Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies

by Marjorie Ingall, Susan McCarthy Narrated by Eunice Wong

Overview

“A witty, useful guide” (People) to apologies, why they matter, and the healing power of saying you're sorry, from the dynamic duo behind the acclaimed SorryWatch site.

It's a truth universally acknowledged that terrible apologies are the worst. We've all been on the receiving end, and oh, how they make us seethe. Horrible public apologies-excuse-laden, victim blame-y, weaselly statements-often go viral instantaneously, whether they're from a celebrity, a politician, or a blogger. We all recognize bad apologies when we hear them. So why is it so hard to apologize well? How can we do better? How could they do better?

Marjorie Ingall and Susan McCarthy show us the way with this fresh book that is “philosophically deep, crisply reported, and funny as heck all the way through” (Clive Thompson, author of Coders). Drawing on a deep well of research in psychology, sociology, law, and medicine, they explain why a good apology is hard to find and why it doesn't have to be. Alongside their six (and a half)-step formula for apologizing beautifully, Ingall and McCarthy also delve into how to respond to a bad apology; why corporations, celebrities, and governments seldom apologize well; how to teach children to apologize; how gender and race affect both apologies and forgiveness; and most of all, why good apologies are essential, powerful, and restorative.

Editorial Reviews

APRIL 2023 - AudioFile

With a pleasing blend of youthful enthusiasm and careful attention, Eunice Wong narrates the authors' well-conceived advice on the best ways to apologize. Ingall and McCarthy write with a jaunty energy that gives their ideas motivational spark--a quality that makes their suggestions sound practical and easy to use. While their desire to entertain sometimes seems gratuitous, their flourishes don't hurt their clarity or diminish their desire to help people when mistakes with others need to be addressed. From everyday faux pas to serious errors that can ruin relationships, this audiobook covers them all. Wong's energetic performance infuses the listening with the authors' humanitarian intentions and desire to connect with their audience. T.W. © AudioFile 2023, Portland, Maine

Publishers Weekly

10/24/2022

In this helpful guide, Ingall (Mamelah Knows Best) and McCarthy (coauthor, When Elephants Weep), cocreators of the website SorryWatch, use real-life and hypothetical examples to teach readers how to apologize better. Examples of good apologies include John F. Kennedy’s statement on the Bay of Pigs invasion in 1961, in which he said his administration intended “to take full responsibility for our errors,” and Questlove’s apology for culturally insensitive social media posts: “I for one should never allow my cultural bias to take precedence over my ‘examined life.’ ” Case studies of what not to say include Ellen DeGeneres’s memo to employees about the toxic work environment at her talk show, in which she focused on her own feelings and blamed others. (There’s also a list of the five worst celebrity apologies, including Mario Batali’s response to sexual assault allegations, which ended with a recipe for pizza dough cinnamon rolls.) Ingall and McCarthy incisively discuss how gender, race, and class affect apologies, and weave in lucid explanations of psychological research and business and legal matters. Jokey asides mostly help the advice to go down smoothly, though some readers may find the tonal shifts jarring. Still, this is an accessible and well-informed resource for navigating difficult conversations. Agent: Sarah Burnes, Gernert Co. (Jan.)

From the Publisher

"A witty, useful guide." —People

"The authors reveal surprising examples of good apologies as well as the neuroscience and psychology behind poor ones—in addition to the things never to say when attempting to write a wrong....Essential protocol for those seeking to hone their apology skills." —Kirkus Reviews

“I’m sorry, but Sorry, Sorry, Sorry means that you no longer have an excuse for delivering anything other than a pitch-perfect apology. Ingall and McCarthy break down thorny questions—how to apologize, when not to apologize, why good apologies are so vanishingly rare, how to accept and reject apologies, how gender and power affect forgiveness—with grace and humor.” —Peggy Orenstein, bestselling author of Boys & Sex, Girls & Sex, and Cinderella Ate My Daughter

"Sorry, Sorry, Sorry is an absolute delight—philosophically deep, crisply reported, and funny as heck all the way through. It'll make you want to get better at apologizing.” —Clive Thompson, author of Smarter Than You Think and Coders

“Saying ‘I’m sorry’ thoughtfully and effectively — and teaching our kids to do the same — can sometimes feel impossible. The tools Marjorie Ingall and Susan McCarthy provide us in Sorry, Sorry, Sorry are invaluable. Using bad apologies as a how-not-to, plus good ones that have genuinely repaired wounds, this book is a must-read for anyone looking for a guide to doing better. I’ll be recommending this book to everyone I know—parents, friends, stewards of the world; we could all take a page out of this timeless guide to healing the world.” — Michele Borba, Ed.D., parenting expert, bestselling author of Thrivers & Building Moral Intelligence

“Look, it's one thing to be wise. It's another to be wise and useful. But to be wise, useful, and screamingly, brilliantly, hilariously funny? I'm sorry, it's too much. It's just too much.” —Cory Doctorow, author of Little Brother and How to Destroy Surveillance Capitalism

