Stepfamilies are commonplace in the United States and their number continues to grow. While stepfamilies vary widely in their make-up, they are all comprised of a parenting couple and children, one or more of whom is of a previous union. Such combinations of his kids, her kids, and then, possibly, kids of the new union make for complicated and often trying difficulties, more challenging than those of traditional families.
Since stepfamilies involve more people and, consequently, more potential problems from the start than do childless new marriages, it is wise for the couple to do some careful planning prior to marriage. Not only do the prospective marital partners need agreement about their own careers, life goals, finance and special interests, they must also prepare for new relationships with the children and attempt to accommodate their individual needs and feelings. Furthermore, there are often the rights of other relatives to consider.
As for any family, the basic ingredients of a successful stepfamily are affection, kindness and mutual respect. However, love alone is not enough. Certainly love is the cornerstone upon which the foundation of any family is built, but there are also many other important ingredients involved in building a successful stepfamily.
Surveys reveal that successful families regard the ability to communicate openly as the most important factor in their success. Communication is what keeps families on track and functioning as a unit. Although healthy communication is easier for some people than for others, this skill can be learned and improved. Healthy communication involves speaking clearly and listening carefully.
By their very nature, stepfamilies often are complicated by past events that give rise to ambivalent loyalties, lingering hurts, fears, feelings of guilt and unrealistic dreams. The difficulties that arise within the stepfamily are human and understandable. However, there are ways to confront and resolve them. For example, support groups and professional counselors are available in most communities to provide help and guidance when communications bog down and problems seem overwhelming.
Planning and building a stepfamily is not a responsibility to take lightly. It can be a very trying and, at times, seemingly impossible endeavor. Many potential pitfalls can arise and threaten to destroy the stepfamily. Nonetheless, meeting and mastering these special challenges can bring unanticipated satisfactions and rewarding depths of family closeness and affection.
