The Collapse of Parenting: How We Hurt Our Kids When We Treat Them Like Grown-Ups

by Leonard Sax

Overview

In this New York Times bestseller, one of America’s premier physicians offers a must-read account of the new challenges facing parents today and a program for how we can better prepare our children to navigate the obstacles they face 

In The Collapse of Parenting, internationally acclaimed author Leonard Sax argues that rising levels of obesity, depression, and anxiety among young people can be traced to parents abdicating their authority. The result is children who have no standard of right and wrong, who lack discipline, and who look to their peers and the Internet for direction. Sax shows how parents must reassert their authority - by limiting time with screens, by encouraging better habits at the dinner table, and by teaching humility and perspective - to renew their relationships with their children. Drawing on nearly thirty years of experience as a family physician and psychologist, along with hundreds of interviews with children, parents, and teachers, Sax offers a blueprint parents can use to help their children thrive in an increasingly complicated world.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781541604544
Publisher:	Basic Books
Publication date:	10/01/2024
Sold by:	Hachette Digital, Inc.
Format:	eBook

About the Author

Leonard Sax, MD, PhD, is a board-certified family physician, psychologist, and author of Why Gender Matters, Boys Adrift, and Girls on the Edge. Dr. Sax has visited more than five hundred schools worldwide and has appeared on major radio and television programs including the Today show, CBS, CNN, Fox, and NPR’s Weekend Edition. Sax lives with his family in Chester County, Pennsylvania. 

Table of Contents

Part 1 Problems

Introduction: Parents Adrift 3

1 The Culture of Disrespect 11

2 Why Are So Many Kids Overweight? 33

3 Why Are So Many Kids on Medication? 49

4 Why Are American Students Falling Behind? 75

5 Why Are So Many Kids So Fragile? 93

Part 2 Solutions

6 What Matters? 117

7 Misconceptions 139

8 The First Thing: Teach Humility 159

9 The Second Thing: Enjoy 173

10 The Third Thing: The Meaning of Life 187

Conclusion 201

Acknowledgments 207

Notes 211

Credits and Permissions 265

Index 267

About the Author 289

Editorial Reviews

★ 11/01/2015
Physician and parenting writer Sax gives parents a solid "D" in this look at current child-rearing trends and the implications for children's physical and emotional health. While much has been published about the individual problems of obesity, overmedication, falling grades, and the uppitiness of kids today, Sax wraps these issues up under the all-encompassing rubric of the transfer of authority from parents to kids, resulting in parents who have earned their child's contempt, not their love. From the "medicalization of misbehavior" (which shifts the burden of responsibility from kid to parent) to the lack of scheduled chores, Sax's treatise encourages parenting styles that make connecting with adults a higher priority than connecting with same-age peers and that parents command their children instead of asking. VERDICT Sax cites numerous international studies but identifies three problems as being uniquely American: a culture of disrespect, medication, and overscheduling. Parents who don't go on the defensive early will discover guidance for implementing a more authoritarian parenting approach, and their kids will be healthier because of it.

Library Journal

10/19/2015
Sax (Why Gender Matters), a physician and psychologist, positions this unpersuasive treatise firmly in an earlier generation’s mores, lamenting the “culture of disrespect” and “massive transfer of authority from parents to kids.” Haranguing parents to “do your job” and enforce decisions that may upset their children or make them unpopular with peers, he maintains that being both “strict and loving” is not only possible, but essential. Among other dire observations, Sax states that poor fitness and obesity among children have been exacerbated by allowing them too much choice, and that research biased in favor of ADHD diagnoses has enabled the “medicalization of misbehavior.” As remedial measures, he insists parents demand self-control, emphasize humility above self-esteem, teach kids to prize literature over video games, and make family-fun time obligatory so kids will look to their parents for connection and behavioral guidance before their same-age companions. Although this is positioned as a parenting book, Sax offers more old-school philosophy than practical guidance. He is likely to find supporters among frustrated grandparents seeing their kids failing life’s challenges, but his aggressively judgmental style and throwback values are unlikely to convert anyone actually in the midst of parenting children and teens in the 21st century. (Dec.)

