Publishers Weekly
02/15/2021
In this candid debut, Hough traces her history of survival by “bending, twisting, and flattening” herself in environments hostile to her. Eleven entries recount her attempts at adaptability, first in Children of God (now known as the Family), the predatory cult in which she was raised, and later in joining the Air Force as a gay woman in the late 1990s. “Badlands” and “Speaking in Tongues” contrast ecstatic experiences of belonging both as a bar bouncer and while dancing on barroom floors with what she imagines her parents were seeking in the Family: “It felt like safety. Maybe it felt something like family, though I don’t use that term.” “Cell Block” presents a haunting chorus of female voices Hough hears from her cell after she is arrested for getting into a fight. The prose is often conversational and witty, as in “Boys on the Side,” in which she compares finally sleeping with women to “suddenly getting to play in the World Cup when all you’ve done is play pickup soccer with the local divorced dads.” At the work’s heart is the therapeutic act of telling, and while some sections gesture toward cultural criticism, Hough is at her best when illuminating her circumstances. This moving account of resilience and hard-earned agency brims with a fresh originality. (Apr.)
From the Publisher
ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR: NPR, The Philadelphia Inquirer
“Stark and riveting . . . searingly honest and often painfully funny. . . . Hough’s conversational prose reads like the voice of a blues singer, taking breaks between songs to narrate her heartbreak in verse, cajoling her audience to laugh to keep from crying.”
—Leah Mirakhor, The New York Times Book Review
“Any appraisal of Lauren Hough that attempts to match the author’s own coruscating honesty in her debut memoir-in-essays can only conclude that she is the sort of hard-bitten hero who has no expletives left to give . . . [Leaving Isn’t the Hardest Thing’s] sometimes shocking circumstances are related using a potent literary style that combines mordant humor and helpless indignation with ferocious intellect . . . [Hough’s] salvation was the discovery of an inimitable voice — her own, speaking truths about human society that are hard to hear but not, sadly, to believe.”
—Melissa Holbrook Pierson, The Washington Post
“Revealing and honest . . . [Hough] tells it like it is, and it's heartbreaking . . . Hough's book isn't really a cult memoir — it's about so much more than that (and it's also quite funny, although you'll have to take my word on that because most of the funny bits include expletives I can't quote here) . . . [Hough] makes the ties between her own upbringing and the coltishness of American ideology explicit, but also opens up room for hope via small acts of resistance.”
—Ilana Masad, NPR
"Lauren Hough’s extraordinary essay collection Leaving Isn’t the Hardest Thing is as powerful as it is poignant. So many moments in this exceptionally crafted essays brought me to tears and before long I would find myself laughing as Hough wielded her razor sharp wit. This is a memoir in essays about so many things—growing up in an abusive cult, coming of age as a lesbian in the military, forced out by homophobia, living on the margins as a working class woman and what it’s like to grow into the person you are meant to be. Hough’s writing will break your heart. The ways she lays herself bare will leave you marveling at the strength it takes to reveal such delicate vulnerabilities. And when you come to the breathtaking end, you will know what it means to be entrusted with the beautifully messy truth of a person’s life. What an overwhelming, unforgettable offering Hough has made. This is one of those rare books that will instantly become part of the literary canon and the world of letters will be better for it."
—Roxane Gay, author of Difficult Women
“Lauren Hough's Leaving Isn't the Hardest Thing is so brilliant, so humane and pissed off and hysterically funny and thought-provoking, and so beautifully written it's hard to describe except to say that it's a book that is going to mean a lot to a lot of people, and it might cause some fights, and you better read it so you can have the pleasure of reading it and the pleasure of talking about it with everyone. She is the kind of extraordinary writer who could make anything interesting; that these essays are about her own astonishing life, written with a clear eye and a sense of humor so quick and black it hurts, and a kind of ruthlessness for herself and others, means it's like no other book anywhere. I loved every sentence. ”
—Elizabeth McCracken, author of Bowlaway
“Lauren Hough is the best new voice I’ve read in years: fiercely honest, funny, brazen, and unrepentant. Best of all, the propulsive storytelling of Leaving Isn’t the Hardest Thing is anchored by an unexpected tenderness and vulnerability that will get you by the throat every damn time. Like a petulant cross between David Sedaris and Mary Karr, Hough is the genuine article. Leaving might not be the hardest thing, but leaving this vibrant, heart-wrenching memoir behind is damn near impossible.”
