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Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9780446677080 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Grand Central Publishing |
| Publication date: | 10/01/2000 |
| Pages: | 368 |
| Sales rank: | 531,176 |
| Product dimensions: | 5.40(w) x 9.10(h) x 1.00(d) |
Read an Excerpt
A Continuous Thread of Revelation
Things come suitable to their time.
— Enid Bagnold
Did you ever see the film "National Velvet?" Based on the heartwarming book written by Enid Bangold, the film starred a teenage Elizabeth Taylor in her first leading role as Velvet Brown, a young English girl determined to transform an ordinary horse she'd won in a raffle into a racehorse. Every time she rides him, she sees herself trotting triumphantly into the winner's circle of the world's greatest steeplechase, the Grand National. Velvet believes that she and "The Pie" share a special destiny — that underneath his plain horsehide exterior beats the heart of a champion. But Velvet has a few obstacles in her path: she's fourteen, her parents think her dream is nonsense, and The Pie is actually unruly and untrained. Even if there were a trainer in the small English country village where she lives, there's no money for one, or for the race entrance fee or to hire a jockey, since girls are not permit to ride in England's most illustrious horse race. However, as all dreamers know, these are but minor hurdles when a determined young lady is taking fate for a ride.
Remember Velvet Brown the next time you've got a few obstacles to overcome. If you do, you'll be delighted to discover, as I have, that there are few things in life more I satisfying than accomplishing whatever "they" tell you can't be done.
Since first grade I've held very firm convictions about money, fame, dreams and destiny. The origins of these opinions or how I formed them so early was always a mystery to me, especially since they bore no resemblance to the philosophical fare served up at home. I discovered one of the sources soon after I embarked on my own deeply personal excavation process, as I recalled cherished books from my childhood. Prominent among them was NATIONAL VELVET. It had been given to me by my favorite aunt, who loved horses and wanted to share her enthusiasm with me. I'd finished the book practically in one sitting and declared, "If Velvet Brown can do it, so can I." It didn't matter that I hadn't a clue as to what my authentic it would be, but horseback riding seemed like a good place to start.
My parents couldn't afford horseback riding lessons and with then three children in the family, wouldn't let Aunt Em "play favorites" and pay for them. Coincidentally, a local Girl Scout troop was sponsoring a contest for the most enterprising Brownie, and first prize was free horseback riding lessons. I spent most of that entire year earning extra merit badges. All my hard work was worth it the day Aunt Em took me shopping for my new riding gear, followed by a celebratory lunch. We were both so proud of me; it was one of the happiest days of my life.
Two weeks later, Aunt Em died suddenly of a brain aneurysm; she was only thirty-four. The morning of her funeral I was supposed to take my first riding lesson, I was crushed, heartbroken incredulous; it was like the Fall from Paradise. Now, suddenly, I knew at any moment life, happiness, security, safety, and most of all, love, could be snatched away without warning. I refused to go to her funeral; I insisted that she couldn't be dead, that some dreadful mistake had been made.
And the riding lesson? The prize? Finally I had to make my first conscious choice, an act of self-assertion grounded in my own sense of what was right. I took the lesson. I knew in my heart that Em would have approved, but secretly I wondered what kind of wicked girl would go horseback riding on such a sad occasion. With the earnestness that only the young can bring to any serious endeavor, I threw myself into my first lesson. But as soon as it was over and I walked away from the barn, the tears started and in some ways haven't stopped yet.
Later, when I was twelve and just learning to jump, I fell off my horse; I was shaken but not badly injured. I should have gotten back on the horse immediately, but I didn't. The next week's lesson came and went, but I became afraid and never rode again. I never talked about it, just shrugged it off as if I'd lost interest.
Many years later I took my daughter to her first horseback riding lesson. While walking from my car to the barn, my sense memories kicked in and it all came flooding back to me: my beautiful aunt, her unconditional love for me, the comfort of our close companionship, her belief in me, my determination to win that contest, our celebration. And then, of course, the memory of my loss. In an instant I realized for the first time that I had buried my love of horseback riding beneath layers of fear, a little girl's guilt, and the recasting of a courageous choice into something shameful. Finally I could untangle the twisted truth of an ancient lie that had robbed me of so much joy.
