Strength & Courage for Caregivers: 30 Hope-Filled Morning and Evening Reflections

by Terry Hargrave, Ed Dobson (Foreword by)

Overview

Support, respite, and encouragement for those who care for othersTaking care of a family member who is ill, disabled, or dying requires courage, strength, commitment, and love. Now Terry Hargrave, an expert in counseling and caregiving, offers you help with a devotional written with your specific needs in mind. The morning prayers and evening reflections in this book are short and to the point. Strength and Courage for Caregivers weaves together powerful stories, practical advice, and the restorative promises of Scripture, reminding caregivers that they are not alone in this important yet all too often unacknowledged and underappreciated work.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780310542339
Publisher:	HarperCollins Christian Publishing
Publication date:	12/19/2023
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	160
File size:	529 KB
Age Range:	18 Years

About the Author

Terry Hargrave, PhD, is nationally recognized for his pioneering work with aging and intergenerational families and the author of Loving Your Parents When They Can No Longer Love You. . Terry has appeared as a consultant on ABC's Good Morning, America, and he and his wife Sharon are therapists in private practice. Terry is professor of marriage and family therapy at Fuller Theological Seminary School of Psychology. He and his wife, Sharon, have two children and were the primary caregivers for Sharon's mother until her passing.

Read an Excerpt

Strength and Courage for Caregivers 30 Hope-Filled Morning and Evening Reflections

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By Terry Hargrave Zondervan Copyright © 2008 Terry Hargrave
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-310-27769-9

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Chapter One Day 1

Morning Prayer May I See the Hidden Purposes of God

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

Every caregiver, no matter how patient, loving, and caring, eventually comes to the end of his or her rope. At those times, you want to grab hold of the one you care for and bark, "Just do as I say!" With your other hand, you want to shake a fist at God and shout, "Why are you doing this to me?"

For me, one of these days came when I received a call from the retirement facility where my mother-in-law, Genevieve, lived. "We think she's had a stroke," they reported.

I went to Genevieve's apartment and found her disoriented, with slurred speech and one side of her body partially paralyzed. I took her to the emergency room because I too was convinced she had had a stroke. When the neurologist was called in, she also suspected we would find brain damage, as she ordered blood tests and an MRI. My wife, Sharon, and I comforted her mother as we calmly talked about what this new level of caregiving would mean for our family and our lives.

Then the neurologist came back to the room with a sheepish grin on her face. She pointed to the sheet containing the lab results and said, "We were wrong. She didn't have a stroke; she's drunk."

As her words sank in, I began to realize that all of my patient and loving concern for my mother-in-law had been a waste. She had somehow fallen back into the alcoholism that had dogged her for most of her adult life. "How did she get ahold of alcohol?" I wondered. Doesn't she know how dangerous it is for someone in her fragile condition to drink? Doesn't she know that drinking will complicate her suspected Alzheimer's disease? Doesn't she realize the sacrifices I've made to care for her? Doesn't she appreciate anything I've done? Doesn't she realize how much her drinking insults me?

All of these questions ran through my mind, and there I was-grabbing her with one hand and shaking my fist at God with the other. I yelled at her. I cursed at her. I did my best to humiliate her.

As I helped Genevieve into the car to take her back home, I began to reflect on my actions. Here was a woman who bravely raised her four young children after her husband died. She had suffered through the untimely deaths of her two older children, yet continued to work and hold a home together. She was willing to sacrifice all she had for the good of her two remaining kids and her grandchildren. Yet all I could see was a person-whom I was trying to care for-not cooperating and greatly complicating my life.

I was mad at Genevieve for not making my acts of service and love to her easy, and I was mad at God for not making her obedient and cooperative. But as my yelling and cursing echoed through my head, I realized without a doubt that God had a very different purpose in mind from just our taking care of Genevieve. This was a loving and sacrificial woman with a drinking problem. I was an impatient, unloving, and uncaring man who was acting in judgmental and self-righteous ways. Just who was God trying to teach?

As I drove back home, I said a prayer and humbled myself before God. Instead of yelling at God, "Why are you doing this to me?" I was beginning to realize just why God was at work. He is at work in every caregiver's life to forge a godly character that will not only reflect Christ but also testify to his love and service and bring glory to his name.

Teach me, God. Teach me real patience, real love, and real care. Today, and every day, I want to be a person who clearly sees your hidden purpose in caregiving-to change and conform my life and character to reflect Christ.

Evening Reflection

Doing a Job Nobody Wants

It is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. Philippians 2:13

I am a counselor by trade. Although in my younger days the idea of being a counselor was much more glamorous, the reality is quite different. I feel great joy and satisfaction in helping people, yet sometimes the suffering of my clients overwhelms me. Most people who come to counselors are in deep life messes that are born out of depression, shame, trauma, selfishness, pride, infidelity, addictions, perversions, dishonesty, or just plain sinfulness. I often say, "The true problems people bring to counseling are much more difficult than any fiction they could invent." Sometimes I feel like an ER doctor, staring down at the mangled victim of a terrible accident. I hardly know which wound to treat first. And these life problems and the issues that caused them are not easily given up or changed. Most of counseling is slow, often painful, and very messy work.

Caregiving often brings us the physical messes that counseling delivers on the emotional side. Sometimes the people that need our care were put in that condition through no fault of their own. Perhaps the person was born with a special need or contracted an ailment. Maybe he suffered some accident or mishap. Maybe she behaved recklessly or failed to care for herself properly.

