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Summary and Analysis of Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead
Based on the Book by Sheryl Sandberg
By Worth Books OPEN ROAD INTEGRATED MEDIA
Copyright © 2017 Open Road Integrated Media, Inc.
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-5040-4378-6
CHAPTER 1
Summary
Introduction: Internalizing the Revolution
Although women in the United States and the developed world are better off than they've ever been, we're still a long way from gender equality. Out of 195 independent countries, only 17 are led by women, and women hold only 22% of parliament seats globally. In the United States, despite the fact that there are more women graduating with college degrees than men, only 23% of S&P 500 companies have female CEOs and women only hold 25% of executive officer positions. For women of color, the gap is even worse. The same fight occurs for compensation. As of 2010, women earn 77 cents for every dollar that men earn.
Sandberg has experienced this inequality firsthand. After spending decades working in large corporations, she noticed that each year, fewer and fewer of her colleagues were women. Often, she's the only woman in the room. She asks, how can women break down the barriers and secure powerful roles?
Many women face sexism and sexual harassment in the workplace. Businesses rarely offer flexibility for childcare or maternity leave, making it difficult to raise a family and have a career. In addition to the external roadblocks, women are hindered by countless internal barriers, too. They often hold themselves back, fearful of being selfish, rude, disruptive, or aggressive, since, from a young age, they are taught to be calm and nurturing, and to play nice with others. If women are able to rid themselves of their internal blockades, they can begin tearing down the external ones.
Sandberg urges her readers to lean in — to be assertive, not passive, and to be ambitious in every pursuit. In order to achieve equality in the workplace, each woman must take her career into her own hands, then stand with and support other women and reignite the revolution.
1. The Leadership Ambition Gap
Sandberg concedes that while her generation had far more educational opportunities than those before her, and despite ambitious, competitive women graduating from college, the world has not evolved as much as she originally predicted when it comes to equality for men and women in the workforce. In fact, she tells us that women are dropping out of the workforce in high numbers partly because they have learned from their own mothers that it is not really possible to achieve a true work-life balance. This, she suggests, is a systemic issue relating to America's lack of paid maternity leave and other support systems for mothers in corporate life.
As more women choose to leave their careers or go part time, a vicious cycle of employers investing lessin them and more in men ensues. But perhaps more disturbing is the major disparity Sandberg cites between men and women who aspire to leadership roles in future careers, despite the fact that girls are "increasingly outperforming boys in the classroom, earning about 57% of the undergraduate and 60% of master's degrees in the United States." She argues that while academia rewards compliant "raise-your-hand-and-speak-when-called-on" behaviors, career progression, particularly in senior and leadership roles, depends upon risk-taking and self-promotion. Women are discouraged from exhibiting these traits practically from the time they are born — via messaging from the media and from toy companies, and even from moms, dads, and teachers.
Ultimately, Sandberg argues that it's essential that we have more portrayals of women as "competent professionals and happy mothers — or happy professionals and competent mothers," and that women in leadership positions, like herself, encourage other women to aim high.
2. Sit at the Table
Sandberg recalls a meeting of executives in Silicon Valley from a few years back. As is so often the case, the men picked up something to eat from a buffet and sat at the conference room table; the women made up their plates last and took seats at the periphery of the room — even when prompted to sit at the table. The takeaway here is that one's physical position in a work environment can impact how they feel and how they are perceived. Leaning in at this meeting would have had all equally qualified executives sitting around the table.
The author examines what she believes to be a pervasive behavior of women to "feel like a fraud," when praised for their accomplishments, rather than accept that they are worthy of recognition they have earned. Stemming from self-doubt, this phenomenon is called the "imposter syndrome," and while men can be susceptible to it, women, she explains, experience it more intensely and are more limited by it.
Multiple studies show that women judge their own performance to be worse than it actually is and often attribute success to external factors such as luck and having a good mentor. Men, by contrast, tend to pin their success on their skills and explain failures in relation to things like not studying enough or not being interested in a subject, as opposed to a lack in inherent ability.
This behavior is deeply harmful to women, particularly because our corporate culture is fast-moving and competitive, and it demands the seizing of opportunities rather than waiting for them to come to you. In her role at Facebook, Sandberg constantly witnesses men asking for promotions and new challenges, while she must convince female counterparts to strive for higher positions.