Thirty-five years after I fell off a horse, I got back on one, starting from scratch in a beginner's class with seven-year-olds. It didn't matter. I was seven years old once again, too, grateful to be back in the saddle, thrilled to have recovered a precious portion of my relinquished Self. On my way home I stopped off at bookstore and got myself a brand-new copy of NATIONAL VELVET.
Even though you are searching for a pattern of personal, authentic pleasures and preferences, be prepared; you can't know what memories will be triggered as you reacquaint yourself with the girl you were once upon a time. But remember, you're not alone. Your Authentic Self is with you, a loving spiritual companion ready to help you unravel the tangled threads of memory, promise, and abandonment. I had no idea that the aromatic alchemy of warm leather, sweat, hay, and horses would act as conduits of such powerful soul memories for me. But, thanks to them, I could bring gentle emotional closure to a pivotal life experience.
Pain is part of the past. There isn't one of us who doesn't still carry childhood wounds. Some are more horrific than others, but no matter how painful your young memories are, there were also glorious moments that kept you alive, or you would not be here today. "The events in our lives happen in a sequence in time, but in their significance to ourselves they find their own order," writer Eudora Welty confides. With patience and quiet observation, these events will provide your authentic archaeologist with a "continuous thread of revelation" that will reassuringly lead you back to your Self.
Back to the Beginning
The past is not only that which happened but also that which could have happened but did not.
—Tess Gallagher
We will be taking many backward glances throughout our journey, so we ought to accept at the outset that no life retraced ever really begins at the beginning, especially a woman's life. For while the past asks only to be remembered, a woman's memory alters on her behalf and in her best interests. Memory — the vain old biddy — cannot resist penciling a few slight, cosmetic revisions in the margins of the past. Memory is also fickle. She must be wooed and courted if she is to succumb to our charms. Sometimes she surprises us with her generosity, and we recall moments with astonishing clarity. Most of the time, however, our memories are fragmented, like shards of pottery found during archaeological excavations. When this happens, we need to let patience do her perfect work as we piece back together the girl we left behind.
"The past is such a subtle thing," the writer Natalie Barney tells us. "[But] in the end, nothing else exists, everything is made of the past, even the future."
Having It All
Longing is all that lasts.
—Jennifer Stone
SIMPLE ABUNDANCE reassured you that "all you have is all you need" and showed you how to come to that awareness by using the mystical power of gratitude. Hopefully, thanks to gratitude, your life, like mine, was changed in wondrous ways for the better.
But now it might seem that I'm contradicting myself because I'm saying that it's okay if you still find yourself longing for Something More, even after being grateful, making positive changes, and growing into your authenticity.
There is no paradox here. Remember the notion that, if we want to live fulfilling lives, we must learn to distinguish between our wants and our needs? We still do. An example of a need is food; if this need is not met, we die from hunger. A want is a different thing: having it contributes to the enjoyment of our lives, but we could live without it or be satisfied to wait for it.
When we talk about Something More, it isn't wanting a fancier car, a bigger house, or a designer dress. Something More is what we need to fill our spiritual hunger.
You don't want Something More. You need Something More. You feel deep within that something crucial is missing. You're constantly looking for it, but since you don't know what it is, the best you can hope is that if you run across it, you'll recognize or remember it. In defending your life you might say, "I know I should be happy. I am, really. Don't misunderstand me. I've got a great husband and fabulous kids, and we're all healthy. I've got a good job, wonderful friends. Mom's doing well in the nursing home. Our finances are okay, the credit cards are under control, and we've even started to save a little money. Next spring we're going on a cruise to the Bahamas. We're comfortable and content. And every day I'm grateful for my blessings. So why do I feel so empty?"
