Comedian and Chelsea Lately regular Loni Love has long been sought out by friends and strangers alike for relationship advice. Here, she collects their questions and her responses, general romance tips, and hilarious anecdotes from her own life. She helps a woman in love with a married man refocus her romantic energy, and advises another on how to deal with her boyfriend’s life-sized Beyoncé poster. She provides guidance on getting what you want in bed and knowing when a relationship is over, and describes signs indicating he’s not looking for a wife; Love also helps readers spot signs of infidelity. Other standouts include Love’s six-step plan for meeting Mr. Right, and pithy comebacks to the question, “Why aren’t you married yet?” (“I like checking the ‘single’ box on my tax returns.”) Drawing from her own experiences, she recalls, among other nightmares, her wig being blown off by the wind during a date, and a calamitous encounter with a stripper pole. Love’s advice is witty and wise, and there’s something for readers at every stage in their love lives. Agent: Brandi Bowles, Foundry Literary + Media. (July)
Love Him Or Leave Him, but Don't Get Stuck With the Tab: Hilarious Advice for Real Women
Narrated by Loni Love
Loni LoveUnabridged — 4 hours, 15 minutes
Love Him Or Leave Him, but Don't Get Stuck With the Tab: Hilarious Advice for Real Women
Narrated by Loni Love
Loni LoveUnabridged — 4 hours, 15 minutes
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Overview
A regular panelist on E!'s top-rated Chelsea Lately and a staple on Dr. Drew's Loveline, audiences first fell in love with Loni for her relatable brand of social commentary and unique take on love, sex, and dating. Now as co-host of the new daytime talk show The Real, Loni doles out romantic advice to an audience of millions every day. Love Him or Leave Him, But Don't Get Stuck with the Tab offers down-to-earth wisdom and guidance for single girls, girlfriends, wives, baby mamas, and the chick on the side (because she needs advice, too).
In a fun Q&A format complete with hilarious been there-done that tales, Loni delivers answers to women's most pressing relationship questions-about love, sex, fidelity, finances, in-laws, and everything in between. In the end, she says, you may stick with him, you may bail out, but don't ever be left “stuck with the tab,” or letting yourself be taken advantage of. Her message is consistent throughout: If women make themselves the priority, everything else will fall into place. “It's something I think women need to hear over and over again,” she says. “Like multiple orgasms.”
Editorial Reviews
"Hilarious and straight-to-the-point (although NSFW) romantic advice on everything from meeting up to breaking up, and even getting hitched."
She's got sass, she's got class and she'll kick your... preconceived notions of dating and courtship to the curb. . . . Any woman who has been treated like a carpet in past relationships should strap this guide to her torso. . . . Through over-the-top humor and blunt truth, Loni Love's how-to book on romance seems to encourage women to love themselves first—and the men will follow.
The funny stuff comes from Loni, the advice comes from me. When do I get a book deal?
Loni Love gives wise funny advice straight from the heart. She's the best boo anyone could hope to have.
If Loni Love is half as good at giving advice as she is at drinking Hennessy, the world is about to be a much better place.
The Real co-host’s collection of hilarious relationship advice blends laugh-out-loud punch lines with practical takeaway.
Listen up: Loni Love is a force to be reckoned with. She will give you confidence, boost your game, and call you out on all your stupid decisions. She's like Simon Cowell with a weave.
Very funny advice for women! In fact, I've never been in favor of banning books, but now I am.
There’s no wallowing in man-misery allowed when you’re reading this book . . . Loni Love speaks bluntly and truthfully while advocating that women stand up for themselves, take back their strength, and stop being wimpy – whether they’re in their first romance or their fiftieth. Along the way, we meet Love’s ex-loves, her wild and clueless friends, and her bawdy, wonderful sense of humor.
Very funny advice for women! In fact, I've never been in favor of banning books, but now I am.
Loni Love gives wise funny advice straight from the heart. She's the best boo anyone could hope to have.
