Table of Contents
A Letter to Parents 9
1 Developing Healthy Communication Habits 12
The Power of Language 13
Being the Best Parent You Can Be 14
Managing Anger and Conflict 18
Keeping Kids Out of the Middle 23
Separating from Your Spouse, Not Your Kids 24
Leaning on Your Family Support System 26
2 Getting Kids to Open Up 28
Scheduling One-on-One Time 29
Listening without Judging 30
Listening with Empathy 32
Cultivating and Conveying Hope 34
Interpreting the Signals Your Child Is Sending 35
3 Preparing for the Talk 40
Early Warnings 41
Come Prepared with a Parenting Plan 42
Who Should Be Present 45
When to Tell the Kids 48
Where to Have the Talk 52
4 Having the Talk 53
The Big Message 54
Tune In to Body Language 55
Three Types of Divorce 56
Children's Needs at Different Ages 62
Infants and Young Toddlers; Birth to 18 Months 62
Older Toddlers: 18 Months to 3 Years 65
Preschoolers: 3 to 5 Years 66
Early School Agers: 6 to 8 Years 68
Preteens: 9 to 12 Years 69
Adolescents: 13 to 19 Years 72
5 Children's Reactions and Worries 76
Why Is This Happening to Me? 77
Is This My Fault? 78
What's Going to Happen to Me? 80
What Will the Future Bring? 81
Feel Invisible 83
Whose Side Should I Be on … Mom's or Dad's? 86
Is Dad Okay? 88
Mom Isn't Going to Love Me Anymore 89
6 Answering Your Child's Tough Questions 93
Where's Mommy? 94
Who's Going to Make Dinner? 95
Why Don't You Love Daddy Anymore? 96
Will You and Mom Get Back Together? 98
What Do I Tell My Friends? 101
Why Are You Crying? 102
Is Dad Coming to My Birthday Party? 104
Why Are You Fighting? 107
7 Responding to Sticky Situations 110
Taking Sides 111
Two Homes, Two Sets of Rules 113
Understanding Resistance 117
Issues with Affection 121
Troublesome Transitions 121
8 Looking Forward 124
Staying Connected 125
Warming Up to New Relationships 127
When the Other Parent Has a New Relationship 128
When You Have a New Relationship 129
My Child Doesn't Like My New Partner 131
Conclusion 135
References 137
Resources 138
Index 140
Acknowledgments 145
