Read an Excerpt
INTRODUCTION
What has become of our children?
Remember when kids cut lawns rather than classes, and swore by their parents, not at them?
When proms didn’t cost three hundred dollars, and Memorial Day wasn’t just a picnic?
When people got their self-esteem from their home, not from a class in school, and professional tennis players actually behaved?
Recently five children in Pennsylvania were discovered in a park using bags of grass clippings and sugar to operate a make-believe cocaine ring. As one official said, “Whatever happened to lemonade?”
Increasingly our kids get their self-concept from the number of their toys or the color of their Bugle Boys. Excellence is declining; thoughtfulness is for squares. And good manners is belching softly.
The very moral fabric of society is endangered. Our mayors do drugs; many high schools have nurseries. Alcoholism has invaded the middle school, and date rape on campuses is completely out of control.
Many children today believe they were put on earth to play, that everything must be fun. Math and writing skills are considered irrelevant, needless in an age of calculators, and computers with spell checkers.
Recently a high school teacher assigned a Dickens novel as homework. One student inquired, “Is it on Beta?”
Graduating high school without a limo ride is an embarrassment for life. In college, our best and brightest believe that “life is a beach,” and have made “party” a verb.
Even the political science students often don’t bother to vote. One young man actually said during a recent survey that the way to boost voter turnout among teens was to “pay them,” while another, when asked what made his country special, answered, “Cable TV.”
When was the last time a neighbor’s kid rang your doorbell and asked to shovel your walk or mow your lawn? And this in an age of power mowers and snow-throwers. Kids could easily earn ten dollars an hour, but they can’t be bothered.
The Gentleman’s C has invaded the middle school, and frequently teachers encounter lack of effort, disrespect, and possible assault. Many ten-year-olds know the names of twice as many beers as political leaders. And as standards in general and student performance decline, work that was once described as mediocre is now praised as excellent, with the result that our children are never pushed to discover their true potential.
How can we take back our kids, restoring respect, excellence, civility, and decent values, not to mention self-esteem? For these children of plenty are not happy. In a survey of students listed in Who’s Who in American High Schools, an incredible 28 percent said they had considered suicide. And these are some of the best.
Our kids need discipline, direction, love, and the gift of our time. Nothing more, nothing less. The battle has not been lost; their lives can be turned around. But the excessive gifts and toys must end, the unreasonable concern for their every thought and feeling must end, and the acceptance of their mediocrity must end.
We must make crystal clear what our standards are, and clearly communicate and vigorously enforce consequences when they are breached.
It is time to remind our children that they are, alas, just children; that although they are exceedingly important, the earth still revolves around the sun.
Our youngsters deserve a life of substance, happiness, and value, just as we deserve their cooperation and civility. We cannot allow this to go on any longer.
The time for change is NOW.
SPOILING OUR CHILDREN
NURSERIES OF PLENTY
Having a baby is probably the greatest experience one can have. To see a little one born is both awe-inspiring and unforgettable.
Money suddenly becomes as disposable as the little tyke’s diapers, and even penurious parents embark upon a spending spree to give their newborn absolutely everything they can possibly dream of.
Beaming parents desperately try to ensure that their child will have it better than they did, ignoring the strong possibility that they themselves turned out so well because they didn’t have it all.
Life does change with a baby, of course, and many purchases are mandatory. A crib, rocking chair, changing table, dresser, mobile, high chair, playpen, bottles, stroller, etc., etc., are all necessary. But oh, how we often go overboard!
Especially intense parents start the process while the child is still in the womb. A California (of course) gynecologist and obstetrician runs Prenatal University, where parents enroll to speak with their kids in the fifth month of pregnancy. Lucky dad gets to talk directly at mom’s belly, while mom uses a megaphone-like device to address her midriff.
It is to be hoped these parental marvels remember to communicate with the kid after he’s born!
Entire chains of specialty stores prey upon us, offering exclusive European-designed children’s furniture. As a result, our son’s little table looks like a bright red slice of watermelon (mind you, a nice slice, but still a slice), and we own the largest and prettiest toy chests in the county.
