Publishers Weekly
02/22/2016
Debut author Weigel, a doctoral candidate at Yale, examines the cultural and practical history of dating through a contemporary and scholarly lens. Proving that everything old is new again, she leads readers through the history of courtship rituals from the early 1900s until the present day, noting that some things—such as looking to be supported financially in one way or another—never completely change, regardless of the decade. She also takes on the topic of myriad dating apps and how they can affect the ways people perceive one another. Perhaps most comfortingly for those still navigating the shoals of the dating world, Weigel definitively casts aside the long litany of supposed “rules” in dating, challenging questionable self-help dating tomes such as the once-ubiquitous The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, Lori Gottlieb’s Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, and Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. “This form of self-help precludes the possibility that a connection between two or more people might be capable of changing the conditions in which they live, and the genre exists to help perpetuate those conditions,” she advises, noting that every relationship—and courtship—differs. Weigel adds a personal layer to narrative by sharing her own tribulations in dating, noting that her own experience and advice is born of much trial and error. This smart, refreshing take on the history of dating is best suited to those looking to partake in the ritual. (May)
From the Publisher
"An addictive and accessible read." —Amy Finnerty, The New York Times
"Weigel is best when dismantling pop theories through the ages. She brilliantly eviscerates the self-help industry for stoking 'mutual mystification' between the sexes, and unearths intriguing continuities like the way technological advances (including the invention of the automobile) have always led to hand-wringing over the moral bankruptcy of youth . . . Fascinating." —Jenna Wortham,The New York Times Book Review
"[A] perceptive and wide-ranging investigation into the history of dating in America." —Alexandra Schwartz, The New Yorker
"The lack of serious conversation about dating has left Weigel with rich territory to explore, and she makes excellent use of it . . . [and her] deliciously incisive observations run throughout the book, making it a thoroughly enjoyable read . . . Weigel presents an insightful analysis of a topic that has largely been left to hucksters and scolds. By commodifying our deepest emotions, Weigel shows how the 'experts' turned dating into a job requiring calculation and deception, but not much love. Maybe it’s time to give notice." —Sara Eckel, The Washington Post
"[Moira Weigel] makes an entirely convincing case that there never was and never will be one static way of dating." —Willa Paskin, The Guardian
"[A] sprightly, gently feminist history . . . offer[ing] useful perspectives on dating as both an art and a historical construct." —Julia M. Kline, The Chicago Tribune
"An occasionally amusing and often provocative look at the work of wooing . . . [A] lively tour of changing romantic mores." —The Economist
"Much juicier than your average history book . . . [it] reads like a documentary about something you never knew could be so interesting." —BUST
"[A] smart, refreshing take on the history of dating." —Publishers Weekly
"Labor of Love makes its case as cheerfully as it does compellingly. Weigel’s book is both intense and lighthearted, by turns easy and surprising, offering momentary delights as well as subtle hints about the future. It’s everything, really, that a good date should be." —The Atlantic
"A radical Marxist feminist tract disguised as a salmon-pink self-help book." —Laurie Penny, The New Statesman
"[Moira Weigel's] fresh and often amusing feminist perspective is delightfully interrogative — and endlessly fascinating." —Refinery 29
"[A] riveting chronicle of courtship in modern America." —Entertainment Weekly
"Weigel successfully crafts a theorization of the 'date' as a longstanding site of morphing relations of reproductive labor. . . always show[ing] compellingly that the slippage between romantic and pecuniary matters is altogether nothing new." —Sophie Lewis, Blindfield Journal
"Labor of Love is remarkable at many levels: Formally, with its interweaving of theory, personal anecdote and social history. Politically, the way it deftly manages to say hugely important things about power and money that so often get left out of the discourse on love. And most of all, it's elegantly written, fun and plain hugely readable." —Alain de Botton, author of The Course of Love
“Moira Weigel’s Labor of Love rescues the subject of dating from its Trojan horse of triviality. It illuminates the social stakes of feelings too often misunderstood as private or peripheral: romantic desire, romantic frustration, and the shame of caring too much about either one. Witty, lively, and deftly—refreshingly—attentive to largely untold histories, Labor of Love has constructed a dazzling tour of the public infrastructure of our private lives. You will never swipe right the same way again.” —Leslie Jamison, author of The Empathy Exams
