Saying No to Say Yes: Everyday Boundaries and Pastoral Excellence

by David C. Olsen Ph.D, Nancy G. Devor

Overview

This book explores the difficulties clergy face when they attempt to say “no” by setting effective boundaries in order to say “yes” to the life-giving call of ministry. It illustrates the benefits of good boundaries, even as it traces the legacy of denominational boundary trainings in the wake of the public clergy sexual misconduct crisis. Devor and Olsen supplement anecdotes from their experience leading boundary trainings with an examination of clergy/congregation dynamics through the lenses of both self-psychology and family systems theory—elucidating how some obstacles to effective boundary setting are caused by innate personality tendencies that are exacerbated by a stressful church environment. A perfect storm occurs when clergy vulnerabilities and systemic congregational anxiety interact, leading to burn-out and boundary problems which hinder pastoral excellence.

Readers will find both practice questions to assist them in a deeper assessment of personal and systemic obstacles as well as strategies for setting boundaries, creating the space needed to pursue excellence in ministry.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781566997287
Publisher:	Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, Inc.
Publication date:	03/06/2015
Edition description:	New Edition
Pages:	142
Sales rank:	773,813
Product dimensions:	5.40(w) x 8.40(h) x 0.50(d)

About the Author

David C. Olsenis executive director of the Samaritan Counseling Center of the Capital Region and an adjunct faculty member of the Sage Graduate School.

Nancy G. Devor is senior staff psychologist at the Danielsen Institute at Boston University.

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: The Problem with Boundaries

Chapter 2: Healthy Selves and Boundaries

Chapter 3: Setting Boundaries in Anxious Congregational Systems

Chapter 4: When the Self and System Collide

Chapter 5: Saying No to Say Yes

Appendices:
1.Boundary Awareness Training
2.Tips for Organizing a Clergy Group

Editorial Reviews

Drawing upon wisdom gained through years of individual and group work with clergy, the authors make plain complex psychological theories about why religious leaders want to please congregations, and why congregational systems become anxious. With riveting illustrations they explore the deadly interaction between clergy seeking affirmation and congregations consumed with anxiety. Saying No to Say Yes provides a much needed road map for clergy whose family history makes them want to please congregations made anxious by financial pressures.

Carrie Doehring PhD

Devor and Olsen tackle head-on the complex and murky reality of boundaries in the life of the church and invite us to notice the “zones” where we need to tread cautiously. Rather than focus on the drama of sexual misconduct, they clarify how the setting of good boundaries is vital to both clergy and the church. Saying No to Say Yes invites us to deepen our day-to-day practice of setting individual and collective boundaries in a way that is clear, accessible, and life-giving.

Kelli Walker-Jones

The authors’ wide experience working with pastors and congregations, informed by their rich psychological knowledge, infuses their vision of pastoral excellence that is grounded in thoughtful self-awareness, strong support systems, and wise choices. The wisest choices, they say, are those that allow pastors to maintain healthy boundaries with their churches, their ministries, and their own histories. This is essential reading for pastors who aspire to healthy lives of effective service.

Rev. Paul E. Hopkins PhD

Clergy sexual misconduct gets the most attention when boundary violations are discussed. Olsen and Devor believe that focus gets in the way of addressing the need for other kinds of boundaries that help ministry to flourish. They argue that boundary problems mostly arise when there is confluence between unresolved personal issues on the part of a pastor and high stress in the congregational system itself. Boundary maintenance is needed not only so that pastors don’t burn out, but so that congregations can thrive. Pastors may set boundaries that are too rigid, which tends to drive people away. Olsen and Devor recommend the formation of clergy groups in which people hold each other accountable to boundary awareness and maintenance.

The Christian Century

[T]his outstanding resource explores appropriate boundaries in ministry, boundaries that 'promote and contribute to health.. .and excellence in ministry,' that is, the health and well-being of both the minister and his family as well as that of the community. The authors contend that 'successful boundaries are a team effort,' involving both the clergy and the community of faith. This book is an important read for priests, presvyteres and leaders in our parishes.

Clergy Couple Care

[T]his outstanding resource explores appropriate boundaries in ministry, boundaries that 'promote and contribute to health. . .and excellence in ministry, ' that is, the health and well-being of both the minister and his family as well as that of the community. The authors contend that 'successful boundaries are a team effort, ' involving both the clergy and the community of faith. This book is an important read for priests, presvyteres and leaders in our parishes.

Clergy sexual misconduct gets the most attention when boundary violations are discussed. Olsen and Devor believe that focus gets in the way of addressing the need for other kinds of boundaries that help ministry to flourish. They argue that boundary problems mostly arise when there is confluence between unresolved personal issues on the part of a pastor and high stress in the congregational system itself. Boundary maintenance is needed not only so that pastors don't burn out, but so that congregations can thrive. Pastors may set boundaries that are too rigid, which tends to drive people away. Olsen and Devor recommend the formation of clergy groups in which people hold each other accountable to boundary awareness and maintenance.

Devor and Olsen tackle head-on the complex and murky reality of boundaries in the life of the church and invite us to notice the "zones" where we need to tread cautiously. Rather than focus on the drama of sexual misconduct, they clarify how the setting of good boundaries is vital to both clergy and the church. Saying No to Say Yes invites us to deepen our day-to-day practice of setting individual and collective boundaries in a way that is clear, accessible, and life-giving.

Drawing upon wisdom gained through years of individual and group work with clergy, the authors make plain complex psychological theories about why religious leaders want to please congregations, and why congregational systems become anxious. With riveting illustrations they explore the deadly interaction between clergy seeking affirmation and congregations consumed with anxiety. Saying No to Say Yes provides a much needed road map for clergy whose family history makes them want to please congregations made anxious by financial pressures.

The authors' wide experience working with pastors and congregations, informed by their rich psychological knowledge, infuses their vision of pastoral excellence that is grounded in thoughtful self-awareness, strong support systems, and wise choices. The wisest choices, they say, are those that allow pastors to maintain healthy boundaries with their churches, their ministries, and their own histories. This is essential reading for pastors who aspire to healthy lives of effective service.

From the Publisher

The authors’ wide experience working with pastors and congregations, informed by their rich psychological knowledge, infuses their vision of pastoral excellence that is grounded in thoughtful self-awareness, strong support systems, and wise choices. The wisest choices, they say, are those that allow pastors to maintain healthy boundaries with their churches, their ministries, and their own histories. This is essential reading for pastors who aspire to healthy lives of effective service.

Rev. Paul E. Hopkins Ph.D

Drawing upon wisdom gained through years of individual and group work with clergy, the authors make plain complex psychological theories about why religious leaders want to please congregations, and why congregational systems become anxious. With riveting illustrations they explore the deadly interaction between clergy seeking affirmation and congregations consumed with anxiety. Saying No to Say Yes provides a much needed road map for clergy whose family history makes them want to please congregations made anxious by financial pressures.

Carrie Doehring Ph.D

Saying No to Say Yes is an insightful examination of how pastors are shaped by their families of origin and expectations of congregational culture. Additionally, the authors provide concise practical suggestions for moving toward pastoral excellence. I wish this book had been available when I graduated seminary!

Rev. Robert C. Leivers