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Overview
Tricia Goyer has been where you are. She had to tell her parents, her boyfriend, and her friends that she was pregnant. She worked hard to earn money to raise her child. She felt the stares of people who asked, “Aren’t you too young to be a mom?”
She also found joy in being a mother. She found success and true love beyond teen parenting. And she wants you to know that even when the road isn’t smooth, you can be a great mom.
Teen Mom looks at your needs right now, such as the need to be appreciated, the need to know your life is not at a dead end, and the need to be loved. You’ll also meet young moms like you who are a little farther down the path. And you’ll meet God, who loves you more than you can imagine.
Previously titled Life Interrupted
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9780310339069 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | HarperCollins Christian Publishing |
| Publication date: | 12/19/2023 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 216 |
| File size: | 995 KB |
About the Author
USA Today bestselling author Tricia Goyer has published eighty books, has written more than five hundred articles for national publications, and is on the blogging team at TheBetterMom.com and other homeschooling and Christian websites. She is a two-time Carol Award winner, a Christy and ECPA Award finalist, and regularly receives starred reviews in Romantic Times and Publishers Weekly. Tricia is a wife to John, a mom to ten kids and a Nana to a growing number of grandkids. Connect with her at TriciaGoyer.com.
Read an Excerpt
Teen Mom
By Tricia Goyer
ZONDERVAN
Copyright © 2015 Tricia GoyerAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-310-33887-1
CHAPTER 1
Do I Matter?
Importance
The deepest principle in the human nature is the craving to be appreciated.
—William James, author
I regretted attending the basketball game as soon as I got there. My classmates, teachers, and friends' parents cheered on our school's basketball team. I moved to the bleachers closest to the door and climbed to the top row, sitting next to some of my friends.
My jeans pinched my stomach as I sat. They were the biggest pair I had, and at five months pregnant, I'd barely been able to button them up. Now they cut into my gut, but I tried to ignore the pinching feeling. I tried to ignore how my body was changing and how I had no control of it. I also tried to ignore the glances as people eyed me. Could they see the baby bump that I was trying so hard to hide?
After finding out I was pregnant, everything changed. I felt so sick that even on days when I attended school, I usually went home early. Soon it was easier just to stay home altogether. I couldn't work either. Every whiff of fast-food smell made me nauseated.
And then there was the growing. My stomach, my chest, my ... everything. I had taken pride in being able to wear a tiny cheerleading skirt, but now my body no longer felt like it was mine.
Overnight, my lifestyle changed too. Intead of eating cheeseburgers and fries numerous times a week, I had to make sure I drank enough water, took my prenatal vitamins, and ate healthy foods. I tried to get enough sleep and not stress too much about my life. (Yeah, right.)
I had to go to the doctor and get weighed and measured every month, and I submitted to being "checked" in ways that creeped me out. And I didn't even want to think about labor. It was like knowing ahead of time that you were going to get in a car accident or break your arm, and counting down the days.
Of course, the physical discomfort and the numerous changes and fears were nothing compared with the ache in my soul. It felt like someone had stuck a knife in my heart as I watched my old cheerleading squad do the routines that I'd known so well. Another cheerleader had taken my spot once I'd left the squad, and it didn't feel good to be replaced.
Even worse was seeing my baby's daddy sitting a few rows down with his new girlfriend. I'd been replaced there too. He was going on with his life as if nothing had changed. He'd chosen to walk away from responsibility, and so for him nothing had changed. For me everything was different. We'd made a baby together, but I was the one paying the price.
I sat through part of the game, but I wasn't really watching it. More than anything, I wanted to hide, to run. I didn't feel as if I fit in here anymore. I'd gone to school with the same group of students since kindergarten, and I felt like an outsider among them. They didn't know what to say to me, and the things they seemed so obsessed about seemed silly to me now. I was going to be a mom. Talking about clothes and whose house the party was going to be at didn't matter to me anymore.
Of course, I didn't fit in at home either. My parents did their best to be supportive, but I discovered that I had to make so many decisions myself, like how to finish school and what I was going to do after my baby was born. I was still a kid in their house, and at times they liked to treat me as one, but I was also making so many big decisions. Was I just fooling myself thinking I could handle all of this?
It wasn't just me I had to think about. After my prenatal visit, the nurse had sent me home with brochures on things I should be eating. There were vitamins I was supposed to take, but they were hard to remember. Worries plagued me too. What if I did something and hurt the baby inside me? I'd never be able to forgive myself.
I left the basketball game early, during halftime, and the drive home seemed to take longer than normal. I knew that no one really cared that I'd left early. Maybe it was easier for them when I wasn't there—then they didn't have to worry about what to say or what to do.
The moon hung overhead as I drove, and I'd never felt so alone and so unimportant.
Could I do it? This mom thing? Or was I just a kid trying to act like an adult, fooling no one except myself?
My Life
Some people have given me dirty looks when they see me with my baby. Others look at me and sigh. But some people are very nice when they see what a good mom I am.
