Strong and Kind: Raising Kids of Character

by Korie Robertson, Chrys Howard (With), Willie Robertson (With), Willie Robertson (Contribution by)

Overview

How do you instill godly virtues in kids who live in a "me-first" world? Encouraging you to model positive behavior for your kids, Korie Robertson identifies nine specific traits and provides biblical insights to help you train up your children in the way they should go.

As stars of the hit reality show "Duck Dynasty", Korie and Willie Robertson receive thousands of letters and messages from fans asking how they raised such good kids. According to Korie, it wasn’t easy. When Korie and Willie discussed the character traits they most wanted to pass on to their children, both agreed they wanted them to be strong to endure in this world and to be kindhearted people.

A straightforward approach to parenting, Strong and Kind helps parents identify the characteristics they want to see in their children and provides them with the tools for putting them in place. Korie Robertson identifies nine specific traits—strength, kindness, self-control, honesty, loyalty, humility, compassion, patience, and joy—that were the keys to her children’s upbringing. This practical guide to parenthood:

• Helps parents identify the character traits they want to see in their children, no matter what age they are
• Gives parents the tools to imprint those traits in their children’s lives
• Includes an 8-page color photo insert with Robertson family pictures 
• Includes anecdotes from Korie’s husband, Duck Commander CEO Willie Robertson

Although there are no perfect parents or perfect children, Korie shares principles—based on biblical wisdom and time-tested practices—that will help you parent your own one-of-a-kind child.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780718037482
Publisher:	Nelson, Thomas, Inc.
Publication date:	10/27/2015
Sold by:	HarperCollins Publishing
Format:	eBook
Pages:	240
File size:	5 MB

About the Author

Korie Robertson is known for her role on A&E’s hit reality television series Duck Dynasty. The mother of six is known for her domestic and international philanthropic work and serves on the board of Help One Now, an organization dedicated to ending extreme poverty and caring for orphans worldwide.

Korie and her husband, Willie Robertson, CEO of Duck Commander^®, are active advocates for adoption and foster care, having adopted two of their own children, and were honored for their work at the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute’s (CCAI) Angels in Adoption^® gala in Washington, DC in 2013. They now serve on the CCAI board. Korie and Willie also founded the Drive Adoption fund in 2016, which was created to promote domestic and international adoption awareness and education.

Korie oversees several business ventures including the local Louisiana-based retail store Duck & Dressing. She also serves as a spokesperson and advocate for women on behalf of the natural skincare line made for women of all ages, Naturmetic.

Korie is a New York Times bestselling author whose writing credits include The Women of Duck Commander, Faith Commander: Living Five Values from the Parables of Jesus, The Duck Commander Family: How Faith, Family, and Ducks Built a Dynasty, Duck Commander Devotions for Kids,and Strong and Kind: Raising Kids of Character. Follow Korie online @bosshogswife or www.duckcommander.com.

 

 

 

Chrys Howard is the mother of Duck Dynasty's Korie Robertson. She holds a degree in elementary education and spent ten years teaching children with learning differences. After teaching, she joined the family-owned business, Howard Publishing, now known as Howard Books, where she served as senior editor and creative director. She has authored a number of books with more than 1,000,000 in print, including the best-selling Hugs for Daughters and Motivationals for Moms. She co-authored The New York Times bestseller Miss Kay's Duck Commander Cookbook, Strong and Kind with daughter, Korie Robertson, the children’s book, D is for Duck Calls with Kay Robertson, and Live Original Devotional with granddaughter, Sadie Robertson. Chrys has spent more than forty years working with Christian youth camps; speaking to women’s groups; teaching Bible classes to children, teens, and young adults; and traveling overseas for mission efforts. She is married to John Howard, and has three grown children and fourteen adorable grandchildren. She is blessed to live in West Monroe, Louisiana next door to Korie and Willie and surrounded by other family members

Willie Robertson, the CEO of Duck Commander and Buck Commander, and executive producer and star of A&E's Duck Dynasty and the Outdoor Channel's Buck Commander, combines his passion for the outdoors with his natural ability to entertain. The Robertsons' story is a great example of entrepreneurship and dedication built on faith, family, and hard work. Willie is the author of New York Times bestsellers The Duck Commander Family, American Hunter, and American Fisherman, as well as American Entrepreneur. He and his family also have a platinum-selling Christmas album, Duck the Halls. Willie, his wife, Korie, and their children live in West Monroe, Louisiana.

