Pearls of Wisdom: Advice from a Dead Squirrel Who Knows Everything

by ME Pearl, Georgette Spelvin

Overview

Enter the mystical and magical world of the internet sensation ME Pearl, the psychic squirrel deity, and her human mouthpiece Georgette, YouTube's famous "opossum lady."

Pearl is a dead squirrel who knows everything. With the aid of her earthly mouthpiece Georgette Spelvin, Pearl has been sharing her psychic wisdom with her human disciples for years, delving into topics as varied and complex as love, money, work, health, and etiquette. Once hidden in the delightful corners of the internet for the canniest lurkers and most sacred seekers on the website MEPearl.com, Pearl’s cosmology now comes to life in print for the first time ever, revealing for the masses the secret for everlasting happiness, in addition to a newly-unearthed trove of Pearl’s bewitching, incisive, and illuminating advice that makes sense of every ancient—and current—mystery. 

With the same “delightfully peculiar” (New York magazine) flair that has made Pearl and Georgette sensations online and had videos of them featured on shows such as The Ellen DeGeneres Show and The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, Pearls of Wisdom welcomes readers into the bewildering and addictive world of ME Pearl—one rife with Jackie O. glamour, David Lynch lunacy, marsupial melodrama, and psychedelic spirituality. Proffering new insights on everything from wildlife to the afterlife, Pearls of Wisdom is a true sacred text for the internet age—if not eternity.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781954641020
Publisher:	Apollo Publishers
Publication date:	04/05/2022
Pages:	224
Sales rank:	367,896
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 7.60(h) x 0.90(d)

About the Author

Pearl de Sagesse de Sabaduria de Wisdom de Tout, also known as Pearl de Wisdom or ME Pearl, is an all-knowing, all-powerful squirrel deity and an internet sensation. Pearl lived for twelve years in Southern California under the care of Georgette Spelvin, known to Pearl as Pink Mama, an oddly sentimental witchy woman and licensed wildlife rehabilitator. In captivity, Pearl gained omniscience by gnawing her way through most of the Merriam-Webster English dictionary and bits of the Larousse Spanish and French and by using her seven senses to absorb vast amounts of information (the rest she makes up). The very model of a modern psychic squirrel, Pearl ascended to the heights of psychic prowess, surpassing all other animals, people, and plants. After her death, Pearl’s mission became to aggrandize herself through religion, politics, social media, cult formation, charitable contributions, and syndicated advice columns, as the divine Pearl fully expects anyone who comes in contact with her to benefit beyond their wildest dreams. Using Georgette as her mouthpiece and conduit, she continues her work as a prophet online by providing sage life advice for the masses on her website MEPearl.com and through the YouTube channel MEpearlA, where she has more than 124,000 subscribers and shares videos relating to the proper care and keeping of possums and provides a wealth of life advice. Pearl and Georgette have been celebrated in a wide range of media, including New York magazine’s “The Cut,” Messy Nessy, BuzzFeed, Jezebel, KQED, AV Club, Oddity Central, Comedy Central’s Tosh.0, and Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld. Her uncredited videos have appeared on Good Morning America, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, and The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. Pearl’s spirit, channeled through Georgette, resides in Astralburg, Etheria.

Georgette Spelvin is a licensed wildlife rehabilitator specializing in small mammals. She is married to artist and front man Royce van Oyster, who capably assists in the operation of her complex animal sanctuary. Georgette worked as a performance artist, professional masseuse, veterinary technician, dual diagnosis counselor on the psychiatric unit of a major metropolitan hospital, and the resident storyteller of an International Cultural Center, before her body, mind, and spirit were entirely usurped by a willful little squirrel. Georgette resides with the spirit of Pearl in Astralburg, Etheria.

Read an Excerpt

Georgette’s Welcome

Hello and welcome to our world. What an extraordinary experience for us to have you here.

Hang in for the duration. You’ll be glad you did. This book is coauthored by myself, Georgette Spelvin, and a ferociously fun and fabulous little squirrel, Pearl de Wisdom. We’re used to having guests for an afternoon now and then. Sometimes they stay late. Sometimes they leave early, sometimes through the bathroom window. There’s no accounting for taste.

The advantage of short visits is that you can shove what’s unsightly under the bed, metaphorically speaking. With longer visits, like this book, you’re going to need some of that stuff, and retrieving it can be dodgy.

Don’t misunderstand, we want you here. Very much. Especially Pearl Squirrel, who has no shame and is always on the prowl for fresh blood. Don’t be alarmed. That’s just one of her colorful phrases.

