Queer Astrology for Women: An Astrological Guide for Lesbians

by Jill Dearman

Overview

A hilariously irreverent and startlingly insightful astrology guide for lesbians.

Jill Dearman is a breakthrough astrologer for our time. No one has approached the stars with her sass and class ever before! Her guide to astrology for lesbians is lively, revealing--and naughty!

Sections include: in life, in bed, how to seduce her, doing her and dating her, how to last over the long haul, how to get rid of her, and the three faces of each sign.

How to get rid of an Aquarius woman: Ms. Aquarius will pack her bags soon after you start invading her personal space and drowning her in too much nonstop and irrational cemotion. Ms. Aquarius hates to feel trapped, so if you slowly take away all her freedoms, you will be watching her walk out the door faster than you can sing "This is the dawning of the..."

The Cancer woman is intensely emotiona...and her moods change with the tides. Not that you can every completely figure her out. Would you dare to assume you could understand the sea or fully absorb or comprehend a beautiful piece of music? Or course not, you silly lesbian. So don't patronize this lovely woman.

But getting rid of a Cancer woman: Please don't be a cad and pull off the old "I'm going out for a pack of cigarettes (or a bag of Kitty Litter)" and never come back routine. She'll have your mother sitting with her and holding her hand, worrying, before you've made it past the border.

And a complete compatibility profile of each astrological combination:

Take Aries and Cancer: The best par? They can be fiercely loyal and protective of each other. The worst part? They instinctively know how to hurt each other's feelings and often do, in a most brutal way. Ms. Aries, ruled by fire strikes quickly and forcefully and without thinking. "Don't each that doughnut! It'll make you fat!" Ms Cancer, ruled by water, knows how to create a mood of subtle emotional torture. "I don't feel like being touched...No, I don't want to be alone. Can't we just sit together in the same room and not talk and not touch and not make such a big deal about it?"

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781250082176
Publisher:	St. Martin's Publishing Group
Publication date:	04/14/2015
Sold by:	Macmillan
Format:	eBook
Pages:	224
File size:	4 MB

About the Author

Jill Dearman has been a fascinated student of the signs and planets since childhood. She has written professionally about astrology for numerous publications since 1990, and is the author of Queer Astrology for Men and Queer Astrology for Women. The study of the stars led her to the study of human nature, and she worked volunteer or part time as an HIV counselor throughout the 1990s.

She is also a playwright, screenwriter, and filmmaker, with many lurid credits to her name. Her short film The Great Bravura, a magician's tale, has been screened at several festivals, and she is currently developing a feature-length version of the story.

She spins her web in New York City, but in her frequent moments of pomposity, views herself as a "citizen of the world."

Jill Dearman as been a fascinated student of the signs and planets since childhood. She has written professionally about astrology for numerous publications since 1990. The study of the stars led her to the study of human nature, and she has worked volunteer or part time as an HIV counselor throughout the 1990s.

She is also a playwright, screenwriter, and filmmaker, with many lurid credits to her name. Her short film The Great Bravura, a magician's tale, has been screened at several festivals, and she is currently developing a feature-length version of the story, which she hopes to film in the twenty-first century.

She spins her web in New York city, but in her frequent moments of pomposity views herself as a "citizen of the world."

Read an Excerpt

Queer Astrology for Women

An Astrological Guide for Lesbians

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By Jill Dearman, Mark Neston

St. Martin's Press

Copyright © 1999 Jill Dearman
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-250-08217-6

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CHAPTER 1

Aries (March 21–April 20)

Element: Fire Mode: Cardinal Ruling Planet: Mars Erogenous Zone: Head, face Best Traits: Courage under fire, personal integrity, her forcefulness Worst Traits: Selfish! Bossy! Her forcefulness (when you're not in the mood)

In Life

Aries is the first sign of the zodiac and often thought of as the "infant." Her favorite word is me, and she is likely to act first and think later. Look up the word butch in the dictionary and you will find a picture of an Aries dyke. (That's her in the ankle-length leather coat with nothing underneath). Yes, she's a tough, forceful woman, but you know what her greatest asset is? She is completely unjaded. She has a certain childlike enthusiasm that she brings to everything she does. She's fearless and pioneering, great at starting things, not so great at finishing them. The Aries woman is exciting to be around. She just crackles with energy. When she's feeling down, all you have to do is remind her of how cool and powerful she is and she'll perk right up. Her ego can be her Achilles' heel, but it is also one of her greatest strengths.

