Table of Contents
Introduction ix
1 Sure, I'll Be Your Black Tell-All Writer 1
2 Ten Things to Know Before Befriending Me, or "Which Black Guy Are You Getting?" 20
3 The First Gift 34
4 Sure, I'll Be Your Black Canadian 37
5 Sure, I'll Be Your Black Foreign Kid 46
6 Sure, I'll Be Your Anchor Baby 53
7 Sure, I'll Be Your Black Son 60
8 Sure, I'll Be Your Black Boyfriend 66
9 How to Go through Life without Drowning, Part I 76
10 Sure, I Guess I'll Be Your Classic Name-Brand Cookie 81
11 How to Go through Life without Drowning, Part II 86
12 Boomerangs Come Back 89
13 From Another Mother 98
14 I Was Promised Ballplayers and Rap Stars, Addicted to the Limelight 104
15 Sure, I'll Be Your Woke Black Friend 112
16 Sherman Klump v. Buddy Love 118
17 Ivory Skin, Eyes of Something Green 126
18 Sister, Sister 139
19 Sure, I'll Be Your Black Guy-Emphasis on Guy 151
20 How to Go through Life without Drowning, Part III 158
21 Song of the South 169
22 Sure, I'll Be Your Accessory to Larceny 181
23 Sure, I'll Be Your One That Got Away 186
24 Black Ghost Goes, "Boo!" 201
25 Sure, I'll Be Your Black Sidekick 210
26 Sure, I'll Be Your 2016 Shithole Rescapee 222
27 Smile Through It 231
28 How to Live Strictly on Common Grounds 236
29 Sure, I'll Be Your Bl- RACE WARS!!! 241
30 One of the Good Ones 256
31 Conclusion: How to Thrive in a Black Body at Any Age 262
Lexicon to a Black Experience Narrative 281
Acknowledgments 298
Notes 299