Modern American Manners: Dining Etiquette for Hosts and Guests

by Fred Mayo, Michael Gold

Overview

This practical and humorous guide helps readers learn appropriate manners so they can enjoy the pleasures of good food, good drink, and good company without worrying about what behavior is proper. Chapters cover how to be a good host, how to be a good guest, and how to behave at business events, cocktail parties, formal dinners, and restaurants. There is also a unique chapter discussing pet peeves and how to handle them with grace, civility, and appropriate manners.

What’s the proper way to hold a wine glass? What’s an appropriate gift to bring a host—and what shouldn’t you bring? How should you correctly introduce guests to each other? If you’re the host, how do you determine who should sit next to whom? What should you do if you don’t want to drink alcohol at a cocktail party? What is appropriate cell phone usage at a business dinner? Here are easy-to-implement answers to these and many other important etiquette questions.

Lavishly illustrated with memorable full-color photographs that highlight both good and bad table manners, Modern American Manners is full of friendly advice for business professionals, college students entering the workplace, and anyone needing a refresher course or an introduction to proper behavior.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781510717657
Publisher:	Skyhorse
Publication date:	04/04/2017
Pages:	216
Product dimensions:	7.80(w) x 9.10(h) x 1.10(d)

About the Author

Fred Mayo recently retired as Clinical Professor of Hospitality and Tourism Management at New York University. He has been a college professor, administrator, trainer, and small business owner. He currently teaches etiquette and manners courses. He loves to entertain and make each dinner party special. He has an MBA, a PhD, and certifications in hospitality. He lives in New Paltz, New York.

Michael Gold's photographs have appeared in the New York Times, Fortune, Esquire, and more.

