Teenage Guys: Exploring Issues Adolescent Guys Face and Strategies to Help Them
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Teenage Guys: Exploring Issues Adolescent Guys Face and Strategies to Help Them
320eBook
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Overview
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9780310669845 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Zondervan |
| Publication date: | 11/04/2008 |
| Sold by: | HarperCollins Publishing |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 320 |
| File size: | 2 MB |
| Age Range: | 18 Years |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
Teenage Guys
Exploring Issues Adolescent Guys Face and Strategies to Help ThemBy Steve Gerali
Zondervan
Copyright © 2006 Steve GeraliAll right reserved.
ISBN: 0-310-26985-7
Chapter One
1.1 UNDERSTANDING MALE ADOLESCENCE
I'd just finished speaking to parents of teenagers at a church-sponsored seminar when a very determined, seemingly panic-stricken mother hightailed it down the aisle to reach me before anyone else could. I knew she was stressed because she nearly plowed over some people on the way. When she reached my side, she looked fatigued and her voice was many decibels louder than normal. (I wondered for a moment if she thought I was deaf.) But I soon discovered this dear woman's plight.
"I need help!" she blurted before disclosing to me that she was the mother of four boys-ages two to 13. (It immediately began to make sense to me.) She described how her oldest son used to be a sweet little boy, but now he was changing. She drew parallels between him and her two-year-old, describing the many similarities between a child in the terrible twos and a child in the-her term for it-"terrible teens." She bombarded me with more questions than I could answer. Finally, she said, "I don't understand how teenage boys work; I wish my boy came with a user's manual."
"So you need to know how your teenage boy is wired?" I asked jokingly.
She quickly affirmed myobservation and added that she was concerned that his wiring may be malfunctioning. This mother wanted her teenage son's user's manual to include an explanation of his wiring, tips on how to detect if and when the wiring goes bad, and instructions for how to rewire her son, if possible.
Guys are wired differently than girls from the beginning. But when adolescence sets in, it can appear as though their wiring has gone bad. In reality, it may be just a normal phase of growth. While they don't come with user's manuals, these days we have a better understanding of what makes a guy uniquely masculine and how to help him navigate through the storm and stress of adolescence and on into manhood.
STORM AND STRESS OF MALE ADOLESCENCE
The science of adolescence is a relatively new phenomenon, but adolescence has been recognized-although misunderstood-throughout history. The earliest records we have about adolescent boys are observations Aristotle made about the young adolescent males who were his proteges. He saw them as egocentric, idealistic, passionate, quick-tempered and easily angered, impulsive, overly optimistic, gullible, lacking self-control, and driven by their sexual desires. He also observed the strong, intimate connectedness-or brotherhood-they formed with their friends, which he noted was unlike any other period in a man's life (throughout childhood or maturity). He recognized that they were developing cognitively and entering into more advanced thinking stages. This led him to say, "They think they know everything." Aristotle believed that adolescent boys "carry everything too far: they love to excess, they hate to excess-and so in all else."
He wasn't too far off the mark in his observations. And they shaped Aristotle's instructional approach with adolescent males-one that fostered ethical and moral choice and self-determination. But while these distinctives were recognized, it wasn't until the Industrial Age that adolescence emerged as a distinct, formative life stage.
In 1902 developmental psychologist G. Stanley Hall published Adolescence: Its Psychology and Its Relations to Physiology, Anthropology, Sociology, Sex, Crime, Religion and Education. Hall became known as the "father of adolescence" because he identified the developmental issues that create a transition from childhood to adulthood. He recognized and popularized adolescence as a formative stage in the developmental life span of an individual from ages 11 to 22.
Prior to Hall's pioneering work, the world viewed people as children until they could sire children of their own. The physiological phenomenon of puberty immediately made a boy a man. Hall theorized that the physical factors of puberty started a series of physical, psychological, and sociological changes that distinguished passive, effeminate boys into more assertive men. While not always evidenced outwardly, this internal aggressive shift in the makeup of boys into men was what Hall identified as "Sturm und Drang" or storm and stress.
The onset of this transitioning period was marked by puberty. (As a basic point of clarification, puberty is not adolescence. It's the event that marks the beginning of the developmental life span called "adolescence.") In Hall's era, puberty often began around the age of 11. Hall believed adolescence ended with the autonomy of the individual. This was marked by adult-like accomplishments such as marriage, starting a family, financial independence, acts of bravery and/or leadership, pursuing a career, and so on. Hall believed this most likely occurred around the age of 22 or 23. When a boy successfully navigated through the storm and stress of adolescence, he emerged at the other end a stable, autonomous man.
