Preparing for a Wedding in the Episcopal Church
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Preparing for a Wedding in the Episcopal Church
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Overview
Resource for clergy to give/use with couples seeking to be wed in an Episcopal Church
Many couples come to an Episcopal Church seeking a place to hold their wedding ceremony because they love the setting in our beautiful churches. Others seek to be married in the Episcopal Church because their parents are members and/or it was the church of their childhood but have lapsed in attendance. While marriage is a tradition for many rooted in the religious tradition, the church continues to be an agent of the state in performing the legal components. And some couples are deeply connected to their parish family and seek a marriage grounded in the rites of the church.
Intended as an accessible resource, clergy can give this book to couples and use as a preparation tool in planning “The Celebration and Blessing of a Marriage” in the Episcopal Church. This book will satisfy the request clergy often receive from individuals (as well as newcomers, unmarried parents, same gender couples, those seeking remarriage) who desire to be married but don’t know what is involved from an Episcopal perspective. It includes essays, an outline and explanation of the marriage service, and how couples can live out the promises they make to one another.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9780819232687 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Church Publishing |
| Publication date: | 01/01/2017 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 64 |
| File size: | 1 MB |
About the Author
Tobias Stanislas Haller, BSG, is the author of the bestselling revision of The Episcopal Handbook. He has been a deputy to General Convention for several sessions, and served in leadership across the church. He is also a member of the Society of Catholic Priests, a regular reviewer for the Anglican Theological Review, and served for three years as its Religion and Culture Book Review editor. He lives in Baltimore, Maryland.
Read an Excerpt
Preparing for a Wedding in the Episcopal Church
By Tobias Stanislas Haller
Church Publishing Incorporated
Copyright © 2017 Tobias Stanislas Haller BSGAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-8192-3268-7
CHAPTER 1
The Marriage Canon: What the Church Requires
The Episcopal Church's marriage canon was extensively revised in 2015. This revision was intended to bring greater clarity to the responsibilities of the couple and the clergy, to restore a chronology that had been lost in earlier piecemeal revisions, and to bring the canon into conformity with the liturgical rites available since 1979. Because the canon is laid out in chronological order, it will serve as a framework for the following examination of the process that leads up to the wedding, and the wedding itself.
CANON I.18: Of the Celebration and Blessing of Marriage
Sec. 1. Every Member of the Clergy of this Church shall conform to the laws of the State governing the creation of the civil status of marriage, and also these canons concerning the solemnization of marriage. Members of the Clergy may solemnize a marriage using any of the liturgical forms authorized by this Church.
Sec. 2. The couple shall notify the Member of the Clergy of their intent to marry at least thirty days prior to the solemnization; Provided, that if one of the parties is a member of the Congregation of the Member of the Clergy, or both parties can furnish satisfactory evidence of the need for shortening the time, this requirement can be waived for weighty cause; in which case the Member of the Clergy shall immediately report this action in writing to the Bishop.
Sec. 3. Prior to the solemnization, the Member of the Clergy shall determine:
(a) that both parties have the right to marry according to the laws of the State and consent to do so freely, without fraud, coercion, mistake as to the identity of either, or mental reservation; and
(b) that at least one of the parties is baptized; and
(c) that both parties have been instructed by the Member of the Clergy, or a person known by the Member of the Clergy to be competent and responsible, in the nature, purpose, and meaning, as well as the rights, duties and responsibilities of marriage.
Sec. 4. Prior to the solemnization, the parties shall sign the following Declaration of Intention:
We understand the teaching of the church that God's purpose for our marriage is for our mutual joy, for the help and comfort we will give to each other in prosperity and adversity, and, when it is God's will, for the gift and heritage of children and their nurture in the knowledge and love of God. We also understand that our marriage is to be un-conditional, mutual, exclusive, faithful, and lifelong; and we engage to make the utmost effort to accept these gifts and fulfill these duties, with the help of God and the support of our community.
Sec. 5. At least two witnesses shall be present at the solemnization, and together with the Member of the Clergy and the parties, sign the record of the solemnization in the proper register; which record shall include the date and place of the solemnization, the names of the witnesses, the parties and their parents, the age of the parties, Church status, and residence(s).
Sec. 6. A bishop or priest may pronounce a blessing upon a civil marriage using any of the liturgical forms authorized by this Church.
Sec. 7. It shall be within the discretion of any Member of the Clergy of this Church to decline to solemnize or bless any marriage.
