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Overview
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781497699632 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | CareNotes |
| Publication date: | 11/04/2014 |
| Series: | PrayerStarters |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 35 |
| File size: | 240 KB |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
PrayerStarters For Dealing with Anger
By Linus Mundy
Abbey Press
Copyright © 2000 Linus MundyAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4976-9963-2
CHAPTER 1
Life Is Not Out to Get Us
"The best defense is a good offense?"
—Anonymous
Some of us are chronically angry. We feel that life is out to get us, and that the best defense is a good offense. Anger is our main mood. Still others of us hold our anger in check until it erupts like a volcano, often spilling over into innocent bystanders.
In truth, anger is a gift that can help put us in touch with our deepest beliefs. By examining how to deal with angry feelings, we have the opportunity to grow spiritually as well as emotionally—without being offensive, or defensive.
PrayerStarters
Name, in prayer, the persons, events, situations that make you most "offensive."
What stirs up the defensive side of you?
Remember, "mad isn't bad"; it's what we do with our anger that matters.
Close with a simple prayer that God will guide you to doing good things with anger, acknowledging that God forgives us for being offensive or defensive, if we but seek forgiveness and try, try again.
Is Anger Wrong?
"Anger is like fire. Fire is good when it keeps us warm and helps us cook food. But fire can sometimes get out of control."
—Mad Isn't Bad
Rev. Joseph W. Bradley was working as a public relations director at a medical center when his wife died five years ago. "Once I became so angry while at work that I went into the men's room and started punching a solid metal door. When I saw that I had hurt myself, I realized how stupid it was to do that."
Six months later, when he became enraged at a supervisor for criticizing him unfairly, Bradley was able to express his anger in ways that were appropriate and empowering.
PrayerStarters
Do you find yourself hurting your own self sometimes—"pounding on a metal door"? Take a moment to think about what doors we need to OPEN instead of "punch at."
Make a promise to yourself and to God to knock more often at God's door, especially in times of frustration, resentment, irritation, annoyance, anger.
Think of just one occasion today when knocking on God's door just might make all the difference.
Naming the Anger
"I don't get angry; people make me angry."
—anonymous
It can take some work to become aware of the things that trigger our anger. Writing in a journal can help; talking with a trusted friend is another good practice.
Changes in our body will give us clues. If we feel our muscles tensing, our stomach churning, our voice rising, it's likely that we're angry. And no matter how often we say, "No problem," our anger will be a problem until we first accept the ways we get angry.
PrayerStarters
If we are mad about something, chances are it is something important we are mad about, something important to us. Don't let anyone tell you "You shouldn't feel that way," "It's no big deal," or, "It's not the end of the world." God understands completely your feelings and wants to hear your side of the story.
Dear God,
Give me the serenity to accept those things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
In This Together
"Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be."
—Thomas A'Kempis
One parent summed it up this way: "As a father of two teenagers and one preteen, I've had my share of experiences with slammed doors, ugly threats, loud shouts, pouting spells, and angry outbursts. Sometimes my children and wife have even joined me in these activities!"
Anger has a way of pulling everyone into it. But the good news is that we can work together to pull ourselves out of it.
PrayerStarters
Meditate on the following familiar saying: "What you are is God's gift to you. What you become is your gift to God."
Ask yourself:
Am I becoming more peaceful and peace-filled?
Do I blame my actions or outbursts on "That's just the way I am"?
Make a short list of the virtues you'd like to work on in your quest to become all that God wants you to be.
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No Dwelling on Faults
"My husband and I have accepted each other in our imperfection. Amazingly, that eliminated all my rage and frustration."
—quoted from a popular woman's magazine
Some wise marriage and family counselor summed up the above sentiment in a different way: "It's the same advice you give people in 'earthquake' country—No dwelling on the faults." This doesn't mean there will be no conflicts or that there should be no conflicts. Indeed, persons in relationship can be likened to whetstones for each other, each becoming more distinct by the act of striking together. But harboring resentments, stewing over petty matters creates only stalemates. (And the stale mate just may be you!)
PrayerStarters
Ask your spouse or child or parent or sibling to pray with you today. If it's awkward for you to do that, consider slipping in a, "And God bless my dear ___________" at the end of a meal prayer, or at bedtime, or even in a written note.
If you've been angry or testy or irritable with someone, invite them into your prayer.
When we let people know they are in our prayers and that we want them to share in our relationship with our loving God, we build peace and harmony.
Talking It Over—and Out
"The simple truth is that if you are experiencing difficulties with significant people in your life, chances are that you will feel better if you talk to someone you trust."