Read an Excerpt

Strong and Kind

And Other Important Character Traits Your Child Needs to Succeed

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By Korie Robertson, Chrys Howard

Thomas Nelson

Copyright © 2015 Korie Robertson
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-7180-3748-2

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CHAPTER 1

THE CHARACTER CHALLENGE

Society suffers when children are not taught good values and morals, and I believe we are seeing that play out in our country today. Studies show that most American parents are concerned about the moral decline of future generations, and they have a right to be. A "survey of two thousand American adults ... reveals a strong majority, 74 percent, believes moral values in America are weaker than they were twenty years ago. Almost half, 48 percent, [believe] that values are much weaker than they were twenty years ago."

It's also interesting to note that almost two-thirds of those surveyed said the media is an important factor in our culture, and 68 percent said that the media's effect on the country's moral values is a negative one. No argument here. For a long time, television has focused on characters rather than on people with character. There's a big difference.

Showing Good Character

I know, our family is contributing to this media culture. The importance of our showing good character rather than simply being good characters is not lost on us. From the first day of filming Duck Dynasty, we felt a little push to be what the television world considers good "characters" — to argue more, to be unkind to our spouses, and for our kids to be disrespectful to us and to roll their eyes at their grandparents. Not that anyone tried to change our beliefs or cut the prayer at the end of our show, as some have reported, but the model that was supposed to work on reality television included showing people who fought — a lot — and cheated on their spouses, kids who lied and talked back to their parents, and young people who drank and partied. Reality shows are notorious for characters seeking their fifteen minutes of fame. People on the covers of magazines are the ones whose moral character is so often far from what most parents would want for their children.

Ever since the decline of shows such as The Andy Griffith Show and The Waltons, I believe people have been longing for a show that features people who strive to have good character, who love and forgive one another, who stick together as a family through thick and thin, and who have faith in something greater than themselves. I think that the more than twelve million people who watched the Duck Dynasty episode where Phil and Miss Kay renewed their vows proved that's exactly what America was looking for. Our family is certainly not perfect, but nobody wants to see people who are perfect. It's not realistic. We all have good and bad traits, times when we don't do what we should or when we behave in ways that aren't exactly how we would have hoped to behave. But Duck Dynasty has proven that a show in which people are striving to live good, moral lives can be successful in television today. In recent years we have seen a major increase in films about faith and family values, and some have been amazingly successful. It seems that Hollywood has taken note.

Surprisingly to him, although perhaps not so much to everyone else, Uncle Si has become the favorite by far on our show. The most common question I get when traveling around the country is, "Why didn't you bring Si with you?" As if it would be totally normal to travel with your crazy uncle everywhere you go! He certainly is a good character; he's funny, will do pretty much anything, has an iced-tea addiction, sports a straggly, salt-and-pepper (well, more salt than pepper) beard, and is missing a few teeth. He is a character! But beyond that, and perhaps what is at the root of people's love for him, is that Uncle Si is a man of good character. He loves his family, his country, and God. He's also a gentleman who treats his family respectfully, is benevolent to others, and is kind. That isn't an apt description of many celebrities today. Sadly, in modern America we more often cheer for one who is an over-the-top character rather than one who has good character.

A Challenge to Today's Teenagers

Statistics tell us that teens today are acting out in ways our grandparents would never have imagined, resorting to drugs, alcohol, and self-destructive behaviors in staggering numbers. According to Samir Parikh, the director of mental health and behavioral sciences at Fortis Hospital in New Delhi, India, suicide was the second leading cause of death among fifteento twenty-nine-year-olds globally in 2012. This shocking and sad statistic may hit close to home for some of you reading this book. I won't claim that what's written in this book will solve all of these problems, but I do think that by working to instill character in our children and, more importantly, put God back in His rightful place in our lives and our homes, we're setting the stage for a brighter future.

Before we move on, though, I don't want to paint the picture that all youth today are lacking in character. I have been more encouraged than ever from meeting young people doing some truly amazing things. Along with the moral decline that has clearly happened in our country, there seems to be an uprising of teens and twentysomethings who have a burning desire to do something meaningful with their lives and in the world. They want to make a difference in the lives of the less fortunate and to leave the world a better place than they found it. John Luke and Sadie speak all over the country and come back with incredible stories of how God is using young people to make a difference in their communities and in the world.

For too long we've excused teenagers with an attitude of, "What can you expect out of them; they're just teenagers," or "They're just sowing their wild oats." By doing this, we are allowing them to miss out on all the benefits youth has to offer. Young people aren't as afraid to take risks, they are more open to new ideas, and they have tons of energy and more free time than they will have at any other time in their lives. Let's not write them off or make excuses for their youth. Let's challenge our teenagers to be people of character and leaders in their communities and the world. First Timothy 4:12 says, "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." I'm proud to say that our kids set an example for us daily!