CHAPTER 2The Officiant
The Civil Law
Every Member of the Clergy of this Church shall conform to the laws of the State governing the creation of the civil status of marriage ... (Canon I.18.1)
It is beyond the scope of this resource to include information that would cover all of the civil jurisdictions in which the Episcopal Church (TEC) functions, a number of them outside the United States. This is due to the very wide range of civil requirements as they are applied in different states and municipalities both in the United States and in those other parts of the world in which TEC has a diocesan, parochial, or mission presence. Some of these regulations concern the couple; these include age requirements, need for parental consent, degree of kinship within which marriage is permitted, and status of previous marriages. Other regulations concern who may serve as an authorized officiant. Clergy are well advised to familiarize themselves with the civil law in their own town, city, state, and in some cases country, to be sure that both they and the couple are in full compliance with the civil law.
In general, most jurisdictions require that couples obtain a marriage license or other form of registration prior to the solemnization of their marriage. Such licenses are usually applicable for a set period of time, for example sixty days from the date of registration, so it is important that the couple not obtain the license too far in advance of the wedding, or — in places where a waiting period is required for a license — too late. The license serves as a summary of the civil requirements, in that one must be in compliance in order to obtain the license; clergy and the couple can take some assurance that the license certifies the couple have a legal right to marry.
When it comes to the officiant, some jurisdictions require all marriage officiants to register with the local civil authority, while others consider being an ordained minister in any religious body to be adequate without further registration. Clergy should check on the local policy soon after beginning ministry in a new area, in order to be prepared for the first marriage request that may come along.
The Church's Law
Every Member of the Clergy of this Church shall conform to ... these canons concerning the solemnization of marriage. (Canon I.18.1)
The canons of the church lay out the responsibilities and rights of the clergy, and these will be examined at greater length in each of the following sections. The Book of Common Prayer (BCP), which is the liturgical law of the Episcopal Church, also spells out many of the possibilities and limitations.
In the Episcopal Church the ordinary officiant at a wedding is a priest (or a bishop). This is so because "such ministers alone have the function of pronouncing the nuptial blessing, and of celebrating the Holy Eucharist" (BCP 422). In some jurisdictions a deacon may solemnize a marriage under the civil law. The church places some limitations on how a deacon may do so, if at all permitted by the local church policy. Moreover, the rubrics (prayer book instructions) state that a deacon (where civil law allows) should officiate only when "no priest or bishop is available"; when officiating, a deacon must omit the nuptial blessing. (It should be noted that this blessing is one of the two chief functions of a church wedding — the other being witness and support. The absence of a blessing does not invalidate or otherwise alter the nature of the marriage itself, since the actual ministers of marriage are the couple. But the nuptial blessing is a central element of the rite.)
A deacon may participate fully in a marriage in which a priest or bishop is officiating, and "may deliver the charge, ask for the Declaration of Consent, read the Gospel ..." and assist in the regular diaconal functions when the Eucharist follows. An assisting priest may also take on such tasks as arranged by the clergy in charge. In a large parish, it is not unusual for a couple who are active members to want to involve all of the clergy who minister there, and the rubric provides for just such a possibility.
CHAPTER 3The Choice of Liturgy
... Members of the Clergy may solemnize a marriage using any of the liturgical forms authorized by this Church. (Canon I.18.1)
The Book of Common Prayer offers a primary liturgy entitled "The Celebration and Blessing of a Marriage" (page 423). (Henceforth referred to as CBM.) This rite includes many options, as well as a few specific requirements. The BCP also includes a supplementary "Order for Marriage" (page 435) (OM) that opens options even more broadly, providing an outline of actions that must be included, but without providing an explicit text for anything other than the marriage vows. This virtual carte blanche concerning language is so open to adaptation that one might, for example, make use of most of the 1662 Book of Common Prayer marriage liturgy. It is beyond the scope of this booklet to include all of the options and possibilities, but many will be outlined in what follows. (Also not addressed in this document is the BCP liturgy for "The Blessing of a Civil Marriage" on page 433. This is just what the title indicates, and is available for couples who for whatever reason marry civilly and then wish to have their marriage blessed. This liturgy is very flexible, and can be adapted so as to resemble the marriage liturgy. Most of what is said below in the section on liturgical options applies.)
In addition to the Book of Common Prayer, the 2015 General Convention provided for the use of three additional liturgies, with some restrictions. These were presented as part of the Standing Commission on Liturgy and Music proposal contained in "Liturgical Resources I: I Will Bless You and You Will Be a Blessing, Revised and Expanded 2015," as amended by the General Convention. The three liturgies are:
* "The Witnessing and Blessing of a Lifelong Covenant" (henceforth WBLC)
*"The Witnessing and Blessing of a Marriage" (WBM)
*"The Celebration and Blessing of a Marriage 2" (CBM2)
The first of these (WBLC) is not a marriage in a legal sense (under either church or civil law). It was and is intended for the blessing of a couple who intend a common life but who are unable to marry legally. At the time of its proposal it was intended primarily for same-sex couples who lived in states (or nations) that had not adopted marriage equality. The situation in the fifty states changed during the 2015 General Convention session, but there remain nondomestic jurisdictions of the Episcopal Church where same-sex couples, as of this writing, cannot wed under civil law, and this liturgy is available for their use, with the authorization of the diocesan authority. As this liturgy is not technically a marriage, it will not be given expanded attention in this volume.