—Diana, Washington
Life Interrupted
These were supposed to be years of parties, football games, and fun. Dances with handsome dates and sleepovers with friends. You've gone from chatting with friends in the hall to changing dirty diapers. Not long ago the only runny nose you wiped was your own. Colic wasn't an issue. Your clothes were spit-up free. Now you wonder where your importance is.
When your baby came into the picture, you not only lost your old life but gained a new one. Many of us know, without a doubt, that having our babies was the right choice. We want to be good moms. We want to give our babies the love that we, perhaps, never had. But if we're honest, we can't help but think how our lives have changed. Sometimes we wonder whether it's worth it.
My Life
When I found out I was pregnant, I was incredibly scared and didn't know how to tell my parents. They'd always said they'd kill me if I ever ended up pregnant.
—Desiree, Texas
Before my pregnancy, I was in four clubs and had a meeting almost every nigh t. Most of my friends have completely left the picture. I figured they would, but I feel very alone. Having a baby has really helped me to see who my real friends are.
—Amanda, Ontario, Canada
Tell Me I'm Important
Young moms want to be good moms. We try our best; we really do. Yet we can't seem to escape the negative reactions. We've decided to carry and keep our babies. (Not an easy decision!) But often the people we encounter make it clear, both in words and with body language, that they disapprove. Sometimes we feel we have no importance.
What you do is important. Can you think of anyone who loves your child more than you do? You're the exact person your child needs to love him, support him, and be his biggest fan.
For the rest of your life, when your child hears the word mother, he will think of you. You are the first one to tell him of his importance, to believe in his dreams, and to kiss his boo-boos, wishing his hurts away.
Your child doesn't realize that you're young. He has no idea. To him you are the most perfect mom in the world. Yes, you!
You Are Important
Importance means having meaning. There are many things that people feel are important for young people: school, good grades, sports, and accomplishments.
Ask yourself, What things were important to you one or two years ago? What things are important now?
Your child, no doubt, is most important. And your child thinks you are most important. Without your succeeding as a mom, his life is going to be hard.
The good news is that you're up to the task. This mothering role will teach you more about yourself than you ever expected. You'll work harder than you ever have. You'll prove you're strong and capable. Your care for your child will not only benefit him, but it'll also show you (and the world!) what you're made of.
Parenting comes with big obstacles at times. Yet as you'll see in the following often-told story, sometimes human beings can do the impossible when it comes to their children.
Moving Mountains
"There were two warring tribes in the Andes, one that lived in the lowlands and the other high in the mountains. The mountain people invaded the lowlanders one day, and as part of their plundering of the people, they kidnapped a baby from one of the lowlander families and took the infant back with them up into the mountains.
"The lowlanders didn't know how to climb a mountain. They didn't know any of the trails the mountain people used, and they didn't know where to find the mountain people or how to track them on the steep terrain.
"Even so, they sent out their best party of fighting men to climb the mountain and bring the baby home.
"The men tried first one method of climbing and then another. They tried one trail and then another. After several days of effort, however, they had climbed only a couple of hundred feet.
"Feeling hopeless and helpless, the lowlander men decided that the case was lost, and they prepared to return to their village below.
"As they were packing their gear for the descent, they saw the baby's mother walking toward them. They realized that she was coming down the mountain that they hadn't figured out how to climb.
"And then they saw that she had the baby strapped to her back. How could that be?
"One man greeted her and said, 'We couldn't climb this mountain. How did you do this when we, the strongest and most able men in the village, couldn't do it?'
"She shrugged her shoulders and said, 'It wasn't your baby.'"
You're a mom now, and the obstacles you face may seem as big and insurmountable as that mountain. But there's one thing that's even more powerful than your challenges. That's your love. Love is the most important ingredient when it comes to parenting. Love, as you will discover, can help you to achieve the impossible.
Before getting pregnant, I hadn't thought much about what I wanted to do with my life, except that I'd considered being a teacher and hoped to be married with three or four kids someday. After getting pregnant, I thought it really was no use to think about those things anymore because I had messed up. I was going to have a baby, and so I'd just have to take whatever the world offered me from there.
Do you feel that way? Do you think that because you're a mom at a young age that all the plans you once had aren't possible? Maybe you never really considered what your future looked like. Maybe you never allowed yourself to dream. I want to encourage you to get over the idea that because you're having a baby at a young age, you can't do much with your life. Instead, you now have an even better reason to dream and plan for a good future. After all, you have not only yourself to think about but also your child.
It would have been easy for me to just give up and not try. I'd seen that time and time again in the people around me. I have many family members who've worked minimum wage jobs their whole lives, who have never owned a home, and who never got their high school diploma. In fact, when I found out I was pregnant, I dropped out of high school too.
I'm thankful that I dared to work hard to achieve my goals. I finished my high school classes at home and got my diploma. Here are a few other things I've done:
• I've attended college.
• I've gotten married.
• I've attended numerous writers' conferences.
• I've written hundreds of articles for national magazines.
• I've won awards for my writing.
• I've written more than forty-five books.
• I've homeschooled three children all the way from kindergarten through high school.
• I've traveled to more than forty states.
• I've traveled to twelve countries.
• I've been interviewed on television.
• I've hosted my own radio show.
• I've been married for twenty-five years.
• I've adopted three kids.
