Our Wisdom Years: Growing Older with Joy, Fulfillment, Resilience, and No Regrets

by Charles Garfield PhD

Overview

Psychologist and best-selling author Charles Garfield shares an uplifting vision as he takes us on a journey of a lifetime.

Some of the most profound growth of our lives can happen in the home stretch, the years after age sixty or so. It’s a time when we can finally crystallize the meaning of what we’ve been and done and fully expand into the self we’ve always intended to be. But, says psychologist Charles Garfield, that can only happen if we first loosen the grip of the life we’ve led so far, the one that’s been focused outwardly—on activity, achievement, and the idea of success—and let our souls lead the way.

In Our Wisdom Years, Dr. Garfield skillfully and practically guides readers through nine tasks that can transform the struggles of aging, bringing fulfillment, joy, and serenity. Drawing on the understandings that come from both his work as acclaimed “success guru” in the 1980s and the truths distilled from volunteering with those at the end of life, Garfield offers a fresh, uplifting vision of the wholeness that awaits us.

Dr. Garfield shares how we can gracefully let go of the younger selves we’ve been and walk through the opening that keeps beckoning toward this soul-driven version of later life. He encourages us to take the risk of being fully alive as our years pass. This is no small task—aging is not for the faint of heart! The beautiful paradox of growing older is that none of the gifts of age are available without the kind of loss that forces us to confront mortality in a way we can’t deny. In the face of loss, we’re changed and expanded by truths that come from the heart, not the mind. We learn that we’re more than our bodies, part of something much larger than we are, and that love and kindness matter most of all.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781949481198
Publisher:	Central Recovery Press, LLC
Publication date:	06/02/2020
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
File size:	1 MB

About the Author

Charles Garfield, PhD, is the founder of Shanti, an internationally honored volunteer organization dedicated to the care of the dying, the elderly, and those living with cancer and AIDS; the Shanti National Training Institute, which has taken Shanti’s model to organizations around the country and world; and Shanti’s newest program that serves older LGBTQ individuals. He has been teaching the skills of serving vulnerable people for more than forty years and is a pioneer in developing service-oriented volunteer organizations in which peers, not professionals, become “the difference between zero and one” for people at the end of life and, more recently, seniors in the LGBTQ community. For his work with Shanti and for originating the Shanti model of peer support, Garfield was named National Activist of the Year—one of America’s highest awards to individuals making voluntary contributions in public service. He has also received recognition from cities and organizations large and small, including a Mayor’s Day in his honor in San Francisco and many other awards. For more than four decades, as a clinical professor of psychology in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of California School of Medicine at San Francisco (UCSF), Dr. Garfield continued his work in the care of dying patients and their families, many of whom were elderly. A Fellow of the American Psychological Association, he is currently a research scholar at the Starr King School of the Graduate Theological Union in Berkeley. He teaches courses on aging and end of life care at the Metta Institute in San Francisco, where he is a founding faculty member and at the C.G. Jung Institute of San Francisco. While on the faculty of the Cancer Research Institute at UCSF, he was one of the early contributors to the burgeoning field of psychosocial oncology. Garfield began his career in computer science after receiving two graduate degrees in mathematics from Adelphi University as well as induction into Pi Mu Epsilon, the National Mathematics Honorary Society, and later, the Adelphi University Alumni Academy of Distinction. He earned a PhD in clinical psychology from the University of California at Berkeley. He writes for and serves on the editorial board of Greater Good, a national e-magazine from the University of California, Berkeley’s Center for Science and the Greater Good.