"Apologize and forgive: every person has these superpowers enabling a future without hate, anger, or retribution. Yet half-hearted or failed apologies compound hurts and insults. This smart and lively book offers invaluable guides to giving real apologies and to the critical roles of gender, race, and power relations in social expectations and results. Read it, or be sorry!" —Martha Minow, Harvard University professor and author of When Should Law Forgive? and Between Vengeance and Forgiveness: Facing History After Genocide and Mass Violence

"I was hooked from page one by this hip, funny, uncompromising, and unapologetic dissection of good and bad apologies and why they matter. While the authors’ precise and deep intelligence may make us flinch with recognition over our own screwed-up sorrys, the reward is to be deeply changed in some fundamental way. In the end, this witty, utterly human book is a timely guide to a moral future." —Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. author of The Dance of Anger and Why Won’t You Apologize?

“How do we decide what apologies we should give others? And how should we think of the role of apology in our friendships, families, and society? Sorry, Sorry, Sorry allows us to make genuine, reparative apologies that connect us to each other and avoid business and relationship disasters. What’s not to love about saying sorry, if you know how to do it with grace?” —Farai Chideya, host of Our Body Politic and author of The Episodic Career

New York Times bestselling author Peggy Orenstein

I’m sorry, but Sorry, Sorry, Sorry means that you no longer have an excuse for delivering anything other than a pitch-perfect apology.”

Library Journal

12/01/2022

Ingall and McCarthy, creators of SorryWatch, a website that has tracked public apologies since 2012, have compiled the best and worst of modern "apology culture" into a helpful volume organized by category and type. They explain the science and psychology of apologies, give excellent examples of why and how they fail, and provide tips for success. There are six and a half simple steps to an appropriate apology. In addition to explaining how to issue them correctly, the authors showcase how and when it's appropriate for the recipient to respond, including how to navigate the complicated levels of forgiveness. Celebrity culture provides the best examples for the book, and there are recognizable names, such as Ellen DeGeneres and Kevin Spacey. There are chapters that provide an analysis of political and government apologies, focus on children, probe doctors and the medical world, and examine corporate accountability. All of the seriousness is rounded out with mad libs, bingo cards, and checklists. VERDICT Useful, helpful, and full of relevant examples to illustrate how to improve one's apology skills.—Tina Panik

APRIL 2023 - AudioFile

With a pleasing blend of youthful enthusiasm and careful attention, Eunice Wong narrates the authors' well-conceived advice on the best ways to apologize. Ingall and McCarthy write with a jaunty energy that gives their ideas motivational spark--a quality that makes their suggestions sound practical and easy to use. While their desire to entertain sometimes seems gratuitous, their flourishes don't hurt their clarity or diminish their desire to help people when mistakes with others need to be addressed. From everyday faux pas to serious errors that can ruin relationships, this audiobook covers them all. Wong's energetic performance infuses the listening with the authors' humanitarian intentions and desire to connect with their audience. T.W. © AudioFile 2023, Portland, Maine

Kirkus Reviews

2022-11-12
How to apologize with grace and sincerity.

Since 2012, Ingall and McCarthy have been analyzing the art of the apology in contemporary pop culture, the news, and politics for their website, SorryWatch.com. This book is a synthesis of their research and the varying perspectives they have chronicled on the site. Even though “good apologies are one of the [life] tools we could all be deploying more,” write the authors, apologizing well is agonizingly difficult for many (most?) grownups.” In conversational prose featuring anecdotal examples, Ingall and McCarthy present six easy-to-follow steps for apologizing effectively. They analyze the many reasons why saying you’re sorry is such a difficult process and present instances where the dynamic power of a resonant “I’m sorry” can create positive change and deepen mutual understanding. They discuss the art of the public apology and how it became “fashionable” for politicians and public figures hoping to save face. They explain how to comprehend why a specific behavior was bad and how to ensure that it doesn’t happen again, and they discuss how to initiate reparations. Throughout, the authors reveal surprising examples of good apologies as well as the neuroscience and psychology behind poor ones—in addition to the things never to say when attempting to right a wrong. Naturally, the bad apologies comprise the text’s juiciest material, and the authors present the five worst celebrity, corporate, and political apologies of all time—e.g., Mark Wahlberg’s vague 1993 apology for hate crimes he committed as a teenager; Harvey Weinstein’s ambiguous response to numerous sexual assault accusations; and Ellen DeGeneres’ issuing nebulous regrets about her toxic work climate. Ingall and McCarthy firmly believe that apologies “civilize” our culture; in making amends for a wrongdoing, they create a happier, more forgiving society, and they offer key teachable moments for children. Closing each chapter are achievable and proactive apology action items for readers eager to do better.

Essential protocol for those seeking to hone their apology skills.

Product Details

BN ID:	2940174943520
Publisher:	Simon & Schuster
Publication date:	01/10/2023
Edition description:	Unabridged

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