Sex and the City of God: A Memoir of Love and Longing

by Carolyn Weber

Overview

When Carolyn Weber moved to Oxford University to study, she didn't expect to find God there. But she did. As she grappled with her newest and most important relationship, she also found that there was another invitation: to think bigger about love.

In this book we follow Weber through courtship and into marriage and parenthood. Now a literature professor, Weber reflects on her relationship with a sometimes-absent father and how that has shaped her. Through her personal story, as well as spiritual, theological, and literary reflection, Sex and the City of God explores what life looks like when we choose to love God first.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780830845859
Publisher:	InterVarsity Press
Publication date:	08/25/2020
Pages:	224
Sales rank:	432,645
Product dimensions:	5.50(w) x 8.40(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

Carolyn Weber (D. Phil., University of Oxford) is an author, speaker and teacher who has specialized in eighteenth- and nineteenth-century British and European literature. Her recent academic positions include associate professor of English literature at Seattle University and visiting associate professor of English literature at Westmont College, Santa Barbara, California. Writing at the intersection of Romanticism and gender and family issues, Weber is the editor of Romanticism and Parenting: Image, Instruction and Ideology and author of the forthcoming monograph Metempsychosis in the Early Works and Short Stories of Mary Shelley. She is also the author of Surprised by Oxford: A Memoir.

Table of Contents

Prologue: In Anticipation 1

1 Saved Sex 11

2 The Singular Life 38

3 It's All Relative 51

4 Premarital Sects 66

5 On the Road 92

6 Guest Night 122

7 Sweetness to the Soul 137

8 Sea of Love 161

9 Through the Woods Darkly 179

10 Anniversary Song 196

Epilogue: Afterglow 204

Acknowledgments 210

Notes 212

What People are Saying About This

Mark Buchanan

"Carolyn Weber's Sex and the City of God is a wise, poignant, funny reflection on sex and the modern girl, only that the modern girl in this case is also freshly and deeply smitten by Jesus. Not since Lauren Winner's Girl Meets God have we had such a candid memoir of coming to faith and keeping the faith in an age that values neither. Carolyn's voice is clear and honest, and all through her tale of love lost and love found we sense an enduring wisdom for our own mortal and moral dilemmas."

Debbie Smith

"The title may catch your attention, but this beautifully crafted, thoroughly engaging book will keep it. Carolyn Weber weaves her personal story with God-breathed, powerful biblical insights. Transparent, honest, and delightful, Sex and the City of God> is so timely as it challenges our cultural cheapening and belittling of God’s designs for human love. I’ll warn you . . . this one is hard to put down!"

Sharon Garlough Brown

"Sex and the City of God is a luminous love story. In her elegant and honest memoir, Carolyn Weber invites us to journey with her through disordered longings for union and communion to the discovery of Jesus as our first love who, through his passionate commitment to us as a bridegroom for a bride, awakens us to more deeply devoted human love as well—spiritually, emotionally, and physically."

Ben Palpant

"Here is a modern woman's walk through life with Augustine's ancient wisdom as a guide. Yes, it is a love story, but it is no mere love story. It carries weight and wisdom. You will laugh and cry—sometimes simultaneously—and ponder the remarkable grace of God. Weber is a storyteller at heart. She keeps her reader in delightful suspense without neglecting the rich nourishment that strong stories supply."

Moira Brown

"Like Carolyn Weber, I made the choice as an adult to embrace Christ and 'the life that is truly life.' The transformation and spiritual growth of the 'former angry feminist academic' led Carolyn to the wonderful discovery C. S. Lewis made—'Our real selves are all waiting for us in Him.' In a world where love is distorted and disposable, commitment rare, and morality unhinged, Carolyn's romantic journey—laced with literary gems—illuminates God's plan for love and marriage. With vulnerable acknowledgment of the challenges, Sex and the City of God provides a great mentoring tool for navigating relationships in today's culture."

Gregory Wilbur

"Carolyn Weber looks at her life with all of the inherent symbolism, irony, and foreshadowing of fine literature because she sees the unfolding of its episodes not as happenstance but the revealing of an intricate plot by the Master Storyteller. Sex and the City of God continues her memoirs after her first year at Oxford with the subplot of what it means to be, and become, the bride of Christ and to embrace the beauties of love—divine and human, spiritual and physical. Refreshing and frank, this book will encourage and challenge your own perceptions of being the beloved of God."