You're not alone. Reba McEntire, one of country music's superstars, ponders, just as we all do: "No matter what you achieve in life, you're always wondering, 'Is there something I should be doing? Is there something I'm missing?' "
Words can't begin to express my gratitude for my wonderful life. I'm living most of my dreams. Every day I say aloud, "I'm the most blessed woman on Earth," and I mean it. Which is why I was as confounded as I was comforted after I discovered the English novelist Vita Sackville-West's despair during what was supposed to have been the happiest time of her life. In 1930 her book, THE EDWARDIANS, was an enormous critical and popular success, providing her with financial security after a lifetime of being one of the educated, genteel poor. Her success enabled Vita and her new husband Harold Nicolson to purchase the romantic but rundown Sissinghurst Castle and begin turning it into a renowned showplace. At thirty-eight she felt at the height of her creative energies and was in the throes of writing ALL PASSION SPENT, the novel that would be hailed her finest work. Still, she confessed to her best friend, Virginia Woolf': "If I, who am the most fortunate of women, can ask, 'What is life for?' how can other people live at all?" Not long after she confided her distress, she began a love affair which temporarily masked her depression but didn't alleviate it.
So here we are — you, Reba, Vita Sackville-West, and I — a group of talented, eclectic, even brilliant women. But at the end of the day, when we're finally alone, we're peering down into the black hole in our hearts. Our insatiable, inexplicable longing probes the emptiness much the same way you do when you can't keep your tongue out of the sensitive, empty spot that once held a decaying tooth.
"Many women today feel a sadness we cannot name. Though we accomplish much of what we set out to do, we sense that something is missing in our lives and — fruitlessly — search 'out there' for answers," writer Emily Hancock observes. "What's often wrong is that we are disconnected from an authentic self."
Excerpted from Something More, published by Warner Books. Copyright; 1998 Sarah Ban Breathnach.
Table of Contents
| Our Authentic Lives | 1 |
| Our Authentic Lives | 3 |
| Surprised by Joy | 6 |
| When the Student Is Ready | 8 |
| Something More: A Site Map | 12 |
| Romancing the Soul | 17 |
| Facing Your Future by Excavating Your Past | 19 |
| The Book of Love | 22 |
| Small Things Forgotten | 27 |
| The Authentic Dig | 29 |
| The Chain of Chance | 30 |
| Suddenly-Seen Things | 32 |
| Starting Over | 35 |
| The Sacred Adventure | 37 |
| A Tale of Two Lives | 38 |
| Starting Over | 39 |
| Designing Women | 40 |
| Starting from Scratch | 45 |
| A Continuous Thread of Revelation | 46 |
| Back to the Beginning | 50 |
| Having It All | 51 |
| Divine Discontent | 54 |
| The MortalWound | 57 |
| Being Willing to Live for the Last Time | 58 |
| Introducing Your Life | 60 |
| Claiming the Events of Your Life | 62 |
| Field Work: Discovery and Explanation | 64 |
| Site Report | 66 |
| Surviving | 67 |
| Near-Life Experiences | 69 |
| Keeping Body and Soul Together | 72 |
| The Realm of the Unspeakable | 74 |
| The Silent Hemorrhaging of the Soul | 77 |
| Looking-Glass Shame | 81 |
| Our Pilgrimage Places | 84 |
| Your Own Natural Selection Process | 89 |
| Smoke-and-Mirror Survival | 90 |
| Survival by Surrender | 94 |
| Survival by Substitution | 99 |
| When Survival Is Called Success | 102 |
| Field Work: Authentic Success | 107 |
