Table of Contents
prologue: get real---reconnecting with your core The Best People
Ina Perfect World, Who Are You?
In Reality, What Are You Doing?
Negative Voices
What Do You Think All Day?
The Happiest Time of My Life
A Personal Vision
Act on It!
it's your time; it's your turn
Dr. Phil's Relationship Stress Test
What's Your Part?
What's the Payoff?
A Self-Analysis
Your Bag of Tricks
Test Your Readiness
Project Status
defining the problem
Personal Concepts Profile
Relationship Health Profile
General Relationship Problem Profile
Specific Relationship Problem Profile
The Relationship Behavior Profile: Your Partner
The Relationship Behavior Profile: You
Your Relationship Lifestyle Profile
Relationship Communication Test
Chemistry Test
The Five Tough Questions
blowing up the myths
Myth #1: A Meeting of the Minds
The "Natural"Fit
The "Adjusted"Fit
"Thanks for the Differences..."
Myth #2: A Great Romance
Falling in Love
Being in Love
Myth #3: Great Problem Solving
What Are We Fighting About?
I Think...I Feel
Myth #4: Common Interests that Bond You Together Forever
A Wish List
Reality Check
Myth #5: A Peaceful Relationship
The Rules of the Ring
Simmer, Spew, or Blow the Lid Off
Myth #6: The Complete Venting of Feelings
What's Your Style?
What's Your Partner's Style?
Ping-Pong
Myth #7: Nothing to Do with Sex
Just the Facts
Once Upon a Time
Chemical Reactions
Myth #8: You Cannot Survive a Flawed Partner
If I Were You...
Myth #9: A Right Way and a Wrong Way
The "Perfect Couple"
Myth #10: When You Get Your Partner Straightened Out
Mirror, Mirror
eliminating your bad spirit
Characteristic #1: You're a Scorekeeper
Characteristic #2: You're a Fault Finder
Characteristic #3: You Think It's Your Way or the Highway
Characteristic #4: You Turn into an Attack Dog
Characteristic #5: You Are a Passive Warmonger
Characteristic #6: You Resort to Smoke and Mirrors
Characteristic #7: You Will Not Forgive
Characteristic #8: You Are the Bottomless Pit
Characteristic #9: You're Too Comfortable
Characteristic #10: You've Given Up
Adding It Up
reclaiming your core---the personal relationship values
Personal Relationship Value #1: Own Your Relationship
"Whine Warning"
Quiz
Personal Statement
Personal Relationship Value #2: Accept the Risk of Vulnerability
"I'm Afraid that..."
"What If...?"
"And Then I Would..."
Personal Relationship Value #3: Accept Your Partner
Inventory 1: My Top Ten Partner Gripes
Inventory 2: My Partner's Top Twenty Positives
The Whine Ratio
Personal Relationship Value #4: Focus on the Friendship
What I Want in a Friend
What I Am as a Friend
My Partner as a Friend
Personal Relationship Value #5: Promote Your Partner's Self-Esteem
The Honor Roll
Personal Relationship Value #6: Aim Your Frustrations in the Right Direction
Frustration Log
Personal Relationship Value #7: Be Up-Front and Forthright
"I Put up My Dukes when..."
"I'd Rather Cover Up Because..."
Personal Relationship Value #8: Make Yourself Happy Rather than Right
Your Righteousness Quotient
"Just Suppose..."
Personal Relationship Value #9: Allow Your Relationship to Transcend Turmoil
"Or Else!"
Personal Relationship Value #10: Put Motion into Your Emotion
Love Action
Action Assignment
Report Card
Personal Relationship Value Reminder
the formula for success
Are You Ready?
Write Your Own Definitions
Job #1: Make Your Needs Know