May Cause Love: An Unexpected Journey of Enlightenment After Abortion

by Kassi Underwood

Overview

In this powerful memoir, a fiercely honest and surprisingly funny testament to healing after abortion, a young woman travels across the United States to meet a motley crew of spiritual teachers and a caravan of new friends.

At age nineteen, Kassi Underwood discovered she was pregnant. Broke, unwed, struggling with alcohol, and living a thousand miles away from home, she checked into an abortion clinic.

While her abortion sparked her “feminist awakening,” she also felt lost and lawless, drinking to oblivion and talking about her pregnancy with her parents, her friends, strangers-anyone.

Three years later, just when she had settled into a sober life at her dream job, the ex-boyfriend with whom she had become pregnant had a baby with someone else. She shattered. In the depths of a blinding depression, Kassi refused to believe that she would “never get over” her abortion. Inspired by rebellious women in history who used spiritual practices to attain emotional freedom, Kassi embarked on a journey of recovery after abortion-a road trip with pit stops at a Buddhist “water baby” ritual, where she learns a new way to think about lost pregnancies; a Roman Catholic retreat for abortion that turns out to be staffed with clinic picketers; a crash course in grief from a Planned Parenthood counselor; a night in a motel with a “Midwife for the Soul” who teaches her how to take up space; and a Jewish “wild woman” celebration led by a wise and zany rabbi.

Dazzling with warmth and leavened by humor, May Cause Love captures one woman’s journey of self-discovery that enraged her, changed her, and ultimately enlightened her.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780062458650
Publisher:	HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date:	12/15/2023
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	338
File size:	931 KB

About the Author

KASSI UNDERWOOD has written for the New York Times, The Atlantic (digital), Best Self, and Women’s Health, among others, and has appeared live on MSNBC and NPR. She coaches women who find themselves at a turning point in life. A masters candidate at Harvard Divinity School, she hosts the YouTube series, Spiritually Blonde. May Cause Love is her first book.

Table of Contents

Introduction: Email to My New Friend from the Internet 1

I The First Noble Truth

1 Hell 9

2 The End of April 29

3 Crazy Love 43

4 The Bathroom Is My Prayer Temple 61

5 One of Those Postabortion Meltdowns in Which I Question My Place in the Afterlife 75

6 "Rock-Bottom Loser Entertaining Offers from Several Religions" 89

II Abortion Rites for Better Living

7 My Apology 113

8 Suspicious Minds 127

9 Secret Invisible Baby Friend 159

10 Thirty Seconds of Grief 165

11 How to Take Up Space 183

12 Another Underground Movement 193

13 Animal Therapy 213

14 Manifesto of the Three Billion Sluts 219

15 A Marginally Advanced Understanding of My Mother 233

16 Wild Woman 245

17 Travels with Abortion Money 265

III Love on Earth

18 The Enlightened F*ck 275

19 Hardcore Feminist Texas Church Ladies 293

20 Spiritually Blonde 303

21 Romantic People in Paradise 313

Acknowledgments 319

Notes 323

About the Author 339

Editorial Reviews

12/12/2016
In this brave and unsparing memoir, Underwood, a writer and lecturer, tells of getting pregnant at 19 with her drug addict quasi-boyfriend and choosing to have an abortion. She struggled for years afterward to come to terms with the consuming sense of loss she experienced as she repeatedly failed to find a support network. When her ex-boyfriend emails her on the third anniversary of the abortion—to tell her his new partner is pregnant with a girl they’re naming Jade, which is what he and Underwood would have called their child—she truly starts to unravel, tormented by her unresolved grief and memories of the procedure. Six years after her abortion, she’s finally ready to begin the healing. Underwood tries various methods to help herself, including attending a Roman Catholic retreat run by staunch pro-lifers, taking a vow of silence in the woods while quitting Zoloft cold turkey, meditation, and a Buddhist “water baby” ritual. Underwood travels through uncharted and harrowing waters at times; her story, though painful, is moving and heartfelt. She eventually creates her own “road to recovery,” and by mapping that road she hopes to provide a voice for women and men suffering in silence. (Feb.)

