Male Sexuality: Why Women Don't Understand It-And Men Don't Either

by Michael Bader

Overview

At first glance the sexual male seems easy to understand, but beneath the surface lie complexities that disrupt lives and relationships. Why can men be so distant in bed? Why do many men love porn so much? And can he love porn and still love his wife? Respected psychologist Michael Bader takes an honest look at the nuances of male sexuality, addressing issues such as sexual boredom, internet sex, and sexual fantasies that can leave women bewildered and men ashamed. Illustrated with engaging examples from his practice, Male Sexuality gives readers, both women and men, deeper understanding of male behavior from the flamboyant to the mundane. Through increased awareness of the psychology behind the sex, Bader aims to enhance individual self-esteem and improve communication in relationships.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781442203280
Publisher:	Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, Inc.
Publication date:	11/16/2010
Pages:	168
Product dimensions:	5.40(w) x 8.40(h) x 0.60(d)

About the Author

Michael Bader, DMH, is a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst who has been in practice for over 25 years. He is a widely respected teacher, public speaker, and therapist and lives in San Francisco.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments ix

Introduction 1

Chapter 1 The Secret Logic of Male Sexuality 3

Chapter 2 What's Different about Male Sexuality and Why? 21

Chapter 3 The Appeal of Pornography and Internet Sex 41

Chapter 4 Sexual Boredom and Infidelity 63

Chapter 5 Lolita Fantasies and the Sexual Appeal of Youth 81

Chapter 6 Sexual Aggression and Pornography-Myths and Realities 93

Chapter 7 From Morality to Meaning: Changing Male Sexuality 107

Chapter 8 Sad Moms, Distant Dads, and the Social Context of Male Sexuality 117

Chapter 9 The Politics of Male Sexuality 129

Chapter 10 The Value of Difference 145

Index 151

What People are Saying About This

Kim Cattrall

Bader calls us back from our current temptation to censor and judge sexuality and reminds us that understanding erotic life is the best cure for what ails it.

Louis Breger

Michael Bader's Male Sexuality is a fascinating and brilliant book that will appeal to men and women who wish to understand and improve their sexual relationships. The topics range from conventional marital relationships to internet sex, the use of pornography and prostitution, to romance novels, explored within the social context that conditions our attitudes toward male and female roles. Clearly and beautifully written, enlivened by vignettes from Dr. Bader's extensive clinical practice, this book is a must-read for everyone interested in what makes both male and female sexuality what it is.

Esther Perel

Michael Bader knows men. He probes the multiple layers of male sexuality with a kindness and compassion that are rare. This book is such a good read—I kept thinking 'Yes, he gets it.'

Phillip Kaufman

With the publication of Male Sexuality Michael Bader firmly establishes himself in the forefront of therapists writing about sexuality. Dr. Bader seeks to understand something that is not generally understood, something that is off-limits to many, guarded by cultural dragons and censors. But he's a courageous and intrepid adventurer in search of a Holy Grail: the very core of male sexuality. His discoveries are wise, thoughtful...and controversial.

Phillip Freeman

Michael Bader's ideas are original and provocative, grounded in scholarship, and illustrated by ample case studies. He argues persuasively that sexual pursuits that look perverse and have been fodder for fear mongering and censorship might be better understood as fantasy play that reassures one against hidden fears. That he arrives at a place of optimism and compassion for our relationships and ourselves should give hope to us all.

Editorial Reviews

In this sophisticated and gripping analysis, [Bader] shows us why male sexuality behavior is often shaped by needs for love and safety that are frequently misunderstood.

Tikkun

Michael Bader's ideas are original and provocative, grounded in scholarship, and illustrated by ample case studies. He argues persuasively that sexual pursuits that look perverse and have been fodder for fear mongering and censorship might be better understood as fantasy play that reassures one against hidden fears. That he arrives at a place of optimism and compassion for our relationships and ourselves should give hope to us all.

Phillip Freeman

Michael Bader's Male Sexuality is a fascinating and brilliant book that will appeal to men and women who wish to understand and improve their sexual relationships. The topics range from conventional marital relationships to internet sex, the use of pornography and prostitution, to romance novels, explored within the social context that conditions our attitudes toward male and female roles. Clearly and beautifully written, enlivened by vignettes from Dr. Bader's extensive clinical practice, this book is a must-read for everyone interested in what makes both male and female sexuality what it is.

