This collection of essays by BDSM educator Teramis examines Master/slave relationships, and the distinctions between submission and slavery. This information is useful for novices to BDSM, while more experienced kinksters will find provocative food for thought in these pages. Teramis has over 30 years experience in the scene, has presented to the leather community throughout the U.S. and in Europe, and taught as adjunct faculty at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (San Francisco).
CONTENTS
Introduction – Teramis
BDSM Defined: An Exploration of Adult Sexualities & Lifestyles
There are many styles of kink that people engage in, but they all have one thing in common: they are activities that take place between consenting adults. Contrary to stereotype, neither SM nor BDSM encompasses or condones abuse, nor do these activities necessarily relate to sex or sexuality, for that is not the exclusive realm in which BDSM plays out. This essay takes a look at what BDSM is, and what it is not.
The Nature of Master/slave (Owner/property) Relationships
There seems to be a common pattern of misconceptions about Owner/property relationships (also called "Master/slave" relationships, although I have issues with that terminology) - and the nature of persons who become involved in consensual slavery as the slave. This essay looks at things unique to M/s and its viability as a relationship style.
A Slave is Not a Submissive
Many people think a slave is some kind of über-sub, someone far more submissive than the average submissive, beyond the pale of human norms and well into the doormat zone. Nothing could be further from the truth. This essay looks at key differences between sub and slave.
What Does the Slave Get Out of It?
It's obvious what the dominant is getting in D/s, right? Service. But as one correspondent once asked me, what does the slave get out of it? Here's my answer to that question.
Trust, Safety, and Surrender
These three elements are very interconnected and essential to achieving successful power exchange.
The Need to Belong
A personal musing on one of the driving forces for many persons' submission, my own included.
Teramis' Basic Rules of Engagement
Advice once asked and offered on a submissive's journey.
Mailing List Links
For more information or to view an excerpt, see the book page at
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What People Say About Teramis' Content
“Teramis awes workshop participants with her depth of knowledge, psychological sophistication regarding D/s relationships, and remarkable ability to communicate complex concepts in clear, accessible, and often delightfully entertaining ways.” ~Joy Davidson, Ph.D., Psychologist/Author/Advice Columnist
“I just wanted to say thank you for the wonderful presentation that you gave this weekend on "Trust, Safety & Surrender". My subpuppy and I both attended…both of us had some really deep emotions come up during the presentation. You helped spark an important discussion by giving us reference points to start from in discussing things that have been on our minds and in our hearts. I thank you for it from the depth of my heart.”
~- Lady MoonDance
“Teramis offers a fresh, realistic perspective on the power dynamics of D/s relationships. Whether you've been playing two months or twenty years, you will find information and tools pertinent to creating tailor-made relationships that work.” ~ Catherine Gross
“Teramis is one of my favorite presenters. She is surprisingly fresh and honest each time she reviews an issue. Her ability to speak across gender and sexual roles allows her to offer pertinent and useful information. … incredibly honest and vulnerable…. an “advanced player” whom I respect and admire greatly. I attend her presentations whenever possible– WOOF!” ~ Master Steve, Butchmann’s SM Academy