The second rite (WBM) is a revised marriage liturgy that follows the form and structure of WBLC, and in circumstances where the use of WBLC is contemplated, much of what is said about WBM may apply. This rite differs from the BCP marriage liturgy in structure and language. For one thing, it follows the basic structure of other pastoral rites such as Baptism, Confirmation, and Ordination, in which exhortation, presentation, reflection on Scripture, and prayer precede the central action of the rite. (In the BCP, liturgy prayers for the couple follow the exchange of vows and declaration of marriage; some have experienced this placement, introduced in the 1979 liturgy, as an interruption to the flow of the liturgical drama.) The rite is shaped more like the other pastoral rites, and it shares aspects familiar from the Eucharist, such as the opening acclamation. Furthermore, it is intended that the Eucharist be a normative part of the celebration (though the rubrics indicate it remains optional). This rite is also explicitly suited to use on a Sunday as the main worship of the church, which is particularly appropriate if one or both of the couple are active members of the congregation. Finally, though WBM was originally conceived for same-sex couples, many mixed-sex couples have found that they prefer this liturgy for a number of reasons related to both form and language.
The third rite (CBM2) is a modest revision of the BCP marriage liturgy, following it in form, and with minor changes in the language to make it suitable for any couple. The two 2015 rites, and that of the 1979 BCP, will be the primary liturgical focus of this booklet. Both of the new marriage rites were adopted under the Episcopal Church's constitutional provision for trial use leading to possible inclusion in the Book of Common Prayer, and as such are to be available to any couple, under the direction and with the permission of the diocesan bishop.
This is where the phrase in Canon I.18, "authorized by this Church," is important. The Book of Common Prayer is, of course, authorized for use throughout the church and no further permission is needed for its use (though in the case of remarriage after divorce, clergy are required to get permission from the diocesan authority). The additional rites being offered under trial use are subject to the direction and permission of the bishop or diocesan authority. Clergy should familiarize themselves with the policy in place in their diocese.
Couples and clergy will make the decision as to which rite to use, and the choice of options possible within each rite, as part of their conversation and counseling.
On Whether to Have the Eucharist
Whether to include the Eucharist as part of the wedding is a decision best reached with some care. In some situations (for example, an interfaith or mixed marriage) it is probably best not to include Holy Communion, as one of the couple may not be able to participate fully. The makeup of the assembly is also a factor: are the couple's friends and family likely to participate? If not, it may seem odd, and not a little contrary to the concept of "communion," if only the couple and a few of the immediate attendants receive. Obviously, this need not be an issue when the couple are active members of the congregation, along with many of the guests. Fortunately, all of the authorized wedding rites make provision for including or omitting Holy Communion.
An Outline of Wedding Possibilities
The chart on the next page shows in outline the structure of these two types of liturgy (CBM and CBM2 having the same structure, with minimal change in language). Optional elements in each are in square brackets. As you can see, the main difference between the two types of liturgy concerns the sequence in which certain events happen: reflection on Scripture in the ministry of the Word precedes or follows the presentation and the declaration of consent (which are themselves in a different order depending on the rite); and the prayers for the couple come before or after the exchange of vows.
A Note on Place
At the time appointed, the persons to be married, with their witnesses, assemble in the church or some other appropriate place. (BCP 423)
Although many couples — perhaps most — wish to be married in the church building, some couples may wish to celebrate their marriage in another place: a botanical garden, by the seashore, or even in a space dedicated to that purpose in the venue chosen for the wedding reception. This resource will focus on weddings that take place in the church building, but much of what is said here can be adapted to other settings. Marriage in the church is a powerful symbol for a couple who are active members of a congregation, and may be more convenient for other congregation members. A marriage celebrated in another setting will necessarily lack that "note," but may, with care, maintain the "melody." A marriage in church can be an evangelistic opportunity even when few of the friends and family members have any church connection.
