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Overview
In Seven Reasons Why God Created Marriage, Pastor James Ford, a seasoned marriage counselor, walks readers through the Bible and shows them seven purposes for which God created marriage.This exploration will reveal timeless truths upon which readers – whether engaged or newly married – can build a solid foundation and strengthen the pillars of their marriage, reaping the benefits God intended along the way.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781575673745 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Moody Publishers |
| Publication date: | 10/01/2009 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 240 |
| File size: | 2 MB |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
Seven Reasons Why God Created Marriage
By James Ford, Kathryn Hall
Moody Publishers
Copyright © 2009 James FordAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-57567-374-5
CHAPTER 1
The Pattern of the Trinity
Reveals a Spiritual Reality
Almost two years ago, in a quiet moment, my wife looked at me through her pain and tear-filled eyes and said, "I know you are tired of having to do everything without my aid and assistance. I know you are tired of not being able to enjoy the things that most husbands enjoy, like coming home to a cooked meal and a clean house instead of having to come home and cook the meal and clean the house yourself. You have been taking care of me for sixteen years without much help and without much of a break. Besides that, you have also been taking care of my mother with her Alzheimer's disease.
"Sometimes I really feel bad that I cannot help you more. I long for the days when I was whole and able to take care of my man and my home. I am tired of me being sick and I know you are tired of me being sick too. I know you are ready to leave me and give up on our marriage. At least I feel like that is what you probably want to do."
At that moment, she was making a reference to her sixteen years of debilitating illness that includes four nervous breakdowns, three major surgeries, five minor surgeries, complications from Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, chronic back pain, and severe migraine headaches, which have generally ended up with us at the hospital so that she could get a shot for relief from the insufferable pain. These excruciating setbacks have rendered her virtually unable to perform even the most simple of tasks.
By God's grace, for the past eighteen years now I have had to do all of the shopping, all of the washing, most of the cleaning of the house, and the cooking, among other things. As I reflected upon the faithfulness of the Lord Jesus Christ, He showed me that my greatest problem in my marriage was not with my wife but with me. I thought about how He has taught me that in order for my marriage to be successful, like Him, I have to die to self.
With those thoughts in mind, I gingerly took her hand in mine and stroked it as I lovingly gazed into her pretty brown eyes and said, "I love you and I have loved you from the first day I met you. Do you remember that I told you on that first day that I would marry you even though you were only eight years old and couldn't spell the word marriage? The Lord has matured me to the point in our marriage that even though I may get tired in serving you, I don't get tired of serving you because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. So, even if you never get better I have already decided to take care of you for the rest of my days. I am not saying that I haven't had struggles. I am saying that sometimes I too wish that you were fully restored and things were like they were prior to your getting sick. But long ago the Lord taught me that marriage was not about finding the right person but about being the right person.
"He has enabled me to love you as much in your sickness as I have loved you in your good health. All glory goes to Him! And besides I always tell you that I am so committed to you that if you ever leave me, I am going with you. I know that a successful marriage is one that is able to weather the fiercest storms of life."
Tears now were freely flowing from both of our eyes as I drew her close to me in a warm embrace and softly kissed her lips and reaffirmed my love for her. She fell asleep in my arms and I thanked the Lord Jesus for His sustaining strength and for teaching me how to utilize the first principle of marriage—the pattern of the Trinity.
A Spiritual Foundation for Marriage
The Trinity of God is a spiritual family based on a divine relationship. Since it is God's intention that the marriage relationship reflects His relationship with Himself, it is crucial to our success that we line up with God and keep Him at the center of our marital relationships. There is only one way that we can achieve this goal. A godly marriage that is grounded in the Lord must have a spiritual foundation.
As I tried to console my wife and ease her concerns, I asked her, "How often have you heard me preach from the pulpit that, in the spiritual sense, I am a wife because I am part of the church, the bride of Christ? But, in the natural realm, I am a husband married to you, Leslie Ford, my loving wife. But if I am to love you in the way in which God desires for me to love you, I must first submit in the spiritual to my Husband, the Lord Jesus Christ. He cares for me as I submit myself to Him. Then I step off into the natural, and what my Husband in the spiritual does for me as His wife, I do the same for you. If I'm going to be a successful husband in the natural I must first submit to my Husband in the spiritual, the Lord Jesus Christ. Everything that He does for me in the spiritual, I step off in the natural and, by His power, do that for you. So, if I were to fail as a husband in the natural it would be because I first was a failure as a wife to the Lord Jesus Christ in the spiritual. This is how I am able to care for you in the way that God intends for me to do."
I have no doubt that God intends marriage to follow the pattern of the Trinity because my own marriage has proven to be a reflection of the essence of biblical truth: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25). Brothers, know that this is very real. The God of the universe is saying to you: when you become a husband, loving your wife unconditionally is not simply an option—it's a necessity.
