Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage: Critical Questions and Answers

by Jim Newheiser

Overview

What constitutes a valid marriage? How should you go about finding a spouse? Is there a purpose to engagement? Why, and under what circumstances, does God permit divorce? Is abuse a ground for divorce? When is remarriage advisable? When it comes to counseling related to marriage, remarriage, and divorce, the questions and issues can be especially complex. But we can turn confidently to the Word of God for answers, knowing that it will speak to every situation with profound wisdom. Drawing on decades of marriage counseling experience, Newheiser explores questions relating to marriage—unpacking the answers given in God’s Word. This useful reference work for pastors or counselors can also be read straight through for a scriptural overview of the topic or assigned in small sections to counselees.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781629953168
Publisher:	Presbyterian and Reformed Publishing
Publication date:	07/31/2017
Pages:	336
Sales rank:	1,101,513
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x (d)

About the Author

Jim Newheiser (MA, DMin, Westminster Theological Seminary) is director of the Christian Counseling program and associate professor of practical theology at Reformed Theological Seminary in Charlotte. He a fellow of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC) and a board member of the Fellowship of Independent Reformed Evangelicals.

Table of Contents

Foreword Edward T. Welch xi

Preface xiii

Acknowledgments xv

Introduction xvii

Part 1 Marriage

A The Foundations of Marriage

1 What Is Marriage? 5

2 Why Did God Create the Institution of Marriage? 13

3 What Constitutes a Valid Marriage? 18

4 Is Polygamy Forbidden by Scripture? 25

5 Must Marriage Be between a Man and a Woman? 30

B Entering into Marriage

6 Is Cohabitation Permissible Apart from Marriage? 39

7 How Can You Know Whether It Is God's Will for You to Get Married? 47

8 How Can You Know Whom You Should Marry? 53

9 How Should You Go About Finding a Spouse? 59

10 What Is the Purpose of Engagement? 71

C Having a Successful Marriage

11 What Is the Key to Keeping a Marriage Strong? 79

12 What Are the Responsibilities of a Husband? 85

13 What Are the Responsibilities of a Wife? 94

14 What Must Be Done to Protect a Marriage? 103

15 How Can Couples Improve Their Communication? 110

D Challenges in Marriage

16 How Can Couples Resolve Their Conflicts? 121

17 How Should You Correct Your Spouse? 129

18 When Does a Couple Need Help Resolving Their Conflicts? 137

19 How Can Couples Resolve Sexual Problems? 142

20 How Does the Bible Address the Tough Questions about Sex? 152

Part 2 Divorce and Remarriage

A The Foundations of Divorce and Remarriage

21 Why Are Most Questions about Divorce and Remarriage Easy to Answer from Scripture? 165

22 Why Are Some Questions about Divorce and Remarriage So Difficult? 173

23 What Is Divorce? 179

24 Why Does God Hate Divorce? 184

25 Why Does God Permit Divorce? 189

B Divorce and Remarriage Controversies

26 Does Jesus Teach That There Are No Valid Grounds for Divorce and Remarriage? 197

27 Does Paul Teach That There Are No Valid Grounds for Divorce and Remarriage? 203

28 Does Scripture Teach That Sexual Sin Is a Valid Ground for Divorce and Remarriage? 209

29 Is Abandonment by an Unbeliever a Valid Ground for Divorce and Remarriage? 218

30 Does Scripture Justify Divorce on Grounds Other than Sexual Sin and Abandonment? 225

31 Are Divorced People Still Married in God's Eyes? 230

C Practical Questions

30 What Sexual Sins Constitute Grounds for Divorce? 239

33 When and How Should Sexual Sin in Marriage Be Forgiven? 245

34 What Constitutes Abandonment by an Unbelieving Spouse? 254

35 Is Abuse Grounds for Divorce? 259

36 Is It Biblical for a Married Couple to Separate without Divorcing? 266

37 Who Decides Whether a Divorce or Remarriage Is Valid? 271

38 When Is Remarriage Advisable? 277

39 What Should Be Done If Someone Has Divorced and/or Remarried Improperly? 284

40 How Should the Church Treat Those Who Have Divorced and Remarried? 289

Selected Bibliography 295

Index of Scripture 297

Index of Subjects and Names 305

Editorial Reviews