Aries women are great leaders, and great athletes. If a job demands great physical and mental courage, you can expect Aries to be on the front lines. Whatever field she is in, from firefighter to football player, she is a true pioneer. She takes risks before it is fashionable to do so.

Of course, the annoying thing about Ms. Aries is that her ego needs constant propping up. She needs a lot of attention and regular reminders that she is number one: in the sack, at the office, on the sports field.

When Ms. Aries was young, she probably said to herself, "I want to be a (fill in the noun: performer, politician, reporter ...) when I grow up." Even as an adult she holds fast to her dreams and ambitions. She will accomplish great things in this life, and she won't destroy other people to get to the top! She's a winner with a conscience.

In Bed

Forget the atmosphere. Aries likes to get right down to business. She is a force of nature, especially at the beginning of an affair. If she likes you, you will know it, and she's the one who likes to do the chasing. Pretend you're a straight woman in the 1950s and play hard to get. She'll come after you, and she'll charm you with her courage and sincerity. She is a true top, in every sense of the word, even if she likes being on the bottom from time to time. She's the one in charge, and she enjoys playing the role of Xena, Warrior Princess. She tends to have more energy than imagination, so it may be up to you to vary the routine a bit. Share your passions with her. If you've been together awhile and you are just discovering a love of slow dancing to lounge standards, then break out the Dean Martin records and dance around the living room with her. Add an element of surprise each time you make love, and you'll subliminally train her to do the same. Pay special attention to her head and face. Kiss that bit between her eyebrows as if you mean it. She isn't shy and neither should you be.

The gay Aries woman is a sheep in wolf's clothing. She plays hard but her heart is soft and mushy. She's an action-oriented chick who is not into analyzing a relationship or a night of amour to death. She is ruled by Mars, the planet of life force, and, girl, will she make you feel alive! She forces her way in and comes out smiling. Take her or leave her. There's no gray area with this bold and single-minded woman.

Aries is also obsessed with the bathroom. She loves public toilets as much as gay men do! In her heart, she is a bit of a gay man. You may feel her pushing you to parts unknown before you've even gotten to second base. That's part of her charm. Beneath her hot, womanly body, she's just a teenage boy with a hard-on.

How to Seduce Her

The Aries dyke likes her women one way: strong. Be yourself and don't try too hard to accommodate her. She respects women who have lives and minds of their own. And the more driven and independent you are, the better. It is always better to let her come after you, but if that is easier said than done, here are some tips: Make her laugh. This fire sign is so passionate and extreme in her life that it will be a real relief if you break the ice and help her to relax and lighten up a bit. If she knows she can have fun and play with you, then she may make the next leap ... into the physical realm. If you are going to make a pass at her, there are two ways you can do it. You can overpower her with passion and come on strong yourself. She likes a fun surprise, you know. She is a deeply physical person who loves a thrill. So if you're going to be bold, don't get cold feet in the middle! The other approach is to be a little coy. Wait for the right moment, when the music is sexy and the lights are low. Stare into her eyes with intent and plant a sweet, gentle kiss on her lips. Then pull back. The ball is in her court now, but her curiosity will be piqued. If she doesn't grab you right then and there, then just play it cool and go back to your dinner conversation. And let her obsess over what to do next.

But the best approach of them all is to draw her in with your own brand of intensity and let her take the leap and come to you. I cannot stress enough how much the Ram girl loves a challenge. Wait her out. If you go after her too passionately, you may kill all the mystery and incentive for her. I'm not recommending that you play games. I'm just advocating that you stay strong and hold out! The early days of your love affair will have a strong effect on what happens in the weeks, months, or years to come.

Doing Her and Dating Her

Starting an affair with Ms. Aries? I hope you don't expect to get much sleep. This fiery gal will keep you going all night and most of the day. She's got energy to spare and you'd better keep up if you want to make a good impression on her. Then again, she can be a bit frenetic and may just go to every sporting event, political meeting, and trendy nightclub just to impress you. You can gain her respect if you maintain your own personality (e.g., pull an allnighter with her a couple of times a week, then let her know that on the other days you have a life of your own). She digs independent women. She's one herself, you know. With Aries, there's always an invisible line in the sand. She lives hard and fast and wants to see if you're up for her highly energetic lifestyle. But she doesn't want to date a carbon copy of herself. For a simple woman with straightforward desires, she can be complex!