—Heather Havrilesky, Ask Polly columnist and author of What If This Were Enough?
“This is a terrific book by a woman who has had an uncommonly challenging life. Like nothing I have ever read.”
—Jon Krakauer, author of Missoula and Into the Wild, via Instagram
“Leaving Isn’t the Hardest Thing truly blew me away. It’s like if Maid by Stephanie Land and Educated by Tara Westover had an equally talented and astute baby that started spitting f-bombs straight out of the womb. Highly recommended!”
—Sarah Knight, author of F*ck No!, via Instagram
“She’s been in the military and worked as a bouncer and a ‘cable guy’ — the essay about that job went viral — and now Hough has written a memoir-in-essays about childhood in a cult, an adulthood of seeking, and coming to terms with her desire to be a writer.”
—The Boston Globe, “Summer Reading 2021”
“Leaving Isn’t the Hardest Thing is a captivating, globetrotting memoir-in-essays that touches on themes of queerness, identity, and survival in the face of chaos.”
—Bustle, “The Best New Books to Read This April”
“Oh, does Lauren Hough have a story to tell . . . These essays are funny, profane and deceptively loose, as if Hough is talking to you late at night in a quiet bar. But they’re also well crafted and make unexpected connections among Hough’s disparate experiences, her search for identity and the larger culture. Most of all, Hough’s writing is about voice, and her distinctive style is what carries the reader through. By the collection’s end, you feel you know her, and you know she’s finding her own way through writing. Hough is a writer to watch.”
—Sarah McCraw Crow, BookPage
“A thought-provoking and intimate collection of essays chronicling the author's journey of self-discovery. From growing up in The Children of God cult to joining the military and working as a bouncer at a gay club, Hough approaches her fascinating life with humor and wisdom as she traces the many twists and turns of her story so far.”
—PopSugar, “The 25 Best Books of April Will Take You Around the World (and Beyond)”
“Hough bravely and compellingly shares how our search for identity can be searingly awful, wickedly funny, and totally worth it.”
—Real Simple, “The Best New Books to Read in 2021 (So Far)”
“This devastatingly candid and insightful collection of essays, allows the reader into Hough’s world of growing up in a cult, coming out as queer in the military and exploring identity and notions of self at once humbling and emancipating.”
—Ms. Magazine, “April 2021 Reads for the Rest of Us”
“From her experiences as a queer woman in the military to working as a bouncer, and more, there’s never a dull moment in this riveting essay collection.”
—Reader’s Digest, “The 21 Best LGBTQ+ Books to Read Right Now”
“Moving . . . Hough draws a frank and funny account of her extraordinary life in this collection of essays, which revolve around her journey and her struggles to thrive instead of merely survive.”
—Kate Lewis, Military Families Magazine
“Armed with a biting wit, a sharp eye for detail, and a laundry list of grievances, Hough unloads on a life’s worth of absurd, sometimes horrible experiences . . . Leaving Isn’t the Hardest Thing offers a glimpse of another America and lets you try to reconcile it with the one you know.”
—The Philadelphia Inquirer
“Searingly powerful . . . Even as she lays bare some of her most intimate memories, Hough’s sharp humor and unflinching honesty shines through, further highlighting her affecting story of resilience.”
—Book Riot, “6 Stunning LGBTQ+ Books by Debut Authors to Read in 2021”
“Powerful . . . Hough’s direct, no bullshit manner will have you laughing and nodding your head in agreement. If you are a fan of memoir and books about moving through life overcoming any obstacle in your way or, if, like me, you love reading about strong queer people — then this book is for you!”
—Christina Pascucci-Ciampa, Boston Magazine
“Staggering slices of autobiography . . . Though Hough has lived many lives—an airman, a cult survivor, a bartender—her brand of deadpan candidness is singular.”