• My husband and I have bought three houses. (One at a time!)
• I've helped start a crisis pregnancy center.
• I've led a teen moms' support group for twelve years.
• I've shared my story of being a teenage mom on stage in front of five thousand women.
• I've taken my kids to Disneyland and Disney World many times, and my whole family has gone on a cruise.
I'm forty-three years old, which may seem ancient to you, but I've had a good life. And I didn't do all those things right away, but as the years have gone by, I've been amazed to see how my life has turned out.
When I first had my son, I wondered whether my life would amount to anything, and then I decided it could if I put in some effort. My goals were small at first. I got my high school diploma, and then I signed up for college classes. I went on a date with a really good guy who treated me well, and we eventually got married. I dreamed of becoming a writer, and so I babysat for a year to save up enough money to attend my first writers' conference.
At that writers' conference, I met other women who encouraged me, and I kept in touch with them. I wrote little things while my kids napped. (I had three kids by this time.) And I sent things out to magazines. I got more than a hundred rejections, but I didn't give up. I saved up my money again and went back to the conference. Soon I started getting magazine articles published, and later, books.
Success has a way of building on itself. Hard work pays off eventually. If you could be successful at anything, what would it be? Consider one step that you could take toward that dream. Every success starts with a first step.
Think you can't do it? Think that you'll be stuck where you are forever? It's up to you. You get to decide!
The years are going to go by anyway, and you might as well spend them pursuing something great. You can either spend your teens and twenties working at McDonald's with no plan to change, or you can work hard at your McDonald's job, finish your GED, sign up for college, and get an internship at a job you really love.
No, there's nothing wrong with working at McDonald's, but is that how you want to spend your life? I thought about this when I returned to northern California for a high school reunion. I took my kids to McDonald's to show them where I once worked. Twenty years had passed and the building looked tired and old, but I was most surprised when I saw that some of the people I had worked with in high school were still there. They were still complaining about their jobs and about how they still weren't able to make ends meet, but they hadn't done anything about it.
It's wonderful to work wherever you can get a job, but don't limit yourself. I saw my McDonald's job as a stepping-stone to get the money I needed to do more. Who knows, maybe you'll even stay with McDonald's, work your way through management, and buy a franchise! Just remember that you're stronger than you think. Don't give up too easily. Don't settle when, deep down, you know you can do more, give more.
My Life
I get so tired of people asking, "How old are you?" We even had to change pediatricians once because the doctor wouldn't speak to m e as an adult. I wanted to yell, "He y, I am her mother. I'm responsible for her welfare!" I used to cry at nigh t, not because I didn't want this but because I had no idea how much my life would change.
—Marjie, Montana
When I went into the hospital for my non-stress test, the nurse told me that she wanted my baby and that she would prepare the adoption papers if it was a boy.
—Amanda, Ontario, Canada
Waking up to my son's smile and my daughter's snoring makes me realize that the little things these little people do will forever be engraved in my heart!
—Elizabeth, Arkansas
Mom, you're the one who will determine your future. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't amount to anything. That's not true. You can work hard to achieve anything you set your mind on.
Surround yourself with people who believe in you. Find other people who can support you, help you, and offer help in return.
Also, know that you were created for a reason. God made you, formed you. He made and formed your child. He has a good plan for your life. You are important to God, and that makes you important.
And even if you don't "accomplish" anything that makes the news, you are still important to God. You are also still important to your child.
But sometimes understanding that you are important helps you to go on to do great things. Think of it this way, if you tell your child day after day that he is going to do great things and help and influence people, he will most likely grow up to do great things and help and influence people. And if you say the same thing about yourself, well, that's exactly what you will do too.
The Balancing Act
Just because a mom is willing to do anything for her child doesn't mean it's easy. Motherhood can be illustrated by an image of a woman wearing a tower of hats. There is the nurse's hat, the teacher's hat, the maid's hat, the cook's hat, the playmate's hat—the list goes on. As a young mom, your problem may be the many hats you haven't discarded: the student's hat, the employee's hat, the girlfriend's hat, even the daughter-at-home's hat. How can you—one person—balance so much responsibility?
Your balancing act will change over time. The hat of high school student may change to that of college student. The play-ground-mom's hat may change to the soccer mom's. Still, the flow of your responsibilities will never end.
The reality of being a mom may not hit until you come home from the hospital. The feedings, the diapers, the schedule, the up-all-nights. Then, as one stage passes, there are more challenges: teething, climbing on everything, tantrums, and on and on.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Teen Mom by Tricia Goyer. Copyright © 2015 Tricia Goyer. Excerpted by permission of ZONDERVAN.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Me … a Mom? 11
1 Do I Matter? (Importance) 21
2 Who Am I? (Identity) 43
3 Where Am I Going? (Growth) 63
4 Do You Love Me? (Intimacy) 87
5 How Do I Do This Mom Thing? (Instruction) 113
6 Can You Help? (Help) 133
7 Can I Get a Break? (Recreation) 155
8 What's Most Important? (Perspective) 173
9 What Am I Here For? (Hope) 197
Acknowledgments 217
Notes 219
Credits 223
For Further Reading 224