Proactive Parenting: Help your child conquer self-destructive behaviours and build self-esteem
256
Proactive Parenting: Help your child conquer self-destructive behaviours and build self-esteem
256Paperback
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Overview
With a foreword by Benny Refson, President of the children's mental health charity Place2Be
The pressures faced by children and adolescents today are unprecedented, and the corresponding statistics around poor mental health deeply alarming. Behind every mental health issue, from addiction to ADHD, lies a host of underlying problems that need addressing but as a worried parent it's hard to know where to focus. What do you do if your child'struggles with anxiety? Is self-harming? Has developed an unhealthy relationship with eating, exercise, technology or alcohol?
Proactive in approach, top addiction therapist Mandy Saligari provides the tools to help you identify and address the self-destructive patterns of behaviour, to stop them in their tracks. Her practical framework reveals how you can adapt your own behaviour and equip your child to develop emotional intelligence, resilience and self-esteem.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781409183419 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Orion Publishing Group |
| Publication date: | 10/08/2019 |
| Pages: | 256 |
| Product dimensions: | 6.12(w) x 9.25(h) x 0.75(d) |
About the Author
Table of Contents
Foreword ix
Introduction 1
1 Common Emotional Problems 7
I can only be as happy as my unhappiest child
Stress
Anxiety
Trauma
Depression
Attention deficit disorders (ADD and ADHD)
How to spot if I need to take action
2 What Is Addiction? 25
Emotions are what we have the most of and know the least about: handle them or they will handle you
Where does addiction come from?
3 The Manifestations of Addiction 41
If the drug of choice is the problem, then I am not an addict
Drugs
Alcohol
Food
Sex and love
Money
Gambling
Work
Exercise
Nicotine
Caffeine
Screens
Self-harm
Codependence
Shopping
OCD
4 The Core Characteristics™ 60
No one airdrops into chronic addiction, so what comes before?
1 Control
2 Denial
3 Deceit, secrets and lies
4 Fear
5 Shame
6 Compulsion
7 Obsession
8 Projection
9 Expectation
10 Resentment
11 Isolation
12 Self-centredness/self-pity/self-will
5 Codependency 88
Surely codependency is just good manners?
Why codependence?
Where does codependence come from?
Why do you help like you do?
Spotting it early
So who am I codependent on?
Being the child of a codependent
Being the partner of a codependent
Being the codependent
Patterns of rescue
6 Adult Child of the Alcoholic 105
Most alcoholics are at work
Why ACoA?
What is alcoholism?
When does anything become an addiction?
Children of 'functional alcoholics'
How is addiction in my family?
Where do you get your parenting style from?
The common consequences of AcoA
How can you love another if you don't love yourself?
The addict and the codependent relationship
The roles we end up playing Nature or nurture
What is abuse?
Feeling traumatised
7 Self-Esteem 127
How I feel about myself drives who and what I attract into my life
What is self-esteem?
Is it the same as confidence?
Why is self-esteem important?
Self-esteem and vulnerability
How do we teach or encourage self-esteem?
Self-esteem and mental health - where it can go wrong
8 Guilt, Shame and Anger 136
Love doesn't hurt
Guilt
The danger of parental guilt
How to intervene
If a child feels guilt
The value of shame
Healthy vs toxic shame
Shaming your child
What is anger?
Healthy anger
Expectations, resentment and the Drama Triangle
The Five Things™
Aggression vs assertiveness
Fault vs accountability
When you don't feel anger
Control through threat
Rage
Regret
9 Modelled Behaviour 155
We teach best what we most need to learn
The importance of parental self-esteem
Self-love
Parental influence
Sibling influence
Envy
The right motivation
How to manage stress
How to manage your child's moods
How to avoid behaving in ways that make you feel ashamed
Technology - a great present for an argumentative future!
10 Boundaries and Rules 168
You have boundaries, you put up walls
Why are boundaries necessary?
Delivering a rule or a consequence?
Splitting
Teaching acceptance
Be good enough
11 How to Get Well and Stay Well 182
Be proactive: be the parent you want to be
Early intervention
Damage
Each parent know yourself
Avoid 'carried emotion'
An exercise in curiosity
What is recovery from addiction?
Healthy selfish
Rescue confirms victim
Parent the good child too
Creativity
Top and bottom lines
Enabling
Enmeshment
Letting go
How to promote well-being so that it is second nature
Happiness
12 On the Couch 198
A few genuine questions asked by real parents
About drugs
Festivals
Alcohol
Addiction
Eating disorders
Tough love
Divorced parents
Therapy, technology
Feelings 219
The Essentials 221
References 231
Index 234
Acknowledgements 241
About the Author 244