The Asperkid's (Secret) Book of Social Rules, 10th Anniversary Edition: The Handbook of (Not-So-Obvious) Neurotypical Social Guidelines for Autistic Teens

by Jennifer Cook

Overview

Being a teen or tween is tough for anyone. And if you're on the Autism Spectrum, life can feel like a game you're playing without knowing the rules. Jennifer Cook knows - she's been there! Her internationally bestselling handbook is the key to unlocking those unwritten, often confusing, not-so-obvious social guidelines and bolstering confidence, all at once.

Finally, teens can play the game of life with instructions. The 10th Anniversary Edition of The (Secret) Book of Social Rules reveals the essential secrets behind the baffling social codes surrounding making and keeping friends, dating, and catastrophic conversation pitfalls, with all-new content on social media and talking about neurodiversity. It's no wonder Jennifer's is the navigation tool tens of thousands of fans have come to love! Full of brand-new funny illustrations, take-it-from-me explanations, and comic strip examples, this Book of the Year award winner is real, positive, and speaks from the heart (without ever sounding like your mother's guide to manners). It's confidence, humor, and smarts. For the Human Spectrum.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781787758377
Publisher:	Jessica Kingsley Publishers
Publication date:	06/21/2022
Pages:	304
Sales rank:	313,686
Product dimensions:	5.90(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.80(d)
Age Range:	10 - 17 Years

About the Author

Jennifer Cook was identified as being on the spectrum in 2011, just after her three children. She is now the author of seven bestselling books —the Asperkids collection, Sisterhood of the Spectrum, and Autism in Heels — which include a Wall Street Journal Bestseller, a Publishers Weekly "Best Book" title winner, and three of BookAuthority's "Best-Selling" and "Top Autism Books of All Time". Jennifer is the bestselling female author of any single book in the genre, a multi-award-winning international speaker, and the founder of a brand-new venture called Belong, a virtual wonderland of enrichment and community, empowering neurodiverse individuals, couples and families worldwide.

Table of Contents

"Where Was This Book When I, Like, Needed It?" 13

Name Calling 15

Introduction: Rules, Posers and Speaking a Foreign Language 19

Need-to-Knows 34

What You Need to Know About Making Sense of the Rules

1 How Not to Make a Light Bulb: Why Everything Is Hard Before It Is Easy 45

2 The Potty-Training Rule: Knowing When a Thank You Is Expected 53

Quotealicious 60

3 I'm Sorry: The Hardest Words to Say 61

4 The "Perseverance" of "Perserverance": Being Right vs. Being Included 68

5 Perfectly Imperfect: Congratulations, You're Human 77

6 But I Wasn't Laughing: Laughing with You vs. Laughing at You 83

Quotealicious 89

7 Poof! You're Interesting!: Being Interesting by Being Interested 90

8 Mirror! Mirror!: Reflect, Reflect, Reflect 96

9 You're Welcome: The Power of Compliments 105

Quotealicious 110

10 Broken Spaghetti: The Benefits of Thinking Like a Wet Noodle 111

11 Boiling the Pasta: How to Make that Flexible Thinking Thing Happen 115

12 You've Got to Hold the Pillow 121

13 Take a Breath and Watch the Hammer: Knowing How to Handle Criticism 127

14 Speak in Sandwiches and Make Suggestions: Knowing How to Give Good Feedback 134

Quotealicious 141

15 Unfiltered: White Lies and Trust 142

16 Tact and the Triple-Filter: How Honest Is Too Honest? 147

17 Literally?: What They Actually Mean 153

18 Do I Need an Umbrella or an Ark?: Sorting Mountains from Molehills 159

19 Temper, Temper: There Will Be More Apple Juice Tomorrow 165

Quotealicious 176

20 The Science of a Greek Goddess: Hygeia, Aphrodite and Why They Were Such Good Pals 177

21 Traveling by Bubble: Transparent Boundaries That Only NTs See 186

22 Choices and Tactics: How to Recognize a Friend 195

23 Who's Who, What's What: Friendship Levels and Cling Wrap 203

Quotealicious 213

24 Leveled Up: Dating, Flirting and Just-Friends-Ship 214

25 Standing Up Straight: Self-Advocacy, Anger Band-Aids and Being Heard 227

26 Talking to Myself: Inner Dialogues and Old Tapes 236

27 Likes, Tweets and Texts: Netiquette Need-to-Knows 243

28 There's More for Dinner Than Mashed Potatoes: Missing the Bigger Picture 254

29 Wedgies, Tattletales and Bullies: Taking Your Power Back from Bullies 263

30 Through the Looking Glass: Laughing at Yourself without Being a Laughing Stock 268

Stickies (Little Nuggets of Truth-Sticky-Note-Sized) 275

Practice Sessions 284

Stick a Fork in It-We're Done: AKA The Conclusion 298

References 300

Editorial Reviews

This book was not only very beautifully written but also extremely uplifting, it was an absolute joy to read. Being a Neurodivergent adult I found this book to be very relatable and it is a book that I think everyone ought to read. Not only would it be helpful for other Neurodivergent individuals trying to learn and understand themselves, but it would also be extremely beneficial for Neurotypicals to read as well to help them better understand their fellow Neurodivergent loved ones and friends. Growing up there were a lot of things I didn't quite understand about myself and I was left to assume it was just me who was struggling with things that everyone around me seemed to understand perfectly. Had I read this book growing up I would have been assured earlier on that it was not just me and there were other people who shared very similar issues and struggles.