If we applied Hall's lines of definition to adolescence today, we'd have some problems. Puberty is starting earlier for most guys. They still begin puberty later than girls do, but most guys begin physically changing at age nine or 10. And at the other end, at ages 22 and 23, most people aren't ready or able to be financially autonomous yet (due to various socioeconomic factors). They're not settled into their careers, nor are they ready to start a family.
Adult behaviors blur even more with technological advancements, leaving very little room for rites of passage in Western culture. Guys engage in video games and have access to adult-rated DVDs and online adult Web sites that expose them to adult sexual behaviors. They own and operate cell phones, computers, and personal handheld computers that give them the privileges and freedoms of adults without the usual responsibilities. Many parents fail to exercise parental controls over this technology. Or worse, even if the parents do implement some controls, teenage guys can find ways to get around them because they're more techno-savvy than their parents. As a result, teenagers are experiencing adult behaviors earlier, but they're still hindered from autonomous adult living.
In short, if we followed Hall's definition, then adolescence would run from ages nine to 35, give or take a few years. So for all practical purposes, today's social science community recognizes the years of adolescence as ranging from age 11 or 12 to age 22 or 23. We will use this timeline throughout the book (see fig. 1):
[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]
AGE RANGES WITHIN ADOLESCENCE
It's easier for us to see how guys develop if we break down the timeline into three distinct age groupings.
Early Adolescence
Between ages 11 and 14 is technically termed early adolescence (see fig. 2). These are the middle school or junior high years, and this is often the time when guys begin to experience rapid growth in stature. Junior high guys are full of seemingly reckless energy, and parents and youth workers sometimes wonder if they have any real cognitive ability because they can be rude, obnoxious, and lack appropriate boundaries. At this stage they are becoming very self-aware, and they're learning about who they are. Since identity is being formulated, they tend to mimic societal norms regarding gender roles and masculinity, often with an awkward reluctance and lack of confidence.
On the other hand, early adolescent guys have profound moments. They can often surprise us with clarity of thought and wisdom that seems strange for their years. Yet they still fluctuate between little-boy and adolescent behavior. This is especially evidenced in their play. They still enjoy their little-boy toys and games, but they wouldn't be caught dead playing with them. It's also evidenced in their emotions. They still have a tenderness that is untainted by the bravado that will be internalized during middle adolescence.
Becoming more aware of girls but not being sure they like the opposite sex yet; discovering sexual pleasure through masturbation; having a limited attention span; not wanting to be around parents or family; learning that crying must be done in secret or not done at all; attempting to be funny or gross; roughhousing and swearing in front of their friends as an act of manly independence; and a budding spiritual sensitivity all mark this stage in a young teenage guy's life.
Middle Adolescence
Middle adolescence occurs between 14 and 17 years of age (see fig. 2). The high school years. These guys take on a new image as their stature begins to fill out, and this makes them much more body aware. And, depending on how their development progresses, they become more confident or less confident about their physical appearance. Regardless, most middle adolescent guys can find something they believe is abnormal about their physical appearance.
Most senior high guys develop a bravado that they'll eventually internalize as their masculine identity. This is defined by strength-both physical and emotional (meaning the suppression of emotion)-and status. It's also accompanied by a sense of invincibility and a heightened desire for adventure. (This feeling will become even stronger in the next stage.) High school guys often present themselves as detached from emotional situations, and they also lack confidence to make solid decisions. This often puts them behind girls their same age, resulting in the girls taking more control and leadership roles. Yet guys in middle adolescence become more confident in their cognitive abilities. (Have you ever wondered why senior high guys think they know everything?) While this age range develops new confidences, it feels unstable overall.
Hanging out with friends; playing hours of computer and video games; attempting new and more daring stunts on a skateboard, snowboard, or surfboard; dreaming about the perfect car and girlfriend (and trying to acquire both); worrying about future college plans; and attempting to discern and own spiritual truths mark this stage in a guy's life.
Late Adolescence
Late adolescence occurs between ages 18 and 23 (see fig. 2). A guy in this age range begins to personally define himself as a man; but because he must let go of childhood-more specifically, adolescence-many guys have a difficult time with this identity transition. Girls this age will more easily define themselves as adult women; but many young men want to stay kids a while longer. Ask any guy this age, and he'll tell you he's not a man!
