Read an Excerpt
Also by Arthur Bloch
Murphy’s Law and Other Reasons Why Things Go Wrong
Murphy’s Law, Book 2, More Reasons Why Things Go Wrong
Murphy’s Law, Book 3, Wrong Reasons Why Things Go More
Complete Murphy’s Law
Murphy’s Law 2000
Murphy’s Law Doctors
Murphy’s Law Lawyers
Healing Yourself with Wishful Thinking
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INTRODUCTION
mur•phol•o•gy, mûr-fŏl’ǒgy, n. 1. The branch of knowledge relating to things going wrong. 2. The science of error. 3. The gathering of sayings in this area and the repetition of such. (1)>Ir. Am. murph(y)-+>L. —ologia>G. —ologia, legō speak; (2)>Ir. Am. murph(y)-+>L. —ologia>G. —ologia, legō, gather]
A lot can go wrong in a quarter of a century. As technology lunges forward, dragging us along kicking and screaming, it is no surprise that Murphy’s Law has become a global phenomenon such as only its publishers—and your humble author—could have dreamed.
Since the 1977 printing of the first volume, the Murphy’s Law books have been published in more than thirty countries in some twenty-seven languages. People all over the world now speak of La Ley de Murphy, Murphyn Laki, La Leggi di Murphy, Murphy Törvénykönyve, A Lei de Murphy, , Murphyho Zákony, Murphy’s Gesetz, , Prawa Murphy’ego, Murphy’s Lag, etc.
The initial volume included, for the first time in print, the story of the origin of Murphy’s Law. This scoop came about because of a fortunate (therefore, aberrant) set of circumstances. Prior to the book’s publication, a preview was included in the best-selling The Book of Lists. This led to a timely letter from Mr. George Nichols of California. We reprint it here:
Dear Arthur Bloch,
Understand you are going to publish a book, Murphy’s Law—and Other Reasons Why Things Go Wrong. Are you interested in including the true story of the naming of Murphy’s Law?
The event occurred in 1949 at Edwards Air Force Base, Muroc, California, during Air Force Project MX981. This was Colonel J. P. Stapp’s experimental crash research testing on the track at North Base. The work was being accomplished by Northrop Aircraft, under contract from Aero Medical Lab at Wright Field. I was Northrop’s project manager.
The Law’s namesake was Captain Ed Murphy, a development engineer from Wright Field Aircraft Lab. Frustration with a strap transducer which was malfunctioning due to an error in wiring the strain gage bridges caused him to remark—“If there is any way to do it wrong, he will”—referring to the technician who had wired the bridges at the Lab. I assigned Murphy’s Law to the statement and the associated variations.
. . . A couple of weeks after the “naming,” Colonel Stapp indicated, at a press conference, that our fine safety record during several years of simulated crash-force testing was the result of a firm belief in Murphy’s Law, and our consistent effort to deny the inevitable. The widespread reference to the Law in manufacturers’ ads within only a few months was fantastic—and Murphy’s Law was off and running wild.
Sincerely,
George E. Nichols
Reliability & Quality Assurance Mgr.
Viking Project
Jet Propulsion Lab—NASA
Perhaps there’s more detail there than we signed up for, but the salient point is this: Murphy’s Law was a misquote. Should this really be much of a surprise?
A recent Google search for Murphy’s Law yielded more than 110,000 Web pages. It would be cute to say that back in 1977 there were none, but this isn’t exactly true. For one of the first compilations of Laws I ever came across was a long, pin-fed, fan-fold list from the Arpinet, a precursor to the Internet that was used mostly by universities, research facilities, and government agencies. The Laws have always been popular among “nerds,” even when this term had yet to be coined.
But when I submitted the first manuscript to a publisher there was an interesting stipulation. All book manuscripts must be typed. Printing by computer was not allowed. (Not that I had one—personal computers had not yet been invented.) There was a feeling then, which has never been disproven, that people writing on computers tend to lack literary discipline. These days, of course, book contracts specify that manuscripts be submitted in MSWord. My last five books have all been sent to the publisher via e-mail. This one, for some reason, requires that I do it the old-fashioned way—on a three-and-a-half-inch floppy disk.