The Asperkid's (Secret) Book of Social Rules is highly detailed with beautiful art to help further explain the information within the book, which made it very interesting. Each page in this book was filled with positive messages and kind and understanding words. This book assures the reader that it is perfectly okay to be different and to embrace yourself for who you are, which is a message I think the world needs to receive. This is a book I would highly recommend!

NetGalley reviewer

Finally - we might understand neurotypicals a little better! Rather than expecting neurodivergent youth bend and break themselves trying to fit in and figure it out, Jennifer Cook helps us understand what people expect of us, how everyone can and should be more empathetic, and gives us a roadmap while also giving neurotypicals a glimpse into the autistic mindset. This is one of those books that I wish I had growing up.

Haley Moss

Jennifer has a way of distilling the social rules into a practical, yet lyrical, and often funny, resource. The accessibility of this book to asperkids, and those that love, teach and guide them cannot be overstated. Lessons in this book can provide down to earth wisdom and support that extends beyond the population for which it is intended. Asperkids is not just a great book for those with autism, it is a great reference for all.

Wendy Ross MD

The kindest, most honest, most helpful book about those pesky, invisible social rules! Jennifer's insider's perspective brings such humanity and LOVE to this book. This is a "must read several times over the decades" type of book that should be required reading for ALL humans.

Written with love, by a true leader in the field, Jennifer has once again demonstrated the ability to explain the unexplainable, in a humble, honest, supportive manner. This book is one to own and reread over a lifetime.

Not just for Asperkids, this book is a gem for any human who has ever been perplexed by social interactions, felt awkward, or lonely, or loved someone who feels this way. Honestly, this book should be required reading for all humans of any age!

Rachel Bédard

I thought Asperkids couldn't be improved - I was wrong! I first read this book shortly after it was first released. Now Jennifer has made some fantastic updates to her book, which continues to be relevant, funny, informative and insightful - not just for kids on the spectrum, but also for neurotypicals (like me) who continue to learn every day from autistic experts - like Jennifer - who tell us just how it is.

Kate Laird

Social rules regulate friendships and conversations, and the ability to follow those rules determines social acceptance, and facilitates connection with peers. Autistic teenagers do not have an intuitive social rule book, and are frequently 'charged' with social offences. This engaging and informative book explains the rationale for each social rule, and the expected codes of social conduct; it should be an automatic birthday present for all autistic teenagers.

Professor Tony Attwood

When I was a teen, I was bullied in school and called names. If this book had been available, my teenage years would have been less difficult.

Temple Grandin

Jennifer Cook is the best big sister / coach / mentor / friend every autistic tween and teen could hope for. In The Asperkid's (Secret) Book of Social Rules, she shares her hard-won wisdom with compassion and humor, encouraging readers to fully understand and embrace their awesome selves.

Debbie Reber

2022-03-29
Cook, herself autistic, offers tips for neurodiverse readers.

Incorporating candid personal anecdotes, the author examines how common autistic tendencies—among them perfectionism, difficulty giving and receiving criticism, and a lack of tact—can inadvertently cause neurotypical peers to form negative impressions. To mitigate social gaffes, she thoroughly explains the rationale behind such social subtleties as white lies, reflective listening, and how to helpfully frame critiques, among others. Each chapter, introduced by a black-and-white cartoon illustration and a list of main points, accessibly breaks abstract concepts into actionable behaviors. Charts and sample dialogues demonstrate such skills as distinguishing between insensitive and tactful responses to awkward questions. Practice sessions in the form of short, comic strip–style vignettes invite readers to apply these skills by spotting strengths and weaknesses in characters’ interactions. Importantly, though the author doesn’t sugarcoat the negative effects of social blunders, she encourages readers to be gentle with themselves. Unfortunately, generalizations occasionally mar her advice. For instance, she discourages befriending popular, attractive, and charismatic people, claiming that they would find readers disposable—a rigid presumption that contradicts her encouragement of flexible thinking. However, readers will appreciate her logical approaches to curbing catastrophic thinking, defusing meltdowns, recognizing trustworthy friends, engaging in self-advocacy, and more. While readers may not need—or agree with—every tip, the wide variety of topics ensures that they’ll find useful strategies for almost any challenge. There is some racial diversity in the illustrated figures.

An earnest, well-mapped guide to neurotypical customs. (references) (Nonfiction. 13-18)

Kirkus Reviews