Basic questions are comfortable questions. Jim Newheiser leads us beyond the comfortable basics of marriage to where real ministry often forces us—the unstable edges of this vital topic. Is abuse grounds for divorce? When is remarriage a bad idea? Does forgiveness always mean reconciliation? Newheiser answers risky questions such as these with delicacy and conviction, providing biblical footing for the edges.

Jeremy Pierre

Jim Newheiser combines careful biblical thinking, decades of marriage counseling experience, and practical pastoral sensitivity to bring thorough wisdom to a surprisingly wide number of questions and subquestions, including thorny and painful ones. While not every reader will agree with every aspect of every answer, the reader hungry to think carefully and practically about these matters will be richly rewarded with this concise yet comprehensive resource.

Robert D. Jones

Jim Newheiser has written an exceptional resource on marriage. It is carefully organized, thoroughly researched, and very well written. This book is going to be the gold standard for pastors, biblical counselors, and other Christians who want to glorify God on the issue of marriage. I highly recommend it.

Martha Peace

Not many people have spent as many hours opening the Bible to help couples experiencing difficulties as my friend Dr. Jim Newheiser. The answers he offers in this very helpful guide flow out of years of experience and a deep love for Christ and his church. I heartily recommend it!

Elyse Fitzpatrick

This book about marriage is different from most other books about marriage. It is different in that it provides biblically based answers to a great variety of current questions that are not answered in any other marriage book that I have ever read. In that sense it is unique, and I recommend it wholeheartedly. And it is also unique in that Dr. Newheiser’s answers are not just his opinion or the opinion of certain so-called experts, but drawn from an exegesis of Scripture. Jim seeks to ground all his answers in what God says in his Word, the Bible. As a pastor and marriage counselor, I am glad to have such a book to which I can refer people for solid information on critical questions that are being asked in this twenty-first century.

Wayne Mack

In Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage, Jim Newheiser humbly tackles some of the tough issues often connected to marriage. He acknowledges that good people may differ and then encourages the reader to search the Scriptures, not rely on man’s opinion. Jim doesn’t stop there, however. He blesses the reader with the result of his own scriptural conclusions and provides wise guidance for those who want to please the Lord in their approach to this topic.

Steve Viars

Jim Newheiser has had decades of counseling experience, much of it in the field of marriage, divorce, and remarriage. He is now my valued colleague at Reformed Theological Seminary. His book is the most thorough and cogent treatment I know on these subjects. I cannot think of any question in this area that he has not discussed with biblical wisdom, applied to real-life situations. I hope that many couples will use this book in their premarital counseling and that churches will use it in dealing with marriage problems in their congregations.

John M. Frame

Sooner or later, marriage touches all our lives. It is therefore one of the most important and most debated realities in the universe. That fact makes Jim Newheiser’s book one of the most crucial for Christians to read. I am aware of no resource on marriage that is as comprehensive and yet as accessible as this book. Every issue addressed here is debated by someone, but Newheiser’s careful and compassionate arguments require thoughtful engagement from everyone. I am happy to commend it to any scholar, pastor, or layperson seeking to understand the biblical teaching on marriage.

Heath Lambert

As I read the table of contents for Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage, I couldn’t wait to read Jim’s answers. Then when I actually started reading Jim’s rich engagement with each of these forty vital questions, I had to wait—to slow down, ponder, reflect, and learn from the wisdom of a seasoned pastor and biblical counselor. Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage is an excellent book for pastors and counselors—not simply for its thorough and relevant answers, but perhaps even more for its example of how to relate God’s Word to the tough issues of daily life.

