Love and War in Intimate Relationships: Connection, Disconnection, and Mutual Regulation in Couple Therapy

by Marion F. Solomon Ph.D., Stan Tatkin

Overview

Neuroscience and couples therapy come together to help couples break patterns of bad behavior.

What happens between partners that makes love turn to war? How can couples therapists help deescalate the battles? Two leading therapists apply the latest neuroscience research on emotional arousal to help couples regulate each other’s emotions, maintain secure attachment, and foster positive, enduring relationships. The neurobiologically-grounded and sensitive approach set forth by Solomon and Tatkin in this book is sure to transform the way clinicians understand and treat couples in therapy.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780393705751
Publisher:	Norton, W. W. & Company, Inc.
Publication date:	04/11/2011
Series:	Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology
Pages:	288
Product dimensions:	6.40(w) x 9.30(h) x 1.30(d)

About the Author

Marion Solomon, PhD, is a lecturer at the David Geffen School of Medicine, Department of Psychiatry at UCLA. She is co-editor with Dan Siegel of several books in the IPNB Series, including Healing Trauma and How People Change.

Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, developer of a Psychobiological Approach To Couple Therapy® (PACT), maintains a private practice in Calabasas, California, and runs therapist training programs in Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, and Austin. As assistant clinical professor at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, Department of Family Medicine, Dr. Tatkin teaches and supervises family medicine residents, and serves as adjunct faculty for several colleges and universities.

Table of Contents

Foreword Daniel J. Siegel ix

Introduction The Context xiii

Overview xv

Authors' Reflections xvi

Part I How Love Turns to War

Chapter 1 Connection and Disconnection 3

Chapter 2 The Battlefield 19

Chapter 3 Healing Wounds 34

Part II The Psychobiological Approach

Chapter 4 The Psychobiological Imperative 43

Chapter 5 The Partner Interview 53

Chapter 6 The Importance of Movement 72

Part III The Theoretical Universe

Chapter 7 Attachment 87

Chapter 8 Arousal Regulation 98

Chapter 9 Dysregulation 105

Part IV The Theory in Practice

Chapter 10 Mark and Melody: Secrets and Shame 119

Chapter 11 David and Margaret: A Sexless Marriage 140

Chapter 12 Paul and Jane: Crossed Signals 156

Chapter 13 Sibyl and Arthur: Taking Care of Each Other 175

Epilogue: Therapist Self-Care 193

Appendix A A Neurobiological Vocabulary 205

Social-Emononal Skills and Deficits 207

The Threat Response Network 215

Appendix B The Adult Attachment Interview 233

References 237

Index 257

Editorial Reviews

"After completing the first reading of this wonderful text, this reviewer reflected that Maurice Merleau-Ponty, pioneering phenomenologist of the intersubjectively lived body, would have resonated positively to the deeply insightful thematic content and the creatively conceived experiential techniques and therapeutic experiments of this ground-scaffolding, psychobiologically informed text."

Journal of Phemonenological Psychology

"This book should be part of the working library of any clinician whose practice is informed by the ongoing paradigm shift in psychotherapy."

Allan N. Schore

"Reading this book was a sheer pleasure, and I did not skip a word. It is an artful theoretical and clinical integration with no wasted words....In this innovative couple therapy, they have documented the healing power of couples learning to take care of each other and put to rest the myth of the healing capacity of the autonomous self. I recommend this instructive book to all therapists....I hope this project gets lots of deserved attention."

Harville Hendrix

"A new lens on couple therapy, this book will revolutionize the way you work with partners and transform your view of relationships. The authors skillfully translate ideas from neuroscience, regulation theory, mindfulness, and attachment research into hopeful, practical and accessible interventions for working with the here and now experience of couples in therapy."

Pat Ogden PhD

"I found this book full of new ideas for me, providing me with new thoughts, feelings and skills, even though I have been practicing therapy with couples for more than three decades. Simply put, this is the most transformative book on psychotherapy I have read in a long time."

CPA Newsletter: The Announcer

"For clinicians who are in search of practical examples to complement theory, the case illustrations offered by Solomon and Tatkin are a tremendous resource….[A]n easy and insightful read."

PsycCritiques

"What a gift! Solomon and Tatkin offer us the most illuminating and creative work on couples therapy to be published in a long time. Through a variety of cases, they artfully explain why loving partners go to war with each other and then give a fascinating demonstration of how to apply biology, physiology, attachment and arousal regulation in moment–to-moment interactions. This book will be stimulating, immediately practical and eye-opening no matter what theoretical orientation you use."

Ellyn Bader

"I found this book full of new ideas for me, providing me with new thoughts, feelings and skills, even though I have been practicing therapy with couples for more than three decades. Simply put, this is the most transformative book on psychotherapy I have read in a long time."

CPA Newsletter: The Announcer