The present volume contains the best from the many previous Murphy’s Law books, in addition to a selection of new material. The future, in Murphological terms, is a vast and largely unimagined new world of things that can go wrong. It’s good to know there will always be something to write about.
Arthur Bloch
Oakland, California
GENERAL MURPHOLOGY
Murphy’s Law
If anything can go wrong, it will.
Corollaries
1. Nothing is as easy as it looks.
2. Everything takes longer than you think it will.
3. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
4. If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop.
5. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
6. Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
7. Every solution breeds new problems.
8. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
9. Mother nature is a bitch.
Benedict’s Principle
(formerly Murphy’s Ninth Corollary)
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Schnatterly’s Summing-up of the Corollaries
If anything can’t go wrong, it will.
Bloch’s Corollary
If everything can go wrong, it will.
Leahy’s Law
If a thing is done wrong often enough, it becomes right.
Addendum to Murphy’s Law
You never run out of things that can go wrong.
Dr. Who’s Rule
First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
Murphy’s Comment
When things go wrong, don’t go with them.
O’Toole’s Commentary on Murphy’s Law
Murphy was an optimist.
Chisholm’s First Law
When things are going well, something will go wrong.
Corollaries
1. When things just can’t get any worse, they will.
2. Anytime things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
Scott’s First Law
No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.
Silverman’s Paradox
If Murphy’s Law can go wrong, it will.
Sodd’s First Law
When a person attempts a task, he will be thwarted in that task by the unconscious intervention of some other presence (animate or inanimate). Nevertheless, some tasks are completed, since the intervening presence is itself attempting a task and is, of course, subject to interference.
Sodd’s Second Law
Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.
Corollary
Any system must be designed to withstand the worst possible set of circumstances.
Simon’s Law
Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.
Rudin’s Law
In crises that force people to choose among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible.
Murphy’s Law of Thermodynamics
Things get worse under pressure.
Nichols’s Fourth Law
Avoid any action with an unacceptable outcome.
Commoner’s Law of Ecology
Nothing ever goes away.
Pudder’s Law
Anything that begins well ends badly.
Anything that begins badly ends worse.
Stockmayer’s Theorem
If it looks easy, it’s tough.
If it looks tough, it’s damn well impossible.
Zymurgy’s Law of Evolving Systems Dynamics
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.
Kaiser’s Comment on Zymurgy
Never open a can of worms unless you plan to go fishing.
Sturgeon’s Law
Ninety percent of everything is crud.
The Unspeakable Law
As soon as you mention something
—if it’s good, it goes away.
—if it’s bad, it happens.
Nonreciprocal Laws of Expectations
Negative expectations yield negative results.
Positive expectations yield negative results.
Nagler’s Comment on the Origin of Murphy’s Law
Murphy’s Law was not propounded by Murphy, but by another man of the same name.
Kohn’s Corollary to Murphy’s Law
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
McDonald’s Corollary to Murphy’s Law
In any given set of circumstances, the proper course of action is determined by subsequent events.
Murphy’s Law of Government
If anything can go wrong, it will do so in triplicate.
Maahs’s Law
Things go right so they can go wrong.
Murphy’s Uncertainty Principle
You can know something has gone wrong only when you make an odd number of mistakes.
Tussman’s Law
Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
Law of Probable Dispersal
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Gualtieri’s Law of Inertia
Where there’s a will, there’s a won’t.
Fahnstock’s Rule for Failure
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Evans and Bjorn’s Law
No matter what goes wrong, there is always somebody who knew it would.
Murphy’s Law of Topology
The shortest distance between two points is a downward spiral.
Law of Conservation of Tsouris
The amount of aggravation in the universe is a constant.
Corollary
If things are going well in one area, they are going wrong in another.
Lee’s Law
It takes less time to do something right than it takes to explain why you did it wrong.
Irene’s Law
There is no right way to do the wrong thing.
Campbell’s Law
The less you do, the less can go wrong.
