Table of Contents
Introduction 1
Life in the Golf Cart Lane
The Proof Is in the Panties 5
When is it too Cold for Flip Flops? 7
Living in the "Cone of Uncertainty" 9
High Maintenance in Paradise 11
Never Name an Iguana 13
The Keys to Fun? 15
Tenting Tonight 18
Please Don't Re-Pave Until the Tourists Return 19
Oh, That Whacky Florida Ballot 21
Welcome Back, Philo Vance 24
On Stephen King 26
It Takes a Woman
To Hair is Human 31
The Camera Always Lies 33
Her Love Affair with Sting is Over 34
Getting Skinned at the Cosmetics Counter 36
Grandkids Beware 38
Dang GUM It 39
Snakes Alive! 41
Grover Cleveland: A Lesson for Today 43
No Spring Chickens in this Coop
Give Me an Apple a Day 49
The Double Meaning of Deep Pockets 50
Sorry But Your Mom Needs Help 53
We're Not Ready to Throw in the Towel 55
Be Happy. Do Worry 57
And You Are? 58
Time to Write Your Final Words 60
Pushing Pills 62
Politics BD and AD*
Here Comes the Judging 67
500 Days of Political Drivel 69
Presidential Expenses - The Rest of the Story 71
Dinner Party Straw Poll 73
Hillary and Donald's "Secret Meeting" 75
The Passing of the Impartial Newsie 77
Politics is No Laughing Matter 79
A Campaign Refund? I'm Speechless 81
Please Don't Call Me Stupid 82
Keep Talking About the Denigration of Women 84
Think Before You Write 86
Dare I Say His Name? 87
Anonymous Sources: Don't Get Me Started 89
So Long Caffeine, Hello Cranky
Please Pass the Quinoa 93
The Inflation Factor of Chicken Wings 95
The Not-So-Urgent Airbag Recall 96
No Desk, No Phone, No Sanity 98
What's a Dime Really Worth? 100
Things Aren't Always What They Seem 102
To Give or Not to Give 103
So Long Caffeine; Hello Cranky 106
To the Ungrateful Goes the Broccoli 108
Bring on the Teenagers 110
What's in a Name? 112
Ray's Rules of the Road 113
What readers are saying about Never Name an Iguana 117
About the Author 119