And So It Begins
The couple shall notify the Member of the Clergy of their intent to marry at least thirty days prior to the solemnization; Provided, that if one of the parties is a member of the Congregation of the Member of the Clergy, or both parties can furnish satisfactory evidence of the need for shortening the time, this requirement can be waived for weighty cause; in which case the Member of the Clergy shall immediately report this action in writing to the Bishop. (Canon I.18.2)
It is not unusual for clergy — especially if they serve a picturesque church — to receive unsolicited calls beginning, "I want to get married in your church" from people with little or no connection to the congregation, often having already chosen a date a few weeks away and having hired a hall for the reception. This is an extreme example, and is offset by the welcome call from members of the congregation that they hope to be married in the church later that year. The canon gives the clergy an easy escape from the former, and the ability to celebrate the latter, by requiring at least thirty days notice prior to the intended date of the wedding. The provision to shorten the time is available when at least one of the couple is a parishioner, or both can provide a good reason for such an abbreviation. Such situations are not unusual in wartime, when one of the couple is about to be mobilized for service; employment transfers can result in such a necessity as well. Similar weighty causes are subject to the judgment of the clergy, and when granted, such "shortening of the time" is to be reported to the bishop.
At the time of first contact, particularly with couples not connected with the congregation, it is helpful to have a copy of guidelines and policies available, laying out whatever requirements the congregation might have. (Members of the congregation may have advance knowledge of these policies and already be prepared to abide by them.) A sample form is provided in the appendix, and you should feel free to amend it to suit your situation.
Timing is, of course, important — not merely to be sure the clergy (and the church) are available on the day the couple wish to wed, but to provide time for other requirements, such as premarital instruction. In the case of remarriage after a divorce or annulment, the clergy will need additional time to review the paperwork and submit a report and request for judgment to the bishop.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Preparing for a Wedding in the Episcopal Church by Tobias Stanislas Haller. Copyright © 2017 Tobias Stanislas Haller BSG. Excerpted by permission of Church Publishing Incorporated.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Introduction
1. The Marriage Canon: What the Church Requires
2. The Officiant
The Civil Law
The Church's Law
3. The Choice of Liturgy
On Whether to Have the Eucharist
An Outline of Wedding Possibilities
A Note on Place
4. And So It Begins ...
Eligibility to Marry
The Civil Side
The Sacred Side
5. Premarital Instruction
6. Witnessing and Registration
7. For Those Already Married
8. When Not to Wed
9. Planning the Liturgy
When and Where?
Big or Small? The Cast of Characters
Layout of the Church: Inside
Layout of the Church Grounds
Flowers and Décor
Wedding Planners
Photography
Music
Receptions and Where They Happen
Family and Friends
Sextons
Rings and Symbols
Bulletins and Programs
The Wedding Rehearsal
Final Preparation
About Arriving on Time
10. Walking Through the Liturgies
Before the Celebration
A Note on the Post-Celebration
The Celebration and Blessing of a Marriage (BCP and 2)
The Witnessing and Blessing of a Marriage
11. Sample Forms
Marriage Information and Application
Information Concerning the Couple
Concerning the Ceremony
Guide to Planning the Liturgy: Celebration and Blessing of a Marriage
Guide to Planning the Liturgy: Celebration and Blessing of a Marriage 2
Guide to Planning the Liturgy: Witnessing and Blessing of a Marriage
The Declaration of Intention
A Traditional Wedding Service
A Glossary
What People are Saying About This
"Kudos to liturgical scholar Tobias Haller for crafting this comprehensive guide to marriage in the Episcopal Church, based on canonical and liturgical changes authorized by the 2015 General Convention and presented in an easy to use format, for clergy, church musicians and couples. Great to have this information all in one resource!"
––The Right Reverend Thomas C. Ely, Bishop of Vermont
"Preparing for a Wedding in The Episcopal Church is an invaluable resource for any Episcopalian involved in wedding planning and preparation. It thoroughly and concisely explores everything from balancing the sacred and secular to navigating liturgical options to managing photographers and florists. Firmly rooted in solid theology and liturgical practice, it a timely and practical guide."
––The Reverend Susan Russell, Senior Associate at All Saints Episcopal Church, Pasadena, California
"Here is a very practical, thorough, and theologically sound guide for clergy, couples, and church musicians on marriage in the Episcopal Church. The church's canon on marriage was updated most recently in 2015, and Tobias walks us through the changes and implications for planning, offering practical advice and guidance to assist all those involved."
––Carolyn Moomaw Chilton, Associate for Evangelism and Stewardship, Grace and Holy Trinity Episcopal Church, Richmond, Virginia
"Every parish priest should have this resource, which will help them become familiar with the marriage canon and marriage liturgies authorized in 2015. Tobias Haller offers wise pastoral guidance. Drawing from his years of experience, he explores the many options and recommends sound liturgical and pastoral practices."
––The Revered Dr. Ruth Meyers, Dean of Academic Affairs and Hodges-Haynes Professor of Liturgics Church Divinity School of the Pacific