—Oprah Daily, “42 LGBTQ Books That Will Change the Literary Landscape This Spring”
“Folks have been gushing about Lauren Hough’s memoir-in-essays for what feels like years now thanks to the time-warp of 2020, and I can’t wait to get my hands on a copy.”
—Eliza Smith, "Lit Hub's Most Anticipated Books of 2021"
“Lauren Hough is one hell of a writer . . . These alternatingly heartbreaking and hilarious tales stand strong on their own, but as a unit, they form a multi-faceted memoir-in-stories that is a true delight . . . Weird and genuine and idiosyncratic, [Leaving Isn’t the Hardest Thing is] a quality reading experience of the finest kind. If you are interested in a unique and uniquely human read, this collection is for you.”
—The Maine Edge
“For readers who have known hardships, discrimination, moments of skull-crushing despair, [Leaving Isn’t the Hardest Thing] will feel like coming home.”
—Julie Poole, The Texas Observer
“[Leaving Isn't the Hardest Thing] is a killer debut, as riveting for its content as it is for its captivating style.”
—BookPage, "2021 preview: Most anticipated nonfiction"
“These essays mine [Hough's] eclectic, fascinating life and her efforts to create her own identity. Plus, she's a fabulous writer."
—Deborah Dundas, The Toronto Star
“[Hough’s] writing is candid and harrowing . . . A page-turning account of belonging and not belonging, and what it means to start over.”
—Library Journal, starred
“An edgy and unapologetic memoir in essays.”
—Kirkus
“This moving account of resilience and hard-earned agency brims with a fresh originality.”
—Publishers Weekly
Library Journal
★ 04/01/2021
In a series of personal essays, Hough details her life's traumatic experiences, addressing subjects such as poverty, mental illness, class, and sexism. Raised in a doomsday cult called the Children of God, Hough recounts her everyday shame and terror from mental, sexual, and physical abuse, especially by her stepfather. Hough recalls how, as an adult, she struggled to adapt to society outside the cult and form friendships. Her writing is candid and harrowing as she describes a life of reinvention—joining the Air Force during the era of the "don't ask, don't tell" policy, grappling with her sexuality, having unfulfilling sex with men, and being unsure how to approach women in gay bars. She recounts receiving death threats and being court martialed by the Air Force for speaking out. Although found not guilty, she realizes that the military will always perceive her as an outsider. Moving from one chapter to the next, Hough recalls being raped while in the military, and living with PTSD and depression. Her experience of the daily struggles of surviving low-paying jobs will resonate with readers. VERDICT Although presented in essay format, this reads as a poignant, gripping memoir. A page-turning account of belonging and not belonging, and what it means to start over.—Chris Wilkes, Tazewell Cty. P.L., VA
Kirkus Reviews
2021-01-26
A collection of interconnected essays from a woman who has lived a wide variety of lives.
In her debut, Austin-based writer Hough, “born in Germany and raised in seven countries and West Texas,” probes an identity she once hid behind stories that made her “better at lying than…at telling the truth.” As the daughter of parents who followed the Children of God cult around the world, Hough joined the Air Force as a teenager, in part to prove an Americanness she never felt strongly. She revealed little about her background to military colleagues and described her parents as “missionaries.” The author did not especially like the Air Force, but the military and cult life seemed oddly similar. Like military members, the Children of God traveled all over the world and had to follow strict rules. Too often, Hough often found herself targeted for being different—“too loud, too quiet, too stubborn, too masculine”—and during her time in the Air Force, she received death threats for being gay. She eventually left the military and began to live as an openly gay woman in Washington, D.C., only to find she did not fit in with the “happy well adjusted” members of the LGBTQ+ community she met. Instead, Hough lived a hand-to-mouth existence that resembled her impoverished childhood. Yet the old need to fit in drove her to eventually live the American dream, and she “scraped and saved” enough to buy a suburban home and attempted to care about “football and video games.” Only when she began to write and allow herself to be who she was did she realize she wanted no part of the “[cult of] normal” she had sought all her life. This thoughtful, occasionally meandering book explores the shaping power of the past and also raises provocative questions about what really constitutes a cult.
An edgy and unapologetic memoir in essays.