Let me tell you about Pearl, who, for better or worse, is my muse. Early on, Pearl developed an avid interest in world events and walnuts. She cared about art, literature, history, hickory, high finance, philosophy, filberts, anthropology, paranormal psychology, and peanuts. Pearl excels in all forms of academia and macadamia.

It would be to your advantage to make nice with Pearl. When each of us passes through the veil to the other side, it’s entirely possible that she’s right and we pass directly to her. I hope not, but il faut faire attention. She’s a noxious little twit and can be vindictive if not appeased. Don’t be alarmed. Forewarned is forearmed, and that’s what this book is all about. So, congratulations on acquiring it.

 

Pearl’s Welcome

Congratulations!

You have been deemed worthy to enter, explore, and be exploited in the wonderful world of ME, Pearl de Wisdom, the one and only ascended dead squirrel. You only need one. This is the world of “Preposterosity,” and you’ll need to remind yourself of that frequently.

I’ve been alternately characterized as saint, goddess, fuzzy wuzzy widdle wodent, and purveyor of the best damn snake oil on the market. Take a moment to relax and bask in gratitude. Imagine soft, soothing music playing on K-YOU radio.

The best news you’ll get today, other than if your blood tests come back and you got away with your hedonistic lifestyle, is that Pearl loves you. The biggest surprise you’ll get comes midway through this book when you’ll discover that you love Pearl too. Such a big lovefest. Yummy, yummy, yummy.

Time to open your mind and broaden your beliefs. Wider. Broader. No, more. C’mon, just say yes. Yes, I know it hurts but push through. You can do it and it will be worth it. That’s the ME Pearl promise.

Forget “suspension of disbelief ” because, on my honor as a dead squirrel deity, everything you are about to read is true. It actually happened, or will happen, or could happen if you play your cards right. For your convenience, we sell decks of playing cards, dice, and other assorted games of “chance” (haha hahaha) at our online store. Do yourself a favor and look it up. We at ME Pearl consider gambling a sacred ritual since, before ME, all of creation was just one big crap shoot.

Did you find that indelicate? Oh, grow up!

Work with ME, people. I’m trying to lull you into a true sense of security where you feel that everything will be just fine. Like the Petrojvic Blasting Company.

This is Truth as you’ve never known it. Nowhere else can you change so many planes and never go near an airport.

Fasten your seat belts, friends: it’s going to be a bumpy read.

Table of Contents

Preface: Notes on the Revolution

The Seven Lively Virtues

Possum Care (Stupid Possum Stuff You Should Know)

Gourmet Cooking

Self-Care: Beauty, Fitness, and Glamour

Etiquette

Psychic Readings and the Zodiac

Wildlife Protection

The Pearlestine Prophesies

The Secret to Everlasting Happiness

Editorial Reviews

01/17/2022

After a decade of entertaining YouTube viewers with bizarre videos—featuring, among other oddities, opossum massages and pedicures—wildlife rehabilitator Spelvin debuts with a work that’s just as irreverent and bemusing, as she dispenses the wisdom of a dead psychic squirrel. Channeling the “fabulous” rodent Pearl—“alternately characterized as... fuzzy wuzzy widdle wodent, and purveyor of the best damn snake oil on the market”—Spelvin interweaves tips on wildlife care (such as grooming one’s marsupial) with wacky wordplay and squirrel spirituality. She encourages readers to volunteer at wildlife sanctuaries and cautions against fireworks and holiday plants that are harmful to wildlife—“munching on mistletoe, holly, and poinsettia can be toxic”—while pasta-loving Pearl extols the power of refined carbs, offers relationship advice, and shares her secrets to happiness (“Drugs—but I don’t advise them”). However, a manic chapter of “Lists and Lists and Lists and Lists and Lists” of opossum names (“Dot, Polka, Polka Dot, Polonaise”) submitted by video followers quickly becomes monotonous. Meanwhile, the relentless plugs for the authors’ website (“purchasing trinkets from our online gift shop is sure to be helpful”) comes off as more mercenary than clever. Even so, this absurd guide from an “ascended dead squirrel” is sure to amuse those seeking a diversion from these equally strange times. (Mar.)

Publishers Weekly

After a decade of entertaining YouTube viewers with bizarre videos—featuring, among other oddities, opossum massages and pedicures—wildlife rehabilitator Spelvin debuts with a work that’s just as irreverent and bemusing. . . . This absurd guide from an ‘ascended dead squirrel’ is sure to amuse those seeking a diversion from these equally strange times.” —Publishers Weekly

“Georgette and MEPearl, the internet phenomena, are now forever immortalized in the tome of a book. . . . As friends of the show, we’ve had a sneak peak inside and it’s chock-full with sage advice and never-before-seen, behind-the-scene photos of Georgette.” —Messy Nessy

From the Publisher