Table of Contents

Author's Note xi

Introduction 1

Part 1 Tuning in to the Voice of Wisdom 13

Chapter 1 The First Task: Convene an Inner Council of Advisers 15

Chapter 2 The Second Task: Create Space in Your Life for What Wants to Emerge 33

Chapter 3 The Third Task: Gravitate toward Joy 51

Part 2 Seeing Your Life through Wisdom's Eyes and Heart 73

Chapter 4 The Fourth Task: Review Your Life to Find Its Patterns and Meaning 75

Chapter 5 The Fifth Task: Do the Heart-Opening Work of Forgiveness 99

Chapter 6 The Sixth Task: Look at the Past and Present through the Lens of Gratitude 125

Part 3 Opening to the Eternal 149

Chapter 7 The Seventh Task: Use Your Gifts to Nurture What Will Live On 151

Chapter 8 The Eighth Task: Learn to Express Love and Accept It 179

Chapter 9 The Ninth Task: Open to the Eternal 205

Acknowledgments: With Gratitude 233

Recommended Reading 237

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

Inviting, illuminating, and informative, Our Wisdom Years offers great inspiration while meeting a growing personal and cultural need: new ways to live our later years with joy and fulfillment.—David Sheff, author of the New York Times #1 bestseller Beautiful Boy

Our Wisdom Years provides a step-by-step guide to growth and development in the autumn of life. Dr. Garfield cuts right through the layers of self-protection we wrap around ourselves to open up the possibilities of living in authentic relationship with our true self, our loved ones, and the mysteries of eternity. The reader will not find ready-made answers here, but what he or she will find instead is Garfield’s gentle, courageous voice, offering creative ideas and practical exercises that serve as guides toward finding one’s own authentic answers to the absolutely unique questions of our lives. This is a book best used by lingering with it, not rushing through—a book of questions each of us might ponder in the silence of the heart until we hear the response of the still small voice within.—Steve Zemmelman, PhD, Jungian Analyst and Associate Clinical Professor, Department of Psychiatry, University of California at San Francisco

Charles Garfield has one of our biggest hearts and wisest minds, and I am privileged to call him a mentor of mine. Our Wisdom Years, a true masterpiece, is a marvelously rich mix of wise counsel and comforting possibility for all of us who are feeling the pull of our later years. It is a profound reflection on aging that offers all those of a certain age, the guidance we'll need to navigate later life with soul and satisfaction. This is a book of immense honesty, courage, and grace. You'll be delighted that you've moved it to the top of your reading list.—Kaushik Roy, executive director of The Shanti Project

Charles Garfield is one of our most open-hearted and intelligent teachers on the subject of aging. His latest book, Our Wisdom Years, is an exciting and illuminating look at the potential we all have to live later life with wisdom, compassion, and courage. This book stands out in its genre as a beacon of guidance and generosity, a genuine gift to all those who have entered their wisdom years. I enjoyed and learned an enormous amount from Dr. Garfield’s latest work. You’ll be extremely glad you’ve read Our Wisdom Years.—Jim Santucci, executive director of Kara

Our Wisdom Years arrived shortly after I turned eighty-two. I’ve lived a fulfilling life, but am all too aware of my age-related declines, and struggling with them. The book is so helpful! I’m underlining most of it. I haven’t done that since college! Garfield’s understanding of my and others’ transitions, understanding from the heart as well as the head, is opening possibilities and easing transitions. Thank you!—Charles T. Tart, PhD, Emeritus Professor of Psychology, University of California at Davis and author of The Secret Science of the Soul

Our Wisdom Years offers a gentle, thorough, and soulful way into life’s deepest and most challenging stage—the path of aging. Although he is an accomplished psychologist with many stories to tell (including, most wonderfully, his own), Dr. Garfield writes like a gentle friend. This book is a guide for the journey into ‘the glorious mess of self,’ at a time in life when self is most poignant. Full of questions to ponder, exercises to engage, and thoughts to contemplate, Our Wisdom Years will help you foster ‘your own relationship to eternity.’—Norman Fischer, poet, Zen priest, author, The World Could Be Otherwise: Imagination and the Bodhisattva Path

