ent raise anudder.
Ent dat's da bickest sing in walyuse — dat ve all chust reach awt ent touch each udder viss luff. Ve'd be so happy iff ve'd chust reach awt ent touch each udder, ain't?
A Dutchified Choke
Ven in kintergarten I first learnt de alphybet, I didn't get it quite right at first. I set:
ABCDEFGIKLMNOQSTUWYZ
Da teacher looked at me funny en set, "Vhy
Chunny, vere's da H?"
I set, "Vhy teacher, you noah my H. It's fife."
"Den vere's da chay?"
"Aut dare, on da tree."
"Den vere's da P?"
"It's running dawn my leek."
"Ent vere's da R?"
"Up dare. On da vall. It's schree o'clock."
"Ent vere's da V?"
"Vhy teacher, V all here!"
"Ent vere's da X?"
"I hat dem fer breakfist. Dare all."
A Liddle Sumsing Extra
Haw naw brawn caw?
A Day in the Life of Johnny Huckenduppler
My name is Johnny Huckenduppler and I thought I'd try to write without an accent a day in the life of a Dutchman. I get it out a little funny sometimes, but I hope you understand.
It wonders me so how life goes. Today I was out in the field throwing the horse over the fence some hay after I had loaded the wagon off and shut the gate wide open. Amos Oberholtzer called me to the fence over to talk down a ways. We live neighbors to the Oberholtzers and our fields meet yet. They live on the hill a little up, out where the road gives a fork and then gets all.
Amos told me how he and Sarah went to Lancaster the other day and walked the town all over just to schnoz around. Amos bought some new shoes there, but he said they walked heavy so he took them back. Now it makes a body weary to hear of such dull going ons, so I told Amos I didn't have my chores caught after and I haven't the time to dopple. Amos said he could see I was already busy yet, so he told me to come down and visit them a little once some day soon. I said, "Sure, when we come the road up, we'll come over." He said, "Great, come ahead back once."
The horse was thirsty yet so I pumped myself from the well a bucket of water. My son Jacob came to sit the horse on. After he a little rode, he said, "I want down here off." Then he ran back to the house to take dinner, but on the way he ouched. I ran over to see the matter. Here he had stung his foot with a bee.
I picked him up and quick ran to the front house door. I couldn't make the door open because the lock was on. Then yet the button didn't bell, so I bumped hard the door. My wife Katie was with a vacuum sweeping the floor down, and didn't hear us. So I quick went the hind way round and got into the kitchen there. I smeared Jacob's foot all over with salve and he simmered down.
Katie ran in all ferhoodled. She looked at Jacob and said, "Ach, you look bad in the foot. You look wonderful sick. Don't you feel so good? Does it ouch you so in the foot?" She asked so many questions so fast I had to say, "Don't talk so quick — it runs together when I think."
The swelling went down as we sat ourselves awhile. Katie kissed Jacob and he said, "Mom, you're wonderful nice." She start smooching me then too, but I was hungry instead, so I said, "Kissing wears out, cooking don't."
"Well, why don't you eat yourself out more often then?" she said.
"I make the hay, you make the meals," I said. "I would rather single live than the wife the britches give."
"You ought yourself to shame," Katie said quick. "Cows come and cows go, but the bull in this house keeps coming."
She was right. I didn't want to grow too soon old and too late smart. I knew I'd better put myself other ways on. Katie learned me this, over and over.
Katie wears herself plain. But it makes me no difference. She's a good wife — she knows me yet she loves me.
We nixed our argument with a good smooch and hugged all over. I was manury from the fields yet, so upstairs I hurried and spritzed myself all over in the shower and clean became. Then I combed myself once because I was all strubbly. Katie finished redding up the house and started supper yet.
Jacob came out of his room when I was finished with myself combing. Down the stairs together we came with.
"What does it give for supper?" asked Jacob.
"I'm bad for pot pie," I said.
In the kitchen the Lebanon Bologna pot pie with heat was on the table boiling. Katie knew my hungries.
"Throw your Pop down from the cupboard some glasses," Katie said to Jacob.
I then poured us from the jug of birch beer three glasses.
Jacob drank some and said while he was still drinking, so it came out all bubbly, "This glass sure drinks wonderful good."
