Return to the Big Fancy: A Riotous Descent Into the Depths of Customer, Corporate, and Coworker Hell

by Freeman Hall

Overview

Bigger, Fancier, and more cutthorat than ever!

When Freeman Hall left The Big Fancy to pursue his screenwriting dreams, he thought the horrors of working in a handbag department were finally over. But instead of fame and fortune, he found himself stuck behind a wall of script-killing rewrites, unable to make a living.

In Return to the Big Fancy, Freeman shares his wildly entertaining journey back through the fiery gates of Retail Hell. He thought he had seen it all in his day, but with the bar set higher than ever before, employees are now graciously bowing before Corporate as they climb over fellow salespeople, and even friends, to earn enough transactions and commissions to actually survive. As he learns more of the wretchedness that has befallen the sales floor, he realizes that The Big Fancy has its customers and its employees on a short leash. But leave it to Freeman and the threat of disappearing commissions to rally the retail slaves and show Corporate who's really in charge!

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781440536779
Publisher:	Adams Media
Publication date:	10/18/2012
Pages:	272
Product dimensions:	8.50(w) x 5.80(h) x 1.20(d)

About the Author

Author of the acclaimed memoir Retail Hell, Freeman Hall spends his days running popular blogs and dogwalking his neighbor's adorable canines. He is also the author of Little Monster Hell, Discount Hell, and Return to the Big Fancy.

Table of Contents

Introduction: Happy Black Thanksgiving from My Retail Tic 13

1st Quarter Let the Sharking Begin 19

Satan's Super Deal 21

Fast Times at Big Fancy High 32

Queen of the Discount Rats 49

Lazy, Whiny, and Bitchy 56

The Custys Nobody Wanted 65

It's Getting Hot in Here 70

A Big Fancy Parade of Crazy Custys 77

That Tone of Voice 90

1st Quarter Sales Associate Rankings 95

Suzy Davis-Johnson's Super Seller Letter 96

2nd Quarter Dancing for The Big Fancy Man: Carporate Ridiculousness 97

The Visitors 99

How May I Help You Not Open a Big Fancy Credit Card? 113

FISH! Sucks 117

I Will Never Be an A Student at The Big Fancy 125

My Expensive Noncompliant Circle 128

How to Date Your Custy 132

The Open Door to Nowhere 138

2nd Quarter Sales Associate Rankings 145

Suzy Davis-Johnson's Super Seller Letter 146

3rd Quarter Super Seller Blood on the Sales Floor 147

Harpooning a Shark in Heels 149

Attack of the Monday Crustys 164

It's Raining Returns 171

Ten Minutes to Hell 180

All Phone Shoppers Should Be Pepper-Sprayed 183

Entitled to My Blood 193

The Sale of My Discontent 200

3rd Quarter Sales Associate Rankings 211

Suzy Davis-Johnson's Super Seller Letter 212

4th Quarter Season's Beatings! It's Not Over Till the Bloodsucker Buys Something 213

Night of a Thousand NATs 215

Custys of the Runway 228

Giving Till It Hurts 236

Hoarders of The Big Fancy 241

The Big Fancy Christmas Miracle 245

4th Quarter Sales Associate Rankings 257

Suzy Davis-Johnson's Super Seller Letter 258

Hard Times at Big Fancy High 259

Acknowledgments 261

About the Author 271

Editorial Reviews

"Author Freeman Hill is profound in this book. His observations and his propensity for nickname-giving are both hilarious, [and] there are a few genuinely wonderful moments at the store. If you're getting malled this holiday season, you'll need a laugh, and Return to The Big Fancy packs a lot of extras." —The Bookworm Sez, LLC/Washington Blade

"Funny and relatable...Hall's stories of life in The Big Fancy will resonate with readers who have worked in retail." —Graffiti WV

"Anyone who has ever worked retail will simultaneously understand where Hall is coming from and laugh hysterically at the tales within Return to the Big Fancy. And if you haven't worked retail, hopefully it will help you put yourself in the shoes of those people ringing up your purchases the next time you go shopping." —The Randy Crazy Thoughts of Mandy blog

From the Publisher