THE DATE: January 26, 1955.
It was my twentieth birthday.
THE PLACE: A train on its way from Salt Lake City, Utah to Sacramento, California.
I sat looking out a train window at the scenery speeding by.
MY THOUGHTS: A jumble of emotions.
I was on my way overseas to Korea to serve a tour of duty with the United States Air Force. But first I would stop at McClellan Air Force Base (AFB) near Sacramento for overseas processing.
I was bitter about my overseas assignment, but I was glad that the Korean armistice had finally been signed. At least nobody would be shooting at me, and I wouldn't have to kill someone else in the name of war.
Just a couple of weeks earlier, my girl friend had rejected my proposal of marriage.
I had asked and asked God to give that girl to me for my wife. God had said no, and I was mad at Him.
MORE TRAVEL: By train to Travis AFB, California and an overnight stay; by plane to Hickam AFB, Hawaii for a short two hour stopover; and by plane to Tokyo, Japan for three days.
THE STORY BEGINS.
The stopover in Tokyo, Japan for three days was for special orientation (no pun intended). In that short time, I Sampled Tokyo's night life, had sex with a Japanese girl in a back alley, and spent the night in a hotel room with a young Japanese prostitute.
It wasnt my usual style, but then I was mad at God. I decided to hurt Him the only way I knew how: SIN, SIN, SIN.
Soon I was in Korea starting my twelve month tour of duty. Being in Korea was not my idea of fun, but there were certain diversions to take my mind off my misery. I drank a bit, partied a bit, and enjoyed the services of several Korean prostitutes a lot.
Finally, I got tired of partying and settled for shacking up with a Korean girl named Peggy. We rented a room in a village not far from the Air Force compound where I was stationed. This village hideaway gave me some respite from being on call 24 hours a day.
In spite of all this, I continued my lifelong habit of praying every night before going to sleep. Then there came a time that my nightly prayers stopped: I couldn't continue to ask God to forgive me for fornication when I had no real intention of stopping, let alone marrying Peggy.
Immersed in guilt, I started seriously considering suicide. My dislike for service life and the poor living conditions in Korea helped to deepen my depression.
It seemed as though others also had similar wishes for me when one of my fellow airmen said to me in an angry tone, "Meredith, if I were you I'd kill myself!"
And then a few days later, Peggy, in reference to some situation, said, "If I was in a fix like that, I'd kill myself!"
One morning, after spending the night in the village with Peggy, the two of us were walking in the rain along the bank of a small river which was swollen and quite swift due to the heavy seasonal rains. Normally, it would have been a simple matter to cross the river further upstream near the village where Peggy lived, but the water there was now about chest deep. We were therefore walking downstream to a bridge that crossed the river. At that point, the highway to Seoul also crossed the river. Peggy was going to catch a bus to Seoul, and I was headed back to the Air Force compound.
As we rounded a bend in the river, a commotion in the river caught our attention. It was an elderly Korean farmer being swept downstream by the raging current. He was on his back and unable to right himself because of a heavy wooden plow strapped to his back!
I quickly emptied my pockets, kicked off my rubber Korean shoes, and jumped into the water. (My Boy Scout training was about to pay off!) I quickly reached the old man, pulled him loose from the plow, and got him safely to shore. Then I rescued his plow.
The old man was cut and bleeding from the pounding he’d taken from being swept against the large boulders in the river, but his wounds did not appear serious enough for emergency first aid. He thanked me profusely, while Peggy acted as interpreter.
I didn’t take any advantage of my heroism even though it might have won me a medal. Instead, the incident had a strange effect upon me. I had rescued a man doomed to certain death, and therefore I thought that I had bought myself the right to depart this life. I reasoned that the total population would remain balanced!
Still, suicide is not an easy decision. I talked to one of my commanding officers and told him that I was frustrated and that I was contemplating suicide. Unfortunately, he didn’t take me seriously and brushed my problems away by saying, “Why, you’re still young, and you have your whole life ahead of you. Suicide is nonsense.”
A few nights later, while I was on duty with a fellow airman. I decided that it was time to put an end to everything. I waited until my partner was busy in another part of the compound. Then I took an army .45 pistol from the holster where it was hanging on the wall. I loaded two rounds into the clip and put the clip in the pistol. Then I went outside and knelt down in the warm sand behind the trailer I had just vacated. It was a warm summer night in early July.
I turned my thoughts toward God and prayed, “Father in heaven, I can’t help myself. I’m sinning, and I know it, but I just can’t help myself. I just put myself into Your hands, and I do it in the name of Your Son, Jesus Christ. Amen.”