How to Last over the Long Haul

This is the real challenge, my darlings. If you are interested in sustaining a long-term relationship with an Aries, the first thing you will need is patience. She is a trial-by-fire/learn-by-doing kind of gal. That means you will have to live through a lot of her dramatic trials and tribulations. As the first sign of the zodiac, she possesses little wisdom when it comes to learning from the past. The good part is this: she will not bring a lot of that tired old "I've been burned in the past" or "My last girlfriend really hurt me" kind of baggage to your new and exciting relationship. The bad part is as follows: she may not have learned a helluva lot from her past mistakes. Every time is like the first time with Ms. Aries, the biggest dyke on campus.

And that brings us to how you can hold on to her (and your sanity) for a long time. Keep reinventing yourself. Keep growing. Forget her for a minute (that's about as long as she'll allow you to anyway) and concentrate on your own life. Make sure that you don't allow yourself to settle into a rut. And make sure that passion is always your top priority. There is no other way when you are loving an Aries. Each day is an adventure for her, so you better get used to life that way, too. If you want security above all else, try a Cancer or Taurus. Otherwise, you need to know that you can have a unique form of security with this woman. As long as you keep the fire burning ... every day.

How to Get Rid of Her

So you've given it your best shot and it just isn't working, and you want to know how to say good-bye to Ms. Aries? Well, first of all, as we all know ... lesbians never really say good-bye, we just end up dating someone closely connected to our ex, then end up being friends with the dreaded former lover anyway. But, if you no longer want a romance with an Aries, it's relatively easy to pull out. Take a note from a song by our sisters the Pet Shop Boys and be boring. Boredom is the death knell in a relationship for an Aries woman. Without a sense of excitement and thrills, she is more than likely to leave you. She can't stand being in a rut. So if you just keep things moving at a snail's pace, into the kind of predictability she can set her underwater, James Bond–style watch to, then you can breathe a sigh of relief as you watch her slam the door on her way out.

Another surefire way to end this relationship without risking life and limb is to ignore her. Just like her fire-sign sisters (Sagittarius and especially Leo), she needs a lot of attention. And I mean a lot! So if you stop giving her her fair share, she won't stick around for long. And luckily, the Aries woman is queen of the clean break. She won't sit around and process the way her Aquarius sisters will, nor will she obsess in Scorpio style. When it's over, it's over. And if she senses it's over for you, she won't stick around for the funeral services.

The Three Faces of Aries

Every sign is broken up into three decanates, each of which gives the Sun sign a distinctive flavor. Keep in mind, though, that the Sun enters and leaves each sign a day later or earlier during different years. Make the proper adjustments for girls born on the cusp of their sign. Wipe that dumb look off of your face and just do it. All right, you whiny sister you ... check an ephemeris and see what the exact dates of your (or your pal's) Sun sign were for the year in question, divide by three, and there you will find the correct decanates.

First-Decanate Aries (March 21–31): The Mars Decanate

First-decanate Aries dykes are wild, free, and more pioneering than other Rams. They like to begin a project or a relationship with memorable force. There is no such thing as halfway for these gals. Many early-Aries girls avoid relationships, sometimes unconsciously. They prefer doing things their own way and don't like to answer to anyone else. These Aries women are incredibly purist in their attitude toward life, art, love, and everything else. They are not particularly stubborn, they are just incapable of compromising their integrity or watering down their intense personalities. They are naive in their business dealings, and most of them could use a good financial manager. They live in the now and don't worry about the future too much.

Second-Decanate Aries (April 1–10): The Solar Decanate

Second-decanate Aries gals are more in love with love than the other Rams. They need a partner in life who will constantly remind them of how fabulous they are. Yes, these gals are vain and egotistical, but they have every right to be. They are giving and loving and believe in never telling a lie (unless it is to protect a dear one's feelings). They are more gentle and slow-moving than other Aries gals. They are less impulsive than first- or third-decanate Rams and more focused on achieving accomplishments in the long haul. These women are true romantics and are a bit more old-fashioned than you might expect.

Third-Decanate Aries (April 11–20): The Jupiter Decanate

These mid-April Aries women are a lucky bunch of high rollers. They love women, wine, and song and tend to come out ahead in games of chance. Horses are especially lucky for them (to bet on, to ride, or just to be near). These gals are born philosophers. They like to preach the gospel to anyone who'll listen. Their life views tend to soften as they get older. When they are young, they can be dogmatic and dumb but still immensely lovable! They are so popular because they believe that all people are essentially good. The more they study and learn, the more they thrive physically. These are the most scholarly of the Aries tribe.

