11/08/2021
“Connection is in. Communication is out,” writes couples’ therapist Howard in his discerning guide to cultivating more fulfilling relationships. Though communication has long been touted as the key to a healthy partnership, Howard argues that modern neuroscience shows “Connection is what we’re really looking for, and it facilitates communication, not the other way around.” He offers a simple “roadmap” that readers can implement to strengthen their relationships by establishing trust and security. As he writes, “Knowing how to put others at ease and not elicit defensive reactions is an important key to forming bonds.” To harness this technique, he suggests six steps: Establish a mindset (and interact with others in a way that makes them feel “safe to... open up around you”); be aware of your presence; use connecting cues (start by “soften your facial expressions”); share feelings instead of “transactional communication”; prioritize the process (instead of “the content”); and take care of each other. He also shares valuable tactics for building emotional resilience, managing differences, and recognizing blind spots, as well as how best to heal and move through infidelity and other relationship traumas. While his insights aren’t exactly novel, they’re sure to get readers thinking about more mindful ways to connect with others. Those looking to dig deeper will find this a boon. (Feb.)