—Hans Strupp
Talking to a friend about anger can be very healing. But try to find a friend who can be very healing and understanding—not just someone who will try to "egg you on" or "fix" things instantly for you. Sometimes we just need a good listener to open ourselves up to.
One friend reminds me, "Opening up to someone can be frightening. Letting someone into your world requires that you let your guard down. But remember, talking about your pain is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength."
PrayerStarters
Our faith tells us God is the kind of Friend who will listen to our anger—and listen to our pleas to curb it, understand it, express it, get beyond it.
Change the following "prayer-words" into your words, as you speak to your loving Friend:
Dear God,
You already know what I'm angry about, just as any good friend knows when we're angry even though we may try not to show it. Listen to me, Lord, as my Friend who wants to know every little detail and who responds to me with the simple words, "How can I help?"
We Have a Choice
"Faith is like a boomerang; begin using what you have and it comes back to you in greater measure."
—Charles Allen
Have you ever heard the "anger analogy" about being careful how hard you throw a ball against a wall; it will come back to you with the same force that it was thrown? Call it vengeance; call it retaliation; things come back to haunt us. Taking just a few seconds, when angry, to ask ourselves, "What are the options here?" can be very wise indeed. We always have a choice.
PrayerStarters
"Confession is good for the soul," goes a Scottish proverb. It can be very healing to confess to ourselves and to God the truth in our hearts.
Let your soul do the talking. It was Martin Luther who said it well: "When I am angry I can write, pray, and preach well, for then my whole temperament is quickened."
Angry for the Right Reasons
"Am I angry? Of course, I'm angry. How can I see what I see, know what I know, feel what I feel—and not be angry?"
—modern songwriter
Anger can make us more productive, more powerful, more courageous in our character. And productive anger can change the world. Our teen daughter is angry about a domestic violence situation she is aware of in a friend's family. Her witness is evidenced in school essays and in speaking up wherever she can against abuse. Who knows—it may lead to a career in social work helping people avoid such abuse.
PrayerStarters
Listen to one of the more expressive classical music composers, such as Mahler, Shostakovich, or Rachmaninoff. While listening, notice the dramatic rises and falls in the various movements, the fervent emotionalism and self-expression of the composers. These artists felt deeply the highs and lows of life, the moments of deep serenity as well as outright rage. Even today, their compositions may rise up as prayers—as our prayers—as we let their notes and rhythms speak our feelings to God.
Some call the music of these composers "divine." We can certainly see how their works lift us toward divinity. Try it.
Learning Patience
"God isn't finished with me yet."
—familiar saying
One of the blessings of growing older is that one grows a bit more patient. "You finally find out that things don't happen overnight," quipped comedienne Phyllis Diller in a more serious moment. "So you're patient with other people and you're patient with yourself."
Indeed, some situations (and people!) can be healed, it seems, only through divine intervention. But remember, you only have to be willing to heal. God can do the rest.
PrayerStarters
In the Koran it says, "God does not change what is in people, until they change what is in themselves."
As you seek to grow in patience and understanding, tell God a few ways you hope to be "mellower," more forgiving, more patient, as you grow in wisdom and grace:
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Grief-Anger
"For me, this was liberation."
—Rev. Joseph A. Bradley, quoted in a CareNote
For the first five days after his wife's death, Rev. Bradley didn't cry, because he was so preoccupied with fulfilling responsibilities and expectations. "As a result," he recalls, "my tear ducts got all plugged up and my eyes became infected. My eye infection was a reminder ...to cry freely. People could walk by me and look at me crying, and it really didn't make any difference to me. For me, this was liberation."
We need to "liberate" ourselves from anger just as much as from grief. But instead of (or in addition to) crying freely, we need to know we may pray freely.
PrayerStarters
Grief has a way of clouding our vision, especially when it comes to anger. Perhaps you are feeling angry but aren't exactly sure why. Take a moment and jot down all the possibilities. Are you angry at a person? A circumstance? Yourself? God? Be as specific as you can. You may find you are mad at more than one thing. List them all and offer these targets of your anger to God.
Taking It Personally
"A chip on the shoulder indicates there is wood higher up."
—Jack Herbert
Another way of stating this is that much-despised piece of advice, "Don't take it personally." Or, as a paraphrase of proverb puts it: "It's not raining on you; it's just raining."
Oftentimes we can reduce our anger and frustration levels by letting go of unrealistic expectations—of ourselves, of others, of the world we live in. "Life is difficult" is the first line of the best-selling book, The Road Less Traveled. The fact that this book could be honest and real helps it continue to speak effectively to millions of readers.