No matter how these persons came to be in our care, they now have problems they cannot take care of themselves. And we, their caregivers, see that caregiving will most likely be a slow, sometimes painful, and unusually messy work. It is not a job most people look forward to doing and probably one they avoid whenever possible.

It is always that way with work that is eternal and really important. Remember the story Jesus told about the Good Samaritan? A priest and a Levite both saw a man on the road badly in need of care. But somehow these men were able to reason with themselves that it was not their job to care for the stranger, or maybe that the business they were occupied in was just too important to allow them to get weighed down by the obvious need of a victim.

But the Samaritan was different:

He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. "Look after him," he said, "and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have." Luke 10:34-35

Jesus smartly asks, "Who was the one who really loved?" Real love reaches out to the one in need. It reaches out not because it is easy, glamorous, or even full of recognition. In fact, the truest form of love is the sacrificial giving in which we are likely never to be paid back. True love involves just us, the person who needs us, and the love in our hearts. Caregiving is not an easy job, nor is it particularly desirable, but as James points out, pure religion and pure love involve caring for those who have nothing and cannot care for themselves (James 1:27).

Hardly anyone enters the job of caregiving without thinking at times, "What have I gotten myself into?" But take heart. God who loves us so supremely takes particular joy when we mimic his love in selfless ways. You did not pass by when you saw the need. Your heart was moved, and you took on the job of caregiving and all it entails. You do indeed understand the command to love your neighbor as yourself.

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from Strength and Courage for Caregivers by Terry Hargrave Copyright © 2008 by Terry Hargrave. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Contents Foreword....................9
Introduction....................11
Day 1....................12
Morning Prayer: May I See the Hidden Purposes of God Evening Reflection: Doing a Job Nobody Wants Day 2....................17
Morning Prayer: May I Look to the Small Things Evening Reflection: Called to Be a Caregiver Day 3....................22
Morning Prayer: May I Be Courageous Evening Reflection: When Kindness Costs Something Day 4....................27
Morning Prayer: May I Remember "There Ain't No Small Thing" Evening Reflection: My Mistakes and Failures Day 5....................32
Morning Prayer: May I Be Faithful One Day at a Time Evening Reflection: How to Be the Greatest Day 6....................37
Morning Prayer: May I Work for Reconciliation Evening Reflection: How Far Can Emotion Take Us? Day 7....................42
Morning Prayer: May We Make People Visible Evening Reflection: There Is a Time Day 8....................47
Morning Prayer: May I Be Committed to Communion Evening Reflection: Jesus Knows Struggles and Sympathizes Day 9....................52
Morning Prayer: May I Look for Life's Surprises Evening Reflection: Who Will Leave a Monument? Day 10....................57
Morning Prayer: May I Never Be Alone Evening Reflection: Justice Is Real; Grace Is Revealed Day 11....................62
Morning Prayer: May I Love with the Deepest Love Evening Reflection: To Be Truly Sanctified Day 12....................67
Morning Prayer: May I Be Weak to Be Strong Evening Reflection: Running the Bobsled Day 13....................72
MorningPrayer: May I Take Care of Myself Evening Reflection: The Practice of Peace Day 14....................77
Morning Prayer: May I Look for Support Evening Reflection: The Truth about Infirmity Day 15....................82
Morning Prayer: May I Be a Long-Haul Caregiver Evening Reflection: Keeping Yourself Healthy Day 16....................87
Morning Prayer: May I Remember the Great and the Good Evening Reflection: A Party for You Day 17....................92
Morning Prayer: May I Be God's Alchemist Evening Reflection: The Art of Self-Control Day 18....................97
Morning Prayer: May I Listen to the Story Evening Reflection: The Power of Narrative Day 19....................102
Morning Prayer: May I Catch a Glimpse of the Church Triumphant Evening Reflection: Bearing the Cross for Jesus Day 20....................106
Morning Prayer: May I Feel the Wound Evening Reflection: Giving Over Our Power Voluntarily Day 21....................111
Morning Prayer: May I Be a Worthy Teacher of Caregiving Evening Reflection: You Are Beloved Day 22....................116
Morning Prayer: May I Connect to People, Not Stuff Evening Reflection: The Advantage of Being a Care Receiver Day 23....................121
Morning Prayer: May I Remember That I Am More Than a Caregiver Evening Reflection: Living Life Well Day 24....................126
Morning Prayer: May I Resolve Broken Relationships Evening Reflection: The Rhythm of Rightness Day 25....................131
Morning Prayer: May I Let Things Slip through the Cracks Evening Reflection: Life, Merry-go-rounds, and Getting It Right Day 26....................136
Morning Prayer: May I Be Open to Transition Evening Reflection: Refusing to Facilitate Craziness Day 27....................141
Morning Prayer: May I Ask for Miracles Both Big and Small Evening Reflection: Oh! Day 28....................146
Morning Prayer: May I Listen to the Stories of Other Caregivers Evening Reflection: A Time to Reflect and Renew Day 29....................151
Morning Prayer: May I Hold to Precious Moments Evening Reflection: All She Wants Is to Go Home Day 30....................156
Morning Prayer: May I Truly Learn to Honor Evening Reflection: Learning Self-Sacrifice