The next sound in the still night was the roar of a .45 caliber bullet exploding. The slug tore through my head and left me bleeding and screaming obscenities. It felt like I had been hit in the head with a baseball bat, but I was still alive! I wasn’t even unconscious! I really felt cheated!
Almost immediately, the place was swarming with men. I could hear them shouting to one another.
“See if you can find where the shot came from!”
“Be careful! There might be a sniper out there!”
“Oh, my God! Here’s a pistol! I think he shot himself!“
“NO! I WANT TO DIE!!!! IT’s NOT FAIR!!! I HATE THIS ------- PLACE!” I screamed.
Then things got a little blurry for awhile until an ambulance arrived. A medic asked, “What service is he in?”
It was a reasonable question. Our Air Force compound was guarded by Army Military Police. I was wearing Air Force shoes, socks, and belt. My fatigue shirt had an U. S. Marine insignia on it, and I was wearing Army fatigue trousers. (We didn’t overdo military formality in Korea!)
Ironically, the same commanding officer to whom I had gone for help rode with me in the ambulance. I heard him saying over and over again, “I just didn’t think that he would do it! I just didn’t think that he would do it!”
I raised up the best that I could and said, “I told you, but you wouldn’t listen!”
He gasped and turned very white indeed!
The ambulance ride ended at a waiting helicopter. I was conscious when they loaded me aboard and when they unloaded me. Then I lost a full day out of my life.
When I came to, my head was shaved on both sides, and my jaws were wired shut.
"You know you've had a very narrow escape! the doctor said. "If the bullet had gone one millimeter more in one direction, you would be dead. If it had gone one millimeter more in the other direction, you would be blind. You see, the bullet entered here by your right temple and exited here under your left eye. You won't be able to eat any solid food for several weeks until your jawbone heals."
He told me what to do in case I should have a choking spell and then he left. I didn't get to talk to a doctor again for about three weeks!
I was kept in a private room during that time, and I had a lot of time to think. I wondered if I had any brain damage and whether I could still walk. You see, I didn't get out of bed for three weeks!
Finally, a doctor came
THE DATE: January 26, 1955.
It was my twentieth birthday.
THE PLACE: A train on its way from Salt Lake City, Utah to Sacramento, California.
I sat looking out a train window at the scenery speeding by.
MY THOUGHTS: A jumble of emotions.
I was on my way overseas to Korea to serve a tour of duty with the United States Air Force. But first I would stop at McClellan Air Force Base (AFB) near Sacramento for overseas processing.
I was bitter about my overseas assignment, but I was glad that the Korean armistice had finally been signed. At least nobody would be shooting at me, and I wouldn't have to kill someone else in the name of war.
Just a couple of weeks earlier, my girl friend had rejected my proposal of marriage.
I had asked and asked God to give that girl to me for my wife. God had said no, and I was mad at Him.
MORE TRAVEL: By train to Travis AFB, California and an overnight stay; by plane to Hickam AFB, Hawaii for a short two hour stopover; and by plane to Tokyo, Japan for three days.
THE STORY BEGINS.
The stopover in Tokyo, Japan for three days was for special orientation (no pun intended). In that short time, I Sampled Tokyo's night life, had sex with a Japanese girl in a back alley, and spent the night in a hotel room with a young Japanese prostitute.
It wasnt my usual style, but then I was mad at God. I decided to hurt Him the only way I knew how: SIN, SIN, SIN.
Soon I was in Korea starting my twelve month tour of duty. Being in Korea was not my idea of fun, but there were certain diversions to take my mind off my misery. I drank a bit, partied a bit, and enjoyed the services of several Korean prostitutes a lot.
Finally, I got tired of partying and settled for shacking up with a Korean girl named Peggy. We rented a room in a village not far from the Air Force compound where I was stationed. This village hideaway gave me some respite from being on call 24 hours a day.
In spite of all this, I continued my lifelong habit of praying every night before going to sleep. Then there came a time that my nightly prayers stopped: I couldn't continue to ask God to forgive me for fornication when I had no real intention of stopping, let alone marrying Peggy.
Immersed in guilt, I started seriously considering suicide. My dislike for service life and the poor living conditions in Korea helped to deepen my depression.
It seemed as though others also had similar wishes for me when one of my fellow airmen said to me in an angry tone, "Meredith, if I were you I'd kill myself!"
And then a few days later, Peggy, in reference to some situation, said, "If I was in a fix like that, I'd kill myself!"