Loni Love gives wise funny advice straight from the heart. She's the best boo anyone could hope to have.
Loni Love gives wise funny advice straight from the heart. She's the best boo anyone could hope to have.”
“If Loni Love is half as good at giving advice as she is at drinking Hennessy, the world is about to be a much better place.”
“Listen up: Loni Love is a force to be reckoned with. She will give you confidence, boost your game, and call you out on all your stupid decisions. She's like Simon Cowell with a weave.”
“Very funny advice for women! In fact, I've never been in favor of banning books, but now I am.”
“The funny stuff comes from Loni, the advice comes from me. When do I get a book deal?
Product Details
| BN ID: | 2940170710287 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Simon & Schuster |
| Publication date: | 07/30/2013 |
| Edition description: | Unabridged |
Read an Excerpt
Love Him Or Leave Him, But Don’t Get Stuck With the Tab
MEETING UP
One of the things I love about the single life is that you get to go on a lot of first dates. I know many women dread going out with a new guy for the first time. The nerves, the awkward conversation, the not knowing if you should order the lobster because he might be a cheap-ass and expect you to go Dutch. It’s true some first dates can be awful. Like those times you go to a fancy restaurant and your date spends more time asking the cocktail waitress about her inner-thigh tattoo than talking to you. Or you tell him you admire the relationship he has with his mother and he says, “Great, because I’ve invited her to join us.” But instead of facing first dates with dread, consider each and every one a great opportunity to gather information while getting a free meal. On a first date a man will tell you almost everything you need to know about what kind of person he is. You just need to stay sober enough to remember the next day.
The next time you’re on a first date, look around the room. If you’re in a restaurant and notice that every woman there—from the coat-check girl to the manager—is giving your date dirty looks, then consider yourself warned. He probably owes them money, a phone call, or both.
When I want to know what kind of man I’m dealing with, I look at his shoes. If he’s wearing some nice hard-soled shoes, I know he’s solid, dependable, and is probably the type of man to carry a condom in his wallet. If he’s wearing sneakers, that’s okay, as long as they’re clean and have laces. I don’t trust a man who wears shoes that close with Velcro. That’s just lazy. Now, if he shows up for dinner wearing flip-flops, you better run for the hills. A man who wears flip-flops to dinner doesn’t take anything seriously. He’s the kind of man who will make fart jokes when you’re trying to tell him about your horrible day at work or laugh at you if you trip and fall on your ass before he checks to see if you’re okay. Trust me, even if you have a cushiony ass like mine, falling on your behind hurts. The last thing you need is your man laughing at you like he’s a five-year-old at the circus. You want a man who treats you like a prize, not a clown.
The other great thing about first dates is they give you a chance to refine your First Date Look—that’s the outfit and hairstyle that makes you feel most comfortable, beautiful, and confident. Even if you think your date might be a dud, it’s still a great opportunity to try out a new look, get a new weave, or buy yourself a dress that exposes, er . . . I mean shows off your best assets. For example, you might not know this about me, but I have exquisite knees, so whenever I’m on a date I always wear a skirt that shows them off. When I was growing up, Momma Love always used to tell me, “Don’t hide your light under a bushel.” Well, the same can be said about dating: don’t hide your best features under a tent dress. Got good cans? Show the girls! Well-toned arms? Wear a tube top! You’re going on a date, not to Bible study.
Most important of all, on a first date, pay attention to the way the man treats you. Does he give you his undivided attention, or does he check his cell phone every ten minutes? Does he order his meal before you or patiently wait until you’ve asked the waiter to list all the ingredients of every dish? Does he seem interested in what you have to say, or does he constantly change the topic to sex and when he’s going to get some? Even the way he walks down the street with you says a lot. A man who walks side by side with a woman sees her as his equal. A man who walks ahead expects to run the show. And a man who lags behind? Why, that’s an ass man! But if you’re built like Sofía Vergara, then congratulations, girl! You may just have met your Mr. Right.
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