Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad-and Surprising Good-About Feeling Special

by Dr. Craig Malkin Narrated by Kiff VandenHeuvel

Overview

Harvard Medical School psychologist and Huffington Post blogger Craig Malkin addresses the "narcissism epidemic," by illuminating the spectrum of narcissism, identifying ways to control the trait, and explaining how too little of it may be a bad thing.

"What is narcissism?" is one of the fastest rising searches on Google, and articles on the topic routinely go viral. Yet, the word "narcissist" seems to mean something different every time it's uttered. People hurl the word as insult at anyone who offends them. It's become so ubiquitous, in fact, that it's lost any clear meaning. The only certainty these days is that it's bad to be a narcissist-really bad-inspiring the same kind of roiling queasiness we feel when we hear the words sexist or racist. That's especially troubling news for millennials, the people born after 1980, who've been branded the "most narcissistic generation ever."

In Rethinking Narcissism readers will learn that there's far more to narcissism than its reductive invective would imply. The truth is that we all fall on a spectrum somewhere between utter selflessness on the one side, and arrogance and grandiosity on the other. A healthy middle exhibits a strong sense of self. On the far end lies sociopathy. Malkin deconstructs healthy from unhealthy narcissism and offers clear, step-by-step guidance on how to promote healthy narcissism in our partners, our children, and ourselves.

Editorial Reviews

"Narcissism" has become the putdown of the day. Whether the topic of conversation is selfie-obsessed millennials, self-absorbed bosses, or preening reality TV stars, the term creeps in as the ultimate invective, a callous putdown disguised as a clinical diagnosis. According to Harvard Medical School psychologist Craig Malkin, we have narcissists all wrong; or at least, half wrong. In fact, he writes, some narcissistic traits can be beneficial if not carried to the point of sociopathy. To demonstrate his points, he cites a range of recent, sometimes eye-opening research. A reassuring defense of healthy narcissism.

Leon Seltzer

If you’re to buy just one book on narcissism, this is the one to purchase.

BookTrib

Thank you, Dr. Malkin, for saying what needed to be said and clearing things up for me. For all of us.

Psych Central

Among all the books that have been published on the topic in the past 10 years, Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad - and Surprising Good - About Feeling Special stands out as a definite must-read.

The Independent

[A] fascinating book.

Todd Kashdan

Certainly one of the best books I’ve read this year. Don’t be fooled by the title.. this book is for anyone trying to better understand themselves and other people.

The Daily Mail (UK)

A gripping and sometimes terrifying book that will make you look anew at your spouse, your parents, your children, your friends, your enemies, your fellow workers and - perhaps most pertinently - your reflection in the mirror.

Dr. Sue Johnson

This is an enthralling book. It takes the clichés of narcissism and unpacks them to help us understand and accept our human need to feel special while also coping with the dangers of self-absorption. It will become a classic.

Peggy Drexler

A fresh approach to the way we regard one of psychology’s most complex conditions. In a book that’s persuasive, insightful, and never dry, Dr. Malkin offers the right mix of analysis and advice and presents compelling, ground-breaking evidence that narcissism is necessary-in the right doses, of course.

Dr. Drew Pinsky

In Rethinking Narcissism, Dr. Malkin reveals the surprising good news about narcissism, exploring the complexities of narcissistic traits and deflating popular myths. Most importantly, he shows us how to develop a healthy sense of narcissism and how to manage relationships with narcissistic partners, friends, colleagues, and family.

Gretchen Rubin

Dr. Craig Malkin offers a surprising, accessible analyis of narcissism—and explains why a healthy dash of narcissism can be a good thing.

Psychology Today

Among all the books that have been published on the topic in the past 10 years, Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad — and Surprising Good — About Feeling Special stands out as a definite must-read.

Daily Mail (UK)

A gripping and sometimes terrifying book that will make you look anew at your spouse, your parents, your children, your friends, your enemies, your fellow workers and - perhaps most pertinently - your reflection in the mirror.

Library Journal

05/01/2015
Can narcissism, the love one holds for his or her self-image, really be beneficial and necessary to develop a healthy self? Malkin, a clinical psychologist and regular contributor to publications such as Psychology Today, elegantly untangles the issues for the reader. After a concise introduction to narcissism, he presents the narcissism spectrum: a gradation of narcissism from 0 to 10. At the center lies healthy narcissism: people who safely depend on others and who can develop caring relationships through true intimacy. Both extremities of the spectrum are pathological, 0 being someone who refuses all attention and care, and 10 being a pathological narcissist (for example, psychopaths). Malkin provides dozens of rich examples from his clinic and offers parents, spouses, coworkers, and friends suggestions for how to help the narcissist in their life. The techniques he proposes are very well explained, with many examples of empathy prompts. VERDICT Malkin achieves his goal of helping readers better understand others and themselves, as the reading of his book has immediate positive introspective effects. This is a true gem on the subject of narcissism.—Maryse Breton, Bibliothèque et Archives nationales du Québec

Kirkus Reviews

2015-03-11
It's good to feel good about yourself. Clinical psychologist Malkin (Psychology/Harvard Medical School), contributor to popular magazines, the Huffington Post, NPR and Fox News, draws on decades of experience in his debut self-help book, focused on the problem of narcissism. That word, he says, is used so much that its meaning has become "alarmingly vague," synonymous with selfishness and self-aggrandizement. Even among psychologists, the "slippery and amorphous" term can refer to "an obnoxious yet common personality trait or a rare and dangerous mental health disorder." Malkin applies the term to a spectrum of traits, from benign to pathological, arguing that a little narcissism—a feeling of being special—is a good thing, leading to confidence, optimism, and sociability. Healthy narcissism, though, "boils down to striking the right balance," and he focuses on how to achieve that balance in ourselves, friends, relatives, and children. As in most self-help books, this one provides an assessment questionnaire so readers can find their places on the Narcissism Spectrum: on the far left, individuals he calls echoists suffer from low self-esteem and tend to subjugate themselves to other people's wishes; on the far right, extreme narcissists "see themselves as better than their partners (and most everyone else)," are often manipulative, insatiably seek approval, and seem "unemotional (apart from anger and thrill seeking)." "Narcissists and echoists are made, not born," writes the author, justifying his advice about parenting: parents of echoists discourage their children's pride and senses of accomplishment; parents of narcissists "often inflate their children's achievements." Parenting for healthy narcissism involves encouraging (but not requiring) dreams of greatness and fostering love and closeness. Lest readers worry that they won't be able to identify a narcissist in their lives, Malkin provides five warning signs. The author believes that anyone willing to change will be able to do so, and his reassuring tone and plethora of case histories offer considered advice and generous encouragement.

Product Details

BN ID:	2940173782830
Publisher:	HarperCollins
Publication date:	07/07/2015
Series:	Allen Carr's Easyway
Edition description:	Unabridged
Sales rank:	456,382

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