| Site Report | 108 |
| Field Work: Authentic Style | 109 |
| Site Report | 110 |
| Settling | 111 |
| O Pioneer | 113 |
| Settling Down | 114 |
| Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace | 115 |
| Two for the Road | 117 |
| More Married Than Happy | 118 |
| Seeing Is Believing | 122 |
| A Crime Against Nature | 126 |
| Can This Marriage Be Saved? | 131 |
| Imagine You Don't Know Me | 134 |
| There Are Only Two Stories Worth Telling | 140 |
| A Lover Both Ancient and New | 143 |
| The Soul's Duty | 144 |
| Self-Immolation | 146 |
| Time Out | 151 |
| Settling For | 153 |
| Settling for the Sizzle | 157 |
| No One to Fear but Yourself | 159 |
| The Other Sure of Scared | 163 |
| Field Work: The Return to Self | 166 |
| Site Report | 169 |
| Field Work: Mystery | 170 |
| Site Report | 171 |
| Stumbling | 173 |
| The Wilderness | 175 |
| Braveheart | 177 |
| Destiny's Darlings | 183 |
| Two Ways to Live | 186 |
| The Divine Collaboration | 190 |
| Taking Liberties | 192 |
| Crossing the Threshold | 195 |
| A Woman of a Certain Age | 198 |
| Women's Work | 202 |
| Work with Me | 205 |
| Little Miss Perfect | 206 |
| Constant Craving | 209 |
| Field Work: Your Spiritual Journey | 213 |
| Site Report | 216 |
| Field Work: Some Day | 217 |
| Site Report | 219 |
| Shattered | 221 |
| The House of Belonging | 223 |
| Dwelling in the House of Spirit | 229 |
| Home Is Where Your Heart Is | 231 |
| A Victim of Circumstances | 234 |
| A Life of One's Own | 236 |
| The Hour of Lead | 243 |
| Making the Best of It | 249 |
| Giving Sorrow Words | 253 |
| Life After Loss | 259 |
| Sacramental Possibilities | 260 |
| Field Work: The House of Belonging | 265 |
| Site Report | 267 |
| Sensing | 269 |
| Sensing That There's Something More | 271 |
| Making the Connection | 273 |
| The Sentient Soul | 274 |
| The Secret Language of the Soul | 275 |
| Making Sense of It All | 277 |
| A Woman with a Past | 279 |
| The Great Escape | 280 |
| Hide-and-Seek | 281 |
| Bad Men | 283 |
| Even Bad Men Bring Gifts | 284 |
| It's the Thought That Counts | 286 |
| Earthly Tutorials | 287 |
| Becoming a Woman with a Past | 291 |
| The Holy Longing | 293 |
| The Karmic Clock | 294 |
| The Essential Union | 297 |
| Field Work: Relationships | 299 |
| Site Report | 300 |
| Field Work: Entertainment | 301 |
| Site Report | 302 |
| Something More | 305 |
| The Queen of Sheba | 307 |
| Soul Mates | 312 |
| The One Who Loves Your Pilgrim Soul | 315 |
| To Know and Be Known | 318 |
| The Heart Grown Brutal | 320 |
| Something More 323 | |
| With Thanks and Appreciation | 327 |
| Selected Bibliography | 335 |
| Index | 341 |
| For Further Information | 351 |
| About the Author | 353 |
Interviews
On November 11, 1998, barnesandnoble.com welcome Sarah Ban Breathnach, author of SIMPLE ABUNDANCE and THE SIMPLE ABUNDANCE JOURNAL OF GRATITUDE. She has appeared five times on "Oprah," where her JOURNAL OF GRATITUDE has inspired a recurring segment. Her latest book is SOMETHING MORE.
Jessekay: Good evening. Sarah Ban Breathnach is a writer who's full of surprises. In her last last book, she told women they have all they need. Now she's telling women to go for glory by reaching for their deepest desires. What happened, Sarah, between books?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: The great unexpected success of SIMPLE ABUNDANCE gave me a windfall. I could have anything I wanted. And I saw, no matter how much you accumulate or how much you accomplish, why is there always a nagging feeling there is something more?