Karen Swallow Prior

"Sex and the City of God is a book like no other I've read. It is an artful memoir. It is a theology of the body. It is sound advice on love and marriage. It is literary analysis. It has everything (even Jane Eyre—Jane Eyre!) that an intellectually curious and spiritually minded reader could ask for. Carolyn Weber has set a new standard for what a Christian book can and should be: holistic, honest, and well-crafted."

Karen Stiller

"Sex is in the title, but this book is surely and mostly about marriage—what comes before and what we receive afterward. It is about all the most important loves we have and how they grow softly and strong and sturdy over time. Weber also provides a rare and honest examination of female desire, sanctified. It is an honest, lyrically and beautifully written memoir from an accomplished writer from whom we expect great things, and Weber does not disappoint."

Darryl Dash

"We're sometimes tempted to put faith in one category and gritty areas of life in another. But God doesn't compartmentalize. In Sex and the City of God, Carolyn Weber narrates her experience of love, longing, and faith. Beautifully written, theologically rich, and mercifully honest, Weber's book is gift to all who love God amid the realities of our humanness."

Editorial Reviews

06/08/2020

Weber, former literature professor at Seattle University, follows up her memoir Surprised by Oxford with a focused look at her courtship and marriage. She recalls her suspicions of men and academic study of religion, which are both transformed during her conversion to Christianity while a student at Oxford. Then she tackles the topics of love and longing, as well as sex and marriage, and recounts her courtship with Kent, an American studying at Oxford, which culminates in his surprise proposal. Examining both the lead-up to and the spiritual significance of that commitment, she explains how falling in love made her more independent and how she came to view marriage as the ultimate show of faith for those who “rest together in Christ.” Theological reflections based on St. Augustine, whose beliefs make up many of the book’s epigraphs, both ground and complicate her views: “The possession of goodness is increased in proportion to the concord and charity of each of those who share it... he who is most willing to admit to others a share of it will have the greatest abundance.” Braided with her own marriage story are scenes with her father that shed light on her youthful ambivalence toward marriage before her conversion. Evangelical Christians will enjoy Kent’s thoughtful theological understanding of marriage and the joys of finding love. (Aug.)

Publishers Weekly

"Sex and the City of God is a luminous love story. In her elegant and honest memoir, Carolyn Weber invites us to journey with her through disordered longings for union and communion to the discovery of Jesus as our first love who, through his passionate commitment to us as a bridegroom for a bride, awakens us to more deeply devoted human love as well—spiritually, emotionally, and physically."

Sharon Garlough Brown

"Here is a modern woman's walk through life with Augustine's ancient wisdom as a guide. Yes, it is a love story, but it is no mere love story. It carries weight and wisdom. You will laugh and cry—sometimes simultaneously—and ponder the remarkable grace of God. Weber is a storyteller at heart. She keeps her reader in delightful suspense without neglecting the rich nourishment that strong stories supply."

Ben Palpant

"Carolyn Weber's Sex and the City of God is a wise, poignant, funny reflection on sex and the modern girl, only that the modern girl in this case is also freshly and deeply smitten by Jesus. Not since Lauren Winner's Girl Meets God have we had such a candid memoir of coming to faith and keeping the faith in an age that values neither. Carolyn's voice is clear and honest, and all through her tale of love lost and love found we sense an enduring wisdom for our own mortal and moral dilemmas."

Mark Buchanan

"Sex and the City of God is a book like no other I've read. It is an artful memoir. It is a theology of the body. It is sound advice on love and marriage. It is literary analysis. It has everything (even Jane Eyre—Jane Eyre!) that an intellectually curious and spiritually minded reader could ask for. Carolyn Weber has set a new standard for what a Christian book can and should be: holistic, honest, and well-crafted."

Karen Swallow Prior

"Sex is in the title, but this book is surely and mostly about marriage—what comes before and what we receive afterward. It is about all the most important loves we have and how they grow softly and strong and sturdy over time. Weber also provides a rare and honest examination of female desire, sanctified. It is an honest, lyrically and beautifully written memoir from an accomplished writer from whom we expect great things, and Weber does not disappoint."

Karen Stiller

"We're sometimes tempted to put faith in one category and gritty areas of life in another. But God doesn't compartmentalize. In Sex and the City of God, Carolyn Weber narrates her experience of love, longing, and faith. Beautifully written, theologically rich, and mercifully honest, Weber's book is gift to all who love God amid the realities of our humanness."

Darryl Dash

"Carolyn Weber looks at her life with all of the inherent symbolism, irony, and foreshadowing of fine literature because she sees the unfolding of its episodes not as happenstance but the revealing of an intricate plot by the Master Storyteller. Sex and the City of God continues her memoirs after her first year at Oxford with the subplot of what it means to be, and become, the bride of Christ and to embrace the beauties of love—divine and human, spiritual and physical. Refreshing and frank, this book will encourage and challenge your own perceptions of being the beloved of God."

