Middle School Makeover: Improving the Way You and Your Child Experience the Middle School Years

by Michelle Icard

Overview

Middle School Makeover is a guide for parents and educators to help the tweens in their lives navigate the socially fraught hallways, gyms, and cafeterias of middle school. The book helps parents, teachers, and other adults in middle school settings to understand the social dilemmas and other issues that kids today face. Author Michelle Icard covers a large range of topics, beginning with helping us understand what is happening in the brains of tweens and how these neurological development affects decision-making and questions around identity. She also addresses social media, dating, and peer exclusion. Using both recent research and her personal, extensive experience working with middle-school-aged kids and their parents, Icard offers readers concrete and practical advice for guiding children through this chaotic developmental stage while also building their confidence.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781937134983
Publisher:	Bibliomotion, Inc.
Publication date:	05/13/2014
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	208
File size:	2 MB

About the Author

Michelle Icard didn’t much like middle school the first time around. Filled with anxiety and social missteps, her experience taught her a lot about feeling like a misfit. Since then, Michelle has dedicated herself to making the middle school years better for kids, parents, and teachers. Her social leadership curricula, Athena’s Path & Hero’s Pursuit, are taught in schools and summer camps across the country. She is a frequent speaker at parenting and educational events and her website MichelleintheMiddle.com is a refuge for parents with questions and concerns about raising tweens.

Table of Contents

Foreword xiii

Introduction: How and Why This Book Works 1

Part 1 The Foundation for Parenting Middle Schoolers

1 What's a Middle School Makeover? 9

2 Middle School Brains Are Different 21

3 Middle School Requires Bravery 37

4 Talking with Your Middle Schooler, or Not 51

5 It's Not Your Problem 63

Part 2 Helping Your Kid Through Real Middle School Problems

#1 "Everyone Has an Instagram but Me" 85

Coming to Terms with Your Child's Entry into the New World of Social Media

#2 Goodbye, Birds and Bees-Hello, Porn 93

Answering Your Middle Schooler's More Advanced Questions About Sex

#3 Good Girls Gone Bad 97

Helping When Girls Turn Against Each Other

#4 There's More Than One Way to Be Cool 101

Helping Your Son make Connections with Other Guys When He Doesn't Play Sports

#5 Put-Downs and Comebacks 107

Preparing to Deal with the Middle School Bully

#6 Not My Kid-Oh, Wait... 111

Discovering Your Kid Has Been a Bully, or Maybe Just a Jerk, or Probably Just Human

#7 Camis, Tight Jeans, and Booty Shorts, Oh, My! 115

Dodging Fashion Battles with Your Middle Schooler

#8 Your "Sneaking" Suspicions 121

Reacting to a Kid Who Goes Behind Your Back

#9 Can You Hear Me Now? 127

Living in Cell Phone World, with a Cell Phone Boy or Girl

#10 Going Out, Going Nowhere 131

Understanding the Middle School Dating Scene

#11 It's a Great, Big World out There (Emphasis on Great) 137

Evaluating How Much Independence to Give Your Middle Schooler

#12 "Get Him Out of My Room!" 141

Dealing with Sibling Fights and Manipulations

#13 Going a Different Speeds 145

Helping Your Socially Immature Kid Find a Comfortable Place in Middle School

Finishing Touches: Your Middle-Age Construction Project 151

Conclusion 171

Acknowledgments 175

Endnotes 177

References 179

Index 181

About the Author 186

Editorial Reviews

★ 03/03/2014
Icard, the creator of the middle school social skills courses Athena’s Path and Hero’s Pursuit, shares affirming, spot-on advice for guiding kids through the difficult middle school years, blending thoughtful practicality, and gentle humor. As Icard explains, these years build identity on the unsteady ground of a changing body and a complex and shifting social environment. How adults respond can be understood as a paradigm shift: “from fixing things for your child to teaching your child how to fix things himself.” Icard recommends that parents serve as the calm “assistant manager” to their children’s growing brain, guiding them toward slower thinking and problem solving, and acting as empathetic coach rather than micromanager; she offers sample conversations to demonstrate what that might look like. On the practical side, she recommends cultivating a neutral “Botox Brow” facial expression to tone down reactions, and supports giving children greater independence, letting them take risks, and (monitored) use of social media, among many other helpful tips. Parents should take middle school social problems as seriously as, if more calmly than, their kids do, the author counsels. Most importantly, Icard successfully positions herself as a knowledgeable, sympathetic peer— someone who knows that parents want to have a great relationship with their children during this period of rapid change. (May)