An especially hot franchise in juvenile designer furniture is Bellini, importers of custom European products. Sample ads from their franchise kit illustrate the basic appeal to excess.
One, captioned “New Arrivals,” claims that “when your plans for a newcomer include Bellini furniture, baby’s homecoming is certain to be a treasured experience.” As if you’d forget the arrival if you dared buy the crib at Sears!
Another ad, incredibly headlined “Starting Life with a Silver Spoon,” declares that Bellini’s furniture is the “certain choice when good isn’t enough for your child and only the best will do.”
How simple things would be if expensive furniture guaranteed a child’s happiness.
In fact, fashion has invaded the baby biz. According to the executive director of the Juvenile Products Manufacturers Association, this “has been a godsend to the industry,” adding over a hundred million dollars annually to sales.
One retailer notes that safety has peaked as an issue, and that “fashion has the spotlight.” Let Toy and Hobby World tell it like it is. “Fashion today means more than a pretty comforter. Now soft goods makers are color-coordinating their product with hard goods and even with wallpaper manufacturers. Soft goods companies are also offering complete color-coordinated lines, including high chair covers, crib covers, and other products.”
Simple and standard are now unacceptable; expensive and deluxe are the order of the day. The lamp shades have to match the sheets, and the beds have to look like cars. Strollers require hoods with ruffles, and clip-on pacifier holders come in various colors to match baby’s outfits.
Even baby bottles are part of the act. Plain isn’t good enough anymore. Now we can go to our nearest store and be confronted with “designer nurser collections,” baby bottles imprinted with character licenses or pretty designs. One brand promises a “color-coordinated cap ring and sealing disk,” while a competing line reminds people to “look for our matching bib.”
An Atlanta company even markets designer diapers in sixty-five different motifs (yes, sixty-five). Try the ones with the personalized valentine message—an absolute must for proper child development. These diapers cost about two bucks apiece, but don’t stop there. For a little more you can have them imprinted with baby’s name. As the company designer says, for many people having kids today, “There’s nothing they won’t get for them.”
Tiffany now retails sterling silver baby cups for $850. Cartier offers a six-piece bone china place setting for babies, selling “exceptionally well” at $267. What’s next, mink coats at age two?
Some parents used to argue about who had the cutest kid. Now they debate whose nursery is the most fantastic:
“I just bought my child the best car seat,” one parent brags. “It’s anthropometrically designed” (whatever that means).
“Terrific,” her friend chimes in. “I just picked up a swing that doubles as a car seat and carrier, and a crib puff in tones of yellow and blue.”
“How nice,” comes the icy reply. “By the way, did I tell you my baby’s swing can run one hundred and fifty hours nonstop on two AA batteries? You still have to wind yours, don’t you?”
“Yes,” says the embarrassed friend, “but Linda’s swing is engineered to make a smooth, arc-like motion similar to my own, and her crib pillows play soothing lullabies.”
Bested at last, the irate mom loses all control. “Listen, you, your kid’s musical mobile isn’t voice activated, the receiving blanket has two torn appliqués, and your high chair cover doesn’t even match.”
And that’s how the friends carry on!
If only raising a wonderful, considerate child were as simple as providing a fantasy nursery. Many parents go overboard because they know that kids often grow distant very quickly, and they want to capture precious moments while they can.
Certainly we don’t do it for the kids, since babies don’t care about this fluff and lace. And no wonder children start driving their parents crazy for “in” clothing—it’s pretty hard to ignore the implications of their meticulously color-coordinated world.
And somewhere in this country, a child is being spanked because he messed on the designer quilt.
We stuff our playpens so full of toys, often there’s hardly room for the kid. I can see the headline now: “Baby impaled on shape-sorter!” Obviously, children need all kinds of good toys during the early years. Unfortunately, many parents decide that more is always best.
Let’s say our child needs a little play area to serve as a clubhouse. Why not find a really big box and decorate it with pictures of Ernie and Bert? The child and his friends could even do the coloring. Instead, we shell out a hundred and fifty bucks for the unassembled, prefabricated wonders found in our toy stores.
