Table of Contents
Acknowledgments xi
Introduction: A Book Is Born xiii
Prelude: A Little Bit Pregnant xvii
Chapter 1 The First Month 1
Choosing an OB 2
The No-No List 5
Sore Boobs 8
Morning, Noon, and Night Sickness 11
Gas! 16
Resentment Toward Your Hubby (or Ferret) 18
Tests, Tests, and More Tests 20
Dreams and Other Nightmares 21
To Tell or Not to Tell 22
Pregnancy Math 25
How to Eat for Two 27
Chapter 2 The Second Month 31
Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman with Child 32
Your Superhero Nose 34
Pregnancy Junkie 35
Spotting 37
I Need to Lie Down 39
Oh My Achin' Head 40
"Urine" for Fun 41
Miscarriage 42
Sex During the First Trimester 45
Chapter 3 The Third Month 47
I Can't Breathe! 48
Is My Baby Okay in There? 50
Here I Grow Again 51
A New Wardrobe 53
The Name Game 56
Your Newfound Celebrity 58
Drooling 59
My Bloody Nose 61
Beware of Your Nipples 62
Genetic Testing 65
Chapter 4 The Fourth Month 69
Hyperemesis 70
Sex During the Second Trimester 72
The Ultrasound 74
I'm Scared! 77
Vaginal Discharge 79
Toilet Troubles 81
Bloody Gums 84
Boy or Girl? 85
Chapter 5 the Fifth Month 69
Pains under Your Uterus 88
Your Cheesy Belly 90
You're So Vein 92
Who Asked You? 94
Third Nipples and Other Gross Things 96
That's a Hormone of a Different Color 99
Backaches 101
Sciatica 102
Chapter 6 The Sixth Month 105
Hair, There and Everywhere 106
Leg Cramps 108
Belly Touching 109
An Itchy Stomach 110
Incompetent Cervix 111
What, Me Exercise? 112
Oops, There She Goes! 115
Pains in the Tuchus 118
Chapter 7 The Seventh Month 123
Swelling Ain't Swell 124
Temporary Insanity 126
Sex During the Third Trimester 127
Toxemia: The Pressure Is On 129
Third-Trimester Bleeding 131
Braxton Hicks 134
I Can't Sleep 136
Gestational Diabetes 138
Bed Rest 140
Chapter 8 The Eighth Month 145
Feeling Hot, Hot, Hot 146
Yeast Infections 148
Stretched to Extremes 149
Heartburn 151
"Urine" for Even More Fun 154
Incontinence: A Condition That's Sure to Piss You Off 155
Numb and Number 157
Stop That Kicking! 159
How the Hell Is This Thing Coming Out? 161
Don't Breech to Me 164
Birth Plan 165
Chapter 9 The Ninth Month 171
Baby Shower 101 172
Nesting Instinct 177
Birthing Classes 179
Nursing Bras 182
Decorating the Baby's Room 184
Taking a Tour of the Hospital 186
Am I in Labor? 188
False Labor 190
How to Start Labor 191
Chapter 10 Let the Bloody Show Begin 195
Inducing 197
"Lookie Loos" 200
How to Breathe Through a Contraction 202
Gimme Drugs 205
How to Push with a Passion 208
Episiotomy: Let 'er Rip 211
The "C" Word 212
Bonding 215
What to Do When Nature Calls 216
Lochia: Who Knew? 220
Got Colostrum? 221
Chapter 11 Home, Bittersweet Home 225
Baby Blues 227
How to Deal with Visitors 230
Better Sleep for You and Your Baby 232
Baby Hygiene 234
Sex after the Last Trimester 236
Sleep Deprivation 239
Muscle Soreness 243
Reconcilable Differences 245
How to Deal with a Crying Baby 247
The Basics 249
About the Third Month 250
Appendix: Resources 253
Index 261