Louis Breger

Michael Bader knows men. He probes the multiple layers of male sexuality with a kindness and compassion that are rare. This book is such a good read—I kept thinking 'Yes, he gets it.'

Esther Perel

With the publication of Male Sexuality Michael Bader firmly establishes himself in the forefront of therapists writing about sexuality. Dr. Bader seeks to understand something that is not generally understood, something that is off-limits to many, guarded by cultural dragons and censors. But he's a courageous and intrepid adventurer in search of a Holy Grail: the very core of male sexuality. His discoveries are wise, thoughtful...and controversial.

Phillip Kaufman

Most useful to therapists who do insight-oriented therapy and nonacademic readers interested in this subject. Recommended.

Choice Reviews

Dr. Bader calls us back from our current temptation to censor and judge sexuality and reminds us that understanding erotic life is the best cure for what ails it.

Kim Cattrall

Dr. Bader calls us back from our current temptation to censor and judge sexuality and reminds us that understanding erotic life is the best cure for what ails it.

In this sophisticated and gripping analysis, [Bader] shows us why male sexuality behavior is often shaped by needs for love and safety that are frequently misunderstood.

Michael Bader knows men. He probes the multiple layers of male sexuality with a kindness and compassion that are rare. This book is such a good read-I kept thinking 'Yes, he gets it.'

Michael Bader's Male Sexuality is a fascinating and brilliant book that will appeal to men and women who wish to understand and improve their sexual relationships. The topics range from conventional marital relationships to internet sex, the use of pornography and prostitution, to romance novels, explored within the social context that conditions our attitudes toward male and female roles. Clearly and beautifully written, enlivened by vignettes from Dr. Bader's extensive clinical practice, this book is a must-read for everyone interested in what makes both male and female sexuality what it is.

Michael Bader's ideas are original and provocative, grounded in scholarship, and illustrated by ample case studies. He argues persuasively that sexual pursuits that look perverse and have been fodder for fear mongering and censorship might be better understood as fantasy play that reassures one against hidden fears. That he arrives at a place of optimism and compassion for our relationships and ourselves should give hope to us all.

Most useful to therapists who do insight-oriented therapy and nonacademic readers interested in this subject. Recommended.

Two themes dominate: most fantasies and hang-ups are rooted in childhood, tied to men's formative relationships and the examples set by their parents; and the exacerbating effect of feelings like guilt, responsibility and isolation that many men don't understand. Using numerous case studies from his 25-plus years in the field, Bader returns to these themes repeatedly to explain why men are drawn to the anonymity and relatively consequence-free arena of internet sex, infidelity and younger women. He makes a number of reasoned points when it comes to sexual politics and what makes men tick....Bader's clinical studies should prove accessible and thought-provoking among couples, singles and academics.

With the publication of Male Sexuality Michael Bader firmly establishes himself in the forefront of therapists writing about sexuality. Dr. Bader seeks to understand something that is not generally understood, something that is off-limits to many, guarded by cultural dragons and censors. But he's a courageous and intrepid adventurer in search of a Holy Grail: the very core of male sexuality. His discoveries are wise, thoughtful...and controversial.

From the Publisher

Most useful to therapists who do insight-oriented therapy and nonacademic readers interested in this subject. Recommended.

Choice

Most useful to therapists who do insight-oriented therapy and nonacademic readers interested in this subject. Recommended.

CHOICE

Why do men like porn so much? What's the appeal of the Lolita fetish? Why do partners stray? San Francisco-based psychoanalyst Bader attempts to answer these and other questions in this judgment-free examination of male sexuality. Two themes dominate: most fantasies and hang-ups are rooted in childhood, tied to men's formative relationships and the examples set by their parents; and the exacerbating effect of feelings like guilt, responsibility and isolation that many men don't understand. Using numerous case studies from his 25-plus years in the field, Bader returns to these themes repeatedly to explain why men are drawn to the anonymity and relatively consequence-free arena of internet sex, infidelity and younger women. He makes a number of reasoned points when it comes to sexual politics and what makes men tick, particularly in regard to the use of pornography (in his view frequently misconstrued by everyone from the user to spouse to society as a whole), but may give some readers pause when turning to the subject of child pornography ("our culture has made the pedophile larger than life, his prevalence exaggerated, and his danger overstated"). Though heavily slanted toward heterosexuality (gay relationships are barely mentioned), Bader's clinical studies should prove accessible and thought-provoking among couples, singles and academics.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Publishers Weekly