"Before you speak, drink your mouth empty," said Katie. "Now seat yourself down and set yourself for good eating. Supper's fixed."
I dug in too quick with hunger. The pot pie was hot and my tongue I burned. On my shirt I dropped some.
"Tuck yourself under the chin this napkin," said Katie.
I blowed the pot pie cool on my plate and wootzed it down.
"Don't eat yourself full, Pop, there's shoo-fly pie back," said Jacob.
"Well this pot pie eats so good, I must eat it all."
After we had done and Jacob went to bed, Katie looked at me and winked. "Well, the food is all but the best is yet."
We outened the lights and went up the wooden hill to the bedroom. It was making down outside and probably would continue tomorrow down.
But who cares about the rain? I thought as I climbed in the bed with Katie.
It looks for a pretty good night tonight.
To Be Sunk Awt Lawd (For your sinking enchoyment)
O Liddle Tawn of Besselhem
O Liddle tawn of Besselhem,
Haw still ve see dee lie,
Abofe die deep ent dreamless sleep,
De silent starse go by.
Yet in de dark streets shiness An efferlasting light,
Da hopes ent fearse uff all da yearse,
Are met in zee tonight.
Chinkle Belse
Vile dashing thru da snow Inn a von horse open sleigh,
Oafer da feelts vill go Laffink all da vay.
Da belse on boptail rink Day make our spirits bright,
Vhat fun it iss to write ent sink A sleighing sonk tonight.
Chinkle belse, chinkle belse,
Chinkle all da vay,
Oh! vhat fun it iss to write Inn a von horse open sleigh.
Dawn in de Walley
Dawn in de walley, de walley so low,
Hank yer het oafer, hear de vint blow,
Hear de vint blow, dear, hear de vint blow,
Hank yer het oafer, hear de vint blow.
Writing dis ledder, containing schree lines,
Answer my quvestion, vill you be mine?
Vill you be mine, dear, vill you be mine?
Answer my quvestion, vill you be mine?
Roases luff sunshine, wiolets luff dew,
Anchels in heffen, know I luff you.
Know I luff you, dear, know I luff you,
Anchels in heffen, know I luff you.
Receipts (Dese receipts really make)
Cussin Rachel's Snitz und Knepp
Ven you eat this finished, drawn in varm milk ent sprinkle on nutmeck. But cook yourself as follaws first.
Cook von pawnd bakin from a pick fer schree ares. Chently simmer von qwart sveet drite apfels viss da peel leafed on in vater smuddered. Ven da bakin iss cooked, in togedder day go for anudder are. Vile dis iss on da stofe cookin, make da net like so: Mix togedder schree cups flar, two bick teasespoonse uff bakin pawder, a liddle salt to taste, break in two X, mix in milk enuff to make the badder stiff. On de apfels drop spoonfulse uff de batter until cuffert. Put back on da lit and for a few minutes cook yet; den drop effry naw ent den sum more badder till you're used up.
Keep boiling viss enuff vater to prewent yourselve frum burnin.
Rhett Beet X
Boil a dussen beets until dare tendericed, but not mushy yet, den plunch dem into colt vater so off kum da skints.
Boil da following mix up: Von-halve cup vater, Von-halve teasespoonse salt, Von-halve ent von cup winegar, two cups shooker.
Boil dis mix up in da stofe immersed, until da beets get varm but not yet bolt. At some raw unt-yents and dill for spice. Don't cofer da chars yet after you pourt da mix up in, cuss ve haff to put in da X yet.
Shell da whole, heart-bolt X into da rhett beet mix-up abofe. Iff you like a fancy touch, put yourself in a cinnamin stick. Naw cofer da char ent use after picklin' for two dayse.
A Goot Cha-Cha
At de market get fresh qwart uff green pepperse, ent von qwart rhett pepperse, schree qwarts green ent rhett tomaters mixed up, schree qwarts green cucumpers, schree qwarts small unyents, halve peck uff strink beance, four or fife carits cuped, von larch cabbitch het ent cauliflar, a punch uff liddle rawnd peace for pretty (awt uff da peace pot uff course), a corn on da cop (viss da corn knifed off da cop uff course), sum lima beance to fill awt, ent sum udder such sings for your own creation to make. Slice up all no more than liddle pieces abawt a sird uff a inch sick, ent boil da wechtaples indiwitchally ent set the night oafer. In de morning strain dem. Place effrysing in chars all mixed up.
