Spanking for Lovers

by Janet W. Hardy, Barbara O'Toole (Illustrator)

Overview

Consensual adult spanking can be sexy or strict, giggly or grave, gentle enough to pinken the skin or intense enough to leave marks. It can involve infinite combinations of roles, implements and positions - enough to keep even the most avid spankophile busy for a lifetime.

Janet W. Hardy (formerly "Lady Green") has been a spanker and spankee for more than a quarter century, with partners of all genders from all over the globe. Here, paired with famed spanking illustrator "Barb," she offers the how-to and why-to of spanking for anyone from the beginner looking to spice up their sex life to the advanced player. This book combines the content of Hardy's previous books "The Compleat Spanker" and "The Toybag Guide to Canes and Caning" into a comprehensive, readable guide that will take its place among the classics of kinky sexuality.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780937609767
Publisher:	Greenery Press
Publication date:	01/01/2016
Edition description:	3rd ed.
Pages:	192
Sales rank:	388,930
Product dimensions:	8.80(w) x 6.00(h) x 0.50(d)

About the Author

Janet W. Hardy is the author or coauthor of eleven groundbreaking books about relationships and sexuality, including The Ethical Slut (more than 160,000 copies sold to date). She has traveled the world as a speaker and teacher on topics ranging from ethical multipartner relationships to erotic spanking and beyond.
Janet's writing has appeared in CNN.com, Salon.com, The Sondheim Review, and many more. Her book Girlfag: A Life Told In Sex and Musicals was a finalst for both the Lambda Literary Award and the Bisexual Book Award. She lives in Eugene, OR.

Barbara O'Toole ("Barb") has been one of the kink's most beloved spanking illustrators for several decades.

Read an Excerpt

Some of the most important time of your spanking scene takes place before anybody's underpants go down. Talking straightforwardly about what kinds of activities interest you, about your desires and limits, is an essential part of making your spanking work. Without this negotiation process, tops are put in the awkward position of having to read bottoms' minds, and bottoms spend the entire spanking tense and on edge, wondering if the top is about to do something that the bottom really doesn't like. Hardly a formula for a successful interaction!

Many people aren't used to talking honestly about their erotic needs, so negotiation can be awkward if you're not used to it. It does get easier with practice — skilled negotiators can whiz through such conversations with dazzling ease.

I suggest that you and your partner have this discussion well before you get together to do your spanking scene. By the time you get together and are feeling all hot and bothered, your eagerness may lead you into making compromises that aren't a good idea. It's much easier to say "No, thanks," to a spanking that hasn't been planned yet than it is to walk away from an imminent scene.

Here are some of the topics you should probably discuss: 
The spanking itself. Hands only? Implements? Which implements are OK, which are to be used with caution, which are off limits? Any parts of the butt that don't like to be hit? Is it OK to hit anywhere besides the butt and, if so, where? Will it cause any problems if the spanking leaves marks?

Sex. Will the spanking include any sexual interaction? If so, what kind? What are both parties' standards for safer sex: which activities are safe enough to do without a barrier, which ones require a barrier, which are too unsafe to do at all? Who will be in charge of providing safer sex materials such as condoms, gloves and lubricant?

Roles. Who will top, and who will bottom? Will the spanking include any role-playing such as teacher/student, owner/slave, adult/child or captor/captive?

Related activities. Will the spanking include any bondage, and, if so, in what positions and with what materials? Will other activities such as role-playing, humiliation games, or enemas be involved?

Physical limits. Does either partner have any physical conditions that should be taken into account? Common physical limits include heart trouble; back trouble; easy bruising due to anemia, diabetes or anticlotting medication; breathing difficulty; vertigo...

Table of Contents

1 Spanking and Me 1

How this Book Came About 2

My Biases 3

2 Who Spanks? 5

Is Spanking Sex? 7

Is Spanking BDSM? 8

Ways to Use Spanking 10

3 Why Do We Like Spanking? 13

The Physiology of Spanking 13

The Psychology of Spanking 15

Spanking as Transcendence 20

What's In It for Tops? 21

Some Thoughts About Making It "Real" 22

4 Anatomy of a Spankee 25

Marks 29

5 Communication and Mood 35

Straightforward verbal communication 37

"One to Ten" 39

Safewords 40

Role-playing 42

6 Spanking Fantasies 45

"Losing Scenes" 46

"Winning Scenes" 49

7 For Bottoms 53

Pain Processing 53

Taking Care of Your Hide 55

8 Stages of a Scene 59

Warm up 59

Turn-ons 60

Skin-Watching 62

Aftercare 65

9 Implements 69

Aim 70

Hands 74

Paddles 76

Straps 80

Birch Rods 82

Floggers and Other Multi-Tailed Implements 83

Canes, Crops, Switches and the Like 84

10 Positions 87

Weight on the Feet 87

Partially Supported Positions 90

Fully Supported 94

11 Spanking Relationships 97

The Spencer Plan (Cooperative Domestic Discipline) 99

"Head of Household" Domestic Discipline 101

Goal-Oriented Discipline 103

Maintaining Perspective 104

12 Troubleshooting 105

Emotional Crises 105

Physical Injuries 107

Health Concerns 113

13 Tips, Tricks and Fun Things to Try 115

Get Wet 115

Chemical Heat 115

Nettles 117

"Hey, keep it down in there!" 117

Mixing Spanking With Other Sensations 119

Games People Play 119

Plug 'Em Up 120

Masturbation During Spanking 121

Spanking During Intercourse or Strap-on Play 122

The Crying Game 123

Invite a Friend 124

14 Conclusion 127

Appendix A Finding Others 129

Appendix B Cleaning Spanking Implements 136

Appendix C Combining Bondage With Spanking 139

Appendix D Some Special Notes on Caning 142

The Glamor of the Cane 144

The Craft of Caning 147

Symmetry 148

Sting/Thud 149

Pacing 150

Types of Canes 153

Natural Materials 154

Manmade Materials 159

Some Special Caning Techniques 161

Resource Guide 165

Illustrations appear on pages vi, 19, 26, 38, 47, 56, 70, 76, 90 and 149.

Editorial Reviews

"Hardy shares the hows and whys in an inviting, accessible way." — Rachel Kramer Bussel, Editor, Spanked: Red-Cheeked Erotica

"There's nothing to be afraid of here. Learn, then play!" — Eve Howard, Author, Shadow Lane

From the Publisher