Once vows are exchanged, it is the same for every married couple. In a traditional marriage ceremony, we present a ring to our betrothed. When a man puts a ring on his wife-to-be, he is saying that it is a symbol of his love and commitment to her. It is a symbol of protection that is supposed to make her feel secure as she is encircled with the love and protection of her mate. The ring is made of a precious metal that is to give a foretaste of what the man's provision will be. He wants her to know that he will take good care of her. When he places the ring on her finger, she wears it in open display. The man is saying to her that he will always display her as his glory in that same way.
Another good example is found in a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony. The husband makes a solemn commitment to his wife by removing his outer tunic and putting it around her. He is saying to her, from that point on, she will never be naked or cold. She then accepts this gesture by wearing the coat throughout the rest of the ceremony.
What better way to begin a marriage than with a covenant agreement that expresses the depth of your love and a desire to care for each other. However, it's after the ceremony when it's "put up or shut up" time that your covenant agreement has to be backed up with some serious action from both partners. What I'm saying is, you can't just go through the motions; you have to live it out through the good times and the bad times. As I have shared from my personal experience, I am not telling you something I do not know firsthand.
Allow me to reiterate that if a man is not a good husband in the natural, it is because he is not a good wife in the spiritual. It's all about your relationship with Christ that positions you to receive the goodness of God and then transfer that goodness to your marital relationship. Brothers, this one is exclusively for you. Remember what Scripture says: "He who loves his own wife loves himself." If you want to get better as a husband in the natural, then hook up with Jesus in the spiritual and He will help you put your marriage in order.
There are some practical things that you can do. For your marriage to work, you must follow the Guidebook, that is, the Word of God. If you are not already doing so, I strongly recommend that you join a consistent Bible study group particularly designed for married couples. Christian marriage counseling can also be an effective means in helping to sort through the typical day-to-day issues that arise in married life as well as offering assistance in working through major problems. You must also develop a consistent prayer life because sincere prayer can only serve to improve your situation. As a married couple, these are the tools that will help you line up with God's Word. The essence of Christ will start to fill your spirit, soul, and body, and you will begin to see His influence in each other. When you are able to see Christ in your mate, it will help you to realize that submitting to each other in love is possible just as you are learning how to submit to Christ.
Prayer Holds the Key
It is not too difficult to understand why we don't get this. But it is truly a shame that many Christian couples do not even pray together on a regular basis. Spending time together communicating with God is necessary to keep your marriage healthy and stable. If asked the question whether you and your mate have a daily prayer time, would you be embarrassed to answer? Part of the problem is, too many couples don't even have meaningful conversations with each other. So, let me suggest that you turn off the TV so that the two of you can begin a routine practice of talking to God together. It would even make it easier for you to talk to each other. Try it, you might like it. And know that God will be there to join in with you whenever you're ready.
You see, when you invite God in as a partner in your marriage, you do so through prayer and obedience. Prayer is what holds us together. In fact, it can be the difference between staying together and improving your marriage or getting a divorce. A poll on "Couples Who Pray" taken by Baylor University and George Gallup compared those who "pray a lot" with their spouse versus those who pray "sometimes." The results were as follows: 78 percent vs. 60 percent say their marriage is happy; 91 percent vs. 74 percent say their spouse is their best friend; 75 percent vs. 64 percent agree on how to raise their kids; 60 percent vs. 58 percent agree on finances; and 72 percent vs. 52 percent say the quantity and quality of their love is good.
Sincere and consistent prayer can be an effective prevention method to steer a failing marriage toward reconciliation. Why? Because God honors the earnest prayers of His people. James, the apostle, understood this principle. He encouraged the believers to pray because "The effective prayer of a righteous man [or woman] can accomplish much" (James 5:16).
Now, I realize that a commitment to pray faithfully as a couple united in love can't be a "one size fits all" approach. You and your spouse have to agree on the proper time and manner in which to come together in prayer. However it works for you is best. But with the divorce rate today being one in every two, the point is that it is important to be determined to make your marital relationship the strongest it can be. And simple but heartfelt prayer can go a long way.
My wife and I make it a practice to pray together on a regular basis. I can readily attest to the fact that it's very difficult to pray together and still be angry with each other. At the same time, we try to obey Ephesians 4:26-27: "Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity." To keep from giving the enemy a chance to destroy what we have built together, we attempt to find resolution to our problems before going to bed. Generally, we're able by God's grace to resolve an issue in this way even though sometimes we've had to stay up for five days in order to obey the Scriptures. Seriously, though, my wife and I pray together almost every day and have a devotional time together two to three times each week. As we have tried to follow His lead, God has used our efforts to strengthen our marriage relationship tremendously.