Publishers Weekly

“Icard, the creator of the middle school social skills courses Athena’s Path and Hero’s Pursuit, shares affirming, spot-on advice for guiding kids through the difficult middle school years, blending thoughtful practicality, and gentle humor. Icard recommends that parents serve as the calm ‘assistant manager’ to their children’s growing brain, guiding them toward slower thinking and problem solving, and acting as empathetic coach rather than micromanager; she offers sample conversations to demonstrate what that might look like. Icard supports giving children greater independence, letting them take risks, and (monitored) use of social media, among many other helpful tips. Most importantly, Icard successfully positions herself as a knowledgeable, sympathetic peer— someone who knows that parents want to have a great relationship with their children during this period of rapid change.” —Publishers Weekly

“Middle School Makeover is a great resource for anyone with a current or soon-to-be middle schooler in their life. With the voice of a friend, plenty of humor and lots of practical tips, Michelle Icard provides insight and answers to tween behaviors. Middle School Makeover also equips adults with useful ‘to do’ and ‘to don’t’ tips for helping their middle schooler gain independence and confidence.” —Melisa Holmes, MD; founder, Girlology; author of Girlology: A Girl’s Guide to Growing Up

“Written with humor, empathy, and remarkable insight, Middle School Makeover feels less like a book and more like a conversation with friends over coffee. Parent-to-parent, Michelle Icard translates cutting-edge developmental research and professional terminology into plain language and practical advice for managing the many twists and turns of early adolescence. Most importantly, the book transforms the image of middle school as dreadful for kids and dreaded by parents into a stage of life that is unique, exciting, and full of potential. You will not look at your child, or perhaps even recall your own middle school years, in the same way again!” —Beth A. Kotchick, PhD, associate professor, Loyola University, Maryland

“Was middle school bad enough when you were going through it? Is facing middle school again through your child’s experience giving you pause and anxiety? Worry no more. Michelle Icard has done an incredible job of offering parents not just the empathy they seek but the strategies they need to navigate their child’s middle school year with wisdom, grace, and foresight. Icard so deftly blends storytelling, research, and guidance, you’ll feel like you are having lunch with that smart, compassionate friend who never lets you feel defeated. Middle School Makeover will empower you to capably and calmly parent through the hard times and inspire you to celebrate through them, too.” —Rosie Molinary, author of Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Radical Self-Acceptance

“A makeover is desperately needed indeed. In twenty-five years of working with teenagers and their families, I’ve only had two people ask to volunteer to work with middle schoolers. In that same time, the stress that embraces parents is exactly what Michelle has described. Middle School Makeover is a book I will insist the families with whom I work and the students I teach have at their fingertips.” —Brian Foreman, EdD, youth ministry consultant and author of #Connect: Reaching Youth Across the Digital Divide and How to Be #SocialMedia Parents.

“Middle School Makeover is a masterpiece of how-tos for any parent dealing with the challenges of the middle school years. Parenting a middle schooler can be one of the most difficult times for parents to navigate. Michelle guides parents, using concrete solutions to reallife problems, faced by kids in their teen years. Michelle’s practical advice and humorous writing style make for an easy read for busy parents on-the-go.” —Seanna Crosbie, LCSW clinical therapist and director, Child Guidance Center, Texas

“Every middle school parent, teacher, and child would benefit greatly from this makeover. With clear writing, warmth, and humor, Icard offers straightforward paths through some of the bumpier aspects of the dark, scary place known as Middle School. She weaves personal anecdotes together with research and expert insights to give parents and educators all the tools they will need to navigate this phase with their child. By addressing not just the needs of the middle schooler but the middle school parent as well, she reveals herself to be the perfect ally during this sometimes tumultuous phase. But Icard’s greatest gift and the book’s primary accomplishment is how it subtly shifts our expectations of middle school. By the end, every reader will feel that this is not a phase to be feared, but celebrated and enjoyed. We highly recommend to anyone who lives or works with middle schoolers.” —Erin Dymowski and Ellen Williams, Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

“Middle School Makeover is a must read for anyone who has or works with middle students. Michelle brings understanding, compassion and wisdom to caring for this much misunderstood group of young people. I encourage every middle school parent to pick up this book, your middle schooler will be so glad you did!” —Vicki Abadesco, co-founder, Soul Shoppe author of Free to Be: Creating a Safe, Fun & Bully-Free World

“Michelle’s book is a terrific blend of solid research, innovative ideas, and good old-fashioned experience with adolescents. There are a lot of books full of buzz words and generic advice, but Michelle’s book drills down into specifics: what to say, how to say it, how not to say it, and the facial expression to show while saying it. The book hits on many of those tough social situations that leave adults struggling for words when it comes to advising their children. In my job as a school counselor, I reach for her material when trying to guide a middle school student (or parent of a middle-schooler) through a very trying and very real situation.” —Wes Calbreath, MED Middle School Counselor at Charlotte-Mecklenburg School System

From the Publisher