Table of Contents
Foreword Dave Barry 1
Introduction 3
1 "And now here's someone who needs no introduction" Yes, they do! 13
2 Make the last line of your introduction a funny line 16
3 Loud = "Wowed!" - Always use a microphone 19
4 A microphone in the hand is worth two on the lapel 22
5 Cheek out the setting or you'll be regretting 25
6 The more people in the space, the slower your pace 29
7 The more, the merrier 31
8 Setting the stage for humor 33
9 Audience gender and age affect your laughs 36
10 Every audience takes on its own personality 38
11 2% of the audience will hate you 40
12 If the audience talks with an accent, so do you 42
13 Humor & Music-It's all show business 44
14 Don't follow the memorial tribute 46
15 "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the funniest one of all?" 48
16 "Two guys walk into a bar……and nobody cares!" Don't rely on jokes 50
17 However, if you must tell a joke 52
18 Don't laugh at your own humor 55
19 Don't try to be funny outdoors 57
20 Avoid political humor 58
21 "Mingle well, mingle well, mingle all the way." 60
22 Watch the speakers who present before you 62
23 Knowing what's genuinely funny 64
24 The recipe of Material, Delivery, and Improvisation 66
25 "I've Gotta Be Me!" 69
26 How you begin is the most important thing 71
27 Don't ask them to "give themselves a hand" or shout "good morning" 74
28 The "Car in the parking lot" opening 76
29 The "This is the largest crowd" opening 78
30 The "Under the pretense" opening 80
31 The "We're here for three hours" opening 82
32 The "By a show of hands" opening 85
33 The "Fake handout" opening 87
34 The "Great to be here" opening 89
35 The "I'm not being paid for this" opening 90
36 The "Could have listened to you all night" opening 92
37 The "Personal attribute" opening 94
38 The "Current event" opening 96
39 The "Look around the room" opening 98
40 The "Spontaneous" opening 100
41 Acknowledge what's going on around you 102
42 Spontaneity: "Speak now or forever hold your wit" 104
43 When in doubt, leave it out 106
44 Brevity is the soul of wit 108
45 Write it down now -or forget it 110
46 The Rule of Three 112
47 Brand names are funnier than gencric names 114
48 Odd numbers are funnier than even numbers 115
49 "Oops, I did it again" -Use planned mistakes 116
50 Use callbacks 119
51 Try a new laugh line at least three times 121
52 Hire a professional humor writer (AKA: The Shameless Plug!) 123
53 Do try this at home-You can't practice too much 126
54 Humor on the screen 128
55 Poke fun at the competition 131
56 Don't condone "politically incorrect" remarks 133
57 "Safe" heckler comebacks 135
58 "Risky" heckler comebacks 137
59 Silence Savers 139
60 The "Audience is in on the joke" bit 142
61 The "That's French for……" bit 144
62 The "Here's what you missed" bit 146
63 The "Fake mike failure" bit 148
64 The "Cell phone" bit 150
65 The more specific the humor, the more terrific the humor 152
66 Get the scoop on the group 154
67 Customized parody book covers 160
68 Customized parody phone menu scripts 164
69 Change the words in an existing acronym 166
70 Create an acronym from a regular word 169
71 Go for the typo! 172
72 Quoting cartoon characters for philosophy 174
73 You gotta have a gimmick! 176
74 Song parodies 179
75 Record every presentation you make 182
76 Be ready to "be funny" on a moment's notice 185
77 From the page to the stage 187