Gregory Wilbur

"Like Carolyn Weber, I made the choice as an adult to embrace Christ and 'the life that is truly life.' The transformation and spiritual growth of the 'former angry feminist academic' led Carolyn to the wonderful discovery C. S. Lewis made—'Our real selves are all waiting for us in Him.' In a world where love is distorted and disposable, commitment rare, and morality unhinged, Carolyn's romantic journey—laced with literary gems—illuminates God's plan for love and marriage. With vulnerable acknowledgment of the challenges, Sex and the City of God provides a great mentoring tool for navigating relationships in today's culture."

Moira Brown

"The title may catch your attention, but this beautifully crafted, thoroughly engaging book will keep it. Carolyn Weber weaves her personal story with God-breathed, powerful biblical insights. Transparent, honest, and delightful, Sex and the City of God is so timely as it challenges our cultural cheapening and belittling of God’s designs for human love. I’ll warn you . . . this one is hard to put down!"

Debbie Smith

"Sex and the City of God is a luminous love story. In her elegant and honest memoir, Carolyn Weber invites us to journey with her through disordered longings for union and communion to the discovery of Jesus as our first love who, through his passionate commitment to us as a bridegroom for a bride, awakens us to more deeply devoted human love as well--spiritually, emotionally, and physically."

--Sharon Garlough Brown, author of the Sensible Shoes series and Shades of Light

"Carolyn Weber's Sex and the City of God is a wise, poignant, funny reflection on sex and the modern girl, only that the modern girl in this case is also freshly and deeply smitten by Jesus. Not since Lauren Winner's Girl Meets God have we had such a candid memoir of coming to faith and keeping the faith in an age that values neither. Carolyn's voice is clear and honest, and all through her tale of love lost and love found we sense an enduring wisdom for our own mortal and moral dilemmas."

--Mark Buchanan, author of God Walk: Moving at the Speed of Your Soul

"Like Carolyn Weber, I made the choice as an adult to embrace Christ and 'the life that is truly life.' The transformation and spiritual growth of the 'former angry feminist academic' led Carolyn to the wonderful discovery C. S. Lewis made--'Our real selves are all waiting for us in Him.' In a world where love is distorted and disposable, commitment rare, and morality unhinged, Carolyn's romantic journey--laced with literary gems--illuminates God's plan for love and marriage. With vulnerable acknowledgment of the challenges, Sex and the City of God provides a great mentoring tool for navigating relationships in today's culture."

--Moira Brown, cohost of Canada's longest-running daily television talk show, 100 Huntley Street, and author of Hugs from Heaven

"The title may catch your attention, but this beautifully crafted, thoroughly engaging book will keep it. Carolyn Weber weaves her personal story with God-breathed, powerful biblical insights. Transparent, honest, and delightful, Sex and the City of God> is so timely as it challenges our cultural cheapening and belittling of God's designs for human love. I'll warn you . . . this one is hard to put down!"

--Debbie Smith, wife of Michael W. Smith and mother of five

"Sex and the City of God is a book like no other I've read. It is an artful memoir. It is a theology of the body. It is sound advice on love and marriage. It is literary analysis. It has everything (even Jane Eyre--Jane Eyre!) that an intellectually curious and spiritually minded reader could ask for. Carolyn Weber has set a new standard for what a Christian book can and should be: holistic, honest, and well-crafted."

--Karen Swallow Prior, author of On Reading Well and Fierce Convictions

"Carolyn Weber looks at her life with all of the inherent symbolism, irony, and foreshadowing of fine literature because she sees the unfolding of its episodes not as happenstance but the revealing of an intricate plot by the Master Storyteller. Sex and the City of God continues her memoirs after her first year at Oxford with the subplot of what it means to be, and become, the bride of Christ and to embrace the beauties of love--divine and human, spiritual and physical. Refreshing and frank, this book will encourage and challenge your own perceptions of being the beloved of God."

--Gregory Wilbur, composer, author, and president of New College Franklin

"We're sometimes tempted to put faith in one category and gritty areas of life in another. But God doesn't compartmentalize. In Sex and the City of God, Carolyn Weber narrates her experience of love, longing, and faith. Beautifully written, theologically rich, and mercifully honest, Weber's book is gift to all who love God amid the realities of our humanness."

--Darryl Dash, author of How to Grow: Applying the Gospel to All of Your Life

From the Publisher