Stewart’s Murphy Corollaries
1. Murphy’s Law may be delayed or suspended for an indefinite period of time, provided that such delay or suspension will result in a greater catastrophe at a later date.
2. The magnitude of the catastrophe is directly proportional to the number of people watching.
3. The magnitude of the catastrophe is exponentially proportional to the importance of the occasion.
4. If an outcome has a 50 percent chance of occurring, its actual probability of happening is inversely proportional to the desirability of the outcome.
5. If two corollaries of Murphy’s Law contradict each other, the one with greater potential for damage takes precedence.
Fresco’s Discovery
If you knew what you were doing you’d probably be bored.
Corollary
Just because you’re bored doesn’t mean you know what you’re doing.
Baldridge’s Law
If we knew what we were getting into we would never get into anything.
Golden Principle
Nothing will be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome.
Cooke’s Law
It is always hard to notice what isn’t there.
Philo’s Law
To learn from your mistakes, you must first realize that you are making mistakes.
Wolf’s Law of Planning
A good place to start from is where you are.
Hofstadter’s Law
Things always take longer than you anticipate, even if you take into account Hofstadter’s Law.
Dunn’s Law
Careful planning is no substitute for dumb luck.
Gilbertson’s Law
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Siwiak’s Rule
The only way to make something foolproof is to keep it away from fools.
Naeser’s Law
You can make it foolproof, but you can’t make it damnfool proof.
Barber’s Rule
Anything worth doing is worth doing to excess.
Melnick’s Law
If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.
The Law of Eponymy
Any given Law will not be named for the person who created it.
Corollary
It’s not who said it, it’s who named it.
Keyes’s First Axiom
Any quotation that can be altered changed will be.
Langsam’s Laws
1. Everything depends.
2. Nothing is always.
3. Everything is sometimes.
Ducharme’s Precept
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
Flugg’s Law
When you need to knock on wood is when you realize the world’s composed of aluminum and vinyl.
First Postulate of Iso-Murphism
Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
Coit-Murphy’s Statement on the Power of Negative Thinking
It is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly surprised.
Ferguson’s Precept
A crisis is when you can’t say “let’s forget the whole thing.”
The Unapplicable Law
Washing your car to make it rain doesn’t work.
Murphy’s Saving Grace
The worst is enemy of the bad.
The Cardinal Conundrum
An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds.
A pessimist fears this is true.
Dude’s Law Duality
Of two possible events, only the undesired one will occur.
Hane’s Law
There is no limit to how bad things can get.
Perrussel’s Law
There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrong.
Mae West’s Observation
To err is human, but it feels divine.
Borkowski’s Law
You can’t guard against the arbitrary.
Lackland’s Laws
1. Never be first.
2. Never be last.
3. Never volunteer for anything.
Higdon’s Law
Good judgment comes from bad experience.
Experience comes from bad judgment.
The Chi Factor
Quantity = 1/quality; or, quantity is inversely proportional to quality.
Frothingham’s Law
Urgency varies inversely with importance.
The Rockefeller Principle
Never do anything you wouldn’t be caught dead doing.
Young’s Law of Inanimate Mobility
All inanimate objects can move just enough to get in your way.
Meskimen’s Law
There’s never time to do it right, but there’s always time to do it over.
APPLIED MURPHOLOGY
Booker’s Law
An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
The Extended Murphy’s Law
If a series of events goes wrong, it will do so in the worst possible sequence.
Farnsdick’s Corollary to the Fifth Corollary
After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
Gattuso’s Extension of Murphy’s Law
Nothing is ever so bad that it can’t get worse.
Gumperson’s Law
The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.
Iles’ Law
There is always an easier way to do it.
Corollaries
1. When looking directly at the easier way, especially for long periods, you will not see it.
2. Neither will Iles.
Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle
The location of all objects cannot be known simultaneously.
Corollary
If a lost thing is found, something else will disappear.
Oien’s Observation
The quickest way to find something is to start looking for something else.
Maryann’s Law
You can always find what you’re not looking for.
Advanced Law of the Search
The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.
Boob’s Law