Publishers Weekly

"[Sax is] sounding some alarms that we'd do well to heed, and for our kids' sakes, I think sooner is better than later."—Chicago Tribune

"Dr. Leonard Sax's The Collapse of Parenting should be required reading for all parents."—Dr. Nancy Kehoe,author of Wrestling with Our Inner Angels

"[Sax's] guidelines are clear and well-supported."—Booklist

"A comprehensive breakdown of where parents have gone awry and how they can get back on track to teach virtue and character to their children."—Kirkus

"The Collapse of Parenting is one of the best books I've ever read on the subject of raising children. It's not written from a religious perspective, but it's chock-full of information every parent should have."—National CatholicRegister

"The Collapse of Parenting may sound like a lone voice in the world of American parenting these days, but it's a desperately needed one.... If you're going to read a single parenting book this year, please make it this one."—Treehugger.com

"If you're going to read one book on parenting this year, make it The Collapse of Parenting by Leonard Sax."—New York Journal of Books

"The family unit is in unprecedented decline and under assault from a wide variety of cultural forces. With years of experience and research working directly with parents and children, Dr. Leonard Sax provides an important glimpse into parenting in modern times, where it's gone wrong, and how to fix it. Being a parent has never been more important and Dr. Sax explains how to avoid parenting pitfalls and raise your children well."—Dr. Bill Bennett, former United States Secretary of Education

"Based on years of extensive clinical practice and interviews with students and parents internationally, Sax presents a sobering and alarming picture of the collapse of parenting in this country. But he does not leave the reader without hope; he offers simple, if not easy solutions, giving parents an accessible guide to help them regain their rightful roles."—Dr. Nancy Kehoe, assistant clinical professor of psychology atHarvard Medical School, and author of Wrestling with Our Inner Angels:Faith, Mental Illness and the Journey to Wholeness

"It is time for us to get real as a society. Dr. Leonard Sax has issued both a warning and an encouragement for parents to take up their proper roles in leading their children to a truly mature adulthood. His book is a highly readable and well-informed challenge for us."—Dr. Timothy Wright, Headmaster, Shore School, Sydney(Australia)

From the Publisher

2015-09-30
A comprehensive breakdown of where parents have gone awry and how they can get back on track to teach virtue and character to their children. Family physician and psychologist Sax (Girls on the Edge: The Four Factors Driving the New Crisis for Girls—Sexual Identity, the Cyberbubble, Obsessions, Environmental Toxins, 2010, etc.) has seen countless patients and spent considerable time interviewing children and parents worldwide to find out why American children, in particular, have shown a decrease in achievement levels and psychological health. The author traces the issues back to the parents and places the blame for the steady slide toward bad behavior, disrespect toward elders, and a general inability to cope with controversy on the shoulders of too-permissive parents. Using interviews and data from his practice, Sax provides readers with real-time stories of children who throw temper tantrums, pick the school they wish to attend based on friendships rather than the effectiveness of the teachers, and give up after receiving one bad grade. Sax delves into the problems surrounding medicating children in the United States, particularly for bipolar disorder and ADHD, when sleep deprivation might be the real culprit. He also examines levels of obesity in the U.S., the overuse of video games, and why children who turn to their peers for advice are not receiving the appropriate instructions. After thoroughly analyzing where parents have gone wrong in the past 30-plus years, Sax provides a series of easy-to-follow solutions that help bring parents and children back to the same page, working toward a healthier, more respectful, and conscientious attitude. "It is the parent's responsibility not only to feed, clothe, and shelter the child," writes the author, "but also to acculturate the child, to instill a sense of virtue and a longing for integrity, and to teach the meaning of life according to the parent's best understanding." With the author's solid advice, parents have a good shot at achieving these goals.

Kirkus Reviews