Editorial Reviews

New Spirit Journal

If we’re lucky and it is in alignment with our soul purpose, we will grow old someday. Many people just stumble into growing older instead of seeing it as the rich time of life it can be. In Our Wisdom Years, Garfield, who is 75, leads readers through a process that can make the difference between getting old and growing older with joy, fulfillment, resilience, and no regrets. Through a series of nine tasks, readers can …gain a clearer sense of who you’ve been, how your choices have shaped you, and what’s at your core… (which) enables you to embrace the freedom of being fully yourself in later life and then in old age. If you’re 50 or older, this book could have a huge impact on your later years. Folks in their 80s and 90s can find a wonderful guide to living meaningfully rather than feeling they have been sent out to pasture. Through doing a life review and learning how to forgive and let go, to living with a grateful attitude, Garfield shares many stories from his own life and that of friends, family, and workshop attendees that brings his ideas to life and grounds them in everyday living. This is definitely a book to be savored, pondered, and digested rather than rushed through. It would make an outstanding book for a book club or study group to use together. With over 25% of the population being 65 or older by 2030, there are a lot of people who could benefit from working and playing with the concepts in Our Wisdom Years. —Krista Gibson

Inviting, illuminating, and informative, Our Wisdom Years offers great inspiration while meeting a growing personal and cultural need: new ways to live our later years with joy and fulfillment. —David Sheff, author of the New York Times #1 bestseller Beautiful Boy

Our Wisdom Years provides a step-by-step guide to growth and development in the autumn of life. Dr. Garfield cuts right through the layers of self-protection we wrap around ourselves to open up the possibilities of living in authentic relationship with our true self, our loved ones, and the mysteries of eternity. The reader will not find ready-made answers here, but what he or she will find instead is Garfield’s gentle, courageous voice, offering creative ideas and practical exercises that serve as guides toward finding one’s own authentic answers to the absolutely unique questions of our lives. This is a book best used by lingering with it, not rushing through—a book of questions each of us might ponder in the silence of the heart until we hear the response of the still small voice within. —Steve Zemmelman, PhD, Jungian Analyst and Associate Clinical Professor, Department of Psychiatry, University of California at San Francisco

Charles Garfield has one of our biggest hearts and wisest minds, and I am privileged to call him a mentor of mine. Our Wisdom Years, a true masterpiece, is a marvelously rich mix of wise counsel and comforting possibility for all of us who are feeling the pull of our later years. It is a profound reflection on aging that offers all those of a certain age, the guidance we'll need to navigate later life with soul and satisfaction. This is a book of immense honesty, courage, and grace. You'll be delighted that you've moved it to the top of your reading list. —Kaushik Roy, executive director of The Shanti Project

Charles Garfield is one of our most open-hearted and intelligent teachers on the subject of aging. His latest book, Our Wisdom Years, is an exciting and illuminating look at the potential we all have to live later life with wisdom, compassion, and courage. This book stands out in its genre as a beacon of guidance and generosity, a genuine gift to all those who have entered their wisdom years. I enjoyed and learned an enormous amount from Dr. Garfield’s latest work. You’ll be extremely glad you’ve read Our Wisdom Years. —Jim Santucci, executive director of Kara

Our Wisdom Years arrived shortly after I turned eighty-two. I’ve lived a fulfilling life, but am all too aware of my age-related declines, and struggling with them. The book is so helpful! I’m underlining most of it. I haven’t done that since college! Garfield’s understanding of my and others’ transitions, understanding from the heart as well as the head, is opening possibilities and easing transitions. Thank you! —Charles T. Tart, PhD, Emeritus Professor of Psychology, University of California at Davis and author of The Secret Science of the Soul

Our Wisdom Years offers a gentle, thorough, and soulful way into life’s deepest and most challenging stage—the path of aging. Although he is an accomplished psychologist with many stories to tell (including, most wonderfully, his own), Dr. Garfield writes like a gentle friend. This book is a guide for the journey into ‘the glorious mess of self,’ at a time in life when self is most poignant. Full of questions to ponder, exercises to engage, and thoughts to contemplate, Our Wisdom Years will help you foster ‘your own relationship to eternity. —Norman Fischer, poet, Zen priest, author, The World Could Be Otherwise: Imagination and the Bodhisattva Path

From the Publisher