Publishers Weekly

The Eat Pray Love of abortion memoirs. Completely audacious, in the most incredible way—imagine not only not apologizing for owning your own soul, but demanding to be transported to a higher plane... so refreshing and illuminating.

Kerry Clare

An instant classic for a new generation of feminists. With wisdom, compassion, and clarity, May Cause Love is a blazing arc of hope that points us to deeper questions about abortion and God-and more than a few radiant answers.

Leah Vincent

Hip, hilarious, and poignant-as well as politically astute.

Susan Shapiro

Profoundly compelling and necessary. While reading May Cause Love, I found myself continually shocked that such a book has not already been written, that this experience shared by so many women in this country is not already available....I can’t imagine a more honest and thoughtful treatment of this subject.

Melissa Febos

A fascinating quest . . .Often irreverent and cheerful, Kassi’s personal journey eventually blends with the political and, most meaningfully, the spiritual, leading to a surprising destination.

The Improper Bostonian

Graceful in its example of how someone can turn a painful experience into a moment of inclusive activism.

BUST

No matter which side of the abortion debate you’re on, Kassi Underwood will challenge your beliefs.

Jonathan Merritt

An extraordinary contribution. May Cause Love is a powerful narrative for those who support abortion rights, people who call themselves ‘pro-life,’ and those who don’t know where they fall or how they feel.

Rewire

Underwood is a master storyteller. Her voice is clear and honest. Her words are hopeful, realistic, heartfelt and at times gut-wrenching. She speaks from the top of the mountain, after having made the journey to the center of the earth.

Retailing Insight

I’m so glad this book exists. Rarely do we get to see a woman wrestling so honestly and openly with the complicated nature of what it means to have a choice.

Sarah Hepola

Full of rich emotion and excellent storytelling, Underwood’s memoir of strength and healing reads almost like fiction . . . This will be an excellent resource for anyone struggling with an abortion or miscarriage, or for readers seeking to better understand those who have done so.

starred review Booklist

An epic journey of spiritual healing, a hunt for enlightenment, integration, and release . . .Underwood’s story acts as a bridge to many women’s. It is a temple of prayers built in the terrain of grief.“ 

Los Angeles Review of Books

Underwood is a master storyteller. Her voice is clear and honest. Her words are hopeful, realistic, heartfelt and at times gut-wrenching. She speaks from the top of the mountain, after having made the journey to the center of the earth.

Anna Jedrziewski

Graceful in its example of how someone can turn a painful experience into a moment of inclusive activism.

Bust Magazine

An extraordinary contribution. May Cause Love is a powerful narrative for those who support abortion rights, people who call themselves ‘pro-life,’ and those who don’t know where they fall or how they feel.

Katie Klaubisch

2016-11-23
How one woman overcame the traumatic experience of abortion.Essayist Underwood, who studies at Harvard Divinity School and co-hosts the "Spiritually Blonde" podcast, was caught by surprise with her pregnancy at age 19. She always imagined being a virgin until marriage, marrying a man she loved, and having their first child a few years after the wedding. "My first pregnancy was supposed to be about joy," she writes. However, she believed that, despite the suffering involved, she needed the abortion since the baby, a failed relationship with the father, and being in love with someone else were all the wrong things at the wrong time. Then she spent years trying to overcome the incredible sadness she felt afterward. Underwood intimately describes the events leading up to her relationship with Noah, a drug dealer and user, while the man she truly loved, "Will-B," was in the military and overseas. She also chronicles the abortion and the tactics she used to move on. These included a Buddhist ceremony commonly used in Japan to help women move beyond abortion, a Roman Catholic retreat, a water baby ritual, meditation, consultations with a representative from Planned Parenthood, and more. Through it all, she continued to struggle with her true feelings about her relationship with Will-B, where the timing of any declarations of love was always out of sync. Underwood's writing effectively exposes her emotional conflicts about her abortion as well as those of the many women with whom she discussed this often taboo subject. The author shines a personal light on the dilemma that women face when they have to juggle their own needs and desires with a biological accident that has the power to completely change their lives, whether they birth the child or not. A poignant memoir about the years of healing that are often required after having an abortion.

Kirkus Reviews