If You Have Her Chart

If you have her chart, you can get a more detailed idea of what makes Ms. Aries tick. If she has a lot of extra fire in her chart (Aries, Leo, or Sagittarius), she will be even more butch than the average Ram girl (and that's saying a lot!). Conversely, a lot of Pisces or Cancer in her chart spells femme with a capital F. If her moon or ascendant is in Aquarius or Sagittarius, she will be even more independent than your run-of-the-mill Aries. Venus in Pisces makes her an incredibly giving and empathetic lover.

CHAPTER 2

Taurus

(April 21–May 20)

Element: Earth Mode: Fixed Ruling Planet: Venus Erogenous Zone: Neck Best Traits: Patience: appreciation of earthly delights; unflappable Worst Traits: Stubborn! Dense! Unwilling to change

In Life

Taurus is the earthiest of all the earth signs. In astrology, earth represents the tangible: the things we can feel, see, smell, hear, taste, and touch. So while the other earth signs might be more interested in money and career success (Capricorn) and the pleasure of work for work's sake (Virgo), our Ms. Taurus is thoroughly and completely ruled by her senses. No small wonder then that so many Venus-ruled girls born under the sign of the Bull are artists of one form or another. The one thing all Tauruses have in common is a deep love of music. So I suggest you get to know her on that level before delving into any other areas. Peruse her record collection. See what tunes she picks out to play on the jukebox of your local dyke dive. Make her a tape so fierce she will feel as if you are making love to her. She's no-nonsense in her conversational style, but when she plugs in her headphones and starts to groove, she is the sweetest, most romantic woman in lesboville.

The gay Taurus woman possesses a unique balance of common sense and keen intuition. Sometimes she is torn between the two and may jump to an extreme. Don't be fooled. She always needs to listen to both those voices to be happy. Although she may follow her heart completely for a while, eventually her head will have to kick in. And if she follows the cold voice of logic for too long, she is sure to feel a bleak sense of emptiness. Understand that above all else, the Taurus woman needs to be comfortable. She is a creature of habit, so don't mess with her routine! But if you like your women artistic, solid, and sensitive, and your relationships long and steady, then you are definitely barking up the right tree.

She may take a while to get attached, but once she does, it is you who will have a hard time breaking free. You could get used to good loving, good cooking, and a woman who comes to your emotional rescue every time you need her to.

In Bed

Take your time. She will. Tauruses are the most sensual lovers in the zodiac. To her, sex is like a delicious gourmet meal ... but creamier and more meaningful. Please, darlings, don't underestimate the value she places on food—sometimes too much. She brings the same desire, excitement, and yearning into the room when she is making love to you. Ms. Taurus likes sex to be long, slow, and luxurious. And she expects you to make every part of her body tingle. Pay special attention to that lovely neck of hers (Audrey Hepburn was a Taurus, you know). And don't scrimp on the hugging and kissing and, yes, dirty dancing. I told you how much she loves music. Find out where her tastes lie and take advantage! She's a sucker, if you've set the right scene. Tauruses do have a lazy streak, and after you've been with her awhile she may just lie there and grunt. That's right ... she may not even work up the energy to communicate in words. So you'll have to push her a little to keep that early passion going and to make her express herself verbally. But as long as you always pay attention to her five senses, and to all the sexy little places on her body, she'll keep growling for more. The Taurus woman is a real animal, in all the best senses of the word. She can get down and dirty with the best of them while still making everything seem beautiful ... like a movie.

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from Queer Astrology for Women by Jill Dearman, Mark Neston. Copyright © 1999 Jill Dearman. Excerpted by permission of St. Martin's Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Contents

Title Page,
Copyright Notice,
Dedication,
Introduction,
Part One: The Twelve Sun Signs,
1. Aries,
2. Taurus,
3. Gemini,
4. Cancer,
5. Leo,
6. Virgo,
7. Libra,
8. Scorpio,
9. Sagittarius,
10. Capricorn,
11. Aquarius,
12. Pisces,
Part Two: Compatibility,
Aries,
Taurus,
Gemini,
Cancer,
Leo,
Virgo,
Libra,
Scorpio,
Sagittarius,
Capricorn,
Aquarius,
Pisces,
Also by Jill Dearman,
Copyright,