Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder

by Bill Eddy LCSW, JD, Randi Kreger


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Protect Yourself from Manipulation, False Accusations, and Abuse

Divorce is difficult under the best of circumstances. When your spouse has borderline personality disorder (BPD), narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), or is manipulative, divorcing can be especially complicated. While people with these tendencies may initially appear convincing and even charming to lawyers and judges, you know better—many of these “persuasive blamers” leverage false accusations, attempt to manipulate others, launch verbal and physical attacks, and do everything they can to get their way.

Splitting is your legal and psychological guide to safely navigating a high-conflict divorce from an unpredictable spouse. Written by Bill Eddy, a family lawyer, therapist, and divorce mediator, and Randi Kreger, coauthor of the BPD classic Stop Walking on Eggshells, this book includes all of the critical information you need to work through the process of divorce in an emotionally balanced, productive way.

Turn to this guide to help you:

  • Predict what your spouse may do or say in court
  • Take control of your case with assertiveness and strategic thinking
  • Choose a lawyer who understands your case
  • Learn how e-mails and social networking can be used against you

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781608820252
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Publication date: 07/01/2011
Pages: 304
Sales rank: 81,140
Product dimensions: 8.80(w) x 6.06(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, has been a family lawyer for over eighteen years and a therapist for over twelve years. He is senior family mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center in San Diego, CA, and president of the High Conflict Institute based in Scottsdale, AZ. He is a faculty member at Pepperdine University School of Law and the National Judicial College and has provided seminars to judges, lawyers, counselors, and others on the subject of managing high-conflict personalities in legal disputes.

Randi Kreger owns and maintains www.bpdcentral.com, one of the largest and most popular websites about borderline personality disorder (BPD). With nearly twenty thousand active members, her website’s online community Welcome to Oz offers online support to friends and family members of those with BPD. Kreger was instrumental in the formation of the Personality Disorders Awareness Network (PDAN), a not-for-profit organization, and speaks at BPD workshops internationally. She is coauthor of Stop Walking on Eggshells and The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook and author of The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder. She lives in Milwaukee, WI.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments v

Introduction 1

Quick-Start Guide 7

Part 1 Preparing for a Difficult Divorce

1 Preparing Yourself 13

2 Understanding Borderline and Narcissistic Personalities 25

3 Blamers and Targets: It's All Your Fault! 43

4 Managing a Blamer with an Assertive Approach 69

5 Preparing for a Court Battle with a Blamer 89

Part 2 Succeeding in Family Court

6 Today's Divorce Court Culture 109

7 Hiring a Lawyer Who Understands 137

8 Working with Your Lawyer to Handle Predictable Crises 147

9 Gathering Evidence About Your Blamer's Private Persona 135

10 Working with Experts and Evaluators 169

11 What to Expect from the Blamer's Attorney 191

12 What to Expect at a Hearing or Trial with a Blamer 203

Part 3 Succeeding Out of Court

13 Considering Alternatives to Litigation with a Blamer 225

14 Managing the Rocky Postdivorce Relationship 247

15 Conclusion 271

Appendix: Open Letters to Professionals, and Family and Friends 277

Resources 285

References 289


Eddy resides in San Diego, CA; Kreger resides in Wauwatosa, WI (Milwaukee County).

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