Jessekay: Let me be combative for a moment. Isn't there always going to be something over the horizon to nag at us? Is that the something more you mean?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: No. That's not "something more." Let's start with what "something more" isn't. It's more like divine discontent -- it's soul-driven. It isn't a million dollars in the bank. It's not a home featured in Architectural Digest. It's not a love affair with a movie star. I call these things "something else" -- and they can be pleasant. Something more, is what I describe as "repose of the soul." The only way we have that repose -- that complete peace -- is if we bind the wounds. The book examines what I think of as the soul's three secret wounds: 1) self loathing; 2) betrayal -- and by that I mean understanding that no one can betray you, you can only betray yourself; 3) marital or relationship indifference. I like to point out a distinction. In SIMPLE ABUNDANCE, I was having a conversation between friends. In SOMETHING MORE, we speak of how we try to bind the wounds and try all the ways we can't.
Question: The spiritual principals you speak of are mentioned in the Bible and other ancient texts. What makes the way you present it different?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: A great question. I like to think I'm a translator. If the spiritual truths seem like a foreign language -- and if you're hurting, the language of an ancient text can go right over you -- a good translator can help.
Question: When I speak of an attitude of gratitude with certain of my friends they say I'm in a fantasyland and denying there is negativity in the world. How do I get through to these people, that it's not all bad and that we can create our futures with our language?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: I'd give up even trying to convince these people! They're not in a place where they can hear. You're throwing away time, energy and emotion -- the three precious resources -- in trying to help them. Just keep witnessing the attitude of gratitude in your own life.
Jessekay: I've been very impressed as I read the AOL message boards in the SBB area. So many women find in your book the strength to leave bad marriages.
Sarah Ban Breathnach: I've been getting questions from women about their fear that they'll have to leave their marriages. I say: You don't have to leave a bad marriage. I'm not advocating mass flight to divorce lawyers! I'm saying, if you're in an indifferent marriage, try to talk -- to your partner, to God. The chord I strike is this: Someone understands how lonely I have been. What I do for them on the page is bear witness to their pain.
Jessekay: Do you have male readers? And who are they?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: I do. And I adore them. They're all different. I'm frequently asked why I write for women only. The truth is: I don't know how a man thinks. And I have to write from an authentic place. It's not gender-specific, though. There is a cross-over.
Question: Do you think that the lack of fulfillment and spirituality so widely testified to in America is a symptom of the existential alienation of life in modern civilization?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: Who knows?
Jessekay: You write about THE BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTY. Indeed, you are the first woman I've read on the subject who found it as disappointing and phony as I did. She sacrificed her right to happiness to an imagined code of duty. What film or book do you think shows women as people worthy of something more?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: The new idea is that martyrdom for the sake of convention -- which is what everyone thinks about your life -- is not pretty. Women are saying: I don't need to sacrifice myself on that altar. We need to grow up and speak to one another as adults. And we need to see that in books and films.
Question: Do you think that the preoccupation of feminists in the '60s and '70s on economic equality has resulted in a culture of excessive materialism among young women today?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: We're all drowning in materialism. And it was true in the '50s, too. Americans have always equated success with possessions.
Jessekay: You've dealt with this admirably. You made a fortune -- and you tithe. How is that working out?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: Just as it was promised in the Bible. If you bring gifts into God's storeroom, you'll be more blessed than you can imagine. That has happened to me. I can't conceive of living "the good life" without giving back. It's a thank-you note to the universe.
Question: Do you believe in soulmates and the wisdom of following the soul's lead?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: Absolutely! The next book I want to write is an exploration of soulmates.
Question: When will she be writing a newsletter? How can I get on the mailing list?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: There will be one. You can get on the mailing list by emailing your physical address to SIMABUND@AOL.
Question: Sarah, SOMETHING MORE seemed as if it was written just for me. Thank you for your insight, your wisdom, and your courage to write this book for all of us who are in the wilderness.
Let me add....You say how hard it was to write. Were you also in that wilderness?
Sarah Ban Breathnach: Absolutely. I'm not the same woman who started to write SIMPLE ABUNDANCE. The woman who started to write SOMETHING MORE died. I am the woman who rose from her ashes. I was in the wilderness. I wrote myself out. That's why I know each of us deserves nothing less in life than something more.
Jessekay: Sarah, thank you. We can't wait to have you back -- and see you in the next stage of this riveting process.
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