What Is Character?

So let's take a look at what character really is. One definition of character is related to the mental and moral strengths distinctive to an individual. Another definition tells us that character is the way someone thinks, feels, and behaves — his or her personality.

It seems that as a society we have become confused about what is honorable and what constitutes moral strength. To take it a step further, who do we look up to and what do we value in a person; who do we idolize and call heroes; who do we end up modeling our lives after? We make important moral decisions by whichever direction the popular winds are currently blowing, how Hollywood chooses to portray something, or what the current self-help guru says in his or her latest book. While every family is free to have its own compass about many issues, and no two families go about life in exactly the same way, it seems we all should be able to agree that our world would be a better place if people were honest, kind, compassionate, self-controlled ... you get the idea. Our methods may be different, but our core convictions should be relatively the same. At one time in our country's history, character and convictions did not vary much from one household to the next. Teachers, grandparents, preachers, aunts, and uncles all pretty much agreed as to what was right or wrong behavior and how to teach it to their children. I'm not sure that's true anymore. Today, when it comes to behavior, adults themselves seem to be struggling to agree on what's good and bad. Many are too scared to speak up in the interest of being politically correct or not harming a child's self-esteem. Perhaps all of the focus on the media, child psychology, and conflicting parenting experts is causing us to not know what we believe anymore. This confusion and lack of confidence in our values are causing insecurity in our parenting and children who don't know how to behave or what to believe.

Willie and his brother Jase love to tell the story of when their older brother Alan and his friends were caught drinking and tearing up mailboxes along the street. Willie and Jase were hiding behind the bushes as they watched Phil whup the entire group — three licks with a belt for Al and each of his friends. As they tell it, Al was wearing the short workout shorts that were popular in the 1970s. Willie and Jase watched with wide eyes as Al and his friends got what was due. Not only was this entertaining to the younger brothers, but it was a powerful lesson about what would happen to them if they ever got drunk and tore up someone else's stuff. I think this kept Willie and Jase out of a lot of trouble. The remarkable thing about this story is that every one of Alan's friends' parents thanked Phil for disciplining their boys when they needed it. We all know this would likely never happen in today's society. I'm not saying that it should; there are other ways to discipline teenagers (although, arguably, this method was effective, if not for Al, then for the two boys watching from the bushes). But the point is that one generation ago, everyone generally agreed on what was right and wrong and welcomed help from other parents in disciplining their children when they caught them misbehaving. Most parents today would be more likely to defend their child than to use the opportunity to teach them right from wrong.

Is it any wonder that children today are confused?

In our family we take character seriously. For instance, we have a zero-tolerance rule when it comes to being rude to any adult. Back talk is never permitted. Talking back to an adult can sometimes seem cute, or at least excusable, in a two-year-old. When a dad says it's time to go and the little toddler waves her hand and says, "No, Daddy," we tend to giggle and move on. But this is not nearly as cute from a twelve-year-old.

When John Luke was about two or three, he actually kicked his great-granddad. He was in a bad mood for who knows why — probably Sadie had done something to get on his nerves. So while Papaw Shack was trying to help him get in the car, our sweet firstborn, John Luke, hauled off and kicked him! I was mortified. This was certainly not accepted behavior in our home, and John Luke knew by my swift reaction that he'd better not ever try that again. I tell you this to say that just because we don't allow something doesn't mean our kids will never do it; it just means we need to work to teach them what's acceptable and what's not. And if no adult ever tells them or disciplines them when they do something like kick their great-granddad, stick their tongue out at an adult, or give their mom a little sass, how will they ever learn?

My advice is, don't tolerate bad behavior at age two, and you won't have to deal with it at twelve. I'm pretty sure that "no back talk to adults" used to be a rule in every household, and everyone agreed that no child would be allowed to speak to an adult in a rude manner. It was common for adults to correct the manners of children within their realm of influence. The child's parents would be thankful for the help in teaching their child. Today, if you corrected another child's manners, even a child of a friend or family member, the parent might just tell you off, or at least look at you as if you were crazy. But in our family, when one of our nieces or nephews answers an adult with a "Yeah," it's totally expected and accepted to hear that adult correct them: "Yes, ma'am." We value good manners in our children and are happy when other adults who know and love our children help teach them.

However, today our children no longer have the good fortune of knowing that every adult will stand together to ensure they reach adulthood with good manners and good character. Sadly, children can be heard in restaurants, on school campuses, and at Disney World speaking unkindly to their parents while the parents do nothing about it. Many parents seem content to allow their children to talk to them in any way they want. Parents even argue regularly with their kids. This does not teach children to respect adults or people in authority, and it will set them up for difficulties in school, on their sports teams, and, as adults, in their jobs or other areas where they must be respectful of authority figures. Children who talk back and constantly argue with their parents keep their home from being the peaceful place it was meant to be.