Late adolescents' play becomes more adventurous, and their toys become more expensive and powerful. They're less inhibited about their bodies and more obsessed with defining them. They become more aware that they need to be responsible adults, which often means taking on some form of personal or group leadership position. Late-adolescent guys desperately seek out, consciously or subconsciously, strong male mentors. Many college-age males will attempt to identify with male role models as a frame of reference regarding their own manhood (this occurs more during this stage of adolescence than in the previous ones). They also become more aware of the deficiencies of their own fathers. If their father-son relationship is lacking a strong emotional connectedness, then this results in a woundedness that's become so popularized in masculine-identity literature.
This stage in a guy's life is marked by the internalization of values; strong male bonding; sexual awareness, desire, lust, and hormonal overdrive; a noted attentiveness to future planning; more intimate dating with the goal of mate selection; and at times a greater desire to be well-rounded ethically, morally, and spiritually.
DEVELOPMENTAL TASKS
In each age and stage of adolescence, a guy must accomplish certain developmental tasks. A developmental task is the formation of attitudes, values, behaviors, and skills that will transition him from boyhood into manhood. It's the process of formulating a proper masculine identity. Developmental tasks become the series of hoops a boy jumps through on his way to becoming a man. These tasks often root themselves in changes in physiology, cognition, social expectations, and identity.
Nancy Cobb, author of Adolescence: Continuity, Change, and Diversity, states: "Because our sense of ourselves comes in part from our awareness of how others see us, cultural norms give shape to personal standards. Biological maturation contributes more heavily to some tasks, such as adjusting to an adult body, whereas cultural norms contribute more to others, such as developing social skills."
As a guy encounters these tasks in adolescence, it becomes essential for parents and youth workers to help him navigate through them. Although developmental tasks are somewhat sequential and dependent upon each other, many of them are worked on throughout adolescence. Each guy is different and navigates through these tasks at his own pace. Therefore, it's more important to know about the tasks of adolescence, rather than attaching them to a specific age in adolescence.
When a guy begins these tasks, we call this a coming of age. This is when a guy recognizes that he's crossed a line somewhere, leaving a part of childhood behind. Often, coming of age may be distinguished by an event, experience, conversation, or rite of passage. A rite of passage is a ritual or ceremony that marks the transition from childhood into adulthood. The Western culture has very few rites of passage for adolescent guys. The single most significant rite of passage may be the acquisition of a driver's license. Others may include graduation, voting in an election, and going to college, but these really don't affirm the shift of a child into manhood.
A HOLISTIC APPROACH TO ADOLESCENCE
Remember the mom who wanted a "user's guide" for her son? Well, she would have loved a holistic approach to the developmental process he's experiencing, which offers more information about each of the different dimensions that make up her son-and all people.
There are five specific dimensions to a person-biological (physical); affective (emotional); cognitive (intellectual); sociological (social), and spiritual (some refer to it as moral/ethical). This frazzled mom observed some physical changes in her son, but she didn't understand how those changes affected his identity. She needed to understand how her son was thinking, as well as what he was feeling. She also assessed him to be spiritually bankrupt because of his apathy, not realizing that he actually may have been spiritually on track, while his apathy was due to a sociological issue. Or maybe it wasn't an issue at all.
For now, I'll offer a quick overview of the dimensions. As we continue to examine how a guy is wired, we'll walk through each one in more detail throughout the remainder of the book.
The Biological/Physical Dimension
Except for the time between infancy and the toddler years, at no other time in the developmental process is a person's physiological change as dramatic as it is in adolescence. The process begins with puberty and ends in full sexological maturation. Guys experience many different physiological alterations that will ultimately affect their emotions, relationships, self-image, personality, and even their spirituality. When we examine this area, we'll discuss everything from the development of sex characteristics to the effects of testosterone on the psyche. We'll look at some myths and misconceptions about sexuality that the world and the church believe to be true. We'll also examine some physical problems and disorders that could affect a guy during adolescence.
The Affective/Emotional Dimension
Many books about raising a male child have been written with this dimension in mind. Guys are constantly bombarded with societal messages to suppress, ignore, or deny their feelings. This becomes very confusing for an adolescent guy because he's constantly running counter to the way he was wired. God created us in his image and likeness (Genesis 1:26). Being created like God means guys are created to be fully emotional. Thus, this frequently repressed dimension can lead to serious repercussions in the quality of a young man's life and relationships.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Teenage Guys by Steve Gerali Copyright © 2006 by Steve Gerali. Excerpted by permission.
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