“Labor of Love is a work of essential social history. This is by far the best treatment of courtship, romance, and that awkward squirmy ritual we call a ‘date’ I’ve ever read.” —Christian Rudder, author of Datacylsm: Who We Are (When We Think No One's Looking) and founder of OkCupid
“As compulsively readable as any self-help dating book, Moira Weigel's Labor of Love is an original, exhaustive study of courtship in the United States across two centuries. As Weigel finds, advances in technology don't necessarily equate with mores: women still serve as the assigned arbiters and police of all things sexual, from holding hands to giving birth. But more than polemic, Labor of Love is a heartfelt work, written from and speaking to the need for intimate connection that animates our willingness to navigate these complex and contradictory codes.” —Chris Kraus, author of I Love Dick
“Labor of Love is a brilliant history of courtship, love, and sex that is also a brilliant investigation into profound changes in the nature of American work, leisure, consumer society, education, and city life over the twentieth-century and into the new millennium. Elegantly written, gratifyingly clear-eyed, and sharply funny, it restores the essential strangeness of dating, while expertly navigating the fraught contemporary debates over its meaning.” —Nikil Saval, author of Cubed: A Secret History of the Workplace
“Instead of going out tonight, do yourself a favor: stay in and read this book. Moira Weigel and her genre-bending history of dating are excellent, illuminating company.” —Astra Taylor, author of The People’s Platform and director of Examined Life and Zizek!
Library Journal
03/01/2016
Just how do people go about meeting one another in pursuit of entertainment, status, companionship, loot, affirmation, sex, procreation, and/or marriage? For her first book, Weigel offers a spirited social and economic history of dating in America. She examines courtship rituals and practices from the start of the 20th century through the overbooked digital age, pausing to consider such highlights as the loaded jargon of dating; the contemporary condemnation of "going steady"; the advent of the gay bar, of free love, and of technology-assisted date selection from video dating to Tinder; and the evolving normative social attitude toward dating, which has shifted from considering it transgressive to considering it traditional. More or less chronological but nonlinear, Weigel's treatment blends historical aspects of dating under broad themes such as "school" (college culture), "protocol" (ensuring personal safety in the AIDS and online eras), and "plans" (for offspring and security). Her overarching theme, as hinted in the wordplay of the title, is dating as work, a marketplace activity shaped by economic realities vastly more macro than the intimacies of individual couples. VERDICT Timely and provocative, this work is a solid choice for readers interested in contemporary social behaviors and their antecedents.—Janet Ingraham Dwyer, State Lib. of Ohio, Columbus
Kirkus Reviews
2016-03-08
Dating undermines authenticity, the author claims. In her debut book, Weigel examines the history and current practices of dating in hopes of making sense of her own feelings of discomfort and oppression. After years of dating, she felt that she "was trying to make a life according to rules I did not understand and that the process had blinded me to my desires." Dating made her feel as if she were "impersonating all the women I thought I should be." She had lost her sense of self. Her investigation led her to self-help books, movies, TV shows, popular songs, histories of courtship and marriage, and interviews with daters, experts, and scholars, all of which provide evidence for her breezy, digressive overview focusing mostly on the experiences of white, middle-class, heterosexual women. Weigel finds that the word "date" first appeared in print in 1896, used by a working-class man to refer to his courtship. At the turn of the century, middle-class men called on women in their homes, following strict rules of etiquette, but working-class couples went out to restaurants, dance halls, and amusement parks. In both cases, though, women were supposed to be the passive recipients of men's desires. Shopgirls learned how to style themselves by observing their well-heeled clients; "Charity Girls" aspired to be treated to gifts and meals. Both types worked hard to market themselves as dating prospects, efforts that Weigel sees continuing into the present, with diets, makeup, clothing, gym memberships, personal trainers, and fine-tuned profiles on dating websites. "In order to appeal to prospective lovers," the author writes, "you must not only know where to look," but also "brand yourself so that you will be searchable by the right people." Weigel's angst and disillusionment ended with finding love that enriched, rather than eroded, her sense of identity. An earnest plea to think about love mindfully.