PrayerStarters
"Whether the stone hits the jar, or the jar hits the stone, it's bad for the jar," is a paraphrase of an old proverb. Whether we like it or not, jars get broken in this world we live in. Think for a few minutes of all the "jars" that have broken in your life; and all those that you yourself may have broken. Say a prayer of thanksgiving for the jars not broken, and a prayer of promise to fill empty jars with healing balm, with chicken soup, with over-the-brim love.
Turning Anger Inward
"Don't get mad ... Get help!"
—slogan at counseling center
One way to keep from turning our anger or guilt inward is by publicly acknowledging our limits and weaknesses—to a boss, a spouse, a friend.
It is often nothing less than surprising how people will respect our limits and respect us for admitting and clarifying them. God certainly respects our limits, and understands them fully.
PrayerStarters
Dear God,
I know that peace and anger are opposite emotions; I cannot feel them both at the same time.
Please help me remember that the anger I feel is not me. It is an emotion that is attempting to pass through me, deserving my attention and expression. But it is not me.
Forgiveness
"Please keep in mind that Dad's memory is pretty well gone; he can't remember anything but a grudge."
—Anonymous
We all need love the most when we are the most unlovable! When we act out in anger, we "blow it," and say or do something we come to regret, we need to work on forgiveness. We need to ask for it. And we need to work on forgiving ourselves, too.
The Benedictine monks, who have been "working at it" now for over 1500 years, live by the slogan, "Always we begin again."
PrayerStarters
Pray for a willing heart ...
Dear God,
It is obvious that you aren't finished with me yet; I am a work in progress. Help me realize that saying "I'm sorry" for an angry deed or outburst is one of the best ways to make peace.
It's a Beautiful Life
"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
—Proverbs 15:1
Etty Hillesum had "An Interrupted Life" (the title of her diaries). She died in a Nazi death camp in 1943. Despite the encircling doom she witnessed, she forgave her captors. She was not without harsh anger—or soft forgiveness—as she wrote: "And now and then I say nastily, 'They're all scum,' and at the same time I feel terribly ashamed ... and [I say], '... there are still some good Germans, and anyway the soldiers can do nothing about it, and there are some quite nice ones even among them.'"
PrayerStarters
Reflect on these unconventional prayer-insights written by Etty Hillesum:
"And if God does not help me to go on, then I shall have to help God."
"Yes, we carry everything within us, God and Heaven and Hell ... and Life and Death.... And we have to take everything that comes: the bad with the good, which does not mean we cannot devote our life to curing the bad. But we must know what motives inspire our struggle and we must begin with ourselves, every day anew."
Take a Hike
"Just Walk Away, Renee"
—song from the 1960s
"My mother gave me one suggestion," said one friend. "She told me that simply by taking a half-hour walk everyday her mood swings, anxiety, anger all seemed more manageable.
Her suggestion is not, of course, to walk away from anger or get into a state of denial, but rather to give her anxiety and anger some perspective. When we get outdoors under the big sky, we can see that we are not, after all, in charge of everything. And that is good. Getting our bodies moving is proven therapy for body, mind, and spirit.
PrayerStarters
Take a prayer-walk. Take along with you your list of worries, your fears, your sadnesses, the things that cause you anger. Drop them off, one by one, as you walk with God at your side.
As you walk, make a prayer of this provocative conclusion from the diaries of holocaust victim, Etty Hilessum: "It is the only thing we can do....[we] must turn inwards and destroy in ourselves all that we think we ought to destroy in others."
Coming to Acceptance
"Instead of weeping when a tragedy occurs in a songbird's life, it sings away its grief. I believe we could well follow the pattern of our feathered friends."
—Robert S. Walker
Someone once said that anger is the first emotion we experience in our lives and the last one we learn how to manage effectively. So, in a sense, it comes down to Acceptance. If we are human, we are going to be angry. The only way to eliminate anger is to become so personally secure that nothing in the world threatens us. In lieu of that super-natural reality, for most of us that means working ever harder at peacefully resolving our anger, while accepting anger itself as a fact of life.
PrayerStarters
Being human, we may never be able to feel totally secure—so secure that nothing will ever feel like a threat to us; and nothing will then make us angry. But we can, through prayer, work at reducing our insecurities. We are safe and secure, our faith teaches us, only in God's love.
Pause for a few minutes and try to think of only one thing: God's love. How can this faith in God's love make you more yourself, more alive, more at peace?
(Continues...)
Excerpted from PrayerStarters For Dealing with Anger by Linus Mundy. Copyright © 2000 Linus Mundy. Excerpted by permission of Abbey Press.
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