My neighbours, you remember the dawn of youth with pleasure and regret
its passing; but I remember it like a prisoner who recalls the bars
and shackles of his jail. You speak of those years between infancy and
youth as a golden era free from confinement and cares, but I call
those years an era of silent sorrow which dropped as a seed into my
heart and grew with it and could find no outlet to the world of
Knowledge and wisdom until love came and opened the heart's doors and
lighted its corners. Love provided me with a tongue and tears. You
people remember the gardens and orchids and the meeting places and
street corners that witnessed your games and heard your innocent
whispering; and I remember, too, the beautiful spot in North Lebanon.
Every time I close my eyes I see those valleys full of magic and
dignity and those mountains covered with glory and greatness trying to
reach the sky. Every time I shut my ears to the clamour of the city I
hear the murmur of the rivulets and the rustling of the branches. All
those beauties which I speak of now and which I long to see, as a
child longs for his mother's breast, wounded my spirit, imprisoned in
the darkness of youth, as a falcon suffers in its cage when it sees a
flock of birds flying freely in the spacious sky. Those valleys and
hills fired my imagination, but bitter thoughts wove round my heart a
net of hopelessness.
Every time I went to the fields I returned disappointed, without
understanding the cause of my disappointment. Every time I looked at
the grey sky I felt my heart contract. Every time I heard the singing
of the birds and babbling of the spring I suffered without
understanding the reason for my suffering. It is said that
unsophistication makes a man empty and that emptiness makes him
carefree. It may be true among those who were born dead and who exist
like frozen corpses; but the sensitive boy who feels much and knows
little is the most unfortunate creature under the sun, because he is
torn by two forces. the first force elevates him and shows him the
beauty of existence through a cloud of dreams; the second ties him
down to the earth and fills his eyes with dust and overpowers him with
fears and darkness.