Table of Contents

Introduction xi

Who Will Benefit from This Book? xi

Global and Local Manners xii

Scope of This Book xiii

Ways to Use This Book xiv

Chapter 1 Civility, Manners, and Etiquette 1

Civility 2

Graciousness 2

Manners 4

Etiquette 7

Chapter 2 Conduct Becoming a Guest 10

Basic Principles of Good Manners 11

Responding to an Invitation 12

Hostess Gifts 15

Greetings 19

Cocktails or Before-Dinner Drinks 20

Sitting Down to Eat 21

Beginning the Meal 23

Bread and Butter 24

Unusual Goods 25

Carrying on Conversations 25

Glasses and Stemware 26

Flatware 31

Reaching or Passing Food 33

Common Poor Manners and Courtesy 34

Fingers, Hands, and Elbows 39

Excusing Yourself 40

Ending the Meal 42

Leaving the Table 43

Ending the Evening 43

Thank You 44

Thank You Notes 44

Thank You Presents 45

Thank You by Email 46

Chapter 3 Conduct Becoming a Host 47

Hosting 47

Guidelines for Hosting 49

Invitations 54

Greeting Guests 56

Seating Guests 59

Eating Dinner 61

Starting and Facilitating Conversations 64

Challenges at Dinner 65

Extending the Dinner Party 69

Encouraging Guests to Leave 70

Chapter 4 A Well-Set Table 72

Getting Started 72

Designing a Beautiful Table 75

Centerpieces 77

Placing Plates 81

Setting the Table with Flatware 83

Placing Glasses 85

Napkins 87

Place Cards 88

Serving Styles and Serving Dishes 89

Chapter 5 Cocktail Party Manners 93

Types of Cocktail Parties 94

Before the Party 96

Entering the Party 97

Being Introduced 100

Mixing and Mingling 100

Eating 105

Not Drinking Alcohol 107

Making Conversation 108

Drinking 110

Leaving the Cocktail Party 111

Chapter 6 Manners in Business Settings 113

The Setting 114

Types of Business Events 114

Networking 118

Introductions 119

Meeting and Greeting 121

Badges 123

Principles of Manners at Business Events 124

Seating at a Business Event 126

Selecting Menu Items at Business Events 128

Dress Codes 131

Table Manners 132

Hosting a Business Meal 134

Cell Phone and Technology Manners 135

Cultural Variations 136

Sexism and Gallantry 137

Spouses and Partners 138

Leaving the Event 139

Chapter 7 Pet Peeves at Dinner Parties 141

Poor Eating Habits 142

Poor Manners 146

Restaurant Behavior 149

Serving Issues in Restaurants 157

Host and Hostess Issues 160

Conversational Gaffes 162

Inappropriate Personal Grooming 163

Behavior of Children 165

Chapter 8 Special Situations: Political Events, Dating Manners, and Very Formal Settings 167

Manners for Public Servants and Elected Officials 167

Hosting Public Servants 172

Dating and Manners 174

Very Formal Dinners 176

Being Served in Very Formal Settings 178

Chapter 9 Enjoying Yourself 184

Monitoring Voice Tone and Volume 185

Using Language with Care 186

Dressing to Enjoy Yourself 186

Managing Personal Space 188

Treating Restaurants with Respect 188

Tipping 190

Pleasures of the Table and the Evening 191

Works Cited 195

Acknowledgments 197

Editorial Reviews

“In this crazy world we live in, manners and etiquette have somehow become a lost art. This gap can make many people uncomfortable whether at home, with friends, or at a business meeting. Dr. Fred Mayo, Professor of Hospitality and Tourism Management, and Michael Gold, photographer extraordinaire with a lighthearted lens, have put together this fabulous book as a guide to help us all get back on track with a sensible, simple, concise, and fun approach.”
—Kevin Zraly, internationally recognized wine expert and educator, creator of the Windows on the World Wine School, author of several books on wine, and recipient of the 2011 James Beard Lifetime Achievement Award

“Modern American Manners: Dining Etiquette for Hosts and Guests by Fred Mayo and Michael Gold should be a required reading not only for students and young professionals, but for everyone. The book provides excellent pictures of the do’s and don’ts with thought-provoking information for people to use throughout their lives. In particular, the Manners in Business chapter is one of the most important sections for new and experienced professionals, reinforcing the importance of proper conduct in business settings, which many people have either forgotten or never learned.”
—Joseph A. McInerney CHA, Emeritus President and Chief Executive Officer, American Hotel & Lodging Association

“Remember those etiquette lessons your parents tried to teach you? Modern American Manners goes well beyond those teachings and provides invaluable information for those who like to throw a party and those who like to attend social gatherings. Best of all, the authors provide the information in a lighthearted and comical way.”
—Dr. Dennis Reynolds, Barron Hilton Distinguished Chair and Dean, Conrad N. Hilton College of Hotel and Restaurant Management, University of Houston

“Good manners are essential for putting yourself—and others—at ease for every occasion. But where can you turn to learn the basics of proper etiquette, whether you are entertaining at home, socializing for work, selecting the proper hostess gift, or want to fine tune your conversation skills and be an enjoyable guest? Simply turn to the pages in Modern American Manners. Authors Fred Mayo and Michael Gold provide the essentials of contemporary manners with helpful tips for any social situation, all illustrated with Michael’s spot on, often humorous, photographs.”
—Melanie Young, Host of The Connected Table LIVE!

"I was once told that manners are the lubricant of social intercourse. This book is the modern guide to manners, etiquette, and polite behavior that our society needs. Fred Mayo and Michael Gold have created a clearly written and comprehensive book that covers every social and private situation that I can think of and details the way to behave in each situation. It also separates the polite from the rude. So much more than a list of ‘do's and don't's,’ this book explains and shows the ‘why's’ behind the ways we should act. It belongs in the hands of everyone who would have the world think well of them.”
—Darrin Siegfried, President Emeritus, The Sommelier Society of America, Inc.

