Read an Excerpt
We hear a phone ringing as the Woman enters.
WOMAN
I need your help! I screwed up.
SYNCHRO SWIMMER 4
Who are you?
WOMAN
Jesus!
GIRL
Relax!
WOMAN
Who are they?
GIRL
They’re, they’re my friends.
WOMAN
Well, I’ve never met them before.
GIRL
They usually disappear when you show up . . .
WOMAN
This isn’t good. I’m getting worse.
SYNCHRO SWIMMER 3
Is she your mom?
WOMAN
No!
GIRL
She’s—
WOMAN
I’m her!
GIRL
But I’m not her.
WOMAN
(taken aback) You’re me.
GIRL
But I’m not you. Not yet. Thank god.
WOMAN
What the hell is this?
The Woman starts tearing down the cartoon penises.
GIRL
Hey!
The Girl steps in to gather up the drawings.
WOMAN
(to Girl) I did a bad thing.
SYNCHRO SWIMMER 2
What did you do?
WOMAN
It’s none of your business!
(to the Girl) He’s going to call any minute.
SYNCHRO SWIMMER 4
Who?
WOMAN
Nobody!!
(to Girl) It’s my fault—
SYNCHRO SWIMMER 3
Why is she lying?
WOMAN
What do I do?
SYNCHRO SWIMMER 2
What’s the secret?
SYNCHRO SWIMMER 4
Yeah.
SYNCHRO SWIMMER 3
What did you do?
WOMAN
Shut the fuck up!
SYNCHRO SWIMMERS
(overlapping) Whoa. That is— I can’t believe you just said that . . . that is so . . . why would you say that?
WOMAN
(to Girl) I texted him.
SYNCHRO SWIMMER 3
“Tested him?”
WOMAN
No, “texted.” I texted . . .
SYNCHRO SWIMMER 3
“Texted.”
WOMAN
It’s like leaving an e-mail—
SYNCHRO SWIMMER 3
E-mail?
WOMAN
Forget it. I “paged” him, okay? I told him that we should meet.
SYNCHRO SWIMMERS
Oooh . . .
WOMAN
It’s not like that.
The Woman’s phone vibrates.
SYNCHRO SWIMMER 3
Oh my god, what is that?
She pulls it out of her back pocket.
What is that?
WOMAN
(to Girl) It’s him.
SYNCHRO SWIMMER 4
It’s a flashlight!
GIRL
Answer it!
WOMAN
What . . . ?
SYNCHRO SWIMMERS
Answer it!
WOMAN
I don’t want to.
The Synchro Swimmers grab at the phone, as the Woman attempts to evade them. “What is it?” “A computer?” “How do you answer it?” “It’s so tiny and flat? Somehow, in the scuffle, the phone is answered.
TY’S VOICE
Hello?
They all go dead quiet and listen to TY’s voice coming through the phone.
Princess? It’s Ty. You there?
GIRL
Yes. Say yes!
WOMAN
Yes. Hi.
TY’S VOICE
What you up to?
WOMAN
Uh, nothing. Just here with some, friends, or, (fading out) um . . .
TY’S VOICE
Hello?
WOMAN
Sorry, this feels a little weird.
TY’S VOICE
No kidding.
WOMAN
It’s been a long time.
TY’S VOICE
You haven't changed.
WOMAN
I still look thirteen?
TY’S VOICE
Nah . . . You’re still pretty.
The Synchro Swimmers shriek and giggle. A few follow the Woman offstage.