One morning, after spending the night in the village with Peggy, the two of us were walking in the rain along the bank of a small river which was swollen and quite swift due to the heavy seasonal rains. Normally, it would have been a simple matter to cross the river further upstream near the village where Peggy lived, but the water there was now about chest deep. We were therefore walking downstream to a bridge that crossed the river. At that point, the highway to Seoul also crossed the river. Peggy was going to catch a bus to Seoul, and I was headed back to the Air Force compound.
As we rounded a bend in the river, a commotion in the river caught our attention. It was an elderly Korean farmer being swept downstream by the raging current. He was on his back and unable to right himself because of a heavy wooden plow strapped to his back!
I quickly emptied my pockets, kicked off my rubber Korean shoes, and jumped into the water. (My Boy Scout training was about to pay off!) I quickly reached the old man, pulled him loose from the plow, and got him safely to shore. Then I rescued his plow.
The old man was cut and bleeding from the pounding he’d taken from being swept against the large boulders in the river, but his wounds did not appear serious enough for emergency first aid. He thanked me profusely, while Peggy acted as interpreter.
I didn’t take any advantage of my heroism even though it might have won me a medal. Instead, the incident had a strange effect upon me. I had rescued a man doomed to certain death, and therefore I thought that I had bought myself the right to depart this life. I reasoned that the total population would remain balanced!
Still, suicide is not an easy decision. I talked to one of my commanding officers and told him that I was frustrated and that I was contemplating suicide. Unfortunately, he didn’t take me seriously and brushed my problems away by saying, “Why, you’re still young, and you have your whole life ahead of you. Suicide is nonsense.”
A few nights later, while I was on duty with a fellow airman. I decided that it was time to put an end to everything. I waited until my partner was busy in another part of the compound. Then I took an army .45 pistol from the holster where it was hanging on the wall. I loaded two rounds into the clip and put the clip in the pistol. Then I went outside and knelt down in the warm sand behind the trailer I had just vacated. It was a warm summer night in early July.
I turned my thoughts toward God and prayed, “Father in heaven, I can’t help myself. I’m sinning, and I know it, but I just can’t help myself. I just put myself into Your hands, and I do it in the name of Your Son, Jesus Christ. Amen.”
The next sound in the still night was the roar of a .45 caliber bullet exploding. The slug tore through my head and left me bleeding and screaming obscenities. It felt like I had been hit in the head with a baseball bat, but I was still alive! I wasn’t even unconscious! I really felt cheated!
Almost immediately, the place was swarming with men. I could hear them shouting to one another.
“See if you can find where the shot came from!”
“Be careful! There might be a sniper out there!”
“Oh, my God! Here’s a pistol! I think he shot himself!“
“NO! I WANT TO DIE!!!! IT’s NOT FAIR!!! I HATE THIS ------- PLACE!” I screamed.
Then things got a little blurry for awhile until an ambulance arrived. A medic asked, “What service is he in?”
It was a reasonable question. Our Air Force compound was guarded by Army Military Police. I was wearing Air Force shoes, socks, and belt. My fatigue shirt had an U. S. Marine insignia on it, and I was wearing Army fatigue trousers. (We didn’t overdo military formality in Korea!)
Ironically, the same commanding officer to whom I had gone for help rode with me in the ambulance. I heard him saying over and over again, “I just didn’t think that he would do it! I just didn’t think that he would do it!”
I raised up the best that I could and said, “I told you, but you wouldn’t listen!”
He gasped and turned very white indeed!
The ambulance ride ended at a waiting helicopter. I was conscious when they loaded me aboard and when they unloaded me. Then I lost a full day out of my life.
When I came to, my head was shaved on both sides, and my jaws were wired shut.
"You know you've had a very narrow escape! the doctor said. "If the bullet had gone one millimeter more in one direction, you would be dead. If it had gone one millimeter more in the other direction, you would be blind. You see, the bullet entered here by your right temple and exited here under your left eye. You won't be able to eat any solid food for several weeks until your jawbone heals."
He told me what to do in case I should have a choking spell and then he left. I didn't get to talk to a doctor again for about three weeks!
I was kept in a private room during that time, and I had a lot of time to think. I wondered if I had any brain damage and whether I could still walk. You see, I didn't get out of bed for three weeks!
Finally, a doctor came
More Than Enough
More Than Enough
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781469112213 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Xlibris Corporation |
| Publication date: | 01/18/2001 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| File size: | 395 KB |