Make da herp choose, as follaws: Von pawnd musturt seat, von-halve pawnd allspice, von-halve pawnd black pepper, teasespoon uff vite clofe, two uff celry seats, von pawnd brawn shooker (leaf awt iff ya vant it sar), sum liddle tumric, sum curry pawder. Viss von gallon uff winegar ent von pint chighan brine mix. For sirty minutes boil heart ent den oafer da wechtaples pour. At winegar to desiredt sickness.
Let it stant oafer night. Enchoy da next day.
Chighan Pot Pie
Cut a yunk chighan up into pieces ent into boilt vater put dem ent cook until tender. Keep it vell drawned. Vile da chighan boilse neat togedder da nootles ingredience: 2 X vell beat up, 2 busser taplespoonse, 2 cups flar, some milk ent salt. Blent togedder da flar ent busser, at salt ent da X ent chust enuff milk to make the dough a liddle stiff. Bafore leading it stant for an are, roll it awt as sin as it won't tear. Cut it into some sqvares as bic as you like yourself viss somesing sharp. Meanvile scrup all dese wechtaples den do dis to dem:
Peel schree potaters den slice dem into cupes. At abawt a dussen carits or so ent at sum parsely for pretty. If da peace are still in da pot, remoofe dem awt, else chust put da peace in. At sum unyents to taste.
Ven da chighan iss tendericed for sure, den layer all dese goot sinks in a larch kettle dat's bic enuff. At salt ent pepper ent saffron ent tumeric a liddle. Cuffer tight after da boiling chighan bross iss pourt oafer all. Simmer fer an are.
Serf it haw ya likes.
Notaple Wariations: Supstitute Sawsitch or Lepnin Boloney or beef for da chighan abofe. Eats goot tooah!
Bret Filling
Von loaf vite bret or rye or whole veat
Sefen taplespoonse uff busser or marchrin
Von-half cup unyent
Fife X beaten up
Four qwarts milk
Von teasespoon salt
Sum pepper ent saffrin
Crack X into meshrin cup vile de unyents in sum marchrin slowly cook. At sum milk ent beat altogedder viss da bret ent da ceasenins. Pour inta a larch creased bacon dish.
Bake abawt an are or so at 300 decrees.
Enchoy yourself viss dis dishent sum udder sinks, like turkey, tooah.
Grossmommy Esther's Anchel Saladt
8 apfels
2 nanas
½ cup chopped celry
½ cup raisints
1 crated rindt uff lemin
1 taplespoon cornstarch
2/3 cup pineapfel choose
1 eck
2 taplespoonse shooker
1 bunch uff purple crepes
Chop da marshmellers vich veren't menchint abofe, nanas ent crepes ent pineapfel. Mix da marshmellers ent fruit up; den at de crushed nuts somevears. Make a cooked dressin uff de eck, shooker ent cornstarch ent pineapfel choose. Cool da dressink ent at de vipped cream. Combine viss saladt mixture ent surf on lettuce.
Surfs sefen if liddle, fife iff bick.
Qvick ent Easee Futch
1 pawnd pawdert shooker
½ cup peanit busser
½ cup coco
½ pawnd melted busser or marchrin Pinch uff salt Shot uff wanilla
Mix togedder vell unt put in a shallow schmutzed up pan. Cool for seffral ares.
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "The Complete Book of Dutch-ified English"
by .
Copyright © 2016 Gary Gates.
Excerpted by permission of Skyhorse Publishing.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Preface,
HOW TO SPEAK DUTCH-IFIED ENGLISH VOL. 1,
Dictionary of Terms,
For Reading Awt Lawd,
To Be Sunk Awt Laud,
Receipts,
HOW TO SPEAK DUTCH-IFIED ENGLISH VOL. 2,
Dictionary of Terms,
Dutch-ified English in Action,
Sum Pomes for Reading Awt Lawd,
To Be Sunk Awt Lawd,
Receipts,
Abawt the Author,