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Despite many interesting tales from the early days of the lonely mountain man concerning sexual liaisons with large mammals other than humans, encounters with wild animals, especially carnivores, should be avoided. Bears, for instance, are capable, like many sex partners, of rapid and unpredictable mood changes. Bears are, furthermore, capable of removing significant body parts, which would limit future sexual liaisons of any kind. If attacked, running away, in this case, is not recommended. Humans, in relation to other species, are remarkably slow. An exception to the do-not-run rule is this: When traveling in the outdoors with someone who runs slower than you do, running away may be considered a viable option. If attacked by a black bear, say the experts, fight back. You won't win, but you may discourage the bear enough to save some of those significant body parts. If attacked by a grizzly bear, the experts continue, play dead. In most cases, you won't have to play very long because soon you'll be really sincerely dead.