To change this dynamic, Sandberg advocates a "fake it till you feel it" strategy for women — one in which you pretend to feel confident until you genuinely believe it to be true. She also encourages women to take on roles for which they may not feel completely prepared and to learn the responsibilities as they go along.
However, she concedes that until more women take the initiative in the workplace, institutions need to be aware of this problem and take steps to correct it by championing women and encouraging them to keep their hands up and sit at the table.
3. Success and Likeability
Even when women aspire to — and push for — leadership roles, Sandberg says they will find themselves up against another culturally engrained predicament: For women, unlike men, being likeable and being successful are often mutually exclusive. Men are stereotypically seen as driven providers while women are viewed as sensitive nurturers. Consequently, when a woman veers away from that gendered stereotype in the workforce to, say, advocate for a raise, she will be inevitably less likable, according to multiple studies. But because likability — along with competency — is extremely important to professional success, women cannot afford to ignore it and, thus, many downplay their achievements and take a weaker stance in negotiations for their compensation.
Though Sandberg does not consider it a viable long-term strategy, she recommends that until changes in how ambitious women are perceived in the workplace are undone, women should frame their successes and negotiations in "communal" terms, using phrases such as "We had a great year," rather than "I had a great year," and highlighting larger, team goals and the common good. Her hope is that once women hold a larger percentage of leadership roles, it simply won't be "possible to dislike that many people."
4. It's a Jungle Gym, Not a Ladder
Dispelling the notion of the corporate ladder, which Sandberg says is limiting because there's only one way to get to the top, she encourages women to think of their careers in terms of a jungle gym instead. In that structure, there are many ways to climb your way up. This analogy may be particularly helpful for those who fear being blocked when changing careers or coming back to the workforce after taking time off to raise a family.
Sandberg points to her own unique and unconventional job transitions as proof that taking the traditional path is not always the best way to advance. To find your dream job, she puts forth a two-part strategy that involves coming up with a long-term dream and an eighteen-month plan. The long-term dream need not be specific, but can reflect outcomes such as a flexible schedule, being your own boss, or making a difference in the world.
An eighteen-month plan is about specific goals: setting targets for professional accomplishments (your department or a project team) as well as personal goals. Improvement in these areas, Sandberg insists, is centered around taking risks, to which women at work are largely averse, especially when compared to men, according to various studies.
Sandberg had to consider taking a risk when she was offered a position at Google in its infancy. It wasn't exactly what she was looking for, but she decided to get on the jungle gym: Though other jobs offered her more money and more concrete responsibilities, Google offered fast growth. She came to understand that joining a fast-growing company means more responsibilities for its employees, and therefore creating a more valuable experience. If women continually choose stability, Sandberg believes they will miss out on the chance for high-growth positions.
5. Are You My Mentor?
Sandberg delves into mentorship, and how women have been force-fed the idea that they need a mentor to get ahead, emphasizing dependency instead of initiative. Though she concedes that mentorship is, in fact, an important and often necessary element in building a career — and provides studies and examples from her own experience to illustrate it — her concern is that women are often misguided in the process of finding a mentor. They frequently ask complete strangers or approach female colleagues unprepared.
Ultimately, the mentor-mentee relationship is a reciprocal one. Sandberg stresses that mentors typically gravitate toward those who shine and are likely to grow, and that we need to stop telling women to "Get a mentor and you will excel." However, it can't be denied that there are more men than women in leadership roles today, and mentorship isn't always easy to come by. Male executives tend to feel more comfortable mentoring junior-level men rather than women, often because of the negative or sexual connotation that can be assumed when a man is seen spending time with a younger woman at work or in social settings.
To correct this, Sandberg challenges corporations to develop more formalized mentor and training programs that pair male executives with junior women, and help normalize these relationships. She also points to an often-overlooked source of viable mentors: one's own peers — people who may be dealing with the same situations or who understand problems that superiors might not.
6. Seek and Speak Your Truth
Focusing on the importance of a shift in corporate culture that emphasizes "authentic communication," Sandberg builds a compelling case for why leaders and subordinates need to feel comfortable giving, receiving, and requesting honest feedback, as well as revealing, rather than hiding, their emotions and personal sides at the workplace.
Women in particular have been conditioned to fear speaking up and sharing their opinions, especially when they have something negative to say. However, Sandberg argues that until problems are openly addressed, they will never be solved. She puts the responsibility on herself and others in leadership positions to encourage and reward honesty, and to be open about their own weaknesses as well as their own emotions.