Character Is a Big Deal

George Barna is the founder of the Barna Group. You may not have heard of him, but his research on the intersection of faith and culture is very insightful. If you've ever wondered where preachers get all those numbers and facts they quote on Sundays, well, this is the guy behind all the research. In his book Revolutionary Parenting, Barna identifies a list of character traits most people believe are critical to the successful development of children. He reported that 100 percent of the parent groups he surveyed for his book felt that the most important focus of their children's training was the development of godly character. One hundred percent! It's hard to argue with that statistic. Character is a big deal.

Dr. Thomas Lickona, developmental psychologist and professor of education at the State University of New York at Cortland, has won awards in character education and is currently the director of the Center for the Fourth and Fifth Rs (Respect and Responsibility). This center is all about teaching children character.

According to Dr. Lickona, virtues are objectively good because they

• affirm our human dignity,

• promote the well-being and happiness of the individual,

• serve the common good,

• define our rights and obligations, and

• meet the classical ethical tests of reversibility (would you want to be treated this way?) and universalizability (would you want all persons to act this way in a similar situation?).

Look closely at that last point. It sounds like what we call the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." The Golden Rule is based on the principle Jesus taught in Matthew 7:12: "In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."

This verse is the heart of Christianity. Later in the Bible, Jesus says it this way:

Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." (Matt. 22:37–40)

Can you imagine what a different world we would live in if we all did that? God, in His infinite wisdom, knows that loving Him and loving others is the key to a happy life.

My dad has an interesting twist on the Golden Rule. He says that instead of treating others as you would treat yourself, you should treat others as they want to be treated. His logic is that others may not want or need the same thing you want or need, so look carefully and try to meet the needs of the other person. He makes a valid point.

Our Responsibility as Parents

Our value system and our good character traits set the standard for our actions and attitudes, which ultimately shape who we are, how we live, and how we treat others. But those value systems are being challenged.

Are these challenges and changes to be blamed on those pervasive societal influencers mentioned earlier, such as media, peer pressure, and other outside influences on our children? According to a special report by the Culture and Media Institute, of the American adults who say that young people today have a weaker sense of right and wrong than young people did twenty years ago, 21 percent blame media, while 57 percent blame parents and families. It is significant to note that over half of those surveyed believe we, the parents, are to blame.

Parents, we are gatekeepers for our children when it comes to their exposure to the media, friends, and outside influences. We must be the ones guiding our children, instilling in them good values and character traits. When asked what virtues are important, respondents to the survey I mentioned earlier indicated that Americans most value truthfulness, thrift, industry, and charity. However, when it comes to living out these virtues, we aren't exactly living up to the standards we hold. One-fourth of the participants in this survey "admitted they would cheat on restaurant checks, tax returns, and breaking laws they considered outdated or if no one gets hurt."

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from Strong and Kind by Korie Robertson, Chrys Howard. Copyright © 2015 Korie Robertson. Excerpted by permission of Thomas Nelson.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Contents

Pick Two, ix,
Part One: The Importance of Good Character,
You've Got This, 3,
Chapter 1 The Character Challenge, 5,
Chapter 2 Character and the Bible, 14,
Chapter 3 Make Sure You Run the Show, 20,
Chapter 4 Let Your Children Grow Up, 26,
Chapter 5 To Behave or Not to Behave, 33,
Chapter 6 See Your Children as the Adults You Want Them to Be, 37,
Part Two: Identifying the Character Traits You Want to See in Your Children,
Putting It All Together, 45,
Chapter 7 Strong, 47,
Chapter 8 Kind, 53,
Chapter 9 Self-Controlled, 57,
Chapter 10 Honest, 63,
Chapter 11 Compassionate, 69,
Chapter 12 Patient, 75,
Chapter 13 Joyful, 80,
Chapter 14 Loyal, 87,
Chapter 15 Humble, 92,
Part Three: How to Parent Kids of Character,
Making It Work, 101,
Chapter 16 Be Confident, 103,
Chapter 17 Be Consistent, 115,
Chapter 18 Be Loving, 128,
Chapter 19 Be Truthful, 139,
Chapter 20 Be Real, 150,
Chapter 21 Be Unified, 164,
Chapter 22 Be Creative, 175,
Chapter 23 Be Intentional, 187,
Chapter 24 Now Do It!, 199,
Appendix: Howard Family Legacy of Principles for Living, 203,
Acknowledgments, 207,
Notes, 209,
About the Authors, 213,