The Autobiography of Cockney Tom

by Thomas Bastard

Overview

I, Cockney Tom, am the son of a gun, who was so called because his father
was a general in the Navy. Now this requires a little explanation. My
grandfather, you must know, was master-at-arms on board the Royal
Standard, 74 guns. It was his duty as a: warrant-officer to officiate
when a man was to be flogged for getting drunk, or any other crime. They
were tied up to a grating and punished with the cat in those days. Thank
goodness it is not so now in the British Navy. It was the duty of the
armorer to attend the surgeon of the ship in full uniform, with drawn
sword, to see that the prisoner received his allowance. The armorer was
to count the lashes, and the doctor's duty was to tell the boatswain
to cast the man off when he saw he could bear no more. So this is
how the aforesaid son of a gun's grandfather was nicknamed the
flogmaster-general. Gun was armorer's mate, fought in three engagements,
and got his discharge without pension. His brother was not so fortunate.
He rose by merit to be a second lieutenant, and one day was ordered to
man the boat and go on shore at Portsmouth with orders for the ship. When
he reached the stairs the men begged so hard to be allowed to go on shore
for a short time to purchase some necessaries, that Gun's brother gave
them leave, on their engaging, on honor, to return soon. Imagine his
feelings when he returned to find that all his men had deserted. In this
dilemma Gun's brother did not know what to do; to go on board he was
ashamed, and therefore he made up his mind to follow the example of the
men and bolt. He did so, was caught, and was sent to Portsmouth gaol to
be identified by his brother officers. They came the next morning and
took him on board, and placed him in irons. A court-martial was called;
he was reduced from lieutenant to common seaman, and then they sentenced
him to two dozen lashes, which he received on his birthday as a very
unwelcome present. Gun obtained his discharge, went to London, and got
married, by which transaction he increased and multiplied the earth to
the extent of ten children, I being the wind-up of the lot, which
consisted of nine boys and one girl.

Now began some of the stirring and painful events of my wonderful life.
My mother died when I was only five months old, and my sister became my
only nurse. She used to carry me round the parish to mothers who had
babies, and beg a drop of milk from one and another, so that I had many
foster-mothers. Now, it so happened that I had a rich aunt, and she made
an offer to Old Gun that if he would give me up entirely to her care, she
would settle her property on me, as she had no children of her own, which
offer Old Gun readily accepted. The will was made and duly registered,
and I was taken from Old Gun and placed under the care of a good nurse.
Old Gun took to chink, and when drunk visited my nurse, and listened to
her complaints against my aunt. He called and had words with her, which
so disgusted the old lady that she sent for a lawyer and altered her
will, without leaving me a single penny. (So much for drink.) I remained
with this nurse about five years. About this time I was nearly burned to
death, my nurse having left me to mind the house. I got playing with the
fire until my pinafore caught alight, when I ran out into the street all
in a blaze. Two working men, who happened to be passing, seized me and
threw me into a ditch close by. After that they took me to a doctor, and
I was laid up in bed for twelve months. When Old Gun heard of it, he took
me away from my nurse, and when he got me home he made use of me to fetch
his gin, while he was on the drink. I remember fetching Gun as many as
nineteen half quarterns of gin before dinner, and sometimes he would be
on the fuddle for a fortnight. Gun having got into debt with a publican,
to the extent of two pounds, he summoned him for the amount. As Gun
refused to pay, the publican caused him to be sent to gaol for six weeks.
I used to visit father Gun in prison, and take him coffee and sugar. Now,
while Gun was in trouble I was also doomed to suffer. Gun's landlady
refused to give me a night's lodging. I lived on the few coppers earned
by running about the city and holding gentlemen's horses. At last, to get
rid of me the landlady took me to the workhouse, and left me there till
Gun came out of prison. When Gun did come out, it was only to have a
change from gaol to workhouse. At last the end came, and Gun died a
penitent sinner.

Product Details

BN ID:	2940013768765
Publisher:	WDS Publishing
Publication date:	01/07/2012
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
File size:	86 KB