Bob Kellemen

Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage by Jim Newheiser brings needed clarity to contemporary confusion over this foundation of society. Newheiser evaluates fairly those with whom he disagrees, making this book a real treasure. He answers the knotty questions from God’s Word, making this volume valuable for a pastor bringing counsel, or a spouse caught up in a difficult marriage. Newheiser’s pastoral insight, lucid analysis, and biblical focus make this book a must-read for people with questions about marriage and a valuable resource for a pastor’s bookshelf.

Tedd Tripp

Jim Newheiser continues to be a wealth of biblical wisdom. Whatever he writes I buy because I know it will be wise, insightful, biblical, and fleshed out in the trenches of real ministry with real people. As a pastor and counselor myself for over thirty years, I’m always looking for biblical resources like this. Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage will serve the church well because the questions that leaders face today have become increasingly complicated. Jim cuts through the fog with the light of God’s Word and the heart of a real shepherd that has been forged side by side with people who are hurting and looking for answers. This little book can be the guide that takes you by the hand and leads you through the forest of winding, twisting turns, plowing through the underbrush of today’s questions about sex, marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Get a copy to read and reread, as well as one to give to any church leader or counselor who is working with people today.

Brad Bigney

There may not be a more difficult set of questions for Christians than those raised regarding marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Complex issues in these incredibly important areas abound, yet in Jim Newheiser’s new book, these many questions receive fair, helpful, and, most importantly, biblical answers. My hat is off to the author for tackling so many questions and providing much-needed clarity in the midst of a fog of confusion surrounding these critical matters. The graciousness and skill with which he does so is a lesson for us all in handling what appear to be vexing uncertainties about, for instance, whom to marry, how to stay married, and what the bases are if you don’t. As a pastor, I for one am always looking for helpful treatments on critical concerns for members of my congregation, and we surely have it here in this most valuable and eminently readable volume. May it receive wide acclaim as a trusted source for the church’s singles and couples alike.

Lance Quinn

Jim Newheiser offers wise biblical counsel and tackles very difficult (but sadly common) issues in a way that pastors, elders, and those preparing to serve in the church will benefit from and greatly appreciate. I wish I had had a copy of Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage: Critical Questions and Answers before I started out in ministry in the local church. I would have been better equipped to help and better prepared for the kinds of issues I would encounter. Above all, Dr. Newheiser seeks to be faithful to Scripture and summons us to a caring fidelity, even when it means that we have to deny self and take up our cross (Luke 9:23). We find here a call and plan to support God’s grand design for marriage through the counseling ministry of the church.

Over the past forty years, I have counseled hundreds of couples who were struggling with questions that this book answers with clarity. But unlike most books that cover a similar subject, this volume by Jim Newheiser handles these questions with biblical precision and grace. When there has been passionate love in marriage, there is also the potential for passionate hate. When this is true, it is difficult for those involved to think objectively, much less biblically. This book will provide a clear direction as it unfolds God’s wonderful Word concerning marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Someone has wisely remarked, ‘A good Christian wedding always involves two funerals.’ A husband and wife must first learn to die to self; then they are ready to do things God’s way. Anyone who has questions about marriage, divorce, or remarriage from a thoroughly biblical perspective must carefully study this book with the Bible alongside!

John D. Street

This is book about marriage that is different from most books about marriage. It is different from other marriage books in that it provides biblically based answers to a great variety of questions that people are asking that are not answered in any other marriage book that I have ever read. In that sense it is unique and I recommend it wholeheartedly. And it is also unique in that the answers Dr. Newheiser gives are not just his opinion or the opinion of certain so called experts, but drawn from an exegesis of Scripture. Jim doesn't just give his opinion, but seeks to ground all of his answers on what God says in His Word, the Bible. As a pastor and marriage counselor I am glad to have such a book to which I can refer people for solid information on critical questions that are being asked in this twenty first century.

Dr. Wayne MackDirector