Food for Thought:
• To combat the challenges and obstacles that face married couples today, you will have to take some other deliberate steps toward keeping your marriage alive and well. Spending quality time together is the best way to create a deep sense of belonging and intimacy. When is the last time you and your mate went to bed at the same time? Many couples are missing out on chances for building intimacy by not going to bed at the same time (and I'm not talking about solely for the purpose of having sex, although that's also good).
• Do you and your spouse have a regular date day? This is a time you set aside to be together—with no children and no in-laws—nobody but you and your spouse. To counteract the pressures and strains of day-to-day life, do something that you both enjoy, and do it often. Lord knows there are enough difficulties that you must face as the two of you overcome the issues of life. You need to create a sense of balance that comes from a steady effort to reinforce the fact that she knows that you are hers and you know that she is yours.
Leslie and I have a regular date day and one of the activities that we share has facilitated our love in a big way. We call it our "Spiritual Leadership Schedule." It is our effort to be proactive rather than reactive in our marriage. During our quality time, we discuss each of the items on the following list.
SPIRITUAL LEADERSHIP SCHEDULE
1. Discuss upcoming date
2. Share Bible memory verses
3. Discuss budget
4. Pray together
5. Evaluate personal quiet time
6. Plan weekly schedules together
7. Schedule/plan family devotions
8. Discuss wife's outside activities
9. Conduct exercise program
10. Set projects (spiritual and home)
11. Discuss spiritual successes and failures
12. Set personal goals
13. Minister to each other over meals
14. Schedule next spiritual leadership time
Feel free to adapt this list to your personal needs. The point is to set aside quality time to spend with each other and use it to establish definite goals that will benefit you and your relationship. And remember to be proactive and not reactive!
A Perfect Relationship
"That they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us ... The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one; I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity."
—John 17:21–23
Speaking to the Father on our behalf, Jesus prays for those who believe in Him. It is clear from His words that Jesus wants us to be included in the picture of the Trinity. Here He describes the perfect relationship that is indicative of the Trinity. We should be thankful that, through God's infinite love, He desires to unify us and make us perfect by our close association with Him. Since the concept of family existed in the Trinity first, when God designed man—both male and female—He did it so that the relationship would look like the Trinity. When you look back at the beginning of human existence, notice that it all started with a family—a man, a woman, and their children—which becomes a mirror of the Trinity.
This is a glorious thing. Not only are we in relationship with each other, but most importantly, God, our Creator, is at the center of that relationship. That's the connection needed to make our marriages work; it's the complete picture—a picture of perfection.
Then what does a godly relationship look like when it reflects the Trinity? The Members of the Godhead unequivocally honor and reverence one another. They don't look to see who is number one on the marquee. The Father is always pointing to the Son and the Son is always pointing to the Father and the Spirit is always pointing to the Son. There is never a vote among the three on who will be promoted in the relationship. No one is complaining about the rotation. You won't find the Trinity having arguments about one of the three always getting more attention than the other.
When you think about the Trinity, envision a picture of a relationship where there is no selfishness, only true harmony and perfection. The Father is not concerned about the Father; He is concerned about the Son. The Son is not concerned about the Son; He is devoted to the Father. The Spirit is not concerned about the Spirit; rather, His attention is focused on the Son.
Does this sound like the relationship between you and your mate? If so, let me be the first to commend you. If not, then you are like so many others. If you recognize that your marriage is in need of improvement and you want a better relationship, then why not pray and get into agreement with God so that you and your spouse can get ready to make some real and positive change happen. It took some time before I reached the place in our marriage that I could accept what I could not change in my life. But, after much prayer, I recognized that a change needed to take place in me. The Holy Spirit then brought this Scripture to my attention: "Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus," (Philippians 2:5a NKJV). Over and over I have prayed these words in my marriage, so that I would exercise the servanthood and humility of our Lord and that He would empower me to fulfill the vow that I made thirty-seven years ago—to have and to hold, in sickness and in health.
Someone has to take the first step in recognizing the need for change. Take a minute and reflect on your situation. Could it be that one or both of you may not think you're ready? Often human nature is such that it just seems easier to do nothing and to deal with the status quo. If the climate in your marriage is less than desirable but you find it difficult to try and do anything about it, ask yourself, "So, what is it that's holding me back?" Well, read on and allow me to show you some things. You might even recognize yourself and decide that you're ready to do your part so that your marriage is more in alignment with God.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Seven Reasons Why God Created Marriage by James Ford, Kathryn Hall. Copyright © 2009 James Ford. Excerpted by permission of Moody Publishers.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Table of Contents
TABLE OF CONTENTS:1. Pattern of the Trinity
2. Partnership for a God Created Marriage
3. Procreation Purpose
4. Perfecting Reason
5. Pleasure Purpose
6. Purity Purpose
7. Picture of Christ and His Church
Appendix: Ten Reasons for the Erosion of Marriage