Sandberg suggests that there are positive ways to frame tough questions and feedback, including the use of humor, being a listener — not just a demander, and admitting when you are at fault or when there has been a misunderstanding.
She even dispels the notion that one should never cry at work, citing several examples where a willingness to show her humanity led to sturdier relationships with her managers.
7. Don't Leave Before You Leave
Rather than focusing on the much-debated topic of whether women should choose to stay home and raise children or go back to work following maternity leave, Sandberg shines the light on the years leading up to starting a family. She describes seeing women turn down opportunities or promotions because they anticipate having children soon and figure why bother? She argues that this an essential time to "lean in," and that, consequently, a woman is more likely to get a better position or project and more pay before she has children, which may, in turn, make coming back to the workforce more enticing.
Likewise, she warns against women leaving the workforce because their salary is barely covering the cost of childcare. Instead, she urges women to measure the cost of childcare against their future salary potential instead of their current one, the rationale being that more time spent working will bring greater rewards down the road not just in salary, but in flexibility. Until our government and our businesses offer women better incentives for coming back to work after having children, Sandberg's underlying message is to keep your options open for as long as possible.
8. Make Your Partner a Real Partner
While much still needs to be done to level the playing field between men and women in the workforce, Sandberg urges us to consider another case of inequality: the division of labor between parents at home. When partners are both employed full time, women take on 40% more of the child-rearing duties and 30% more of the housework. This paradigm is one she believes to be rooted in gender stereotypes and reinforced by public and corporate policy that denies men paternity leave, reduced hours, or income replacement for baby care — or penalizes them for taking it when it's offered.
In order for a woman to be successful professionally, Sandberg beseeches them to begin their relationships in an equal place, so that when children come, that same pattern will naturally follow — and multiple studies indicate that couples who share the division of labor at home have a lower rate of divorce and more sex.
To that end, she underscores the importance of women getting out of the way of themselves by constantly criticizing how their partner cares for children or does the housework. That behavior leads to them simply taking it over and doing more if it themselves. Instead, she recommends letting men figure things out or dividing up specific responsibilities for each partner. Until our society rewards men for their caregiving and domestic skills, women's career success will continue to suffer.
9. The Myth of Doing It All
Sandberg denounces the notion of "having it all," claiming it to be an impossible goal. While she admits that workplaces do often penalize mothers who take maternity leave or cut back their schedules to a nine-to-five, much of the guilt is, in fact, self-induced. Women also suffer feelings of inferiority when they compare themselves to mothers who stay at home. To help alleviate that guilt, she details a comprehensive study that dispels the myth that children who aren't cared for exclusively by their mothers have diminished cognitive, language, and social skills, or an inferior mother-child bond.
Instead of trying to be the best at work and at home, Sandberg advises women to reach for all that they want, while accepting life's limits. What's most important, in her opinion, is to prioritize and be a perfectionist in some things, while letting go of others.
She often refers to her favorite poster at the Facebook office that reads: "Done is better than perfect." Setting limits, sticking to them, and even being publicly open about them are what she deems to be the key to happiness. Figuring out which elements of your job and your home life are truly important can be a challenge, particularly in today's constantly plugged-in world where men and women are working longer hours. However, once you've taken inventory and come up with a plan, Sandberg believes women can achieve fulfillment at home and at work.
10. Let's Start Talking About It
Sandberg uses her own revelatory, controversial TED Talk as the anchor to this chapter's focus: the importance of acknowledging and speaking out about gender bias in the workplace. She admits, with much regret, how she and her college peers denounced the label of feminist, despite their actions toward empowering women, for fear of being rejected by men romantically and, later, for fear of not assimilating into in a male-dominated corporate environment.
Now she challenges the status quo of staying quiet and fitting in. She encourages business leaders to examine gender bias, to talk about it and find solutions to combat it — even in small ways, like doing away with a hand-raising system during meetings, because studies show that women are less likely to participate in that fashion.
Perhaps most striking here is Sandberg's assertion that managers should take the initiative to discuss issues such as family planning and childcare with subordinates without fear of reprimand from HR or legal ramifications. Until we can have open dialogue about these matters in a way that "protects but doesn't suppress," she believes we will continue down a path riddled with unspoken bias toward women.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Summary and Analysis of Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Worth Books. Copyright © 2017 Open Road Integrated Media, Inc.. Excerpted by permission of OPEN ROAD INTEGRATED MEDIA.
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