“A comprehensive and fascinating book on American manners….The friendly style invites readers to consider how to be good guests and hosts. The chapter on entertaining and practicing manners in business settings is especially helpful. I recommend it to everyone who wants to know about how to enjoy dining with colleagues and friends.”
—Professor Kaye Chon, Dean and Chair Professor, Walter Kwok Foundation Professor in International Hospitality Management , School of Hotel & Tourism Management, The Hong Kong Polytechnic University

"A useful guide to navigating the often confusing—and always evolving—world of manners at today's dinner table. Among many things, it is a quiet plea to acknowledge civility at a time when we apparently need it most.”
—James Oseland, former Editor-in-Chief of Saveur magazine, author of Cradle of Flavor and judge on Top Chef Masters

“In this crazy world we live in, manners and etiquette have somehow become a lost art. This gap can make many people uncomfortable whether at home, with friends, or at a business meeting. Dr. Fred Mayo, Professor of Hospitality and Tourism Management, and Michael Gold, photographer extraordinaire with a lighthearted lens, have put together this fabulous book as a guide to help us all get back on track with a sensible, simple, concise, and fun approach.”
—Kevin Zraly, internationally recognized wine expert and educator, creator of the Windows on the World Wine School, author of several books on wine, and recipient of the 2011 James Beard Lifetime Achievement Award

“Modern American Manners: Dining Etiquette for Hosts and Guests by Fred Mayo and Michael Gold should be a required reading not only for students and young professionals, but for everyone. The book provides excellent pictures of the do’s and don’ts with thought-provoking information for people to use throughout their lives. In particular, the Manners in Business chapter is one of the most important sections for new and experienced professionals, reinforcing the importance of proper conduct in business settings, which many people have either forgotten or never learned.”
—Joseph A. McInerney CHA, Emeritus President and Chief Executive Officer, American Hotel & Lodging Association

“Remember those etiquette lessons your parents tried to teach you? Modern American Manners goes well beyond those teachings and provides invaluable information for those who like to throw a party and those who like to attend social gatherings. Best of all, the authors provide the information in a lighthearted and comical way.”
—Dr. Dennis Reynolds, Barron Hilton Distinguished Chair and Dean, Conrad N. Hilton College of Hotel and Restaurant Management, University of Houston

“Good manners are essential for putting yourself—and others—at ease for every occasion. But where can you turn to learn the basics of proper etiquette, whether you are entertaining at home, socializing for work, selecting the proper hostess gift, or want to fine tune your conversation skills and be an enjoyable guest? Simply turn to the pages in Modern American Manners. Authors Fred Mayo and Michael Gold provide the essentials of contemporary manners with helpful tips for any social situation, all illustrated with Michael’s spot on, often humorous, photographs.”
—Melanie Young, Host of The Connected Table LIVE!

"I was once told that manners are the lubricant of social intercourse. This book is the modern guide to manners, etiquette, and polite behavior that our society needs. Fred Mayo and Michael Gold have created a clearly written and comprehensive book that covers every social and private situation that I can think of and details the way to behave in each situation. It also separates the polite from the rude. So much more than a list of ‘do's and don't's,’ this book explains and shows the ‘why's’ behind the ways we should act. It belongs in the hands of everyone who would have the world think well of them.”
—Darrin Siegfried, President Emeritus, The Sommelier Society of America, Inc.

“A comprehensive and fascinating book on American manners….The friendly style invites readers to consider how to be good guests and hosts. The chapter on entertaining and practicing manners in business settings is especially helpful. I recommend it to everyone who wants to know about how to enjoy dining with colleagues and friends.”
—Professor Kaye Chon, Dean and Chair Professor, Walter Kwok Foundation Professor in International Hospitality Management , School of Hotel & Tourism Management, The Hong Kong Polytechnic University

"A useful guide to navigating the often confusing—and always evolving—world of manners at today's dinner table. Among many things, it is a quiet plea to acknowledge civility at a time when we apparently need it most.”
—James Oseland, former Editor-in-Chief of Saveur magazine, author of Cradle of Flavor and judge on Top Chef Masters

From the Publisher